H A R R Y -

(italics means dream/flashback. this is both.)

She stands with her back against the wall, smiling at me as she takes a drink from her cold soda. We're all alone in my house and it's been awhile since she's been here. Before it was a house, now that she has been here, it is a home. I smiled at her as the fresh memory of her staring at the pictures on the walls with such genuine wonder invades my thoughts.

She seemed to like the way the balcony resembled a terrace, the view of the pines greeting us with their fresh, perfumed air. It had been raining all day, but she didnt seem to mind sitting outside on the deck, under a rather large umbrella, while we shared a cigarette.

Things were always pleasant with her. Simple. It wasn't just about getting into bed with her, even if I did adore that time. It was just being together in such perfect harmony. She would sit on the carpet and rest her head on my knee while the fireplace warmed her up. Elena would lay her head on my lap and read a book while I watched the news. After, we would take a bath together and sleep. It wasn't all about the physical aspect, it went beyond it. She gave me such peace, she brought so much to my life. Anything that bothered me, our current situation mostly, it melted away with just the touch of her hand.

"What would you like to eat for dinner? Mina will be picking you up in the morning, so don't forget to text her."

Mina had been helpful, to say the least. Covering up her own relationship for her own reasons, we had decided to mutually help each other. Besides, Zayn let Elena go out and spend the night at Mina's. It felt so high school all over again.

I almost laughed out loud. Elena was at Mina's, but Elena was here, and Mina was supposed to be here, but she was at her girlfriend's house. It reminded me of the time I blatantly lied to my parents and told them i'd be at Jimmy's house, a guy in my freshman biology class. My parents seemed to approve of the friendship because his father was a pastor. I'll never forget fooling them into thinking I was at Jimmy's, amd Jimmy saying he was at my house, when in reality, my friends, Jimmy included, and I had gotten drunk and passed out on the football field.

Elena walked down the hallway to my, our, room and stopped at the door.

"Elena," I call for her at the end of the hall.

Her beautiful eyes find me and I feel my heart threaten to jump out of my chest when she looks at me with so much love. I love her so much. There is nothing else for me except her.

As I walk towards her, she starts to fade away. I try to walk faster, but the hallway is endless. I'm suddenly crying out for her, my cheeks stained with tears.

"Elena, darling. Don't go."

She looks scared and I struggle to breathe. "I'm scared, baby. I'm fading."

"I'm right here, darling. Don't leave me, please don't go." My voice quivers and i'm pleading, but it's just no use.

As I near, she's gone. I fall to my knees and my hands try to reach up to where she stood, hoping I will find some indication that she stood there once waiting for me.

"Oh, Elena. Baby, come back. Please come back." I sobbed, my fists making contact with the hardwood floor.

"Elena? Elena, baby. Please come back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'd do anything."

My own voice wakes me. I wake up crying, sniffling as I get out of bed and make way to the balcony. The sun is just starting to rise, but it doesn't matter at all. I reach for a pack of cigarettes and try to light it with shaky hands. I saw my Elena, at least briefly, in a nightmare. I was now living in that terrible dream.

I couldn't get myself under control. I let out a strangled sob as I held on to the cigarette, in such disbelief that I couldn't escape reality even in my sleep.

I had been sleeping on her side of the bed. Sometimes at night, during a quiet prayer, I could almost feel her presence next to me. All I wanted was to hear that little voice asking --

"Harry, can you hold me?"

I smiled in between tears, remembering all her little quirks I adored. She took forever to say goodnight. It was always goodnight harry, have nice dreams. I hope you dream something sweet so you wake up happy. I love you.

More tears continued to fall as memories of her loving me flooded my mind. The many days we spent cuddled up, talking about the stars and other things we'd maybe never truly comprehend. I remember watching her make me breakfast- blueberry pancakes and chocolate milk. Elena reading to me. Elena kissing me. Elena loving me. Loving Elena. Elena. The only love i've ever known.

Elena was missing.

My darling, sweet girl was gone.