look jully, the 30th one 👁👄👁 we've come so far in life-
hope u enjoy 🥺
LAURENS207

***

Alex, finding a handwritten letter: "Good morning love. If you don't find me today do not worry...I will always be around you. Always in your heart.
Love, John"
Alex, screaming: STOP SENDING ME LETTERS EVERYTIME YOU LEAVE TO A DIFFERENT ROOM! WE LIVE AT THE SAME HOUSE-
John, from the bathroom: LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE- AND I'M SORRY IF I CARE ENOUGH TO SAY GOODBYE-

***

John: The government is just a shared illusion we all experience from chemicals put into water-
Alex: ...and who puts these chemicals into the water?
John: The government-
Alex:

***

Alex: *leans in to kiss John*
John: What do you think you're doing?
Alex: Going to kiss you?
John: Ooh you're reeeally funny Alex. You think you can be rude to me in my dream and just show up here like nothing happened??
Alex:
Alex: I don't get payed enough for this-

***

John: I'm just gonna leave and read some mystery novels so I can solve the big "mystery" before the main character to prove I'm smarter than the writer-

***

Philip, innocently: Hey have you written your letter to Santa yet-
John: No...Santa isn't r-
Alex, bursting through the door: -rEADY TO ACCEPT LETTERS AT THE MOMENT-
Philip:
Philip: Oh okay, that makes sense. I gotta go! See you guys later-
John: What was that all about-
Alex: We haven't told him yet-

***

John: *enters room crying loudly and falls face first on the bed*
Alex: Babe! What's wrong??
Frances, entering the room: Honestly Dad it isn't that big of a deal-
Angie: *continues painting Alex's nails* Frankie said his worm on a string earrings couldn't be considered fashion-

***

[doing an escape room]

Alex: This was such a good idea! You have to work together to get out-
Frances: Okay Dad, if you haven't cracked it in 20 minutes I am allowed to break the door-
John: No you're not. Maybe try to help, so far only Alex has helped and it was YOUR idea-
Alex: Yeah, even Angie hasn't helped! Actually, where is she?
Philip: *sweating* Don't worry about it! She's probably under a table, she's so small-
John: *narrows eyes* She's picking the lock isn't she-
Alex: ANGIE-
Angie: This lock is even easier than the one in our house-
*one hour later*
John, scratching 'escape room' of their list: The list of activities we're still allowed to return to is getting dangerously small-
John: *points pen at the kids* If it reaches zero (0), the activity following will be me and Papa hiding your bodies-

***

Person, to Alex: Excuse me, but is this man bothering you?
Alex, refusing to look at John who is trying to show him how many marshmallows he can put in his mouth: No he's my husband. I signed up for this-

***

John, about to do something stupid: There is no way you can stop me, dear husband!!!
Alex: Oh no? *gets his phone out*
John: *pales* You wouldn't-
Alex, dialing Eleanor's number: Now get down here-
John, narrowing his eyes: I will get you for this-

***

Angie, jumping on Alex's bed, waking him: Let's go blow something up-
Alex: Angie it's 3 AM-
Angie:
Alex: We have to do it outside, otherwise they'll catch us-

***

Alex, disinfecting John's wounds: You're a disaster-
Philip: What happened?
Alex: Koda smiled at him and he fell down the stairs-

***

Clothes: *has a bunch of words and stuff about how you're supposed to wash them right on the tag*
John: ...you're fabric go in the robot sink-

***

John: I slipped a little note into your bag to tell you I love you-
Alex: John this is a ten page letter-

***

John, texting: lex i promise you i'm not ignoring you, there's a meme perfect for this situation but i can't find it-

***

John, waking up from a coma: *yawns* Hey guys, what time is it?
Philip: It's about 2AM Dad. You hungry?
John: Oh cool. I'm up for some food-
Alex, sobbing uncontrollably: Can yOU PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED-

***

Alex: What prompted you to learn Spanish?
John: *shudders* An overwhelming fear of the Duolingo bird-

***

John: I just tried making my own Red Bull with crushed-up caffeine pills, sparkling water, and Flintstones chewable vitamins-
John: Apparently Alex thinks I'm 'lucky to be alive'-

***

John and Alex: *in jail*
Alex: So who should we call-
John: I'd call Momma but I feel safer in jail-

***

Alex: John only has one braincell, but I appreciate how hard it works sometimes-

***

Alex, opening the door to Frances's room: Hey Frankie, so I need ask yo- oH MY GOD-
Frances, surrounded by lamps: What-
Alex: It's never this bright in here! Why are there so many lights?
Frances, staring Alex dead in the eyes: I'm summoning Mothman-

***

John: I am the proud owner of 5 braincells :)
Alex: Not much longer-
John, crying: Please, it's all I have-

***

John: You know how I said I loved the rain-
Alex: Yeah?
John: *dripping wet* I meant I enjoyed it from indoors-

***

Alex: I'm going to the store to get some last minute Christmas gifts. Do you need anything?
John: A sense of purpose-
Alex:
John: And maybe some socks-

***

Philip, going fast: Look! I got rollerskates!
John: That's great-
Philip, looking behind him: What? *crashes into the wall*

***

John: Gotta get my work done, gotta get my work done-
Koda: bork
John: Well I can't work now, this dog clearly needs some pets-

***

John and Alex: *at the Sistine Chapel*
Alex: Michelangelo painted this-
John: I'm not stupid babe. I know the Ninja Turtles aren't real-

***

John: I need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why-
Angie: Only if you also don't ask why-
John: Deal-
Angie: *pulls out 7 pristine human skulls from her bag* Take your pick-
John:
Angie:
John: This one will do-

***

John at 3AM: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life-
Alex: Please never become a surgeon-

***

John: This date is boring-
Alex: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the convenience store-
John: Then why did you invite me?
Alex: I specifically said "Don't come with me" and you said "Whatever, I'm going, I do whatever I want" and you followed me here-

***

Alex: *comes running into the room*
Philip: *sobbing* HOW COULD YOU!? YOU MONSTER-
Alex: What is happening?
Philip: He ate them! He ate the all!
Alex: What?
Philip: They had a family! My gingerbread men!
John: *sobbing too* I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD CHILDREN-

***

Alex: John the spider is more scared of you than you are of him-
John: *standing on the counter holding a knife* Oh REALLY did HE tell you that???

***

John: You look tired-
Alex: Yeah I keep having anxiety dreams, no big deal-
John: If that's not a big deal, then what is???
Alex: Well my favorite pen broke and I haven't been the same since-

***

John: I WANT TO DO GREAT DEEDS FOR YOU! CUT THROUGH A MOUNTAIN! BUILD A CASTLE! NAME A SPECIES AFTER YOU-
Alex, looking up from his book: I want you to calm down and not do anything dramatic-
John:
Alex:
John: This is the hardest thing I've ever done-
Alex, returning to his book: Your sacrifice is appreciated-

***

John: That was CLEARLY a TERRIBLE IDEA! WHAT were you THINKING?!
Philip, covered in feathers, grass, and dirt after jumping out of the window: Bold of you to assume I was thinking-

***

Alex: Isn't this a nice day for a walk?
John: *several feet behind* I'm melting...I didn't think I could sweat this much-
Alex: Come on! It's not that hot out today-
John: My skin is burning. Just leave me here to die-

***

Alex: We're going to bed early today-
John: Okay!
[3am]
John: -and that's why Atlantis is real!
Alex, clapping his hands: Awesome, perfect! I have also been thinking about the kraken-

***

Philip, at the door: *yelling* DING DONG-
Alex: *opens the door* What????
Philip: That's what I was supposed to do right-
Alex: ????
Philip: *points to a piece of paper on the door*
Alex, reading: "Doorbell broken, yell ding dong really loudly"-
Alex:
Philip:
Alex: J O H N-
John: *comes running* Yes?
Alex: THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID FIX THE DOOR-

***

John, on day three of no sleep and forgetting to eat, looking completely dead inside: Self-care is for the WEAK-
Alex: *coughs*
John, frantically swaddling him in blankets: We need an ambulance!

***

John: Sometimes after I drink something, my stomach makes these weird "cloink" noises. And I wonder, am I empty inside?
Frances: Your head certainly is-

***

John, cupping his hands under running water and looking straight into Alex's eyes: This water is getting out of hand-
Alex: *groans*

***

John: *hugs Alex* I love you-
John: *hugs very tight* But if you ever eat my leftovers again, I'll destroy you-

***

John: Aw look a dog!
Alex: If we stop to look at every dog on the way to the movies, we might make it right before it ends-
John: And the problem is...?
Alex: I didn't say there was one-

***