once again these are so fun and i love making them sm and LAURENS207 loves reading them soooooo-
here u go jully 🥺❤️

***

John: I'm ready to wake up with you everyday for the rest of my life-
Alex: I wake up at 6-
John:
John: I'm ready to go to bed with you everyday for the rest of my life-

***

John: Wow Lex, a present? But I didn't get you anything. I'll make it up to you, I swear-
Alex: John, it's your birthday-
John: Still-

***

Alex: John, do you ever see something that changes your whole life-
John: I saw you!
Alex: You know that's really sweet but it also makes this very awkward because I was just gonna show you a picture Angie drew of Philip as a chicken-

***

Alex: Hey John, can you hold this for me-
John: That's your hand-
Alex: Yes-

***

Alex: Can you turn on the lights-
John: I don't have to. You're the only light I need in my life-
Alex: John honey, I can't see-

***

Alex: Oh man, it looks like John's got a severe case of butthurt. Somebody call the wambulance-
John: NOBODY CALL THE WAMBULANCE-
Philip: Hello wambulance, my dad's butt is hurting-
John: PHILIP HANG UP THE PHONE-
Philip: But dad, your butt!

***

John: Look, I made a spoon hat!
Alex: Well, that explains why I'm having to eat my soup with a fork-

***

Alex: My hands are cold-
John: Oh! here! *holds Alex's hands*
Alex:
Alex: My lips are cold too-

***

Alex: *looks at grapes in a store*
John: You're not gonna steal those are you-
Alex: Huh? No-
John: Good, because I am- *grabs a handful and walks away*

***

John: Why are you two lying on the floor-
Frances: We're having a mental breakdown party!
Philip: Do you want to join us? The only requirement is to be mentally unstable-
John:
John: Make room for me-

***

Alex: It's not illegal-
John: *staring into Alex's car trunk, which is full of pasta* It's just...there's so much-
Alex: But it's not illegal-
John:

***

Alex: Have you ever thought about how when you look at the moon, it's the same moon Shakespeare, Marie Antoinette, Van Gogh, and Cleopatra looked at-
John: They all looked at the moon-
John: They're all dead-
John: The moon is killing people-
John: Wake up America-

***

Alex: John just made a group chat called "John's Surprise Birthday Party" and invited all of us, then left the chat-
Alex: I'm feeling a lot of emotions right now, but mostly respect-

***

John, talking to the kids: Remember guys! Be yourself, stay healthy, commit arson, steal from the government, and eat the ri-
Alex, cutting him off: Okay, that's enough-

***

Alex: What do you want from me!?
John: *Taking full bites from a KitKat bar*
Alex: Please...please just stop-

***

John: Do you ever think about how your skeleton is always wet-
Alex: I wish I never had but thanks for ruining my life-
John: Don't worry. There will come a time when it's not-
Alex: Thanks! Even worse-

***

Angie: Hey dad?
John: Yes?
Angie: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on-
John:
John: Where's Timmy-

***

John: What language do they speak at the center of the Earth-
John: Core-ean-
Alex: The center of the Earth is around 5,430 degrees Celcius. Nobody is going to live there, so there isn't a need for a language-
John: Core-ean-

***

[them texting]

Alex: SKSKSKSKSKSK
John: what's that
Alex: it's like a laugh
John: how do I do that
Alex: just press any key
John: 7

***

Alex: Who accidentally drops their cellphone into soup-
John: It wasn't an accident, I wanted to see if it would float-

***

John: We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare-
Eleanor: Scrabble? Scrabble's great-
John: Not when you're playing with Alex. He puts words like "ephemeral". And I put "dog"-

***

John: Why is a birthday cake the only food that you can spit on and everyone rushes to grab a piece-
Alex: John I'm begging you, pLeAsE go to sleep-

***

Alex: *sees that the date is 4/20*
Alex: N I C E-
John: You have literally never done a single drug in your whole life-

***

Alex: You can control white people by giving them cheese-
John: But cheese is so good though-
Alex: We got one-

***

John: The bellybutton is useless!
Alex: But you can put jellybeans in it–
John: NO-

***

Alex, patting John's wet hair: Floof!
John: Absolutely not. Stop-

***

Judge: How do you plead?
John: *looks over at Alex*
Alex: *mouths 'not guilty'*
John: Hot milky-
Alex:

***

Alex, ordering from Starbucks: You want a latte or a caramel macchiato?
John: I'm mature now. I only drink espresso shots-
Alex: Why are your hands shaking-
John: This is my fifth one. I may have a problem-

***

John: A pet rock is a fun pet until you realize that it's essentially immortal & you've banished it to an eternity of watching its loved ones die-
Alex: John it's 3 in the morning-

***

John: Your average pineapple, peeled & cut makes about 4.5 cups or 36 ounces of pineapple chunks. Cans of pineapple come in a variety of sizes, the most common being 20oz and 46oz. Meaning a single pineapple generally won't fill up a single can perfectly, which also means every time you eat pineapple from a can, somewhere someone else has the can that has the rest of that same pineapple. Meaning you can share a single fruit with a stranger from hundreds of miles away, and I think that's beautiful-
Alex: How much sleep are you getting-
John: Not enough-

***

Alex: I'm going to get soup-
John: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot-
Alex, leaving the room: Pff. I'm not going to burn myself-
*30 seconds later*
Alex, entering the room: I burned myself-

***

Alex: John, I told you to stop doing that with the knives-
John, with knives taped to his knuckles: But Wolverine has-
Alex: I said stoP-

***

Alex: Can you believe that? Scared of a little roach. Is there something on my shoulder? I'm not scared of the roach. I'm not. I am not. Go ahead and tell me it's the roach right now-
John: It's the roach-
Alex: *screams & runs out*

***

John: Tea is just leaf water!
Alex: Yeah? Well, coffee is just bean water-
John: Wow, it's like everything is made of things. This door is just wood rectangle. This poster is just ink paper. This lemonade is just lemon water. Wow, it's like you can combine ingredients to make things that are more enjoyable than the initial parts of the equation. This sure is a magical world we live in-
Alex: The sarcasm in this is fatal-

***

Alex: How would you like your coffee?
John: As dark & bitter as my soul-
Alex: One glass of milk coming right up-

***

Alex: What are you doing-
John, spreading toothpaste on toast: I'm multitasking-

***