once again, this is for jully. i figured she'd enjoy more :3
LAURENS207

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Alex: *trips and falls*
John: It's cute that you're still falling for me
Alex: We're married John
John: Still-

***

John: Hey did you know I can fit the whole world in my hands-
John: *cups Alex's face*
Alex: *sobs*

***

Alex: *laying in the bathtub with sunglasses*
John: What are you doing in the bathroom at 6am-
Alex: It's called sunbathing. You want a pair of sunglasses too?
John:
John: Whatever, gimme those-

***

Alex: For the first time in my life, I can see everything so clearly! Let's get married!
John: You've had four glasses of wine, you're drunk-

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John: *viciously chucks a stuffed animal at Alex* hErE! iTs sMaLL aNd cUte liKe yOu-
Alex: weLL i n E v e R- wait-

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Alex: Hey your shoelace is untied-
John: I'm aware. It's a choice-

***

Alex: So you just woke up this morning and decided to be straight up aggressive instead of the usual passive aggressive-
John: I'm not being aggressive-
Philip: Hey don't fight in front of the bacon-

***

John: *rolls over in bed*
John: *whispers to Alex* I ate like 75 chicken nuggets today-

***

John: What if I put orange juice in my cereal instead of milk-
Alex, taking the orange juice bottle away: What if you dOnT-

***

John: Hey babe-
John: Do you think bugs are born knowing how to walk or do they just do it one day and go "yooooo"-
Alex:
Alex: It's 3am John pLeAs E-

***

Alex: Here you go John, a nice hot cup of coffee-
John: It's cold-
Alex: Nice cup of coffee-
John: It's horrible-
Alex: Cup of coffee-
John: Is this even coffee?
Alex: Cup-

***

John: Why is your report card on the ceiling-
Philip: You said bring my grades up-
John:
Philip:
John: I did say that now lemme see-

***

Alex: I have to pee but i'm too lazy-
John: Looks like urine trouble-
Alex:
John:
Alex:
John: *laughs on the floor from a distance*

***

Alex: I turned out perfectly fine!
John: Just this morning you thought a ghost made your toast-
Alex: I DIDN'T PUT YHE BREAD IN- YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN-

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John: I can't go. Stress is bad for the baby-
Alex: What baby-
John, on the verge of tears: m E-

***

John: You're smiling, did something good happen-
Philip: Can't I just smile because I feel like it-
Alex: Frances tripped and fell in the parking lot-

***

[On a plane]

Flight attendant: Before landing please make sure all small items are secure:
John: Are you secure Lex?
Alex: h E y-

***

Eleanor: How did y'all get into an accident-
Alex: We were driving and there was a deer on the road so I yelled "John, deer!"
Eleanor: And?
Alex: Tell her what you saiD-
John:
John: "yes, honey?"-

***