If you made it here, you have my heartiest gratitude. Let's finish this up.

04/03/2021

The monotonous hum of fluorescent lights cast a harsh glow over the small, stark room. The boy sat on the edge of a narrow, metal-framed bed, staring at the beige wall in front of him. His bleached-out chocolate eyes– that once used to sparkle at the smallest things, now looked dead. He had his knees to his chest, feet flat on the white sheets of what the people here called a bed.

The boy called it a slab– not that he had ever voiced it out. Not once in the three weeks he was in this... asylum.

The slab was bolted to the wall in the room and a barred window offered a sliver of daylight that felt foreign and unattainable. The space was lit up by a single bulb, its harsh light carving sharp shadows across the room.

It felt empty, desolate. A void where time seemed to stretch endlessly, yet remain frozen. The boy's fingers traced the worn edges of a photograph he kept hidden under his pillow – a snapshot of a life that now felt like a distant dream.

The boy wondered if the photograph had started fading, the faces in it not as clear as he remembered them being. A sharp pang in his chest had the photograph slipping through his nimble fingers. He took a sharp breath, mouth slightly parting open as a wave of pain took over his body. His eyebrows knitted together, his wrist coming to clutch the cotton shirt he wore, right over his chest.

"Fuck" He whispered. It's coming back.

The panic... or rather the anxiety, as some people called it, was a disgusting feeling that swallowed his body whole. The smallest trigger had him gasping for air, mind raging into a catastrophic blur and...

And the voices.

They always found ways to creep in.

With trembling hands, he picked up the photograph and pushed it under his pillow. His hands found their way to his hair, thick and no longer soft as it used to be. He rummaged his hands through the faded red strands, black on the roots. It has been almost a year since he dyed his hair red. With–

The boy gasped, tears springing into his eyes. Bruised hands clutched his chest and he swayed on the bed.

He wanted everything to stop.

But nothing ever did.

The same repetitive days that blended into each other, the dismal reality he woke up to every morning, the unchanging routine. His body moved mechanically, going through the motions without feeling. He existed for the sake of existing.

He lived because he couldn't die. They just won't let him.

It was an empty life. Was there any purpose of this at all?

The boy dragged himself out of the slab, feet meeting the cold tiled floor. He moved his heavy feet to the small bathroom. Every step felt like he was trying to drag himself from the grips of death. As if a ton of rocks were attached to his ankles, preventing him from moving.

Regardless, he stood in front of the metal sink, the ice-cold water running. He splashed his face with the water. It managed to calm him down, sometimes. Silenced the voices. They grew quiet as his face froze from the iciness and pain engulfed his senses. The boy assumed the voices liked the pain.

He looked at his reflection in the cracked, grimy mirror, the lifeless eyes staring back at him, a stark reminder of everything he had lost. Today was no different, yet everything felt heavier. The weight of the memories, the unbearable silence, the suffocating grief – it all pressed down on him, threatening to crush him under its relentless pressure.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of metal on metal. He walked out of the bathroom to find two women standing by the door.

"Visitor for Taehyung," one of them said. "Let's go"

Taehyung sighed, following them. It wasn't like he had a choice. He walked the narrow path to the visitation room, each step echoing loudly in his mind. As he walked through hallways and rooms, the two women standing in front and behind him, his eyes blankly staring ahead. His ears heard things he wished he wouldn't hear. Because they brought back memories he wished not to have.

"...careful consideration of the evidence presented before this court..." the thick voice of the judge was alive in his mind.

"This court finds Kim Taehyung guilty of the murder of Park Seojoon"

Taehyung remembered himself standing in the courtroom, every eye on him and the judge staring at him with unforgiving eyes as he pronounced him guilty of murder. There was no kindness in those eyes.

"...you are hereby sentenced to twenty-five years of imprisonment"

Each word struck Taehyung with the force of a sledgehammer, the pain and finality of the sentence searing through him. He remembered the cold, detached voice of the judge as the sentence was read for what felt like hours, the collective gasp of the courtroom, and the finality of the gavel striking down. Life in prison. The words had reverberated through his mind, hollowing out what little remained of his spirit.

The metal door of the visitation door opened for him to walk in. They had cubicles, separated by a transparent glass-like panel that Taehyung had noticed to be plastic. He had also noticed with numb amusement that he couldn't hear what the people of the neighbouring visitation cubicle were speaking.

The first thing he noticed when the prison guard opened the cubicle door was the man sitting on the opposite side of the cubicles. Taehyung's hollow eyes met the man's hazel orbs, looking at him with anticipation and... happiness, almost.

Taehyung wouldn't know. He had forgotten what that emotion felt like.

He sat down on the plastic chair, eye-to-eye with the handsome man. They were separated by metal bars.

"Tae" The man's voice came. "Hey"

Taehyung looked at the man blankly.

"How have you been?" He asked but didn't take seconds before speaking again. "I tried to visit you last week but you're only allowed two visitors a week since this is only your third week. But I only visited once last week. Did someone else visit you? Was it one of the guys?" They didn't tell me they were coming"

There was no response from the man on the other side of the bars. Jimin had always been talkative. Such a social butterfly.

"It couldn't have been one of them. Or your sister since she and her fiancé just went back home last week" Jimin muttered to himself. "Who was it? Your lawyer?"

Taehyung sighed, shaking his head ever so slightly. He remained silent, eyes shifting to the curved space between the bars and the wooden slab, through which the visitors were allowed to give things to the prisoners. Taehyung knew because Jimin was the one who brought him the photograph that he hid under his pillow and stared at for hours every day. He remembered the other boy sliding it to him through the curved space. It was the first day of his imprisonment. Taehyung had felt a spark of happiness, then. A small relief, if he may. Especially since Jeongguk's face had looked so beautiful in the photo and Taehyung too looked as happy as he could be, next to his alpha.

"You seem to be in a no-talk mood today," Jimin said, smiling a little. "Talk to your best friend, will you?"

"What is there to say?" The boy spoke.

Jimin let out a sigh of relief. "Gosh, I thought you might have lost your voice. I read that it's the worst to stay in an isolated cell. But it's the procedure to isolate people who are convicted of murder and monitor them for a few weeks"

Taehyung nodded slowly.

"But you can't be alone. I know you. I know you're not holding up well" Jimin said, leaning forward. He lowered his voice. "I pulled some strings"

"What?" Taehyung's eyes widened slightly. "How could you have pulled strings? You're just a student"

Jimin hesitated. "Well... I got some help"

"From who?"

"It doesn't matter" Jimin argued.

Taehyung stared at him blankly, eyes sharp and desolate.

"Geez, man. You're scaring me. You look like you're planning my murder"

Taehyung cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Fine! It was your father. He pulled some strings–"

"Of course it's him" Taehyung muttered under his breath.

"He regrets everything he had done. Deeply. He supported you through the trial too. Got you the best lawyers"

"The ship had long sailed by the time he started running to catch it" Taehyung said blankly.

"You don't have to forgive him for the things he did. But he really is trying, Tae. He had been, even before the duel. I hope you remember that"

"Jimin, I can't bring myself to care. At all"

"Your mother refuses to acknowledge your existence" Jimin continued, "Pretends you're dead"

"Oh well"

"Anyways" Jimin sighed. "I was promised that your condition would change"

"What does that even mean?" Taehyung whispered. "I'm completely fine"

"You're not fine" Jimin muttered. "They will keep you alive but your mind? No one will be looking after your mental health here"

Taehyung scoffed. "Mental health. Give me a fucking break"

"You need to be moved out of isolation as soon as possible and I'm trying to get that done"

"Jimin–"

"This is for your own good," Jimin said. "This is an omega-only building and I heard that it's a good establishment. They treat their prisoners well and I read some articles saying that this prison has the healthiest environment for prisoners in all of South Korea. They're more lenient on the omegas too so you will be just fine when you get moved to a cell with more omegas"

"What's the fucking use?" Taehyung seethed. Anger rose in his chest. "Why should I even live? I should've just gotten the death penalty"

Hurt flashed across Jimin's face and Taehyung almost felt a pang of guilt in his numb conscience. Almost.

"Don't say that" Jimin whispered. "Jeon–" he started but stopped. "Sorry. I don't want you to suffer. If you behave well, you could get out of here quickly. You could get pardoned. You can start living your life again"

"Living my life?" Taehyung asked. "What life? I don't have one"

"Just because Jeongguk–" Jimin stopped himself once again. "You know what, forget it. I'm not the person that could help you"

"How's university? You had to repeat the second year because of me"

"I don't care about that. Exams are coming up, though"

"Yoongi been treating you alright?"

"Yeah. He still hasn't completely recovered from everything. None of us had. Namjoon is a mess"

"Yoongi and Hoseok also ended up repeating their second year because of this whole thing" Taehyung muttered.

"We're fine. Please worry about yourself. Take care of yourself. Have you been eating well? You have lost so much weight since you came here..."

"How..." Taehyung gulped, anxiety rising in his chest. "How's Jihoo?"

"I couldn't contact him after your trial. But I checked with the people in his area, and he comes out of his house about once a week to get groceries. He didn't open the door when we went two weeks ago. But we knew he was inside. He's surviving"

Taehyung looked down at his lap. He grazed his bruised palm with his thumbs. His index finger reached the skin on the bottom of his thumb, the nail picking at the already bruised skin.

"You have bags under your eyes" Jimin commented. "Have you not been sleeping?"

Sleeping was a luxury Taehyung couldn't afford. The voices liked to prey in his mind at night. When he slept, they attacked him through nightmares.

"Nightmares?"

Taehyung hummed. "Just haven't been getting much sleep"

"And why do you have bruises on your forehead?"

"I fell"

"You did not fall. Did you bang your head somewhere on purpose? Several times?!"

Taehyung gulped.

Jimin groaned. "Taehyung, you need help"

"I don't need anyone's help" Taehyung said lowly.

"Your life doesn't have to end here" Jimin whispered. "He's gone, Tae. But you need to live on"

A heavy silence stretched between them and–

"I don't mind being here" Taehyung raised his head to look at Jimin. "I took revenge, Jimin. I killed Seojoon. And I don't regret a moment of it" He smiled. "I would do it all over again. For Jeongguk, I would"

"You–" Jimin groaned in frustration. "You lost your child because of it"

Taehyung's smile faded.

"You lost the only remaining bit of Jeongguk because you killed Seojoon"

"That pup was bound to die. I almost miscarried earlier too, remember? It wasn't a surprise when I miscarried right after Jeongguk's funeral"

Jimin frowned. "Seojoon's mother was admitted to a mental hospital in Daegu. His father has stepped down as leader. Seojoon's sister took over the leadership"

Taehyung nodded. "His mother was a good woman"

"Yeah. I feel bad"

"But if she wanted, she could've stopped this whole mess. Now look. I'm the only survivor. I killed her beloved son"

"I..." Jimin gulped. "It scares me sometimes. I never thought you would be capable of... killing"

A ghost of a smile curved the corner of Taehyung's lips.

"You didn't look like yourself that day. After Jeongguk was attacked. I couldn't believe that it was you doing that to Seojoon. Killing him with your bare hands. You looked..."

"Like a monster?" Taehyung whispered.

"Unlike yourself" Jimin said. "You were always so soft and gentle and full of love"

"I would kill him again. I wish I could kill him again" Taehyung whispered. "An eye for an eye? No. He took Jeongguk's life. I ought to take his life twice"

"Tae!" Jimin whispered in surprise. "Don't ever tell that to anyone else. This is why you were charged with 25 years. Because it was so clear in the trial that you had the intention to kill him. It wasn't just a loss of self-control"

"My only regret is not doing it sooner. That way Jeongguk would've been here today"

"And you would be here too. Rotting in prison" Jimin spat.

Taehyung scoffed. "The law is funny. If it's a duel, they don't care who dies. The other gets to walk out free. He's a champion. But when I kill the man who killed my alpha, I'm a murderer"

Jimin sighed.

"It doesn't matter. It's better living here than out there where everything reminds me of him"

"Taehyung" Jimin spoke. "You need to get a grip on yourself. You killed someone, sure. But it wasn't the wrong thing to do in your situation. So you don't deserve to rot in here until you're old and ugly. You're only 23. Turning 24 real soon. You can get out of here if you behave well"

"I don't want to–"

"You can go back to university and resume your studies. It might take some years. But you can get out of here if you behave. I'm going to do everything I can to get you out of there. We all are trying"

"Please just concentrate on your studies and your lives. My life is already ruined"

"Don't say that. We love you"

"Jimin, I'm in prison, for fuck's sake" Taehyung seethed. "This is the end for me. And I don't fucking care about this being the end"

Jimin stared at him, baffled.

"I should've died the day my alpha died" Taehyung whispered. "I was supposed to go with him"

Taehyung could feel his hands trembling. A buzzing sound emerged out of the corner of his mind. The voices were coming back.

"Tae..." Jimin ran a hand through his face. "There is no use talking to you about this when you're still a mess. You're sick. Mentally"

"Yeah. I wouldn't be able to kill someone if I wasn't, would I?"

"I didn't come here to negotiate your future with you" Jimin stated. "You will thank me someday when you're out of here. I get that you're still hung up on what happened. We all are. It will take you some time to move on. And you can do that here. You're right. It's better that you stay here than outside because you will end up killing yourself if you weren't here, under surveillance 24/7. So take your fucking time and grieve as you like. But in the meantime, I'm going to do my part as one person who loves you"

Jimin stood up and Taehyung stared at him speechlessly.

"Behave well. Maybe you can see Jeongguk soon too, that way"

"Don't interfere with my life!" Taehyung shouted. "I'm fucking fine!"

"You're not fine and I will not listen to you. If I didn't interfere with your life, who the fuck will?" Jimin seethed. "Eat well and sleep well, you fucking moron. Cry and scream when you need to. Don't keep it in. Something will change in your routine. I was assured of that"

"What? What did you do?!" Taehyung asked.

"You will see"

Taehyung frowned.

"I will visit on Saturday with Yoongi. Do you need us to bring you anything?"

"No" Taehyung muttered.

"Okay. Stay safe till I come again" Jimin said and smiled. He waved before turning around. He pushed the metal door from his side and walked out. The door rattled shut behind him, leaving Taehyung alone in the visitation area. A thick silence engulfed him once again. From the moment Jimin left, he became a memory in Taehyung's mind. Another memory to reminisce. Another prey for the voices to gnaw at.

His heart felt heavy, each breath he took made his chest ache. The surrounding air was getting thicker and his heartbeat quickened. It was starting to feel like he was breathing in liquid, instead of air. He was drowning.

Killed him

Taehyung winced., eyes squeezing shut.

You killed Jeongguk

"Stop" Taehyung whispered. The voices knew no mercy, however.

Killed your own alpha

Taehyung wanted to scream.

And your own pup... his pup!

"Stop!" Taehyung gasped out. "Please!"

"Mr. Kim?"

Taehyung shot up in his seat, turning around to look at the prison guard who held the door open for him.

"Let's go back to your cell" She said.

Taehyung nodded. He walked out of the room and with two guards before and behind him, they made their way back to Taehyung's cell. The metal door shut behind him and Taehyung made his way to his slab. He sighed, back against the cold wall and knees drawn against his chest.

Silence once again began to suffocate him. A clock above the cell door read midday, signaling that lunch would arrive in about an hour. Until then, Taehyung was alone, imprisoned in this sterile cell.

When lunch finally arrived, his appetite was nonexistent. For twenty long minutes, he stared at the plate, Jimin's words resonating in his mind. Finally, he decided to eat. The food was never terrible—not as good as the meals he enjoyed before his world turned upside down—but it was sufficient. It made him full, if he ate the whole thing. He had done so twice in the three weeks. Today, he ate half the plate, washed it down with the water from his cup, and nibbled on the pieces of fruit for dessert.

A nap wasn't an option, even though there was only numb silence around him. He stared at the clock for hours, with one visit to the bathroom and a few minutes of fruitless effort trying to fall asleep.

Until the clock struck four in the evening and two guards opened the door to his cell.

"Come out" One of the women said.

Taehyung frowned, the unusual change of schedule surprising him slightly. Regardless, he walked out. He sighed, muttering a whatever to himself. He couldn't bring himself to care about what was to happen next.

Even as they walked down unfamiliar hallways, passing windows that overlooked the grounds where women strolled and sat, Taehyung couldn't muster any curiosity or concern about the sights before him. Everything seemed distant and irrelevant, a mere backdrop to his indifferent gaze.

They finally arrived at a corridor with white walls and a few wooden doors. The guards knocked on one door and then opened it. When prompted, Taehyung stepped inside. As he entered, a deafening silence filled the room, enveloping him completely.

The vicinity was spacious, with whitewashed walls and comfortable sofas with throw pillows of dull colours all over them. On one corner stood a table and a computer atop it, with a swivel chair currently unoccupied. In another corner stood a book shelf with a couple dozen books with hard covers. There were no windows, none. And the whole space was lit up with bulbs, their electric rays spreading over the white walls like a second layer of paint.

The room was empty for the most part. It looked so lonely. Uninhabited. Except for the woman who beamed brightly as Taehyung walked in and gestured for him to sit down. The boy sat down on the sofa and the woman took a seat in front of him. The door clicked shut, leaving him alone with the strange woman.

Taehyung's eyes wandered, absorbing every detail. The dull colours... pale shades of blue, pink, green and purple... were a stark contrast to the dullness of his cell, which was nothing but beige and white. Though admittedly, as Taehyung watched on, the colours started feeling less dull and more... calming. The vivid but light hues gave his eyes something to feast on, and he stared at everything with newfound interest.

The woman cleared her throat, breaking the boy's trance. She wore a pressed peach-coloured blouse and a tight black skirt, her hair held up in a neat bun, and her legs crossed over each other. Taehyung was sure she had said hello at some point with a soft and inviting voice, but it had fallen on deaf ears.

Taehyung stared at her, waiting. She offered him a gentle smile. And then...

"What's your name?"

-THE END-

A/N:
We did a full circle, my loves. 

Thank you so much for reading my book, guys. I know this took a shit load of time to finish and I'm grateful if you made it to the end. 
Did anyone guess that Taehyung was actually in a prison from the first chapter or during the book? 
I got a lot of people guessing that he was in therapy/a psychiatric ward. But that's not exactly true. Were any of your guesses right?

Who was your favourite character and what was your favourite scene? Do tell your dear author! >.<
Did this book make you cry? (Extra sorry if it did 😭)

I had this whole story planned before I started this book. I knew how to start it and I knew how to finish it. I had a clear-cut structure and I followed it. I knew it would be a perfect circle with "What's your name?" and I think this book turned out exactly how I wanted it. 

I'm not a fan of sad endings either. This ending, you're free to interpret as you like. But I think it's quite obvious what had happened. This is my first time writing a story which doesn't inherently have a happy ending. I never tell or spoil if a story of mine has a happy or sad ending. If you have read any of my other books, you might know of this >.< I hate spoilers in general so I would never spoil my own story. I hope you won't either, for any new readers in the future ❤️
There were tags and warnings before I started the book for anyone to keep out if they didn't like reading something angsty and a bit dark. I think the book was bright as sunshine between the first and last chapter. I hope you enjoyed all the lovely moments of taekook.
This was also my first time writing omegaverse! Hope I didn't disappoint >.<
And I apologize for any mistakes made in this book. English is not my first language.
I noticed there were certain... glitches in the system...iykyk. Apologies, my loves.

Last but not least, I hope you enjoyed this story. If it made you cry, let me send you a hug real quick❤️❤️❤️

Well, this is Sara, signing out of Rampant Wolves - Taekook. 
Thank you💕