decided to make more bc why noT and jully loves them sO 🥺
good day jully 👁👄👁 i hope you like the quotesss
LAURENS207

***

John: If the bleeding is internal that means it's not a problem yet-
Alex: No it doesn't, take care of your organs-
John: Organs are optional-

***

Alex, walking into the neighborhood cat alley: Hey babe do you wa- OH MY G O D WHAT IS HAPPENING-
John, with a cat clinging to his face: What-
Alex: *vaguely gestures towards his head*
John: Oh, Daisy. She's a cuddler-

***

John, getting down on one knee: Alex, will you join me in holy macaroni-
Alex: Babe that's just a macaroni noodle glued to a ring pop-

***

John: The other day one of Linda's kittens was playing with me and biting my finger and it hurt, so I made a little noise, and he looked so upset that he hurt me-
John, crying: THEN BIT ME S O F T E R-
Alex: Are...are you ok-

***

Philip: DAAAAAAAAAD-
John, running down the hallway: Pip!! What did you do?!
Philip, crying: I SHAVED MY EYEBROWS OFF-
John: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-
Philip, still crying: I DON'T K N O W-

***

Alex's stomach: You're hungry, eat something-
Alex: Okay-
Alex:
Alex's stomach: This is wine-

***

John and Alex: *cuddling*
John: I gotta go to work now, get up doll-
Alex, holding on to John harder: No (｡◕‿◕｡)
John:
John, walking into the office with Alex still cuddling him: Sorry I'm late, I was being restrained-

***

[homework time]

Philip: Why do I have to do homework? Who made this-
John: The capitalists. Their agenda controls our lives. Eat the rich-
Philip, Frances, Angie, and John: Eat the rich, eat the rich, EAT THE RICH, e At t H E-

***

Eleanor: John has become terrifyingly efficient at breaking his own bones-
Alex: I know, the other day he broke a finger because we were out of milk-

***

John, staring blankly into the distance: Help-
Alex: Uh, are you okay-
John, shaking: I've been drinking only five hour energy for three days-
Alex, carrying him to his room: That's quite enough of that-

***

John: Wanna see how fast I can drink this caprisun-
Alex: Bet you can't get under 10 seconds-
Frances, typing into google: How...to...deal with...30...year...old...children

***

John: I can't help but think how beautifully tragic it is that the moon pulls the tides from the earth. The moon is a broken piece of the earth, is she not? and each night, She summons a part of that from which She came, as if She is longing to touch it again. Yet She never succeeds-
Therapist:
Therapist: Let's talk about your childhood-
John: No-

***

Alex: John you think every round fruit is an apple-
John: No I don't-
Alex: *holds up cherries* What are these-
John: Tiny apples-
Alex: *points to a pumpkin* And what is that-
John: Halloween apple-

***

John: Get in kids, we're going to the farmers market and supporting local businesses-

***

Philip: Bigfoot, but clean shaven-
Frances: Mr. Clean-
Alex: You two are why I have anxiety-

***

John: I hate everything but my dogs-

***

Alex: Hi I just called to say that your son didn't reblog my son's selfie? Um no Lorraine, listen here. If you want to come to my tupperware party you better get your son in check. Your blueberry cobbler from the last PTA meeting wasn't even that good, don't come after me with that-

***

John: What if whenever you cracked your knuckles your fingers started to glow like glow sticks-
Alex: Go to sleep-
Alex:
Alex: Wait I could read in the dark-

***

John: What's with all the hairdryers? You blew a fuse!
Philip: We're making s'mores!
John: With 30 hairdryers?
Frances: Yeah, Pops said we can't use fire inside-want a s'more?
John:
John: Sure-

***

Alex: I already feel I'm trapped inside...wait what are those things you're always eating?
John: Pizza bagels-
Alex: No-
John: Pizza poppers-
Alex: No-
John: Pizza rolls-
Alex: No-
John: Pizzaritos-
Alex: No-
John: Pizza pockets-
Alex: Yeah that's it-

***

Alex, setting down a McDonald's bag: I wish there was some way I could make it better-
John: Well you brought me fries. That's a start-
Alex: Uh actually I got you apple slices 'cause they're healthier-
John:
John: aPpLe sLiCeS????
John: wHaT kiNd oF  l u N a T i C  gOeS tO mCdOnALdS fOr  f R u i T???"
Alex: I'll be right bacK-
John: And a chocolate shak E-

***

John: Wouldn't it be crazy if vegetables were actually sentient and could feel things when we ate them-
Alex: John, repeat after me-
Alex:
John: You aren't saying anything-
Alex: Exactly-

***

Alex: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like "Look at this stupid flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I'm losing"-
John: Wow you are not ready to hear about trees-

***

John: In this house we advocate love and tolerance-
[five minutes later]
Alex: *sets down a mug*
John: Use a  c O a S t E r-

***

John: Merry Christmas, I got this for you-
Alex: Aw thanks darling you shouldn't ha-
Alex:
Alex: John this is a framed picture of you-
John: That's right. Only the best for you babe-

***

John: Accidentally indulged in too much "me time"-
John: Turns out I got reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by local authorities-

***

Alex: I'm worried about John. Maybe he needs some help?
Eleanor: What makes you say that?
John from the kitchen: Ravioli ravioli give me the serotoni-

***

Philip: *spills sauce on shirt*
John: *reaching for a napkin* Ohp- looks like you'll need-
Philip: *lifts up shirt to lick the sauce off with his tongue* Need what-
John: You're a menace to society-

***

Computer: Create password
John: *typing* alex
Computer: Password too short
John: *sighs* Yes I know but don't tell him-

***

Alex: Did you guys get the eggs-
Philip: Even better!
Alex: ...what did you do-
Frances: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy!

***

Alex: Bad John, JOHN NO-
John: *growling and gnawing on Jimmy from middle school's sleeve*
Alex: *whacking him with a newspaper* BAD JOHN-

***

John: So it turns out a squirrel would need to fall 4800 miles in order to die because that would give it time to starve to death because they can survive terminal velocity-
Alex: John I am begging you it is 2:30 in the morning-

***

Alex: The cashier at Trader Joe's looked at my groceries and said "Looks like someone's making quesadillas tonight"-
Alex: You don't know me-

***

Alex: *tapping fingers on table*
John: *taps fingers back furiously*
Philip: ...what's going on-
Angie: Morse code. They're talking-
Alex: -. — / ..- .-. / - .... . / -.-. ..- - . ... -
John: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

***

Alex: Have you ever tried honey-
John: Tried what-
Alex: Honey-
John: Yes?
Alex:

***

John, exhausted: *opens up a cereal box*
John: *grabs a bowl*
John: *opens up milk*
John: *pours milk into his hand*
Alex, watching from the side: Hey uh- John-
John: No no- give me a sec. I know something's wrong. Just give me a sec I'll figure it out. Just wait a sec-

***

Alex, preparing the kids for a photo in the snow: You guys, say Colorado-
John, skiing by: I'M A GIRAFFE-

***

John: I hate-
Alex: You hate what-
John: I  h A T e-

***

Alex, sternly: Are you talking back to me?
Angie: Yes, that's how a conversation works-

***

John: *to the kids* Alright listen up you little peasants-
John: Not you Timmy. You're an angel and we're all glad you're here-

***

Alex: Can you do me a favor-
John: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene, and take the blame for you-
Alex: Cool. Can you do the dishes-
John: No-

***

Alex: That's not funny-
John: I thought it was funny-
Alex: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook-

***

Alex: Babe you were supposed to be here at 7-
John: o H! One time when I was 7, I was at the beach and I made a sand castle and I called it "John's Castle"-
Alex:
John: True story-

***

John: I found another lie that parents tell!
John: I ate one of those berries that are for birds and your parents tell you not to eat. I haven't been sick yet. They tasted pretty good and I'm not sick yet so I think it's a lie-
[10 minutes later]
John: Never mind! I just went to the bathroom and threw up-

***

Teacher: Philip was in a fight-
Alex: Oh no, that's terrible!
John: Did he win-

***

John: Hey look what I did at work today!
Alex: These are paper boats and you're a an adult babe-

***

Philip, learning about the history of democracy: Well my first rule would be that no one can veto my rules-
Alex: Well that's called "tyranny" and it's generally frowned upon-

***

John: *absolutely freaking out*
Alex: Oh hey babe. Sorry I'm late, I was brushing my teeth-
John, pausing everything and smiling nervously: That's good. HygienE!

***

John: I was like, I'm gonna wake up early and do things!
John: I woke up early-
John: I did not do things-

***

John: Oh my goD. Do you know what this is-
Alex: It's a book. There's a lot of those in here, this is a library-

***