I'm sorry , you don't have to read this if you don't want too. I just need to vent and let all that I'm feeling out. I'm tired of acting like I'm ok. Because the truth is , is that I'm not. Those of you that know me, knows that I have this bubbly personality, I laugh a lot because that's what I do best to stay positive, I may talk a lot of shit. My vocabulary is horrible lol. I speak 80% profanities and the rest is sarcasm. But the thing is , THAT is what I do to keep my walls up. I've been through so much shit , you don't even know the half of it. The last 2 years I spent working on myself , I became this semi confident girl , I worked my way out of depression, I'm learning how to be more outspoken. But recently, all that hard work I did , just came crashing down. I've been more stressed than I have EVER been my whole life. I don't smile as much as I used to, I've distanced myself from social media, nobody has noticed my change in behavior. Today , alone, has been so stressful. I just wanna drop and cry and let everything out , but when I do drop , I don't cry. I can't cry. I'm THAT emotionally drained. I'm just slowly shutting down. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder what it'll be like to just let go. I want to make my days better but I can't , I'm trying so hard. But when I do , some other bullshit pops up and just knocks me down again. I'm tired , emotionally and physically. I can't keep pretending it's ok , because it's not. And it won't be for a while. I know that some of you guys(probably) are gonna be like , "it can't be that bad" or "I've been through worse", I mean you probably have been through worse. But you don't know what I've been through. I've been through so much shit since I was 6 . I'll say it when I'm ready , for now , I can't .

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I'm sorry for being so depressing , but I had to vent and let some things out, hope you don't mind x
-J