[A/N. Quick note.... A) sorry, no diary entry this chapter, and B) did some slight editing to last chapter, so you may want to go re-read it real quick.]

River sat away from everyone else. They were playing with mermaids, not something she was in the mood for.

She sighed and pushed a curl out of her face. Sometimes life just exhausted her. Not in the literal sense. Just in the sense that she felt like she needed to.... stop. Perhaps that was part of the reason she so quickly took the Doctor's place. He'd been getting younger and younger, and she was tired.

So she felt... Like she needed to sleep. She hadn't thought it through, hadn't really rationalized much, but she knew that she had to live what she lived and not let him die. She wouldn't allow her past to be ripped away from her. Those precious, precious good moments with him when he made her laugh, or smiled that smile at her, or when she woke up in the mornings in their bed with him just looking at her like he couldn't believe she was there. Or the times when he bopped or nose, or- Lord, now she'd start crying- the look he had on his face when he held Brooke in his eyes for the first time. There were amazing moments that could not be taken away from them.

There were so many reasons she did it.

And she was stuck. Marooned on a figurative island where he just couldn't swim far enough to get to her.

But now-now she had a plan. Well, not really a plan plan. She had what she'd call a Doctor plan. The sort where you have a vague idea of what needs to happen at the end, and a few random ideas in your head of how to get there that may or may not work, and working as she went to run each one and their outcome through her head.

There was the a slgiht rustle to her left, and she snapped out of her thoughts to look up.

Charlotte.

She relaxed and shot the girl a small smile. "Hey."

Charlotte returned the favor, though tentatively. "Hi. Whatcha' doin'?"

River shrugged and turned her eyes back to the ocean. "Just thinking. You know. Why aren't you with the others?"

Charlotte sighed behind her. "I've chatted with those mermaids at least a hundred times. They're the exact same story every time, anyway. I already know what they'll say, and it gets boring."

After a slight pause, she asked, "What're you thinkin' about?"

River turned her head back slightly to look at the girl. "My family." She admitted softly. "What happened to get me here. How I'm gonna get out of here- just everything."

The girl nodded, and looked at the sand for a long moment. "Why were you like that?" She suddenly said, in a low voice. "With that lady. You were yelling. I didn't mean to hear you, or eavesdrop or anything," She quickly added, "It just sometimes happens in my head. All of you are inside my mind, and when you yell, it's not as muffled as it usually is."

River  took a deep breath and turned around to face the girl. She did deserve at least a partial explanation. "She was saying- she was saying really bad things about the Doctor. I got defensive, I guess."

The girl let sand run through her fingers for a  moment before looking back up to the older woman. "River?"

"Hm?"

"You said that you were gonna change yourself, your DNA with the-the time stream thing, right? And the Rartron energy?"

"Artron." River corrected, "And yes. I'll have the ability to regenerate again and won't travel in the opposite direction of my husband when I do, if all goes to plan."

"Right." Charlotte said. "It's just- will you be the same?"

"What do you mean?" River asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you're changing your DNA and your time stream and the Crartron- artron," she corrected, "energy inside you. So will that change, you know, you? Will you be the same?"

River paused and thought Charlotte's point over. It did make sense, she guessed.

"No, I don't think so. I should be the same, if I make all the correct calculations and change the right things. It's only if I mess up that something like a personality change could happen."

"But it's possible?" The young girl looked nervous.

"I suppose. But only if I miss something, which I'll try my best not to do."

"But you could be changed! Isn't that dangerous?" Charlotte bit her lip anxiously. "It just sounds risky."

River chuckled. "Story of my life."

They sat in companionable silence for a minute or two before Charlotte spoke up again. "River.... Why don't you just..... stay?"

River shook her head sadly at the girl. "You know I can't."

"But why?" Charlotte insisted. "It's a good life, isn't it? You can literally be in paradise forever. Never dying. Not just read any book there ever was, but live it too. Go through history, if you like. Always moving, always going. You don't even have to sleep. It's constant adventure, doing whatever you could possibly want."

"Char, my family's out there," River replied, looking away, "a great one. I have people I love out there. I just- there's no way I can live without them. I have a husband I care for more than the universe's life itself, and a brand-new amazing daughter I just had a few months ago. I'd never forgive myself if I gave up and let her grow up without a mother like I did."

"But River." Charlotte stressed. "It's an endless life. It's what the Doctor wanted. You can do anything your heart wishes, see anything, eat anything, touch anything. Besides, I already told you- I can make him for you!"

"No, Char," River replied slowly. "you can't. I don't want an echo. I can't settle for that, not knowing that he's out there."

"But you're an echo!" The words tumbled out of Charlotte's mouth before she could stop them. River's eyes widened and glistened slightly. Charlotte backtracked. "No, that's not what I meant. You're not an echo, well, you are, but you-"

"I'm real, Char. That's the problem. Even if I am an echo, I'd say that I'm a pretty damn good one becuase I can still feel what it's like to be away from them for a while. I'm here, and it hurts, and that's what matters. Even if I'm an echo, I still want this pain to stop. I need closure, I need this to be over with. I'm going to love him, no matter what state I'm in. And it's going to feel like someone's ripping out my heart every time I go to bed alone at night until I see him again. That's why, Char. That's why I can't stay. And maybe it is selfish. But that's not something I'm in the mood to think about now."

When River turned to look back at the child, she was gone.

-----------------------

The Doctor's mind stopped.

What- what had just happened?

No, no, no. This was a dream or something. She didn't just- she wasn't dead.

No. She couldn't be.

And maybe not, because her body wasn't there- well, then again, that could have easily turned her into dust.

But that couldn't happen. It just couldn't. She was- she would be someone he loved and trusted- enough to tell her his name. She wasn't really dead. Maybe he'd saved her somehow. Yes, that was it. As soon as someone unlocked him from these stupid bloody handcuffs he'd go and sonic the area and see if-if maybe something had happened. He didn't know, vortex manipulator, teleportation, whatever! He must have done something.

He did, right?

He stared at the empty chair for another good 15 minutes before Donna's voice came through the air.

"Oi, Spaceman, pulling that teleport on me back there was not a good idea! Now I'll never trust you when you tell me to- Doctor?" She ended softly as she came closer and looked at his current state.

Well, tears, a red face, and being handcuffed to a pole didn't suit anyone well.

"Why are you handcuffed to a pole?"

He had to do something.

This couldn't happen, he knew. He wouldn't let this happen. She was safe, somewhere, probably with an older version of himself and having an adventure. Or maybe she was-she was-

He suddenly heard his voice, raspy and quiet.

"She's gone."

------------------

The irony was impressive, he had to say. When he thought about it, anyway.

He'd gotten so worked up over her not telling him about her parents. Not mentioning that they would die. That he wouldn't get to say goodbye to Amy.

All that seemed so small in comparison to this.

He didn't even tell her that she was going to her own death.

Well, where did the 'Most Rubbish Husband of the Year' award go to?

Ha. And it was just that stupid, stupid word.

Spoilers.

Seriously, though? Why didn't he just tell her? There were so many oppurtunities, really. He could've said some word of advice when she left on the shuttle. If not 'don't you dare sacrifice yourself for anyone', then a 'I don't want you to go on this one' would've sufficed. But no. He had to stick to his own rules and keep his mouth shut.

The shoe was certainly on the other foot, he mused. At one point he'd been so angry that she'd kept important spoilers that he'd left her and his newborn child while he went on top of a cloud and sulked for the longest time. But this- this was worse. The same basic idea of spoilers, but worse.

It was his own wife. She was walking off to her death, and he couldn't have stopped her? Surely he could've. It wasn't right, wasn't fair  that he got away with getting a temper when she kept the secret in New York, but she simply told him she loved him in a note.

What did he do?

Alright, about time for a change in tone, he decided. She was getting out. She was. She could do it, and he knew it. This was River bloody Song. If anyone could do this, it was her.

So, time to think after this was over.

Well, no spoilers could certainly be a start. He was tired of the things, and he didn't want to hear the blasted word ever again. They'd do away with spoilers somehow. Maybe they'd make a promise to only visit their selves that hadn't had Brooke yet. That should keep them from using-or hearing- the word.

Sure. That'd work.

Now, she just had to come out before the shadows did so he could tell her.

-------------

Upon seeing that Charlotte had left, probably angry after their row, River went to the Library database and searched a book up the old fashioned way.

After a moment she found where it was.

Walking slowly over to the shelf, she scanned the titles until she found what she was looking for.

She carried Time Streams and their Uses back to her room. It was time to figure out if Kovarian had been telling the truth.

[A/N. You know, it seems I admit to you every single time in the author's note that I'm a terrible person for not updating. But you know what? I stayed up late just to finish this up, so- I'm just going to tell you I'm sorry and move on. Hope that works. I've just been busy with summer plans.

Anyway, what did y'all think? Was it better than watching Day of the Doctor for the first time on November 23, or was it worse than being banned from the show for a full month? Or, you know, you could just leave a normal comment and say good or bad. That works too.

But things are leading up... to something... that's gonna be super awesome! And I think that y'all will like it. :D

Okay, also wanted to send out a thanks to @riversong4ever for all the help she's been giving me. The ideas we've (well, I say we've. In all honesty, if you spot something amazingly brilliant, she probably came up with the majority of the idea) made are going to be spreading out over the next few chapters. You won't miss 'em.

Thanks for reading! Comment and vote please! :D]