"P-Prince..."

I bowed down and didn't have the guts to face him. My lips are trembling.

"Do you think I don't know?!" He laughed sarcastically and walked over to me, his eyes are raging. "I know everything... Matagal ko nang alam na nakikipag kita ka sa kaniya!"

"I-I'm sorry..." words I managed to utter.

"Fuck!" He yelled before turning around and shouting.

He walked over to the table and reached out to its counter to get a support. Kitang-kita ko pa ang pag-galaw ng mga balikat niya dahil sa pag-iyak. Ilang saglit pa ay malakas niyang tinaob iyon at nilapitan ako.

"Alam ko lahat... sa Cebu pa lang... the day he beat my friend in the pub! He was so overprotective of you! I knew... but I just fucking let you! Alam ko naman, e... una pa lang... I wasn't the one who was there... fucking there!" He gave me a sharp poke to my chest causing me to back away.

The remorse and pain I feel when he said that, intensified. It was so profound that it sucked away all of my mental fortitude... Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko at pakiramdam ko sa ilang minuto ay mapapaluhod na lang ako sa panghihina.

I burst into tears. Alam ni Prince, alam niya kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. But I didn't realize that myself, I couldn't find the meaning of all the things I do with Gino. I'm so confused. I was reckless with my decisions!

"Kahit masakit, hinayaan lang kita dahil may pinanghahawakan ako. Y-You promised you'd love me too, Yshawn... I trusted you!" sigaw niya.



Just because of my feelings, I have destroyed everything. I invalidated all that he did for me, even my promises... I ruined them!

"I'm sorry..." I muttered slowly, I was already drowned in my own tears.

"Nilamon ako ng selos ko dahil doon! I can even hurt you... This jealousy made me evil! Hindi ako ganito!"

I bit my lower lip to restrain myself from speaking. I want to beg and apologize to him, but I feel as though I don't have the right to speak up. Masakit ang ginawa ko sa kaniya at kahit kailan ay hindi iyon mawawala nang dahil lang sa sorry ko o pagmamakaawa.

"That's all that comes to my mind... The fact that you're seeing him, hurts the fucking hell of me! And that's why unconsciously hurting you..." Nanginginig ang mga labi niyang dinuro ako. "But I did everything to make you stay... I regret everything I did."

I saw tears streaming down his cheeks as we stared at each other for a long time. My chest hurt tons when I saw the love in it ngunit hindi rin nagtagal ay napasabunot na lang siya ng buhok.

I couldn't look at him after he pointed at me. I clenched my fists around the hem of my shirt and told myself that I should accept his harsh and mean words because that is what it must be for me... I deserve all of his anger.

"I did everything to be easy on you..." he shouted in my face. "Then you just fucked your ex!"

To stop the sound of my wailing, I bit my lips. I forced myself to control my emotions but I couldn't do anything but let out the noise of my crying. I apologized to him several times but he just firmly shook his head at me.

"Nakakadiri kayo!" he shouted with rage.

He quickly walked over to the chair. He picked it up, threw it in the pool, and the water just exploded. I backed away in fear then clenched my fists. He then approached the wall and punched it without hesitation before leaning back and crying.

Doon na ako napaupo at yinakap ang mga hita. Napatulala na lang ako, hindi na maramdaman ang paligid. I wouldn't have noticed that I was still crying if I hadn't tried to wipe it away. I was numb. Naroon lang sa pool nakabaling ang tingin ko, gulong-gulo na sa nangyayari.

I could hear Prince crying there on the wall. In a few minutes of silence, I was able to reflect on the situation. What I did to him was painful, and I would do anything to make him forgive me...

But I no longer have hope that he can forgive me. And if that happens, I don't know if everything will go back to the way it was before, if we will still treat each other the same way... If everything will be fine again. The way it used to be, without this.

If we don't put an end to this, both of us will be hurt... And especially on Prince's part, I know that he will be the one who will get hurt the most. There is only one thing that I should do... that I should have done before.

"Let's end this!" I said loudly and looked at him. He took a long look at the floor before turning to face me. My heart broke as I saw the tears in his eyes, which he quickly wiped away. "I know you won't forgive me... but let's end this now, Prince."

Tumayo ako at nakayuko siyang nilapitan. Kagat-kagat ko pa ang pang-ibabang labi ko, hinahanda ang sarili sa magiging reaksyon niya. Huminto ako noong nasa harapan na niya ako, nanginginig pa ang mga labi ko.

"I... I've made up my mind..." I find it difficult to meet his eyes directly. "If we continue this... we will only hurt ourselves... We're just hurting ourselves. This is no good for us."

"Are you just saying that you don't love me?" I heard the pain in his voice.

 I clenched my fists.

"I-I tried..."

I tried to open up everything about me again for him even though I was completely broken. Even if there are people who destroyed my trust and entirety, I still managed to get it out just to assure him that I'm willing to learn to love him but until then, I just can't. I still can't push myself through him.

"You tried?" His voice cracked. "You tried but when it didn't work, you gone have sex with your ex and then me, what? J-Just nothing to you?"

Mariin akong umiling. "I admit, I must... I did something wrong... and so I won't ask your forgiveness because I know my apology won't change the entire thing. It won't change... and heal the deep cut I caused to you." I was able to look him in the eyes this time. "Listen... Let's just finish this, Prince."

"Y-You're hurting me, Yshawn." My chest hammered as I heard his weak, painful voice. "If we end this, what... what's next? I'll lose you and then, you'll go back to your ex?"

"I won't do that..."

"Sorry if that's what I was thinking!" His lips parted and his jaw clenched, while his eyes blazed with rage. "I love you... I love you so much... but what you're saying now sounds like you're going back to him!"

"I'm not!" I snapped my head off.

"Yes, you're not!" He did speak quickly and loudly. "But you were able to have sex with him... and that means something deep! You still fucking love him!"

I stared at him for a long time, pondering what he said. The things I did with Gino suddenly registered in my mind. Yes, everything I did with him was a good escapism. I'm not sure which is true or not, all that matters to me is that I'm happy with him. But does happiness mean the feeling of love? Do I love him?

I'm not certain what it is, but based on what Prince said... that's what he knew. He's aware of these shits yet I'm unable to deal with it. I'm not sure if I really love Gino... I'm still confused. I'm still so damn confused! So it's only fair that I don't make another dumb choice. Another disastrous decision.

"I don't want to hurt anyone else so let's just end this!"

"No!" he shouted in my face.

"I don't want to hurt you!" I tried to explain.

"You already did, Yshawn!" I've already hurt him. I've already hurt him, and I don't want to do it again... I don't. "And if you don't want to hurt me... don't leave me."

"Pakinggan mo 'ko, Prince..." I begged. "I-I'm still broken, and I'm still looking for a way to make myself whole again. There's no way I can give you any more love. Maybe hurting you... maybe that's only what you'll get from me."

He firmly shook his head. "We will not end this... we will continue this. Or even if we start over, even if you still love him, okay, fine, I'll let you! Just don't leave me... please. Please, Yshawn... love me?" Suddenly, his eyes filled with a begging look, he truly hoped that everything would be fixed.

"Prince..." Napayuko na ako.

We both fell silent. Feeling each other and thinking about the words we have been spoken. Nawala ako sa pwesto ko noong dumaan siya sa gilid ko. Nabunggo niya ang braso ko dahilan para mapahawi ako. Nasa likuran ko lang siya, tahimik.

"Go to the cafe in Antipolo. Do you remember our first date? Make sure to be there at nine p.m. on the dot. I'll wait for you," malamig niyang sabi sa likuran ko.

Iyon 'yong date na sinabi sa akin ni Ate Carra na isusurpresa niya ako. Where he will ask me to be his boyfriend. I shut my eyes tightly and burst into tears. Pumaikot ako paharap sa kaniya.

"I-I can't..." I begged him and I saw his eyes burning with anger.

"Go anyway even if you can't! Simple lang!" he said in a high-pitched voice as he walked out of the house, bumping my shoulder once again. Sinundan ko lang siya ng tingin dahil napako na lang ako sa kinatatayuan ko. "Remember the date!"

That was the last thing he said before he vanished from my sight. My mind suddenly died down after a moment. I had no idea what I was doing, and it was not until later that I realized na mali na ang ginagawa ko. I jumped into the pool and walked towards the deep end, planning to drown myself.

I immediately stopped walking and just sobbed in the middle of the pool. Buong gabi ay mulat ang mga mata ko at nakatingin lang sa kung saan. Dinapuan na ang balat ko ng sinag ng araw at hindi pa rin ako nakakatulog. I didn't want to leave the room until I heard Prince knocking on the door, he came back.

He told me that he had prepared something for me to eat and that he would just wait for me in the dining room. I had no punch of energy when I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long time, and tears immediately welled up in my eyes which I quickly wiped away.

"Eat that. It might get cold," he commanded me in a deep voice. He was eating quietly in front of me and I couldn't move mine, I had no appetite.

Noong matapos siya sa pagkain ay sinimulan na niyang linisin ang pinagkainan niya ngunit kahit natapos na siya ay nakatulala lang ako, hindi magawang igalaw ang sarili para sumandok ng pagkain sa kutsara. Tumabi siya sa akin at nilamon naman ako ng natakot noong tinitigan niya lang ako.

He forced some food into my mouth after scooping it up. Noong inilayo ko ang mukha ko ay napaawang ang bibig niya. Napatakip na lang ako ng mga tainga noong malakas niyang hinawi lahat ng mga pagkain na nakalagay sa harapan ko. Tumilapon iyon at nabasag pa ang mga plates niyon.

Kagat-kagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko para pigilan ang sarili sa pag-iyak. Hindi ko pa maalis ang mga kamay ko sa tainga ko kahit wala akong naririnig na sigaw mula sa kaniya, takot na takot pa rin ako. I turned to see him when I heard a loud thud on my side and saw his fist resting on the wall.

"Should I order some food you like?" tanong niya sa akin bago umayos sa pagkakatayo. Nang lingunin niya ako ay agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya. "Or should I just cook something else?"

Bigla namang naging malumanay ang kaniyang boses. I fiddled with my fingers as I heard him approaching me. As soon as I sensed him standing next to me, my entire body shivered. Hindi ako makapagsalita dahil sa bigat ng presensya niya.

"Yshawn?" he called me in a soft voice.

"I'm just not hungry... P-Prince..." It gave me a strange fear that made me stutter and have trouble speaking.

"You're not?" His tone remained the same, slow, calm, and gentle but frightening. "Or you just really don't like my cook because it's not your favorite?"

"I-It's not like that..." My hands are trembling. "That I don't like what you cooked... I just don't really feel like eating right now."

"Really?" Halos magsitayuan ang mga balahibo ko noong makita ko ang pagngisi niya. "Or maybe you just prefer that disgusting poached egg dipped in soy sauce?"

He said meaningfully. I fixed my eyes on the table's counter and digested what he had said. My brain immediately registered the memory of the two of us as I cooked those boiled eggs for him. Noong makita ko sa kaniya na hindi niya nagustuhan iyon... does he know who triggered my reaction that day?

"Please... stop." I closed my eyes tightly when I saw on his face that he really knew something about it.

"Your eyes can't lie to me... those can't lie!" He was out of his senses when I heard him laugh. Tumayo na ako at naglakad paakyat ng kwarto ngunit sinundan niya ako at hinigit ang braso ko paharap sa kaniya. "Paborito ni'yong pareho 'yon... I fucking know!"

"Stop..." I said in a low tone of voice as I took my arm back, nasasaktan na ako sa higpit ng hawak niya rito.

"I'm sorry, 'cause I tossed away all the eggs that were in the fridge!" sigaw niya. "Oh, Babe... I'm fucking sorry..."

He's losing his mind!

"Tama na, Prince!" Malakas kong binawi ang braso ko at masamang napatitig naman siya sa akin.

He was about to approach me with his hands ready to pull me but he was stopped suddenly when he heard someone ringing the doorbell. I was about to step outside to see who it was but he angrily pointed at me, threatening me not to do what I was planning.

Noong umalis siya ay napaupo na lang ako sa hagdan. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na patamaan ng suntok ang ulo ko nang paulit-ulit. Maya-maya pa ay napahinto ako dahil sa malakas na pag-sigaw niya pagkabalik sa loob.

Naguguluhan akong nag-angat ng ulo para tingnan siya at agad naman akong napatayo noong nilapitan niya ako. His face was covered in sweat. Wala akong magawa noong hinila niya ako paakyat sa kwarto ko. Matapos ay padarag niyang isinara ang pinto.

"I've moved my things here. I'll watch over you... No one is leaving! You'll stay here!" nangangalit na sigaw niya.

"S-Sino 'yong..." I couldn't finish what I was about to ask when he shot me a deadly glare.

"From now on... lalabas ka na kasama ako. Wherever you go, you have to be with me." His eyes flared as he looked at me.

I firmly shook my head. "I won't do that. Don't act like you own me, Prince, that you can control me all the time!"

"Then don't even think I've forgiven you!" he yelled. "Ginagago mo ako, Yshawn! If you want me to forgive you, just do what I want!"

"Ikaw 'yong gago!" 

"Edi, gago na kung gago!" His outburst took me aback a tiny bit. "Don't do anything stupid or I'll fucking kill your ex! I am serious, Yshawn."

He stormed out and slammed the door shut, making an earsplitting noise in my room. Maya-maya pa ay dali-dali naman akong sumilip sa bintana at nakita si Gino. Mabilis akong nagtago noong tinanaw niya ang pwesto ko.

I peeked slowly and saw him quietly walking towards his motorbike, his shoulders slumped. I can see how devastated he was. Bago siya umalis ay nagtapon pa ulit siya ng tingin sa gawi ko, nagbabasakaling makita ako.

Matapos ang araw na iyon ay ginawa nga ni Prince ang sinabi niyang babantayan ako. Habang nasa kusina ako para kumuha ng mga plates na gagamitin ko sa pagkain ay saka ko lang naalala na nabasag na ang ilan niyon. Ako lang naman ang nakatira rito kung kaya tatlong plato lang ang mayroon ako.

Noong mapagpasiyahan kong bumili ng gamit pangkusina ay hinarangan niya kaagad ako. Kahit pa na magpunta lang ako sa pool ay tatanungin niya pa kung saan ako pupunta. Bantay sarado niya ako sa lahat ng oras.

Sa pool at habang nakaupo ako sa isang table para humanap ng katahimikan ay nakita ko siyang biglang umupo sa harapan ko.

"Aren't you leaving?" walang kabuhay-buhay kong tanong. Ang pag-aakala ko ay may lakad siya ngayon dahil iyon ang narinig ko sa kaniya habang may kausap siya sa phone.

"Hmm?" A smile formed on his lips. "Ah... It was Gab, just had a problem at the office."

My brows met. "So what are you doing here? Aren't you going?"

"Yeah," he said while nodding. He moved a little on the table and rested his elbow on it then rested his chin on his fists. "I just told him that I have more important things to do." Umakto siya na animo'y isang maamong tupa.

I greeted my teeth. "You're really losing your mind," I spat out.

Bumuntong-hininga siya bago sumandal sa backrest ng upuan, nakangising nakatingin sa akin. "I promised you that I would keep an eye on you. Promises should not be broken, right?"

"Baliw ka na," mariin kong sabi.

Tumawa lang siya at napakuyom naman ako ng mga kamao. Pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili ko na huwag siyang sunggaban ng suntok. Pero sa oras na sagadin niya ulit ang pasensya ko ay baka hindi lang iyon ang mgawa ko.

Sa ilang minutong pagsasalita niya ng mga kung anu-anong bagay ay biglang nag-vibrate ang phone ko sa table. Napahinto siya sa pagsasalita at napatingin din doon. Nag-aalangan ko pang dinampot iyon dahil sa matalim niyang titig sa akin.

He even signaled for me to turn on the loudspeaker so he could hear the man on the other line, and I did so before placing the phone to my ear.

[Hi.] I heard a cold voice on the other line, just hearing his voice again was enough to make my heart ache.

"W-Why did you call? Why..." Prince's harsh glares at me as his fingertip taps on the table halted me from speaking.

I didn't hear Gino's voice, and all I could hear was his breathing. It was heavy. [I just... wanted to ask if you're fine?]

I looked at Prince before answering, "Hmm," I just said.

I heard his deep sigh. [I'm really happy to hear that.]

"'Yon lang ba?" I said weakly as I fiddled with my fingers under the table.

[Uhm... y-yeah,] he simply replied. And when he stopped speaking, I took the phone out of my ear. I was about to end the call, but I quickly put it back in my ear when I heard him calling my name. [Can I... see you? Let's meet at the waiting shed. Near your house. Please?]

After hearing what Gino had said, I was almost speechless when I saw Prince's lethal glare as I turned to him. His eyes were full of threats, indicating that I shouldn't do anything that would provoke him.

"Meet me now," I answered quickly and hung up before Prince snatched the phone from me.

Napatayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at lumayo nang bahagya sa kaniya. I could see his wrath just by looking at the phone he was clutching. As I hurried to get out of the house, I heard him yell behind my back, madly calling me.

Nabuksan ko ang gate at walang patid akong tumakbo papunta roon sa waiting shed. Ilang kanto at kalsada pa ang nadaan ko bago ako hingal na hingal na huminto, nakaalalay ang mga kamay sa tuhod.

I was catching my breath as I looked at the waiting shed next to me. Maya-maya pa ay nakita ko na ang motor niya papunta sa gawi ko. Hininto niya ang motor niya at bumaba bago hinubad ang helmet. Saglit siyang napatitig sa akin bago niya ako nilapitan.

"Diyan ka lang," pagpigil ko sa akma niyang paglapit sa akin. Nagtataka siyang marahang huminto. "Why do you want to meet me?"

Mas lalo siyang naguluhan noong itanong ko iyon.

"I-I don't understand-"

"Why do you want to meet me?!" sigaw ko noong hindi man lang siya makaimik sa sinabi ko. Simple lang naman kasi ang tanong bakit hindi niya masagot?! "You want to know why I let that happen?"

"Yshawn?" mahina niyang sambit sa pangalan ko ngunit sapat na para marinig ko.

"That thing!" Kahit na may kaunting distansya lang ang pumapagitan sa amin ay hindi ko pa rin mapigilang sumigaw. Nadadala na ako ng matinding emosyon ko. "'Yong nangyari sa 'tin!"

Matagal bago siya yumuko at nagsalita, "No... I just..."

"So anong dahilan mo?!" hindi makapaghintay na tanong ko. Ngunit lumipas ang ilang segundo ay nakayuko lang siya na parang may kung anong iniisip.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. "I just want to see you," malumanay niyang sabi.

Noon ako nawalan ng depensa sa sinabi niya. I was caught up and didn't know what to do. Hearing that from him, gives me a million thoughts. I felt like I was lost and stuck in the middle of the road, not knowing where to go.

"I-I don't like you... I don't like this! That's why I'm seeing you right here... t-that's why I brought myself here because... I've missed you..."

Gino's face lit up with so much brightness of life.

"Did... Did you really miss me too?" He bent his head down for a moment and looked me in the eyes again. He beamed, he showed so much enthusiasm. "On the days that I don't see you, every moment... I can't stop thinking about you and I'm worried about how I feel, that I miss you so much but what if you don't think about me at all? Yshawn, you just fulfilled it... thank you-"

"And that's the problem!" I can't hold my emotions anymore. "I've missed you, which is not right because everything that is happening to me, I don't understand them... I don't really understand why I missed you. I don't understand why I let it happen to meet you and do the things that we shouldn't do... Even when I came here, I'm not sure why I did it!"

I stopped, I felt so much heavy inside me that I had to take a deep breath to calm it down.

I looked into his eyes. "But the only thing I know is that I'm only going to hurt you... I'm not sure about everything."

The expression on his face was troubled, and he fell silent.

"But you missed me, Yshawn, we missed each other and that's the matter-"

"I don't understand why it's happening anymore and that's the point-"

"You don't need to understand that the important thing is that we feel the same..."

"No. No, no, no..." I bowed and shook my head. "W-We never really feel the same... it... it's just you." I looked up at him.

He gave me a silent look as held his tongue. I showed that I stood by what I told him... that it wasn't a joke, that it was all true.

"Yshawn? You just said that you've missed me. You said it, right?" He seemed to be begging, and when he approached me, I immediately backed away from him. He stopped after seeing my reaction, he gulped. For a moment, he just locked his eyes on me. "You know when someone feeling that way... as if you can't forget his touch, his voice, or even his presence... I know you know... that it tells everything."

I nodded firmly. "Yes, I did... I did miss you!"

He stared at me, intently. "So why-"

"I missed you along with the things that trouble my mind! I have so much to weigh and must realize and understand. Daytime and nighttime... there are many whys in my head and that's not right because I know that behind this missing you, is only caused by uncertain things. And if I continue this... I will only hurt you, and it is not enough that we feel the same because, at any time, that should not be the only thing to hold. Things can be changed, Gino."

He looked in the other direction and bowed quietly. I quickly composed myself when I saw him raise his head to look at me. I clenched my fists so as not to be drowned in his eyes that seemed to be pleading with me. I could see a touch of tears in his eyes.

"Can we just... share those things that are bothering you? Yshawn, I'm ready for everything. I'm ready to carry everything you bring and I'll do everything just to answer all your questions and even fix you, even if there is nothing left for me as long as the important thing is that we took this opportunity dahil ito na 'yon, Yshawn... This is the chance... It's right in front of us. Please? Please, please..."

I shook my head firmly. "No... we can't truly go on like this..."

"We can."

"Gino, I can't!" I said and he seemed to be stunned by my eyes. I took a deep breath. "And I don't think that you can as well. I can see that... because of everything I said... you don't understand why I feel it and why I'm trying to explain it to you because all your feelings are directly for mine. You've been blinded by it... After all, it's all because you like me, and you're sure of your feelings but I'm not."



I saw him biting his lower lip before he bowed and shook his head. "No..."

"I hope you heard what I said first!" I shouted at the top of my lungs yet he still didn't listen to me, all he did was just stare at me while uttering a word no. "Everything that bothers me and is doubtful, just means that I don't like you!"

"I love you," I heard him say quietly.

I was suddenly taken aback, and there, tears just welled up in my eyes. I quickly wiped them away. Lumikot ang mga mata ko at hindi makatingin ng diretso sa kaniya. I gritted my teeth to tell myself not to give in to his words.

"'Yong mga naging connections natin... all that means nothing." Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na muli siyang tingnan. "The truth is... I don't really like you back then and now."

"I really love you," he mumbled.

"I still hate what you did to me." I gave him a harsh glare.

"I still love you then."

"I still hate you!" I exclaimed.

"Always."

In my screaming words, I was stunned that he was able to squeeze his. I was looking at his blue eyes, examining if he was telling lies or not. But when he didn't even turn his sight off me, I can say that he did not lie and that he was true to his words. I hope this time... it really was.

"And I guess... I only liked your body," I said firmly. I emphasized what I expressed to make it clear to him that this was just my real motive. "It was just all lust."

But this time I must not give in to my emotions. Wala na akong direksyon. Gulong-gulo na ako sa kung ano ang iisipin... at sa kung ano ang aayusin.

Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa mahahanap ang sarili ko... and that's exactly why I should neglect Gino's feelings. I now accepted that I would linger in no one's arms... forever.

Hindi ko 'to gustong gawin pero... kailangan. Ayaw ko nang madamay pa siya sa mga malalabong dahilan ko... Wala akong kasiguraduhan sa sarili ko.

Nothing is certain with me anymore, and I don't want him to be eaten up with those because of me. If pushing him away is the only option, and as much as nobody will be wounded the next time... I will do it.

I saw the quick tears in his eyes run down his cheeks but with the expression he showed, I couldn't read if he was hurt or mad at me. Matagal siyang napatitig sa akin, and I did my best not to take my eyes off him. Umiba siya ng tingin bago napatungo sa sahig.

"Why?" he asked coldly after a long pause.

I took a deep breath and kept my eyes looking straight at him. I wanted to prove to him that all I was going to say was true, and so I even pretended to be furious.

"That day, Prince and I argued. That was all I knew to help me forget about our fight. I came to you, and silly you that you just let me. It's just happened na ikaw 'yong nandiyan para makalimot ako kahit papa'no."

He shook his head. "No, I don't believe that."

"Gino..." mariing sinambit ko ang pangalan niya para mas makuha ko pa ang atensyon niya. Para mas paniwalaan pa niya ako. "We did a lot during the trip and yes, I was happy... but the truth is... it wasn't you who made me feel that way, it was just my own fun and I couldn't stop thinking about Prince that day. Even while we're doing that thing... he's still on my mind."

"That's a lie," he said with conviction. Nangungusap ang mga mata niya. "Shawn? Please..."

"Is it still a lie to tell you that I don't love you?!" He came to a complete stop when I shouted that. I even witnessed him gulp hard. "And... I never will!"

Napahinto ako sa gitna ng pagsasalita ko, nahihirapan akong banggitin ang mga salitang iyon. It's as if my mouth doesn't want to let it out, as if it's keeping me from telling him those. Inaamin kong masakit, nasasaktan ako.

Itong nararamdaman ko... alam ko sa sarili ko kung ano 'to. Even now, my mind's screaming those words... but something is stopping me. For years, I stayed with the thought that he hurt me. Years, I engraved in my mind that I didn't love him anymore... and it has swallowed me up. That's why I'm confused and can't tell what's true from what's not. Whether it's true love or not. I don't want to take an action that I'm not sure about!

"I just used you. That's all," I said, and that's when I lost my shot to look at him. I bowed my head weakly. "Right, I've only been with you for things that are bothering me."

Pareho kaming napatahimik nang matagal, nagpapakiramdaman. And for a moment, I turned to my side when I felt someone coming towards me. Nakita ko ang sasakyan ni Prince. Hindi ko namalayang nasa gilid ko na pala siya, tahimik na nakamasid sa aming dalawa. 

"D-Don't go," rinig kong mahinang sabi ni Gino noong humakbang ako.

I took a deep breath to regain my composure and looked at the floor as if I could find comfort there. As if it would help me to get rid of the guilt I feel. Saglit ko siyang nilingon bago ako naglakad papasok sa loob ng kotse.

I sat down and just looked straight ahead. I aggressively wiped my face to remove the drips, but I couldn't help but bite my lips in tears. At noong dumungaw ako sa labas ay nakita ko pa ang pang-iinsultong tingin ni Prince sa kaniya habang nakapamulsa ang mga kamay.

Prince arrogantly walked towards the car. Noong nasa loob na siya ay pinasadahan niya pa ako ng tingin at inilingan bago pinaandar ang kotse. Nakita pa ng gilid ng mata ko ang pagsunod ng tingin ni Gino sa akin noong madaanan namin ang pwesto niya.

I saw his eyes were silently shedding tears.

*****