"How do you love someone? Tell me... I'll do my best to learn to accept that."

I buried my face in my palms and wept. I did try everything to learn to love him, and I reciprocate what he gives me, but what he does confuses me. I don't know if he truly loves me. Ganoon ba siya magmahal? Ganoon ba ang paraan niya? Sabihin niya sa akin, aaralin ko iyon!

"I said just stop!" He slammed the steering wheel.

"I'm asking you, Prince!" 

"What do you want me to do, huh?! F-Fuck!" When he stared at me, his eyes were deadly mad. It's like he's not himself anymore.

"Sabihin mo lang sa 'kin!"

"What's the problem with my love for you? Tang ina, pinakilala na nga kita sa pamilya ko! I did everything... then you ask me that? What fucking else do you want?!"

"Do you really love me?" My voice cracked.

"Oo!" He still raised his voice at me. "Paulit-ulit na lang ba tayo? Mahal kita, Yshawn. Bakit mo pa ba kinukwestiyon 'yon?!"

"Because of the way you treated me! You treated me like you don't!"

"Iniisip mo lang 'yon!" Napaawang na lang ang bibig ko sa sinabi niya. Nagsalita siya nang nagsalita pero naroon lang sa harapan ang isip ko. He turned back to face me after a long period of silence, his face suddenly softened. He held my hand and touched it on his cheek. "I'm sorry... I love you, Yshawn. Believe me..."

When I removed my hand from his cheek, he glared at me. And I almost jumped when I heard him slam his hand forcefully on the steering wheel before driving the car fast. I just bit my lip hard and cried.

Nakatulala lang ako buong biyahe at noong maihatid na niya ako sa bahay ay walang imik akong lumabas ng kotse. I didn't do what we used to do every time I got out of his car. I just said goodbye and didn't let him kiss me on my cheek.

"Don't forget to come," he said to me as he looked out the window.

He's referring to the 11th of January when he'll surprise me. Pinag-iisipan ko pa ang magiging sagot ko roon, pero nang mangyari ang araw na 'to ay alam ko na ang isasagot ko. When he had nothing more to say, he closed the car window. He reminded me and left me like that.

I entered the house and sat on the sofa. When I couldn't control my anger, I threw the flower vase that was on the center table. Kumalat ang mga bubog niyon sa sahig. Buong gabi ay humingi ako ng sorry sa kaniya, pinuno ko rin siya ng mensahe pero sineen niya lang ako. I called him but he didn't answer. He literally left me hanging!

Kinabukasan ay wala akong ginawa buong araw kundi ang lunurin ang sarili sa alak. Kinukwestiyon ang sarili dahil sa mga nangyari. I also experience attacks from my anxiety, and I hardly ever spend a day without feeling numb. Pero sa lahat ng nangyari sa akin ay iniwan ulit ako ni Prince na ganoon... he just left me in pain!

The next day I packed things to take to Zambales. I've already prepared everything and had no issue organizing it because I already know what to bring. Nag-search ako noong magplano rin kami ni Prince na mag-beach. Umalis ako na hindi iyon pinapaalam sa kaniya at sa lahat. Tinanggal ko rin ang sim ng phone ko para hindi nila ako ma-contact.

Gamit ko ang kotse ko papunta roon pero si Gino ang nagmaneho dahil siya ang nakakaalam sa location, he told me that he already searched for it. During the trip, nakikinig lang kami ng kanta. Tahimik lang kaming pareho at dinadama iyon.

Sumunod ay hinatid kami ng bangka papunta sa resort. He was wearing an unbuttoned hawaiian polo shirt and shades over his eyes, the lenses were vintage orange. Napatulala naman ako sa hikaw na suot niya, suot niya pa rin iyon. I took out my phone and secretly took a shot of him.

"Picture-an mo kami ni Manong!" When I heard his voice, I almost dropped my phone. I quickly swiped the home button to remove his photo from the gallery I was viewing and placed it on the camera.

Iminuwestra ko ang camera patutok sa kanila. Inakbayan niya pa si Manong at nag-okay sign. Tatlong shots iyon at lahat ng iyon ay malalawak ang ngiti niya. Nang mapalingon naman ako sa kaniya noong masilaw ako sa flash ng camera, gamit niya iyong lumang instax camera niya.

"Patingin." I bent my hand to reach for the film. Matapos niyang ipaypay iyong film at nang lumitaw na ang litrato ko ay abot tainga ang ngiti niyang inabot iyon sa akin.

"Libre lang 'yan." Napa-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. I laughed a bit when he playfully wiggled his brows.

Gabi na noong marating namin ang lugar kaya dumiretso na lang kami sa pagkain ng dinner. We headed to the pyramid fan room after we finished eating, ang rooms ay nasa lake side lang. There are two beds inside that good for four people. Pero dalawa lang kami, so we can have the beds alone.

Noong sa pagtulog ay nahirapan ako. I have done the counting method at halos napuntahan ko na ang bawat sulok nitong kama makahanap lang ng kumportableng posisyon pero wala pa rin. The thought that Gino was just by my side and with me, bothered me.

When I turned around to face him I was startled to see him looking at me. "I can't sleep," sabay naming binigkas iyon.

"Uhm..." Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya at marahang tumihaya, I stared at the ceiling. "My mind is just so messed up that I can't sleep."

I heard the movement of his bed. I caught sight of him lying down towards the ceiling out of the corner of my eye.

"Try to count sheep?" he suggested, and his voice was gentle.

"I've done all the methods as well as counting sheep," I said. "But I still can't sleep."

"Me too," he said meaningfully. I looked at him and saw that he was solely staring at the ceiling.

Kinabukasan ay nag-Island Hopping kami. Dinala kami ng tour guide namin para mag-sightseeing sa Camara Island. Noong marating ang lugar ay sabay pa kaming namangha sa ganda ng tanawin, puti rin ang buhangin.

Our tour guide was taking pictures of him while I was busy taking films in the area. Maya-maya pa ay napalingon ako sa kanila noong tinawag nila ako. Nagtataka akong lumapit at napadilat na lang ng mga mata noong inakbayan niya ako bago kami kinuhanan ng litrato. I felt his skin since he was not wearing a top.

When we went trekking back at Anawangin Cove, I observed that he was always looking at me, checking my condition. Noong maubos ko ang dala kong tubig, I noticed that he didn't even touch his, and he said he did it on purpose dahil alam niyang kulang pa sa 'kin ang dala kong tubig.

Noong marating namin ang hilltop ay halos hindi ko na alam ang mararamdaman ko sa sobrang ganda ng tanawin. Tanaw na tanaw rito 'yong beach sa ibaba. Gino gently pulled me over to the side of the cliff, I didn't know what was happening because he suddenly brought me there. Nalaman ko na lang na nag-pa-picture pala siya kasama ako. We turned our backs on the sunrise and the beach below!

"Dikit ka pa po, Sir..." Utos sa 'kin no'ng tour guide. He gestured to me for a few times until I felt Gino and I's arms touching. Then the camera shuttered. Hindi ko alam ang hitsura ko pero parang ang stiff ko ro'n sa sobrang ilang! "Akbay ka po, akbay..." Utos naman niya sa katabi ko! Sinunod naman 'yon ni Gino. I glanced at my shoulder for a moment when I felt him gently caressing it with his thumb. "'Yan... one, two, three!"

"Kiss! Kiss..." Biro noong mga tao na nakasabay namin sa pag-akyat!

"Kiss naman daw, Sir!" gatong na sabi pa ng tour guide namin!

"Ah, hindi po-" Agad na lang akong natigilan and turned to stone when Gino actually kissed me... hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi! I could feel his soft lips on my cheek!

I heard the camera shuttered many times, segundo rin ang nagtagal na nakahalik si Gino sa pisngi ko. Nagsisitilian na 'yong mga tao! When he let go, ay hindi naman ako makatingin sa kaniya, nakadistansya lang ako sa kaniya hanggang sa makababa kami.

Noong maglakad-lakad kami sa mababang bridge sa lake side ay nahuhuli ko siyang nakatitig sa akin. Natatawa na lang ako sa hitsura niya na kunwaring may hinahanap kapag nahuhuli ko siya. Akala niya siguro ay hindi ako natuwa sa ginawa niyang paghalik sa a'kin. Honestly, I was... ayoko lang 'yon ipahalata sa kaniya.

"I will pursue nursing," kwento ko habang nasa sahig ang tingin. "Nag-resign na ako sa trabaho ko."

"Y-You did?" In the corner of my eye, I saw his surprise.

"Hmm," sambit ko at nag-angat na ng tingin. I looked up at him from my side. "Why?"

"Nothing," he just said before looking back at the front. "I was just... thinking that what if I got a job, would that be my decision in the end?"

"If so... well, that's fine." I smiled at him and he was confused by what I said. He doesn't seem to understand why it's fine that you eventually leave your job, even though you earn a high salary. "Maybe all people don't really want to work, they just need to survive. Or, some... they stopped liking their work but they can't just get rid of it since it pays them well. Just like that."

He remained silent for a moment before nodding his head. "I think so." He smiled a bit. "What should you be doing right now if money didn't matter?"

"It's simple, I'll live by the beach," masaya kong sabi. "I'll live... and die there. Ikaw?"

"Writing a novel," he said while smiling.

We looked towards and laughed at the impossible what-if scenarios. In just one day, we did a lot. First time ko makakita ng starfish, which Gino showed me, and I still have no words for how I feel every time I view a jaw-dropping new sight.

I felt the world again... because of him.

In that one day, I forgot everything. It seemed that the sadness and problem I was carrying suddenly disappeared. I also had a lot of realizations in my courtship with Prince, I realized that I became stupid because of him. I can't pinpoint the reason but... I'm like that to him.

Naglakadlakad pa kami sa lugar hanggang sa mapahinto naman ako noong matapat kami sa isang souvenir shop. Lumapit ako noong mapukaw ang atensyon ko sa isang bracelet. Naramdaman ko agad si Gino sa likuran ko at tinanong kung bibilhin ko ba raw ito pero umiling lang ako.

Bigla kasing nagtanong iyong tindera kung magkasintahan ba kami. Ang lalim pa noong magkasintahan. Agad akong nailang at tinanggi 'yon saka nailapag na lang iyong bracelet. Matapos niyon ay kumain na lang kami at napagdesisyunang bumalik sa room para makapaghinga.

"Hey! What's your name?!" I heard a man's voice and had the feeling that I was the one he was calling. When I turned to face the person who called me, I saw a crowd gathered around a bonfire. "Hi!" He waved at me and they all looked at me smiling.

"Uhm, Yshawn," I answered when I got close to their place.

Lumabas ako ng room at hinanap si Gino sa paligid dahil bigla siyang nawala noong magpaalam siya sa akin na may bibilhin lang siya doon sa tindahan ng souvenir. Mag-iisang oras na siyang hindi bumabalik kaya pinuntahan ko siya roon pero wala naman siya.

"Join us, Yshawn! It'll be a memorable evening with someone singing for us," sabi niya at napalingon ako sa matandang may hawak ng gitara, pinapagitnaan siya ng mga turista.

I looked around for a moment before sitting in a circle with them. Hindi ko siya mahanap, kapag bumalik ako sa room ay tutunganga lang naman din ako. They applauded when I joined their circle and started talking. They talk about their life experiences and motivations that they can share with others.

"Life is beautiful as everything strives for it," the elderly man spoke solemnly while smiling tenderly at us. He then began singing, and everyone joined in.

I joined in the singing as well and looked around the crowd. The bonfire's dancing flames warmed everyone here. Everyone has a unique and warm story to tell, one that not many people know of... If not friends, their families... but strangers like me know it.

"People these days easily get afraid... afraid of certain things." Napalingon kaming lahat kay Kuya Rad, iyong lalaking tumawag sa akin. "And me, that didn't even experience those and just heard their story, what he says she says like loving is not about you love the person, but you love him or her wholly and solely... like they just exist but the fact that they exist is what makes you love them more even if they don't know you... and you finally get the courage to tell that to him or her but the outcome is a defeat because they can't reciprocate it. And at the end of the day, after you heard that story, you were afraid... afraid to speak your heart out."

I looked at the floor and thought about what Kuya Rad said. When I looked up, my eyes widened when I saw Gino staring deeply at me. Ang tagal ko nang nakaupo rito sa circle nila pero ngayon ko lang siya nakita, nasa kabila lang siya.

"Because of their story that they didn't succeed in expressing their feelings to the person they love, they've been rejected and neglected... I kept it to myself not to tell those feelings that I have to the person I love as well... regretting it." I was suddenly trapped in his eyes and couldn't escape from them. "I must say this to you... don't be afraid and hide it. Don't keep it quiet. I know it makes you nervous, but you'll never know unless you try to tell everything you kept inside."

Those eyes give me an unnatural feeling, no words are spoken but I know they are full of words. And those words are enough to make my heart race and scream uncontrollably, I have no right to stop it.

"I promise you... it's worth it," huling sinabi ni Kuya Rad na hindi nagpatulog sa akin.

Gising lang ako buong gabi. Malalim din ang paghinga ko dahil sa tindi ng nararamdaman. My mind was racing with thoughts for things to say to him. Napahilamos ako ng mukha at idinukmo iyon sa unan.

I rose from my bed and sat on the edge. Nakita ko siyang mahimbing na natutulog. Just seeing his face made my heart beat fast. Tumayo ako at lumabas ng room. Pumunta ako sa harap ng beach at umupo sa duyan.

My head was buzzing, and all I could do was look into nothingness. What Kuya Rad said brought to life my hidden words. Marami akong gustong sabihin sa kaniya pero hindi ko pa rin kaya, but maybe now I can? Maya-maya pa ay napalingon ako sa gilid ko noong may lumapit sa akin.

"Can't sleep?" Gino asked as he sat on the sand and fixed his gaze on the sea. I was sitting on the hammock and he was just under me.

"Hmm," I voiced and nodded as if he could see that. I swallowed to calm the tension I felt... my racing heart. "You?"

"I can't sleep, too," he said coldly. After a few moments of silence, I noticed him pulling something from his pocket. He handed it to me as soon as he got it. "I forgot to give it to you. It also took me a while since I was in the circle earlier, they invited me..."

"And you can't refuse," I said over his words.

We both laughed.

"Hmm," he uttered, smiling.

Napangiti na lang ako at tinanggap iyon. It's a handmade bracelet and it's definitely the one he was busy buying at the souvenir shop. I wore it right away and saw how lovely it was on my wrist... And I noticed, this was the bracelet I was looking at in the shop.

"Thank you," I said and he just smiled. I grinned as we sighed together and as we looked at the sea. "Wala bang naghahanap sa 'yo?"

His brows met. "Naghahanap? Sino naman?" he asked, confused.

I tsked. "Patay malisya ka pa. 'Yong someone na sinasabi mo?"

His jaw dropped open and he laughed, shaking his head. "Hindi mo ako naintindihan. You knew who I'm talking about."

My brows creased. "Ha? Kilala ko?" He nodded. I tried to figure out who that person was, but I just pouted when I couldn't get any idea. "Wala akong maisip."

He laughed gently.

He looked up at me. "It's you."

It's like I swallowed something that made my throat dry, bigla akong hindi makapagsalita. He then looked at the sea again as if nothing had happened.

"I'm happy... because I saw you again," he said meaningfully.

Napatingin ako sa baba at nilalaro ko lang ang mga paa ko sa buhangin. Wala akong masabi. Ramdam ko pa ang pag-init ng mga pisngi ko. I just took a deep breath and watched the sea again. I don't want to talk though, I also feel from him that what he said was just a friendly connotation.

We fell silent, just watching the sea together and the waves cascading on the shore. My skin was gently caressed by the cool breeze, and the place was tranquil enough for us to hear the sound of the waves. Nakakakalma ang ganda ng tanawin.

"Why did you leave me?" A question that fell out of his mouth, and that peacefulness suddenly turned into chaos. "Why?"

Tears quickly fell from my eyes. I couldn't say anything. Summoning the courage I didn't know I had, I stood up, met his gaze one last time, and walked away without looking back. I sensed him following me, and soon he was standing in front of me. Tuloy lang ako sa paglalakad at tuloy lang din siya sa pag-atras.

"D-Don't leave me again." I heard his voice crack. "And don't run away from me. Anymore." To hide my tears from him, I quickly wiped them away. "Answer me, Yshawn?"

Huminto ako sa gilid ng dagat. Damang-dama ko pa ang paghampas ng alon sa mga paa ko. I bowed down and could not stop myself from sobbing.

"You... w-why did you cheat on me?" I glanced up and saw the surprise on his face. The moonlight illuminated us enough to see our faces. "Nakita kita... nakita ko kayong dalawa ni Aisha, na sinasabi mong kaibigan mo lang. Na kapitbahay mo lang. Kababata mo! Tang ina, may gano'n bang magkaibigan? Naghahalikan?!"

"Y-You're thinking wrong, Yshawn." Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko noong makita ko ang pagmamakaawa niya. "That wasn't how it-"

"I'm not stupid!" I shouted. "Alam mo naman kung anong nangyayari sa buhay ko noon, e! Gustong-gusto ko nang sumuko noong panahong 'yon! That killing myself is the only way I know to stop being hurt! Pero bakit mo pa rin pinaramdam sa 'kin na dapat lang akong mamatay no'n, Gino?!"

"No. No, no, no... Hindi ko... Yshawn, maniwala ka sa 'kin, please." He was in tears. He then reached for my hand but I pulled back immediately. "Si Aisha ang may gusto no'n... Hindi ko gusto 'yon..."

"Pa'no..." The extreme emotions makes it impossible for me to speak. "Paano kita paniniwalaan, Gino? 'Yon 'yong nakita ko."

"Yshawn..." He covered his eyes with his hands then took them off and silently bowed, and his shoulders started to shake from sobbing.

I waited... I waited for him to speak and explain everything. I want to hear his reasons, I want to know everything. But all of that waiting just went to nothing, all I heard from him was nothing.

Wala sa sarili akong natawa. Lumapit ako sa tubig at binuhus ko lahat ng galit ko roon, sinipa ko iyon patama sa kaniya. He was completely soaked, but he just showed no reaction.

I shouted at him and run away, but immediately felt his arms around me, causing me to stop. Gusto kong kumalas sa yakap niya ngunit wala akong nagawa, umiyak lang ako at dinama iyon.

I felt his forehead resting on my shoulder, still sobbing, he sounded helpless. I softened and leaned my cheek on his head. Everything about him, especially his embraces, makes me miss him so badly.

I closed my eyes tightly and cried. "W-What are you thinking?" I asked as he was quietly crying on my shoulder and tightly hugging me.

I felt him bury his face in my shoulder. "Please... don't leave," he whispered.

That's when I softened even more, and the pouring and gushing of my tears became more intense in the trace of what he said. It seemed to caress everything in me and tame whatever anger was raging.

Bumitaw siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin. Malamyos na hinawi niya ako paharap sa kaniya... and he gently cupped my face. His face was full of tears and his eyes seemed to be talking to me, it kinda touched my core.

The happiest night of my life happened when he placed his lips on mine. One last time, we became one flesh. I got the chance to smell his scent, to hug him, and to feel the softness of his lips on my skin, and him inside me. I longed for him for a long time, but I didn't understand why I felt regret after we had done it.

I angrily pulled my hair while sitting next to Gino. He was dead to the world. I didn't want to wake him up so I quietly got dressed and left the place. Nag-iwan ako ng note sa table at agarang umalis.

Habang binabaybay ng bangkang sinasakyan ko ang dagat ay hindi naman mahinto sa pagluha ang mga mata ko. When I saw Bea in the garden, I rushed over and immediately hugged her while sobbing uncontrollably.

"You shouldn't feel this bad... It's not as bad as you think, Yshawn." She comforts me worriedly. 

Sa sinabi ni Bea ay tila alam na niya kung ano ang pinagdadaanan ko. She asks me things that can calm me down but all I could respond with was the sound of my sobbing. Maling-mali ang ginawa ko... maling-mali! I should have controlled my emotions, I shouldn't have let that happen!

Pumasok ako sa isang sitwasyon na hindi ko pinag-isipan, I became impulsive! That was something I did without even declaring my honest feelings... ni hindi ko man lang nasabi sa kaniya ang mga iyon. I then got away from him again, as if I had told him I only felt lust!

Ginawa ko ang bagay na iyon na naguguluhan ang isip ko. I can't determine what my reason was for letting that happen. I'm trying to find it within pero nahihirapan ako. I don't know what it is. Why did I do that? What does it mean to go back to someone you knew was wrong but still chose to do?

My mind was in a mess that day but that isn't an excuse for me to keep doing things I know are immoral. May nangyari sa amin ni Gino na hindi alam ni Prince. I did that thing behind Prince's back. At bukod pa roon ay nagustuhan ko pa ang nangyaring iyon! Isn't that unforgivable? Napakasama ko! It's a disgusting sin!

"Ang sama ko, Bea... ang sama ko!" I know that this guilt will haunt me to my grave.

Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap at napaupo na lang sa sahig habang doon binuhos ang lahat, I cried and cried. I didn't have the energy to think about everything, I just let myself sink into the dirt. Pilit naman akong pinapaahon ni Bea ngunit yinakap na lang niya ako at nakita ko pang umiiyak na rin siya.

"No. That's not true..." She got me to look at her by grabbing both of my cheeks, and I could see that she was trying to convince me that I had done nothing wrong. "You're a good person... you are the best person I know!"

I shook my head firmly. "I did something bad, Bea... and I'm going to hell! I'm going to hell... I'm really going to hell!"

I betrayed Prince. I even had sex with Gino, I had sex with him who was completely innocent of what was going on with me. Is there any other way to undo that? Can I still fix it and make things right? I did something sinful... I must go to hell, I must!

Because I bawled so much and barely slept all night away from where Gino was, it made me pass out. The last thing I felt was Bea tightening her arms around me while she panicked.

Pagkadilat ko ay natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili ko sa hospital. Unang nakita ng mga mata ko ang nag-aalalang mga mata ni Bea kasama ang asawa niya. Agad nilang tinawag ang doctor para kunsultahin ako. They took care of me until I get discharged.

I expected Prince to do all of that for me, but Bea informed me that she was aware of what had happened between the two of us. Kinuwento niya sa akin ang sinabi ni Prince sa kaniya, that Prince had confessed everything he had done to me.

Kaya hindi nagawang tawagin ni Bea si Prince dahil sa sitwasyon. Noong malaman niya ang nangyari, she got angry with him. Even after she told me about Prince's pleading in front of her to ask where I was, she still didn't want him to get close to me.

"He even cried and waited outside to know where you were." Napamasahe siya ng sintido at inabot ang baso ng tubig na nasa harapan niya saka iyon ininom. Padabog niya iyong nilapag. "He admitted how he treats you... so ano in-e-expect niya sa 'kin? Matuwa? Maging mabait sa kaniya? Manigas siya!"

Nakayuko lang ako at tulalang nakatingin sa table habang pinagsasalitaan niya ang lalaki. Pinaghandaan niya ako ng makakain noong pagkagising na pagkagising ko. Hindi ako umuwi ng bahay at dumiretso ako rito kila Bea. Wala pa akong lakas na makita si Prince.

"I'm guilty, too," sabi ko. Halos maubos na niya ang kaniyang pagkain pero ang sa akin ay hindi ko man lang magalaw.

"Guilty? What do you mean?" Her brows furrowed.

"May nagawa rin akong kasalanan kay Prince."

"Whatever it is, he deserves it!" She breathed deeply and sighed before placing her arms around her chest. "His attitude is so bad. And knowing that he's been doing this to you for a long time... fuck, you should have told me, Yshawn."

"Do you think he deserves what I did?" I bit my lower lip.

"Oo!" Bea said without hesitation. "Ang lala kaya ng ginagawa niya sa 'yo!"

"I had sex with Gino, Bea." She suddenly put down her fork, her eyes widened as she glanced at me and her lips dropped open in horror at what she had heard. Napakuyom ang kamao ko sa katotohanang iyon. "I had sex with him while I was in a mutual relationship with Prince. I cheated."

Napayuko ako sa kahihiyan. Wala akong mukhang maiharap kay Bea. I gripped my thighs, I gripped them tightly and the shorts I was wearing, crumpled. Kahit ayaw ko mang ipakita ulit ang pag-iyak ko ay umiyak pa rin ako sa harapan niya, hindi ko na mapigilan.

I want to do everything I can to make Prince forgive me, but I know for myself that in any situation, it can't be fixed by just saying sorry. Gino was naive about all I did, including putting him into this. Nakagawa ako ng masama sa kanila at hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

Bea got up from her seat and hugged me. She was caressing my back, her caress was supposed to calm me down but it seemed to give me an agonizing breakdown... I got weak and broke down again.

I was crying ugly for a few hours bago ako muling napatulala at sinabihan ni Bea na magpahinga na muna. I rested at their house for several days before I regained my sanity.

"Kaya mo na ba talaga? Just let me know if you need help, Yshawn." Nakita ko ang lungkot ni Bea. Hinatid niya ako rito sa labas kasama ang kambal at nakahanda na rin ang kotse ko. "Don't blame yourself too much. You can still fix everything. Okay?"

Napagdesisyunan ko nang umuwi at nag-aalala naman siya sa akin kung kaya ko na ba talaga. Sinigurado ko naman sa kaniya na kaya ko na. I must do something, nothing will happen if I do not accept the circumstances of the mistakes I did... I'll tell Prince in order to do so.

"Hmm, thank you..." That's all I said and she smiled at me tearfully before hugging me tightly.

Before I left, I also said goodbye to the twins. Sa pag-stay ko sa bahay nila ay natulungan ako ng dalawa na makalimutan kahit papaano sa nangyari. They gave me a chance to smile, and laugh.

Pagkauwi ko ay nagpadala ako ng mensahe kay Prince na pumunta siya rito sa bahay. Mabilis naman niyang ni-reply-an iyon. Naghihintay ako rito sa gilid ng pool habang nilalaro ang mga paa sa tubig.

Maya-maya pa ay napalingon ako sa gilid ko noong marinig ko ang pagtawag niya sa akin. Tumayo ako at mabilis siyang lumapit at mahigpit akong yinakap. Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw ng dibdib niya, umiiyak.

"I miss you... so much," uutal-utal na sabi niya at hinigpitan ang yakap sa akin. Hindi kaagad ako nakapagsalita at nawala bigla ang lakas ko na aminin ang nangyari. "I'm so sorry, Yshawn... I'm sorry..."

Mariin akong napapikit at gumanti sa yakap niya. I felt more guilty when I heard his faint voice. He seemed to beg for my forgiveness as if he didn't want to lose me.

Gusto kong tanggapin iyon at huwag nang aminin ang nangyari. Gusto kong itago na lang iyon sa kaniya at ayusin na namin ito kaagad pero... hindi ko naman kakayaning pekein ang lahat.

I let go of the embrace and backed away from him, he was surprised. Halos masugatan ko na rin ang balat ko sa kamay dahil sa pagkurot nito ng mariin. I bit my lower lip so I wouldn't cry dead loudly.

"P-Prince..." I stuttered as I called his name and couldn't look him in the eye. His confusion over what was going on was obvious in his eyes.

"Yshawn?" He looked at me confusedly and when he approached me, I immediately backed away so he couldn't reach and touch me. "W-What's wrong?"

Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko. My head was filled with cluttered images, and I felt really disturbed. My memory came back to what I had done... The mistake I had made towards him. Hindi lang iyon, hindi lang ako nagkasala sa kaniya pati na rin kay Gino.

"Don't come near me..." Iiling-iling na pagpigil ko sa kaniya sa paglapit sa akin. I couldn't muster the strength to confess. I tearfully recounted something, and he was puzzled by what was going on. "I did... I've made a mistake... I-I'm sorry..."

"You've made what?" he asked innocently.

"I had... I had sex with my ex." Matagal siyang napatitig sa akin at nakita ko na lang ang pag-igting ng kaniyang panga, he was stopping himself from bursting out.

"Gino?" He glared at me.

It was as if I had been doused with cold water, causing me to freeze and stiffen where I stood. He knew who it was.

*****