I hadn't expected requited love to be quite this painful.

1. I find it cute.
I find it positively lovely that you've gotten bent out of shape over me,
well actually,
over me and someone else.
Someone finally loves me. That's all that matters. It doesn't matter that you've made the conversation awkward with your outbursts of something sinister disguised as something lonely ,
something sad and needing.
It feels quite grand, I've never felt this way before so of course I dismiss it as nothing, as even something to be rewarded because we were happy, I was happy, nothing was wrong.

2. I am uncomfortable.
I am uncomfortable because other people are starting to notice what I was holding a blind eye to.

You're getting too defensive.

And then you turn to me:

Do you agree ?

Stupidly I shake my head no. I act like nothing is wrong when you get angry with me for laughing at someone else's jokes and sharing my joy with another friend and you cling to me like a deep sea parasite on an anglerfish's tongue . Because at least someone is clinging to me like I have clung to others, finally. I close my eyes and I let you hold my hand for longer. I ignore the draining feeling that comes with pathogens and parasites much like yourself. Because at this point it's still easy to believe and deceive... I perceive nothing was wrong.

3. I'm so exhausted.
I sit dazed and tired while you run circles around me. While we run through cycles together. Here we are a snapshot of lovers, hashtag couple goals; here we are a tragic misunderstanding, a contrived conflict, a projected insecurity, a bad day thrown against anything until it sticks;  here we are throwing knives at each other and by knives I mean dishes and by dishes I mean ourselves because we want to hurt each other as deep as the knife will go but we both break the second we make contact with something even remotely solid and we're both crying at what you've done to us; here we are in the morning,

you've made me exhausted with the words "good morning".
You've made me exhausted with the words "I love you".

Those closest to me roll their eyes at our ruin. That it's not worth it, they tell me, I scream at them that nothing was wrong even as ceramic shards were still slicing my hands as I tried to cover up the mess.

4. I'm furious.
You know that I feed off of anger, because I couldn't resist any conflict with you no matter how petty because I loved the high, no matter how despondent the crash made me feel.
I suppose I should thank you for giving me oodles of this negative energy I desperately crave.

You left me.

My hands are fire, my eyeballs are melting and my body's crumbling into ash. I want to hurt you so badly but I'm the only one imploding. You claim you did it for me but you did it for yourself.
You saw the knives you left in me and found yourself disgusted, perhaps by your own character but perhaps by the grotesqueness of your still living girlfriend. Of your still breathing, still bleeding girlfriend. Perhaps you left because you were frightened by the person who had left them there, or maybe you thought my twisted figure beneath your feet would inspire more daggers to my flesh from your own hand.

You've humiliated me. I sacrificed everything for you and I've been betrayed in return.

Your apologies are feeble and selfish, now you get to put me in pain again but the kicker is you don't have to stick around for the aftermath this time.

You just expect me to come back to you when it all wraps up neatly. Because you still love me. Because then I'd be able to hold your garbage once more and stand by your side once more without any consequences for you. You'd have redeemed yourself and I would have been the same punching bag ---

I can't believe you did this to me.
I let you throw everything at me, I thought I could take it like sins on a cross
I wanted to be your savior

And now I'm left shouting into an abyss

How could you do this to me?
Nothing was wrong....

a note from Corea:
Hey y'all, long time no see. I haven't been writing poetry much but I've got some more life experiences I want to share with you so I hope to have more updates out soon. I might upgrade this piece in the future but right now I give it to you in all its unedited, fresh and raw glory. O\\-//o Thank you for reading! You're the best :)

-Corea