When I was a little girl, my mom would watch from the sand as I wagged my hair and splashed in the sea. I'd run back to her with big blue eyes of wonder and a frown on my face.

"Mommy, don't you wanna come in the water with us?"

"No, Mick, that's okay. You guys have fun," she'd respond.

I didn't know why she wouldn't come and have fun with us. Did she not feel like it? Was she tired?

As I got older, the same situations appeared. I would head out somewhere or something thrilling would be going on, and my mom would hang out and watch or sit in the dark with her TV on. Watching her do anything remotely fun made my heart swell. I wanted her to enjoy herself.

Then came the guilt. I'd walk out my door and gear up for any fun activity I was doing, and even if it was a trip to my friend's house, I felt guilty for leaving her there all alone. I know her time to be young and free was far from over, but that doesn't mean she couldn't have fun now. This made me want to enjoy all the happy moments in my life as much as I could, for her.

Now that I'm not so young, but still young enough to feel that guilt, I find myself torn between two situations, and even then, my mother remains selfless. "Go have fun. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it."

I used to think that it was a sacrifice every mom had to make. Be miserable and give up your fun for them. Let the kids have their moment, your time is up.

But it's not about that, not entirely. Yes, parents sacrifice and the attention should be on the child and their needs first, but the fun for parents doesn't have to end. As I've seen other parents be able to handle both roles as parent and person, there are a few things I've noticed that are different from my mom:

She finds solace in her silence and in being by herself. She doesn't have any friends where we live anymore, she lives a very simple life (whether she chooses that or it comes with the loneliness) and my mom is selfless beyond compare.

Maybe the lack of family is what troubles her and has troubled her for so long, and I hope that this changes for her someday. Maybe it's between both my parents and I'm stuck between issues they both need to solve.

But now that I can piece everything from my memories and childhood together and finally connect the dots, I think the biggest reason why my mom hangs back is because of this:

She has fun knowing and watching me enjoy myself.

I think that's the simplest joy of being a parent, and something my mother has mastered over the years. Still, the guilt follows me in trying times, but I cling to this discovery and a smile follows after.

My mother is simply loving, my mother is kind, but also my mom has provided me with one of the most important pieces of my life: she allowed me a childhood. I was never forced to do anything, she let me create my own experiences, and I greatly appreciate that.

I'll never be able to put into words my mother's endless sacrifices even with all the imperfections she comes with. She has given me strength when I needed it and has stood by my side through it all. I hope one day I can be as wonderful as she is and be able to watch my children just as she did with my sister and me, and find the most joy I've ever had in my life.

The joy of seeing my child smile and the wonders of childhood every kid deserves.