Chapter 35

What happened between me and Bennett was so awful. It was terrible and I don't wanna ever think about it. I didn't regret anything we did, just him being so unfair and cowardly to man up makes me so mad at him. I didn't regret having sex with him. I also want it to make it happen, but I didn't realize that what we had back then would immediately end up because he doesn't want to feel bad for his best friend.

Fuck his best friend. Siya naman ang una kong nakilala, but fuck Bennett as well, parang walang bayag! I just had to make myself busy from all these bullshits. May mas importante pang bagay kaysa sa kanya.

"Yes, Melbourne, please call Lav as soon as possible. Hindi pa naman siya buntis 'no?" I turned to see Sir Zonico spoke with his brother.

I'm at their office, securing my spot for my sponsorship sa internship ko sa South Korea. I know that was too ambitious of me to think about that, but I've been dreaming of what would it be like if I had my internship abroad or not. Marami kasing pros and cons since there's too much to sacrifice kung pagtitimbangin ang dalawang bagay. If I'll be having my internship locally, it will be easy for me lalo na sa transportation at hindi ako malalayo sa family ko for a few months while doing it abroad, mas maraming opportunity na pwede ko ring makuha.

Katulad na lamang ng pinsan ko na si Ate Kiersten, she had her intern sa London and because of that, maraming nagbukas na opportunities sa kanya mapa-local man o international. I think, iyong boyfriend niya na si Kuya Connagh ay kinuha niya bilang isang marketing associate sa company niya sa London.

She came back there a few months ago and just a week ago when I told her about the gold bangle she found, she then remembered that she seated next to a guy called Bennett—she remembered that because someone called him by that name. He must've drop it at dumiretsyo sa purse ni ate. Mabuti na lang ay hindi siya napagkalamang ninakaw niya 'yon. But everything's good na, isaksak niya talaga sa baga niya 'yon.

"They are just living together... I hope she's still not pregnant or else a little kid will be calling me Uncle Welbourne soon. I will feel so old by then. Trent should lay off her hand to her."

"It's not like you haven't." Ngisi pa ni Sir Zonico.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry... your son is still my nephew. Don't worry, bud."

"Fuck off," Zonico uttered.

"Language, kuya! We have someone here today," paninita pa nito sa kapatid niya at saka sila huminto sa tapat ko. Nasa waiting lounge lamang ako at kanina ko pa inaabangan na patatawagin sa office nila and maybe this is the time for it. "And here she is. Miss Criselda Sabangan from National University." Sir Welbourne introduced me.

Sir Zonico looked straight at me and give his head a nod. Tumayo na rin naman ako sa pagkauupo ko pero dahil sa sobrang tangkad nilang dalawa ay halos nakatingala pa rin ako.

"Nice to meet you, Sir Mercondia."

He smirked. "Oh, call me Zonico, I'll be fine with that. Let's go to my office?"

"Gotta see you around, Miss Sabangan!" Sir Welbourne said as he left us.

Tumungo na rin naman kaming dalawa ni Sir Zonico sa kanyang office at hindi rin naman ito nagpatumpik-tumpik at pinag-usapan kaagad namin ang magiging internship ko abroad. With the help of Ate Kiersten, na-aprubahan naman kaagad ang sponsorship ko at kailangan ko na lang magpasa ng iba pang papers to finally fulfil my sponsorship with them.

Nang ibalita ko kay Ate Kiersten ang pagkaka-apruba sa application ko, hindi na naman sia nagulat dahil maganda naman ang records ko sa school as I'm running for a Latin honor. She's already making me giddy about my allowance and my salary to the company I'll be working to. Hindi na rin naman ako makapaghintay. The Mercondia foundation will do all of my documents once I finally complied with all the papers I needed to submit. From visa, allowance, and all, sila na ang bahala ro'n.

Wala pa namang binabanggit na company sa akin, but they assured na hindi ako mapababayaan do'n dahil may ilang Filipino employees doon at karamihan ng mga inetern nilang sa South Korea nag-apply ay same company na rin. Though depende pa rin daw sa course ng student.

Aside from complying with my internship requirements, naging busy rin ako sa research namin at sa presentation na gagawin namin. I'm group with Serron, Jayda, Derby, and Archie. We all did great dahil from all the papers and to the day of our presentation ay hindi namin binigo ang isa't isa dahil binigay naman ng lahat ang kanilang best. They've studied the research and present the project very well. Iyon ang kinagustuhan ko sa grupo ko, may cooperation at walang mga sariling mundo dahil pinagpa-planuhan namin ang lahat ng magkakasama.

And with Archie, we never hang out anymore and we barely even talk to each other after what happened and what I said. Siguro dahil sa binitawan kong salita, by cutting ties everything with them both. Alam kong masakit makatanggap ng salitang 'yon and he doesn't even deserve it—but honestly, if I keep him on my side, he would think of me as someone like Cinema—or if he ever thought about me cheating on him. We're just dating, but I know it hurts him when he heard that something happened between me and his best friend.

But we've already talked about it and we've settled it out. We're okay, but not what it used to. Hindi naman ako totally nagpaliwanag, but I just tell him my side and the fact that he now know that I'm falling in love with his best friend while we're dating kinda crashed him inside. I don't know what that felt like, but I felt bad that Archie had to go through with it.

Hindi niya deserved 'yon. Actually, no one actually deserved to be hurt and hurting from a situation they didn't impose to happen in their lives. It's just sad to know that Archie and I parted from what our friendship used to be and now became a ghost of what we really have.

But all in all, with his help and idea, we passed our presentation. Nakapasa rin naman sina Tessa at Dolly kaya isang malaking party na naman ang hinanda nila para sa amin. At this point daw kasi, sureball na ang may Latin honor kaming makukuha ni Tessa since we've passed everything and got very good grades.

One time, nakatanggap na lamang ako ng notification from my bank application and then I just found out na may pumasok na pera ro'n. Ten thousand ang nadagdag. It's what I should be incurring from Bennett's tutorial session as when I told him he shouldn't paid me for our last session pero binayaran niya pa rin ako. I don't know what to feel with that.

Hindi naman ako mukhang pera. Kaya ko lang naman tinanggap iyong offer niyang trabaho dahil kailangan ko ng pera pangtustos sa pag-aaral ko. I have a scholarship, but it's not enough kaya nag-part time ako sa isang fast food and his offer helps me a lot and got to save a lot of money na siyang nakatutulong din sa pamilya ko.

"Isel!" May tumawag sa pangalan ko kaya agad ko namang nilingon ito. Napangiti naman ako nang lumapit si Ate Mallory sa akin at niyakap ako. "It's really nice to see you again. Akala ko talaga hindi na tayo magkikita ulit."

Napangiti na lamang ako saka niya ako dinaluhan sa table na inuupuan ko. "I'm glad to see you, too, ate. It's been a while."

"True, it's been a few weeks already..." she said. "Ayos ka lang ba? Or ayos lang ba sa 'yo na nandito ako ngayon at magkausap tayong dalawa? Just tell me lang if I'm making you uncomfortable so we can settle this in the right way, in every you want to do.

"Hala, ate! Sorry if that's how I manage to show my presence sa 'yo. This is fine. You're not making me uncomfortable."

"Alam mo, magkape ka muna. Akong bahala sa 'yo."

Ate Mallory ordered some coffee for both of us and then she came back with two cups on her hand and handed one over to me. Uminom naman ako ng kape, but I don't know if it really helps me. Pero ayos na siguro 'to kaysa naman sa alak na hindi naman ako umiinom.

"So... how are you really doing these days, Isel?"

"Naghahanda lang ako ate para sa internship ko abroad. Aside from that, wala na naman. We're on our final exam na rin naman so I guess iyon na lang din ang pinagkakaabalahan ko. Aral is life."

"True naman... ako naman, busy lang sa work life. Gusto ko na nga mag-resign dahil medyo toxic na ang corpo life ko at dahil wala pa akong choice now, I still have to work through it. Gusto ko na lang mag-manage sa private resort namin if my parents permitted me. But anyway... alam mo naman siguro kung bakit kita gusto makausap sa personal, 'di ba?"

Napabitaw na lamang ako ng malalim na hininga. Alam ko naman 'tong pinasok ko. Alam ko kung para saan 'tong pagkikita naming dalawa ngayon ni Ate Mallory... obviously, this is about Bennett.

So, I told her about what happened to me and Bennett. Nakikinig lamang siya sa akin at sumisingit lamang siya kapag may gusto siyang ipaulit sa akin kasi hindi niya naintindihan. We were like that for a few minutes—I honestly believe we lasted half an hour sa pagkukwento ko pa lamang sa kanya. She's a good listener and she didn't have bad fumes about what I did to her brother because she thinks at some point, he needs to learn from his own actions.

"Do you think you'll be able to forgive him?"

"I can always forgive him," sagot ko kay ate. "I just don't know if I can forgive him for pushing me away when I believe there's already enough of us there, and yet, he chose to break away kasi ayaw niyang masira 'yong pagkakaibigan nilang dalawa ni Archie. I understand that, but would he understand the same thing I feel? Feeling ko iyon ang hindi niya na-gets."

"So, hindi mo na siya kikitain? O wala ka ng balak makipag-usap sa kanya?"

I shrugged off. "Hindi ko alam... siguro if may chance."

"But you said you're cutting ties with him. Pa'no mo mapaninindigan 'yon?"

Napakibit-balikat na lang muli ako sa tanong niya. "Hindi ko pa rin sure... but if there's a chance na magkausap kaming dalawa and then he'll explain to me why he acted that way, siguro maiintindihan ko naman... but I don't think he's not interested with me anymore since I was the one who pushed him away."

"Gusto mo pa ba siya? Ay, I mean, mahal mo pa ba? May feelings ka pa ba kay Bennington?" Hindi ako nakasagot. Ang lalim kung huhugutin ko pa 'yong sagot ko. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung saan ko huhugutin 'yong feelings na 'yon. "So, meron pa nga? If you think there's still chance, bakit ayaw mong ayusin? You can set Archie aside muna. Ang sabi mo naman ay na-settle mo na ang situation mo with him, so we'll focus to Bennington. Would you give him a chance? Alam mo... sa totoo lang talaga, bet na bet kita para sa kanya kaya naloka ako no'ng nasagap ko 'yong balita na hindi na kayo nagtu-tutor and you guys just ended something that's too wonderful."

"That's where we are heading... hindi lang siya interesado."

"I haven't talked to him pero kikitain ko siya mamaya dahil nagpapatulong 'yon sa akin sa pageant niya sa Saturday. Punta ka ha?"

"Hala, ate... hindi ko sure."

But then she handed a ticket for me para hindi na talaga ko umatras sa Sabado. Kapag hindi ako pumunta, for sure, magiging paasa ako nito.

"But you know what... I think I have an idea why Bennington did that," aniya. "Maybe I believe he's just afraid of hurting his best friend who he has known from his childhood, kaya siguro nagpaubaya siya because he knew his best friend was happy with you. Alam niya 'yon and I can see that as well no'ng nasa Laguna pa lang. Maybe that's just his reason... maybe he doesn't want to hurt any one of you so he stopped something inside that's been growing so he wouldn't be able to hurt someone else."

"But he still did..." I muttered.

"Talk to him, watch his pageant, support him. I guess, if he saw you that you're there, I think that'll convey so much than just a word. Kahit hindi mo na siya kausapin, just be there, okay?"

Tango na lang din naman ang binigay ko sa kanya kahit wala pa namang assurance. I'm not sure kung saan ako dadalhin nitong sitwasyon ko with Bennett, pero mukhang tama nga naman si Ate Mallory, maybe we could still save it even though it's been hanging on the rope so low. I'll try... maybe it could work again.

And when Saturday came, I was two hours late kaya sa likuran na rin ako nakaupo. It was the announcement of the winners already and then when they announced that Bennett won the title and he could compete internationally that makes me happy for him.

When he roams his head around to acknowledge the audience, his eyes landed in my direction and I don't know what it came to me pero itinaas ko ang kamay ko para malaman niyang hindi ako puro salita lamang. I saw his reaction from the LED screen and he's smiling, almost tearing up when he saw me. I don't know what to feel, but I guess, he's just kind of a different storm... he blew me away.

I was late, but I still came... and how long this may last, that's the thing I'm not sure of. But I know in the future, better things will come in my way. I just hope the rain shall set us free from all the pain and heartaches and move forward to a spring of new chapter.

***

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