"Oo, pwede naman." 

I sank the pen I was holding to stop writing. After turning around the swivel chair, I stood up and walked then leaned against the window. I paid close attention to the other line, na para bang nagsisilbing siya ang phone na nasa tainga ko.

While I was evaluating a progress note, he suddenly called to ask if I was free tomorrow. It was already midnight, and I wasn't expecting him to call because I knew he was deeply asleep at that hour.

[Gabing-gabi na, I just tried to call you but I didn't know you would answer. 'You doing something?] I could tell he was sleepy since his voice sounded groggy.

"Hmm..." I nodded as if he could see that. "Ginagawa ko 'yong progress note."

[Do you want me to go there? I will help you.] I could hear his bed move, but I couldn't tell if he was adjusting or getting out of bed.

"Hindi na, kaya ko naman. Matatapos na rin naman." I politely declined his offer. He mentioned that it was late at night and that traveling at this time was not safe. So I will not allow him.

I heard him groan as well as his slow breathing. [I already got my keys.]

So I was right in my assumption that he was getting ready to leave when I heard him stand up! I suddenly lost my sanity when I discovered that. I was dumbfounded biting my fingernail. He was not only serious when he said he would help me, but he meant it.

"Sira ka, sinabing h'wag na..." To say the least, I'm embarrassed. "Hindi na safe bumiyahe, uy. And you said they took Kawaii from you, right? Kaninong susi 'yang kinuha mo?"

He was fighting his sleepiness by breathing deeply. [I still have my baby.] Talking about his edgy motorbike.

I had already ridden off that motorbike, which I would never want to ride again because it was extremely fast, and given that I was too close to him due to its sloping seat... never again.

[Can I come?]

"Ayoko sa lahat 'yong nagpapaliwanag, Gino."

I quickly became irritated since he was putting in a lot of effort to come to visit me. I fell into place right back in my seat and resumed my progress note.

[Yshawn?] he softly uttered my name.

"I don't want to repeat what I said." I sighed. "End ko na 'tong call, may ginagawa pa 'ko."

[Sungit.] Even though he is not in my sight I can imagine the look on his face, pouting. [Just hold on. I have more to say pa, e.]

I leaned against the backrest and sighed irritably. "Ano?"

[Let us return to what was discussed. Where do you want to go, anyway?]

Tinatanong niya ba ako tungkol doon sa pag-aya niya sa akin na umalis bukas? Bakit parang sa akin pa dapat manggagaling iyong lugar na pupuntahan namin? Dapat may ideya na siya, dahil ako, wala.

Tinawagan niya ako ng ganitong oras para tanungin niyon. Huwag niyang sabihin sa akin na bigla lang iyon pumasok sa isip niya at agad akong tinawagan para roon. Walang plano, biglaan lang.

I immediately curved my mouth into a round shape, as I couldn't believe he'd asked me that. "Tanga ka ba? 'Di ba ikaw ito ang nag-aaya? Ba't mo 'ko tinatanong niyan?"

His voice was deep when he let out a soft laugh. [Biro lang... Ang sakit mo naman po magsalita.]

"Sorry po, sir." I rolled my eyes. "Kung wala ka na pong sasabihin, sir... Ibababa ko na 'tong tawag."

[Pwede bang itaas?] He even snorted a not-so-funny joke. He chuckled.

"What if papuntahin na kita sa itaas?" I argued.

[Please spare me, I still love my life... pati 'yong nasa kabilang linya.] He giggled. I cringed.

The call ended with him speaking alone. Hindi na ako nagbigkas pa ng ibang salita at hinayaan ko na lang siya. And he was obviously fighting his sleepiness just to have talks. Ni-remind niya lang ako sa kung ano ang oras at nagsabi rin siya na susunduin niya na lang ako bukas.

6:48 PM na ng hapon at diyaskeng malapit na rin dumating si Gino. Kahit ang call time namin ay 7:30 PM ang alis, alam kong maaga pa rin niya ako susunduin ngunit heto, kapapasok ko lang sa CR. para maligo.

I cursed out to the heavens a few times when I heard his voice outside. Mabilis kong itinapis ang towel patakip sa ibaba ko at mabilis na naglakad para buksan iyong pinto.

"Are you still taking a bath?" When he got inside, he pondered that question. He then examined every inch of my body. "It's obvious."

Sinenyasan niya ako na may bula pa ako sa tainga at agad ko naman iyong nahihiyang pinunasan. When I was about to walk into the bathroom, I was stunned when I saw him wiping my waist side using his thumb. I didn't realize there were also bubbles on it.

I locked my gaze on him and observed that his attention was solely on my waist. I immediately looked around when I noticed him gently biting his lower lip. Bawat lapat ng daliri niya ay nakukuryente ako kaya naman ay napaatras ako ng wala sa sarili, reason to stop him from wiping the side of my waist.

"M-Magbabanlaw na 'ko," nauutal ko pang sabi bago nagtungo sa CR.

Why is he acting like that? It's weird. That was so a strange feeling, especially when I noticed him biting his lip at tila naaakit pa siya sa nakikita niya. And why does my body quickly heat up seeing him like that? And when I felt the caress of his thumb on my skin, it felt strange. Strange.

I just wore a white shirt with a denim jacket over it, black pants, and white sneakers on the bottom. Lumabas na ako ng kwarto at nakita siyang napatayo noong masulyapan ako. As he waved his hand to say to approach him, he offered me a handsome smile.

Tinabihan ko siya at inakbayan niya ako. He was dressed in a black cap, a black shirt, and black baggy jeans. He's dressed entirely in black. When it comes to fashion, he knows what he's doing. Not gonna lie. Pero kahit naman maruming white shirt at basahan pa ang ipasuot sa kaniya ay bumabagay pa rin sa kaniya!

Lumabas na kami ng apartment at pumuntang terminal para maghanap ng masasakyan. Noong nasa biyahe na kami ay tahimik lang siya habang nasa harapan ang tingin. I expected him to complain because we were on an ordinary bus at walang aircon, but he just remained silent and simply followed me.

"I brought a mask." He handed me the mask that he was holding. Mabilis naman akong napalingon sa paligid at tiningnan ang mga tao. Nakakahiyang magsalita siya ng ganoon sa loob ng bus, baka pag-isipan siya ng kung ano. "The air's polluted, you might get an infectious disease."

Tinanggap ko iyon at sinuot. "Magtagalog ka kaya," sabi ko at napalinga sa paligid.

He took a look around before he crossed his arms over his chest. "Pake ko sa kanila," he said with a grumpy look. "Wala rin naman silang pake sa 'kin... at sa 'yo." Marahan niyang tinuro ang ulo ko sabay na ngumiti. "It is just your mind."



Napangiti na lang din ako sa kaniya at patango-tangong inisip 'yong sinabi niya bago dumungaw sa bintana. He was right, I was just thinking too much about what other people would think.

Noon ko lang namalayan na pumunta kami sa isang kilalang parke rito sa lugar namin. Dinala niya ako rito sa Bloomforte Plaza, I know what this place's history is, and it's incredible that I was able to see and visit it again.

"Alam ko history nito," I said as we walked over to a tree. "Ikaw, alam mo?"

He threw his eyes at the spot before pouting. "Hindi." Umiling siya.

"Sige, ikukuwento ko. Uhm, dati, ang sabi... na itong Bloomforte Plaza ay hindi talaga siya park o plaza, marketplace daw 'to noon. It was a bustling hub of trade and commerce, where merchants from all corners of the place would gather to sell their wares. So 'yong marketplace na 'yon or itong park is dati siyang melting pot ng mga iba't ibang lahi at kultura, makikita mo lahat ng iba't ibang klase ng exotic goods and spices sa lugar."

He put down the basket he was carrying and lay a blanket on the ground as we arrived at the tree. Only now am I able to have an evening picnic.

"But one fateful night, a powerful storm swept through Bloomforte, destroyed the marketplace, and left behind a trail of destruction. And of course, the city's residents were devastated... their livelihoods were just shattered." I looked at him and saw him quietly looking at me, listening. "Nevertheless, amidst the chaos, may mga grupo ng visionary architects at artists na nakakita ng opportunity na baguhin 'yong lugar. So they transformed the ruins into something extraordinary. At ito na 'yon, inuupuan na natin 'to ngayon."

"And then?" he curiously asked.

"Then... led by the renowned architect Lucius Forte, the group came together with a bold vision to rebuild the marketplace and transform it into a symbol of resilience and unity. They named the Bloomforte Plaza project a testament to their determination to rise from the ashes." I have memorized every detail of the history of this park, and I was confident.

"That's why it's called Bloomforte Plaza... the Forte's surname was also incorporated. It does make all sense," he said in a whisper and his voice was in awe.

"Yup!" I happily said.

"Is there more?" tanong niya. Both of us have taken a seat. His hands were resting on the ground at his back to serve as support, and I was sitting in front of him. "I... I just love how you explain."

That gave me a smile.

"As construction progressed, doon din kumalat 'yong chismis na may mga nakatago raw na mystical artifacts sa pundasyon nitong lugar. These artifacts were said to bring luck, prosperity, and even glimpses of the future. Over time, Bloomforte Plaza became a place of wonder and fascination," I explained. Tinuro ko iyong arko doon sa hindi kalayuan. "Tingnan mo 'yon. 'Yon 'yong nakasulat sa arko."

When he saw that, he drew a big smile on his lips and applauded at the same time. Binunggo ko lang siya dahil halata naman sa kaniya na pinag-ti-trip-an na naman niya ako. Umayos na siya ng upo at tumabi sa akin kasabay na pareho kaming napatingin doon sa fauntain.

"I love how you explain." I fixed my gaze on him. Ilang segundo na naroon sa fountain lang ang mga mata niya bago niya ako nilingon. "Just tell me everything, Yshawn. Hindi ko gusto 'yong pakiramdam na wala akong alam."

He spoke so deeply that I can't determine if it was still about the history I told.

"Sa ngayon... 'yan pa lang ang alam ko tungkol dito sa park." I suppose so. "Hayaan mo, kapag nakapag-research pa 'ko sasabihin ko sa 'yo agad-"

"Not that one," he said seriously. "Alam mo kung ano 'yong tinutukoy ko, Yshawn."

For a moment, my mouth fell open and I just bit my lips. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at doon ko itinuon sa fountain ang mga mata ko. He was referring back to the day Axel caused me trouble and I avoided him. Total, pareho naman na kaming nasa kundisyon, I must be fair to him.

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say." Ngunit hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan iyong nangyari.

"Kung bakit mo 'ko iniiwasan no'n?"

Halos buwan na rin ang lumipas at nakalimutan ko na ang pangyayaring iyon, kaya hindi ko inaasahan na gusto pa rin niya palang malaman ang dahilan ko.

I suddenly locked my focus on him. Maya-maya pa ay napatingin na lang ako sa sahig. "Tama ka, naduwag ako... at natakot."

I heard him take a deep breath and exhale heavily. "Because of whom?" says the man.

"Axel, 'yong lalaking ginulpi mo," I said skeptically.

"So I just did the right thing." He smirked sarcastically.

"You never did, Gino." I contradicted him. "It is never ethical to retaliate and harm people."

"But they can do that to you?" with irritation, he stated. "Sometimes I don't like what you're saying ethical."

"Ayaw ko ng gulo. No'ng araw na ginawa mo 'yon... Hindi kita makilala. 'Yon 'yong araw na natakot ako sa 'yo." His expression shifted swiftly as he stayed focused on my eyes.

Ang inaasahan kong makagagawa ng bagay na iyon ay ibang tao, hindi siya. Habang pinapanood ko ang pagtama ng kamao niya sa mukha ni Axel, ibang tao ang nakikita ko sa kaniya. And that other person is what I'm afraid of.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at napayuko. "Sorry," sinserong sabi niya.

We both fell silent.

After a moment, I managed to smile a bit. "Sorry din." Iniwasan kita na hindi man lang inisip na maaapektuhan ka, naging selfish ako. Siguro ito na rin ang oras para maabot kita. "Actually, those were some great moves," I joked. He paused for a brief while, and we at once just burst out laughing. "Gino," I called him.

He stopped. "Hmm?"

"Uhm... Gusto ko rin magkaroon ng paninindigan tulad mo... I want to be like you," I said.

He was not scared to show me off to a crowd. He was not afraid that I was with him. He also doesn't make me look bad in front of other people. He doesn't introduce me as someone else, he introduces me as me.

I'd also want to get to the bottom of who he is.

The corner of his lip rose, and his face brightened. "But I don't ask for anything more from you, Yshawn. Everything's enough... Don't push yourself to be someone you're not. Hayaan mo akong ipagmalaki kita without any condition... deserve mo 'yon."

Narinig ko iyon tama ba? Totoo ang lahat ng 'to hindi ba? Wala akong salitang maibitaw ngunit namumugtong mga mata, kumawala ang luha sa mga mata ko. Napaka emosyonal ko. Hindi ko kasi inaasahan na hindi lang ganoon ang halaga ko, higit pa pala iyon dahil galing mismo iyon sa nag-iisang tao na nakikita kung ano ako.

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko, pasalamat dahil hindi niya iyon nakita dulot ng hindi gaano kaliwanag sa pwesto namin.

"Thank you," sabi ko.

Mabilis niyang gigil na ginulo ang buhok ko. He then stood up and placed his both hands on the edge of his lips, looking like he was going to shout!

"Deserve mo 'yon, Yshawn! You're deserving of the entire universe!" Nahihiya ko namang hinila ang laylayan ng damit niya para paupuin siya pabalik. Pinagtitingin na siya ng mga tao! "Woohhh!"

When he looked down at me after he flung his fist into the air, he had a wide smile. Back then, I didn't believe that things would suddenly slow down when you saw the person you like... but now, not only was my world slowing down, but my heart as well.

Kinain namin iyong niluto niya. Bilib ako sa luto niya, hindi ko kasi inaasahan na ganito ang kalalabasan ng luto niya, masarap. Sa katotohanan niyan ay puro  salad sandwich ang ginawa niya pero ngayon lang kasi ako nakakain na marami ang palaman niyon.

Pagkatapos naming mailigpit ang blanket ay naglakad-lakad na kami. Habang naglalakad ay nagkukuwento lang siya. Kahit na minsan ay hindi na ganoon ka-substance ang sinasabi niya ay nakikinig pa rin ako. Tanungin ba naman niya ako na bakit hindi gold ang kulay ng puregold.

While we were on a walk, I noticed many couples spending their time together. They were showing off their affection towards each other, like holding hands, and being sweet in public... which I couldn't do with Gino.

"Wait, dito ka lang." Paalam niya sa akin matapos naming huminto sa nag-bu-busking o iyong performer na kumakanta rito sa public. Naalis naman ang mga mata ko sa kamay niya na kanina ko pa pinagmamasdan, at malabnaw na pagngiti lang ang naisagot ko sa kaniya.

Nandoon na nga siya at tumango-tango iyong performer habang may binubulong si Gino sa kaniya. Maybe he was requesting a song. Pagkatapos ay malapad ang ngiti ng lalaki noong muli siyang tumabi sa akin at inakbayan ako.

"Nag-request ka ng kanta? Ano ni-request mo?" curious kong tanong.

Nilingon niya ako. "Secret." Sumayaw siya ng kaunti, pasimpleng inaasar ako.

Umirap naman ako. "Secret," I mocked him and all he did was chuckle.

Iniisip ko kung anong kanta ang ni-request niya. Sana ay sinabi niya sa akin para naman ma-excite akong abangan iyon at marinig.

Tahimik na naming pinakikinggan at pinapanood iyong kumakanta. Sabay pa kaming dalawa sa pag-alon ng mga katawan habang ninanamnam iyong kanta.

Dahil nadala na ako sa kantang iyon ay hindi ko namalayang tapos na pala. Nagsipalakpakan na ang mga taong nanonood and they voluntarily dropped a small amount there in the guitar case.

Kumapa ako ng pera sa bulsa ko ngunit sinenyasan ako ni Gino  na siya na ang bahala, naghulog din siya.

"Woohh! What a wonderful evening, and thank you all for listening! I hope the people who are here and watching, whether family, friends or with a love one... really enjoyed the night." Sabay-sabay na naghihiyawan ang mga tao sa sinabi noong performer. Muling tumahimik ang paligid. "Ang susunod na awitin ay ibibigay muna natin para sa magkasintahan. Alam kong hindi bago sa atin ang mga taong tulad nila na may sariling buhay at minamahal..."

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko noong nakatingin sa pwesto namin iyong performer. Dahil doon ay nagsitinginan na rin ang mga tao sa amin! Maya-maya pa ay nagsihiyawan na silaat nagpalakpakan. Hindi naman ako makaimik agad at napatanga na lang sa nangyayari.

"Oh, my god..."

"Woohh..."

"Ang cute nilang dalawa..."

"So this is the song that our sudden guest will gonna sing. Please give him an applause. Unang Sayaw, will cover by Yshawn!"

"Ha?" anas ko.

Hindi kaagad rumehistro sa utak ko ang pangalan ko. Tama naman yata ako ng pagkakarinig, hindi ba? Pangalan ko iyon. I looked around when almost all the people here turned to me, applauding. I immediately looked at Gino, and he was now also one of those who cheered me to sing in front!

"Ano 'to?!" impit kong sabi habang masama siyang tiningnan.

He leaned in close to whisper something to me. "'Yong secret ko." He chuckled.

"Gago?!" Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata.

"Go, Baby! Woohh!" He softly nudges me to the microphone. "H'wag mo ipahiya si Daddy!"

I gave him a harsh gaze while I was already facing the microphone. He even called himself Daddy! And he even told the performer that we were lovers! Hindi lang niya ako hilig asarin, kundi ang ipahiya rin! Ayoko sanang gawin 'to pero ayoko namang sirain ang gabi.

The performer gives me a thumbs up, asking if everything is in order. I just gave him a nod and prepared to sing. I tried to sing in front of a large crowd when I was in high school, and it went well, but I'm not sure if my performance will be as good tonight as it was then.

Kasalanan ito noong lalaking iyon na may hashtag number 1 fan sign pa sa screen ng phone niya kapag napahiya ako ngayong gabi. Palibhasa alam niyang marunong akong kumanta. Pero never ko naman siyang pinasayaw sa harap ng maraming tao para ipahiya!

"I'm a fan! I'm a fan! Number one fan ako niyan!" Tinuturo niya ang sarili niya habang sinasabi iyon sa mga taong nasa paligid niya. "Yes, number one fan niya ako! I'm a fan!"

Nakakahiya!

When I heard the guitar strumming, I consciously braced myself. "Tumatalon ang puso... Sa tuwa ay patungong... Langit na 'ata... Ikaw ang kasama." I barely sang the first stanza, yet I was greeted with a storm of applause.

Agad kong hinanap ang mga mata ni Gino at nagtama ang paningin namin. Wala pa ring pagbabago sa mga mata niya noong una niya akong marinig na kumanta. They remained the same as if he were staring at the sky he had already reached.

"Ang iyong mga tingin... Labis ang mga ningning... Oh, panaginip ka... Ayaw nang gumising pa..." As I continued to sing.

Those words did not come out of his mouth suddenly or unexpectedly, he has been there for me for years... and I know he said that because he knew in himself that he was ready.

I once asked myself if I was ready, and at that time, I gave my answer to him. Labis ang tuwa niya noon nang marinig niya ang pagtanggap ko sa alok niya na ligawan ako, at napatakbo pa siya sa tuwa noon pauwi.

There I saw that I had made the right decision.

"Sa ilalim ng kalawakan... Pangalan mong isisigaw... Sa ilalim ng buwan ay titigan... At hawakan aking kamay..."

The people around seemed to have vanished, and it appeared like we were the only ones here. We are alone in the world. The time is ours. No one will seize it. It wasn't my heart that formed my decision, but time. Ayaw kong masayang at kuhanin ng oras ang pagkakataon.

"Isasayaw ka nang dahan-dahan... Hanggang 'di mo mamalayang... Ako na pala ang 'yong kailangan... At gusto mong pamahalaan..."

Not only am I ready, but I am also self-assured.

Natapos ang pagkanta ko at natapos ang gabi na naroon sa mga labi ko ang ngiti. Halos hindi ako dalawin ng antok kaiisip doon sa ginawa niya noong hinatid niya ako. When we stopped under the lamp post, he kissed me on the cheek before he said goodbye.

Napalinga pa kami sa paligid dahil sa kaba na may nakakita niyon bago ako nagmamadaling pumasok sa apartment at agad naman niyang pinaandar ang motor niya paalis. Hawak-hawak ko pa rin ang pisngi ko habang naroon sa kisame ang mga mata. Hanggang sa kinatulugan ko na lang na ganoon ang posisyon ko. Pagkagising ko ay agad akong tinawagan ni Bea, pinipilit niya akong pumunta sa Fest.

When such an event comes, it is also a sign that we are about to enter the third phase of college. After ng finals ay makikita na rin namin ang resulta ng pagsusunog namin ng kilay. Ang bilis ng panahon, halos makalimutan ko na ang kaba ko noong nag-battery exam kami.

Mabilis lang lumipas ang araw at 58th anniversary na ng school. Kaya ako pinipilit ni Bea na pumunta sa school dahil band night mamaya. Iba't ibang artist at banda ang mag-pe-perform, kasama na rin doon ang crush niya. Si Prince, na lead vocalist noong Beta Band, ka-banda ko noong junior high school.

[Hindi ka ba talaga makakapunta?] Malalim ang pagkakabuntong hininga ni Bea, halatang nalulungkot sa narinig.

"Gusto ko sana kaso hindi talaga maganda pakiramdam ko."

Mula pa noong isang araw ay hindi na talaga maganda ang pakiramdam ko. Nagsabi na rin ako kay Gino noong magpaalam siya sa akin na sabay na kaming pumunta sa event. Hindi ako makakapunta at naintindihan naman niya iyon.

Siya naman ay kailangan doon dahil officer siya ng student council. Gusto niya pa sanang puntahan ako rito pero tumanggi kaagad ako, mas kailangan siya roon sa pag-o-organize at pag-supervise ng event.

Hindi naman ganoon kataas ang lagnat ko at kaya pang idaan sa gamot. Nakakakilos pa rin naman ako kahit papaano pero wala talaga akong lakas para pumunta roon.

[Eh, pa'no na 'yan? Nag-expect pa naman ako na matutulungan mo 'kong makalapit mamayang gabi kay Prince,] nalulungkot niyang sabi.

"Does giving you his number, not enough?" Kinuha niya ang pagkakataon na lumapit sa akin para hingin ang number at facebook ni Prince, hindi ko kasi sadyang nabanggit sa kaniya na kilala ko ang lalaki.

[Hoy, hindi naman sa ganyan. Ano lang kasi... uhm, nahihiya lang ako. Nakakahiya!] Medyo tumaas ang tono ng boes niya na patungo na sa pagtili kaya nailayo ko ang phone sa tainga ko. [Nahihiya ako mag-message!]

"Useless," ang sabi ko naman at napailing. "Useless lang din naman pala 'yan. Delete mo na lang kaya."

[OA, ah! Si Prince 'yon, Yshawn, baka nakakalimutan mo.]

"Oo, kilala ko. Si Prince na kina-o-obsess-an mo."

[Nagsabi ka rin ng tama.] Tumawa naman siya.

"Sana may pumitik diyan sa ugat ng utak mo nang malaman mong maling tao 'yang kinababaliwan mo."

Kilala ang lalaki na mahilig maglaro pagdating sa pag-ibig. Siya iyong tipo ng lalaki na nag-e-exist sa totoong mundo hindi lang sa nobela at mga pelikula. Totoo ang mga taong tulad niya.

[May pumitik na, kaso naalala ko bigla na manhid pala ako.] Muling kumawala ang halakhak sa kaniyang bibig. [Pumunta ka, ha? Kasi kung hindi ka sisipot, hindi pwede 'yon! Desi ako rito.]

Napabuga ako ng malalim na hininga. "Titingnan ko. Medyo bumaba naman 'yong body temperature ko."

[Inuman mo lang ng gamot 'yan. Saka mamaya, ako na bahala sa 'yo.] She assures me that she will take care of me, no matter what happens and everything.

"Okay, chat na lang kita," sabi ko naman.

[Hoy, mamaya, ah. Aasahan ko 'yon!]

Napangisi ako sa paraan ng pagklaro niya ng usapan, talagang gusto niyang makalapit kay Prince. "I have taken note of that."

"Talaga ba?" she asked accusingly.

"Anong turo sa 'tin?" tanong ko.

"When in doubt, throw it out," sabay naming binigkas iyon.



"Pero..." pahabol  na sabi ko at pinatikom naman niya agad ang bibig ko.

[Shh! Shhh! Wala nang pero, pero! Bye!] sabi niya at binaba ang tawag.

Nailapag ko ang phone ko sa table at agad na umupo nang bigla kong maramdaman ang pagkahilo. Sasabihin ko sana sa kaniya na ako ito mismo ang nagdududa kay Prince para sa kaniya. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako.

Sinuot ko iyong tsinelas ko at nagtungo sa kusina para magsalin ng maligamgam na tubig. Ininom ko iyon kasabay ng gamot. Iksakto noong makahiga ako sa kama ay namatay ang phone ko na agad ko namang chinarge.

Nang kumagat ang gabi ay gumaan-gaan na rin kahit papano ang pakiramdam ko. Tumayo ako para kuhanin ang phone at nang buksan ko ito ay nakita ko ang notifications ni Gino sa screen. I just recieved 36 messages and 12 missed calls from him.

From: Gino

ayos ka na ba?

uminom ka na ng gamot?

kumain ka ng marami, ha

just order food para di ka na magluto

Yshawn, reply ka

3/3/2022 Thu 4:51 PM

nakainom ka na ba ng gamot?

you're soon to be a nurse please don't disappoint me

take care of yourself, ha? ur the patient now

please.

ok?

3/3/2022 Thu 5:04 PM

I think I'm supposed to go there to help you

please answer the call

Yshawn?

Yshawn?

Shawn?

Shawn?

Shan?

3/3/2022 Thu 7:01 PM

why weren't you answering the call?

did something happen?

answer it, please.

3/3/2022 Thu 7:03 PM

Yshawn, I think I might break the rules!

can't accept ur command anymore

wait for me, okay? punta na 'ko

please answer the call

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko sa nabasa. Mga ilang oras din siyang distracted dahil sa hindi ko pagsagot sa mga messages at calls niya. Agad naman akong nagtipa ng i-re-reply sa kaniya.

To: Gino

huh?

I'm the patient now?

ganun ba yun?

at saka hindi pa ko patay.

wag ka na pumunta, maayos na pakiramdam ko.

Wala pang ilang segundo ay namataan ko ang screen ng phone ko na tumatawag na siya. Humugot muna ako ng malalim na hininga bago sinagot ang tawag.

[Bakit 'di ka nag-re-reply? Ba't 'di mo sinasagot 'yong tawag ko?] Naghalo ang inis at pag-aalala niya.

Nakagat ko ang kamao ko bago magsalita, "Na-low batt. 'yong phone ko. Nakalimutan kong buksan."

Ilang segundo rin ay napatahimik kaming dalawa. Maya-maya pa ay nakarinig ako ng mga busina ng sasakyan. Hindi ako makapaniwalang ginawa nga niya ang sinabi niyang pupuntahan niya ako. Napatayo ako sa kinauupuan ko.

"Nasa'n ka? Sa'n ka ngayon?" sunod-sunod kong tanong. Nilakasan ko pa ang boses ko para hindi masapawan noong ingay mula sa lugar niya.

[Headin'... t-to your place,] nag-aalangan niyang sabi.

Napasapo ako ng noo. "Bumalik ka."

[Ha?] Sa tono ng boses niya ay parang ayaw niya pang sundin iyon.

"Bumalik ka." Anong oras na at dapat nandoon lang siya dahil alam kong kakailanganin siya roon! He is the facilitator of the event! "Kahit malapit ka na sa kanto bumalik ka."

[Y-Yshawn, seryoso ba?] I am aware that his snout is lengthening once again.

"Ano sa tingin mo?"

[O-Okay.] He sighed. [But are you, somehow, in good shape now?]

"Oo, okay na 'ko."

[Thank god... If you need help, please, please... call me right away. Alright?]

"Oo. Sige, sige ingat." I was about to turn off the call when I heard his voice again. Muli kong ibinalik ang phone sa tainga ko.

[Please?] He begs.

"Oo na, oo na. Ibababa ko na." Kulit. "Bumalik ka, ha? Seryoso ako."



[Hmm.]

I was completely taken aback. I can't believe what he did, I really can't believe him. When it comes to making decisions, he is quite quick! Napakamot na lang ako ng ulo, and I just went to my closet and grabbed a towel. Mag-ha-half bath na lang ako.

Pagkatapos maghilamos ay nagbihis kaagad ako at minessage si Bea. Pupunta na lang ako roon para tuparin ang sinabi ko sa kaniya. And not only that, someone just won a student council election last month.... I want to go there to see him. I'd want to see him as part of the coordinators of the event.

"Oh my god, hayan na siya!" Bea's face quickly lit up when she saw me approaching her, she was waving at me. "Yshawn, tang ina... pumunta ka!" I chuckled a little at her joyful reaction, she even slapped me on the arm.

She wrapped her arm around mine and guided me to somewhere around the quadrangle. Maraming tao at halos hindi na mahulugan ng karayom. Banda sa unahan ay nandoon ang stage, at sa harap naman nito kung saan kami nakatayo ngayon ay mga stall ng pagkain.

"Ang bango mo, amoy baby." I turned to Bea and just smiled at her. "Gago, ang sarap mo, Yshawn! Alam mo ba na crush na crush kita no'ng first meet? Chupapi ka no'n!"

Ang ginagawa ko lang kapag ganyan na pini-praise niya ako ay ang ngumiti at tumawa ng pilit. Hindi ko alam ang i-re-react ko sa mga magagandang papuri niya sa akin, hindi lang yata ako sanay roon.

Noong pansin kong halos maikot na namin itong quadrangle ay napahinto na ako sa paglalakad, nakakapagod. Nararamdaman ko na rin ang pagkhilo.

Bea turned to me in surprise. "Ayos ka lang? Gusto mo bang umupo muna tayo? Tara, may nakita akong seat do'n." Turo niya roon sa ilalim ng puno.

"Actually, kanina pa 'ko nagtataka kung bakit hindi tayo nakaupo?" tanong ko naman.

She covered her mouth to hide her giggle. "Naghahanap ako ng pogi."

I took a deep breath before throwing a sighed into the air. Napailing na lang ako sa kaniya. Umupo na kami at ilang minuto pa lang ang nakalilipas ay agad din kaming tumayo para sumama roon sa umpok, mag-uumpisa na.

The blinding lights coming from the stage, the scorching ambient heat, it was even accompanied by thunderous yells, the beautiful song seemed to disappear because the people are rejoicing. Hindi ako makasabay sa kanila, nakatanga lang ako rito habang si Bea ay sumasabay na rin sa pagtalon-talon.

I was overwhelmed by what was happening. Para akong na-su-suffocate dahil sa limitadong hangin na lang ang nahihingahan ko. Napakaraming tao... and I don't think this kind of exposure is for me. I'm having trouble fitting in.

Nang banda na nina Prince ang kumakanta ay halos mailuwa na ni Bea ang vocal cord niya sa kasisigaw. Mabilis lang din natapos iyon at nagpaalam naman ako kay Bea na mag-C-CR. lang ako. Sarado ang mga rooms at may harang din ang bawat gates noong mga building kaya nagtanong-tanong ako kung mayroon bang public toilets.

"Nasa gilid lang po, sir, sa kaliwa." Turo sa akin noong guard.

Agad ko naman iyong nakita at pumasok sa loob. Pagkatapos ay lumabas din kaagad ako para balikan si Bea. Sa paglalakad ko ay hindi ko sadyang marinig ang usapan ng mga babae na nasa gilid ko. 

The main thing they were talking about was the Student Council President. They said, they saw him talking to a girl behind the building and they even mentioned that they often see couples there while doing something. When I heard that, my chest suddenly got tensed... the Student Council President who they were talking about was... Gino.

I just bit my lip and walked away, I shrugged it off and bid my mind to not believe them. Habang naglalakad pabalik ay mabilis naman akong napahinto. Kahit likuran lang niya ang nakikita ko ay sigurado akong siya iyon. I knew very well every shape of his back, as well as his broad shoulders.

I'm not sure why, but I became nervous and shy all of a sudden. I wanted to approach him, that badly, but my feet wouldn't cooperate. Nang may dumaang waiter na bitbit-bitbit ang mga red cups ay agad akong kumuha niyon at ininom ang laman.

Napangiwi ang mukha ko sa lasa. "Ano 'to, kuya?"

"Smirnoff beer po."

Gusto ko sana tanggalin kahit papaano ang kaba ko pero binalik ko na lang agad iyong cup at nagpasalamat sa kaniya. Akala ko ay tubig ang laman niyon! Iba ang lasa! Hindi iyon nakatulong sa akin! Kinakabahan pa rin ako!

Before approaching him, I tried to pull myself together and collect all my nervousness inside me to throw them away. I breathed out. Yes, I just let what I heard about him go but... what I listened still haunts my mind.

Noong tatawagin ko na sana siya, at bibigkasin ko na sana ang pangalan niya ay nailunok ko lang iyon. Something heavy landed on me, and after taking a deep breath, it's still remained. It still lodges in my chest...

Nakita ko ang paglandas ng braso noong babae sa baiwang niya habang sabay silang nagtatawanan, at nakangiti... sa isa't isa. And when I saw that he had also wrapped his arm around the woman, my heart sank even more.

"Hi, Yshawn!" My attention was quickly cut off by the two when I saw Prince's face in front of me. Ngumiti siya at umayos ng tayo, nakapamulsa ang mga kamay. "Kumusta? I heard you're a consistent president's lister."

I faked my smile. "Uhm... hmm." I nodded.

The corner of his lip tugged up. "Well, nothing changed. Since high school, kilala na 'yang acuity mo," he said and laughed a bit.

Maya-maya pa ay may biglang lumapit sa amin. Napagilid ako dahil grupo sila na gustong magpa-picture kay Prince. I insisted on simply photographing them. And while taking them pictures, I stil could not take my eyes away from the two behind them.

And the moment when it was over, Prince accompanied me for a walk. Tumango-tango lang ako sa mga sinasabi niya, and I just now remembered that I need to get Bea closer to him noong mabanggit niya ang performance nila kanina. But I guess there's still time for that, right?

Noong mag-aya siya na kumain kami roon sa isang stall ay napatingin muna ako sa gawi nila na masayang nag-uusap pa rin bago tumango kay Prince, pumayag na lang ako. Gusto kong mabaling sa ibang bagay ang isip ko.

"I really like this snowball, swear. Wanna try?" I saw Prince's completely white teeth when he smiled.

"S-Sige... okay," ang nasabi ko lang.

But I freaking hate myself so much, I can't seem to concentrate on anything! What I saw still baffles me! Noong una hindi ko pinaniwalaan ang usapan noong mga babae tungkol sa kaniya ngunit base sa nakita ko... gusto ko na lang umalis sa lugar na 'to.

Ano iyong nakita ko? Isn't he busy? Isn't he doing a lot? Bakit nandoon siya kasama iyong babae na parang wala siyang taong iniisip tulad noong mga sinabi niya sa akin? With his smiles giving to that woman... I felt like I was lost. I no longer count to be a part of him.

"What flavor do you like? But I promise you, there's nothing special but strawberries!" He let out a soft chuckle. "But the verdict is still up to you, I'm just... suggesting."

I nodded. "Okay, 'yong strawberry na lang."

"'Yong strawberry nga po."

Even though I was shivering uncontrollably when I heard the man speak, I was still able to look him in the eyes. I still dare to do so. 

When our eyes met, we were both taken aback. The woman was still standing next to him, her arm wrapped around him... they looked good together.

And I was envious. I can't do to him what a woman can. She was so lucky. They both are.

*****