'... karma if you believe in such things, or plain coincidence.' You must have seen the look on the face of the investigator when I said that. I was being reviewed for my ability to point out flaws in our software platform in record time without looking at the code - not once, not twice, but for years on the trot. And so, our clients had asked an external firm to audit me and see if there was something going on. I prefer calling it an investigation because, well, I like to think big and appear wise. Especially when the audi.. I mean, Investigator is as good looking as she was.

'How... I mean.... How is it that every time you manage a business portfolio, you know the root cause of something that is broken? It defies logic.' 

'Not if you have been in and out of teams like a bee on a revolving door. It doesn't defy anything then,' I said, my heart brimming with pride. 

'And what does it take to go in and out like that?'

'Nothing really. Or, if you are particular there must be something, a lack of abilities that I could bank on. Or, those that kicked me out of projects could bank on. I am responsible for every bug in every product. The critical ones, at least.'

'Lack of abilities?'

'Intended. I could've been good with several things. But I wasn't. So, abilities.'

'And you're saying you got away with it. You are also saying people still kept taking you in despite your track record?'

'Actually, for my track record. They thought I could help solve problems with my experience. And so, I became an asset.'

'And you repaid them by?'

'Creating new issues. And the next team felt I would enrich them with my experience. I don't like to brag, but I kept growing in stature.'

'And today you are an asset.'

'Yes. How can I not be, when I can lead resolution of every problem?'

'But you created every issue. And I have reasons to believe, deliberately.'

'Of course not,' I snapped. 'Why do I need to work hard to ruin something that I can ruin without working hard? It is one thing to call my competence into question, but something entirely different to question my integrity.' 

'No motives then? No rigging the software to make more maintenance money by pretending to fix it?'

'None.' I said with a dignity befitting someone sure of his abilities, commitment to quality and integrity.

'And no one ever called you out for being such a poor performer?' 

'Nope. Because I usually call out a team while discussing problems and not any individual including myself. I don't like to take credit and like to be objective. I don't like getting personal with even myself, you see.'

' And when it comes to resolution?'

'I don't have to. They know I am leading the way.'

'And they don't hate you for it?'

'Most don't know. No one has been here for as long as I've been. Maybe, maybe not. But then they promoted me. '

'What?'

'What's so surprising?'

'On what grounds? I mean, you did nothing right, right?'

'What more do you need to get promoted then?'

'Skills? Talent? The ability to do things right?'

'And, you'll only end up remaining where you are and doing what you do. Only when you can vacate a place, can you go someplace else.' She stared at me, sporting a look of reverential confusion that is usually reserved for philosophers. And so, I thought it was time to use an analogy. 

'When your kid keeps pulling plates off the counter and breaking them, what do you do?' 

'I don't have children,' she winced.

'Hypothetically... What do you do?'

'I place them higher. But what does that have...' It was time for me to question.

'Do you love your child more or the plates?'

'My child, of course,' the investigator said.

'And yet, it is the plate that you move up and not the kid. That's what they did with me.'

'And what do they gain?'

'I know everything that can go wrong, thanks to myself and I know who can fix it.'

'That's the coming together of incompetence, opportunism, exploita...'

'Coming together of Leadership and good people management skills, actually,' I interjected, leaning back on my chair. 

'And how do you remember all that you broke?'

'Now that,' I said leaning into her, 'is an objective question. I have an amazing memory.'

'So, stupidity combined with a good memory and shamelessness makes you a leader?' she said, dumbfounded. I prefer to think she was awestruck. 

'Or, awareness of your limitations and strengths and a willingness to make good use of them to create an impression that you are solving problems. And you keep growing. There are no limits. I am rich.'

'And you intend staying this way?'

'Yeah! Why change what works? Most that know of my past aren't here and I will remain until everyone else who does is gone. I might even get a statue of mine, The Messiah, placed in the lobby for all I am doing for the company.'

That night, when we met for dinner, she suggested I run for president when I retire. I had all the skills, apparently.