hi these are really fun to make ok-
greetings  jully 👁👄👁 have fun 🥺
LAURENS207

***

Alex: An octopus can change its color in order to mimic its surroundings. When octopi do this, it is called-
John: An octo-lie-
Alex:....Metachrosis-
John:
Alex:
John: Mocktopus-

***

Alex: What are you doing-
John, crying real tears in front of a missing dog poster: Nothing-

***

John: I can be dark and brooding too!
Also John, five seconds later: Oh guys, look! A rainbow!

***

Philip: I need advice-
John, eating raw cookie dough from the bowl: You've come to the right person-

***

John: And now for a Gay Update by Alex-
Alex: Getting gayer-
John: Thank you Lex-

***

[After Frances helps cook dinner]

John: Frankie, this steak is tough-
Frances: So is life, and then you die-

***

John: Okay, consider this-
John: Seatbelts. Except they throw you out of your seat, and they're called yeetbelts-
Alex:
Alex: W H A T-

***

Alex: I am the backbone of this household. Without me you'd all be helpless!
John: You replaced the toilet paper oncE-

***

Alex: I invented a game. Want to play?
Eleanor: Sure-
Alex: It's called "Alex or Koda." I give you actual quotes I've heard John say, and you guess if he was talking to me, his husband, or the dog-

***

John: Beef jerky is just a cow raisin-
Alex:
Alex: John-
Alex: It's 2am-

***

Alex: John, calm down-
John: CALM DOWN?! I asked for two large fries-
John, dumping fries on the table: And they gave me hUnDrEdS oF l i T t L e o N e S-

***

John: Listen Alex, in this world it's either yeet or be yeeted-
Alex, in tears: I'm literally begging you to stop-

***

John: Donuts are just bagels with frosting-
Alex: Why are you awake at 3 in the morning-

***

Angie: *crying*
John: You have to learn to share sweetie-
Alex: Just give her the tiara, you're an adult-

***

John: Do you ever need your friend that's watching the same show as you to hurry up and watch the newest episode so that you can scream about it together but you don't want to push them into watching it because they have their own life and everything but you really need to scream about it and they are the only one who even knows about that show but again they have their own life and you could reach out to others via the Internet but no you want to scream with them and you already spammed your thoughts but you want to hear theirs but THEY HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET-
Alex: ...Are you okay-
John: Absolutely not-

***

John: I JUST ATE 700 SUGAR PACKETS AND NOW I CAN FEEL MY BONES SCREAM -
Alex: What the heck were you thinking-
John: I wasn't-
Alex: That makes sense-

***

John: Do you ever get like...water hungry-
Alex: You mean thirsty?
John: Water hungry-

***

Alex: Oh god, the stove is on fire! What do we do?!
John: Okay no worries, we just need an adult-
Alex: But /we're/ adults-
John: WE NEED AN ADULTER ADULT!! WHERE'S MOMMA?!?

***

Philip: Is Dad always like this when he loses-
Alex: Oh yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum-
John: YOU BUMPED THE TABLE AND YOU KNOW IT-

***

John: I wonder if colorblind people read Colorado as just "ado"-
Alex:
Alex: John-
Alex: It's 3 in the morning-

***

John: *is cooking dinner*
John: *slipping on an oven mitt* Hey what would you do if you went to a doctor but instead of gloves, they were wearing one of these-
Alex: I would wonder if it's a real doctor, that's for sure-

***

Alex: I may be short, but that doesn't mean I'm innocent! *aggressively tries to open a Caprisun*
John:
Alex:
John: Do you need help-
Alex: *softly* Yes please-

***

John: Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards-
Alex:
Alex: I don't know what to do with this information-

***

John: I DO WHAT I WANT-
Alex *pulling out his phone*: I'm calling Eleanor-
John: No wait-

***

John, in bed: Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves-
Alex: Why do they call it n i G h T t i M E when no one s L e E p S-

***

John: I heard that if you talk to plants more, they'll grow taller-
John: *pats Alex's head* I hope you grow taller my love-

***

John: I'm quick at math-
Alex: Okay, what's 127 x 432-
John: 4,709!!!
Alex: No, that's not even close-
John: But it was quick!
Angie, walking in: 54,864-

***

John, sitting in bed at 4 am: If I worked at a chicken farm and my job was to care for chickens, I'd be a chicken tender-
Alex, slowly getting up from bed: *stares off into the distance*

***

John: You know, today I worked my butt off for you ok. I cooked, I cleaned, I tended your garden, did your laundry, and all I get are complaints-
Person: Seriously, who are you and WHY are you in my house?!
John: *sighs* No one appreciates hard work anymore-

***

John: Breadsticks are literally just sticks of bread-
Alex:
Alex: No dUH-

***

John: Wow, what a fun day! Full of exciting discoveries and new adventures. But now I'm pooped. Well, I'll see you all in the morning!
Alex: John its 1 in the afternoon-
John: Reallg? Jesus christ-

***

John: I'm here to wake you up Philip. Hurry and get dressed-
Philip: What's the chance I can get breakfast in bed-
John: The same chance there's always been Pip. None at all-

***

Alex: I'm going to the store, want anything?
Frances: We're out of mouth sauce and clothes soup-
Alex: We're out of whaT-
John: Toothpaste and detergent-
Alex: Honestly, what the-

***

[AU where John needs a hearing aid]

Frances: Papa, Papa! Don't tell Dad but I stole his airpods-
Alex, visibly confused: What airpods-
Frances: Y'know...the wireless things that he wears-
Alex: Oh my god, you stole his hearING AIDS-
Frances, panicking: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I STOLE HIS HEARING AIDS?! THESE DON'T LOOK LIKE HEARING AIDS-
John, staring at them both while squinting: H U H-

***

[Playing a video game]

Alex: Look, we can't keep going like this. If we don't pick a strategy now, we're toast-
John: Planning is important-
Angie: So is toast-
Alex: But we aren't planning, we're arguing-
John: We are not-
Alex: We are too-
John: Are not-
Alex: Are too-
Angie: R2-D2!

***

Alex: *goes to the kitchen at 3 in the morning*
John: *sitting down by the fridge, in the dark, with a tub of ice cream and chopsticks*
Alex: W H A T-
Alex, realizing it's John: What the heck are you doing-
John, looking up with the chopsticks halfway in his mouth: Something that I was born to do-

***

John: Why are oranges called oranges but lemons aren't called yellows-
Alex: *sighs*

***

Timmy: Can I keep the night light on dada?
John: And provide the monsters with a beacon to your location? Use your head Tim-

***

Alex: Don't say anything stupid on the way out-
John: I won't-
John: *shaking the priest's hand* So are you god's boyfriend-

***

John: *traps wasp under a cup*
Alex: *comes in and sets down 2 more cups*
John: No please-
Alex: *starts to shuffle them*

***

John: I love looking at pigeons, they're so fat and round and they have this blank stare in their eyes-
Alex: Look me in the eyes after 3 days without sleep and I'll have the same look too-

***