"I'm lying? No! Siya 'yon! Nagsisinungaling 'yan!"

Althea's voice echoed, drawing the attention of the other employees. They turned to face us, whispering. I couldn't speak instantly, even knowing it was my responsibility to keep people within the company out of trouble... I was really taken aback by the surprise.

"I can't do that," his voice held conviction. He looked at me coldly which made me a bit shudder. "Yshawn," he whispered my name! I nervously turned my head away from him and faced the security.

My hands were shaking, I tucked them in my pocket before catching my breath. "P-Palabasin niyo... Palabasin niyo na!" I ordered them and saw from the corner of my eye that he was still looking at me. I nervously lifted my forehead before the guards pulled him out. "T-Tandaan niyo mukha niya... huwag niyo na siyang papasukin ulit dito!"

Knowing him, I know what Althea's saying is true!

Nakita ko na tipid niya akong nilingon habang hinihila siya palabas noong guards. Agad akong napalingon sa kung saan para maiwasan iyon. Noong tumalikod ako ay napansin ni Althea ang naging reaksyon ko. I bowed my head and hurried to the office.

Tears started streaming down from my eyes as soon as I shut the door. Napasandal ako rito habang habol-habol ang hininga. His eyes were just like that when he begged me, and I felt my blood start to boil at the sight of them!

"Shit, shit, shit... Fuck!" I shouted in restraint as I wiped the tears from my face violently. I rushed over to the table and sat down before biting my fist to regain my composure.

My emotions are lost in the shuffle, I experience far too many emotions. I hid my rage for a long time, but now it seems it has grown over the years. Nothing has changed in those eyes... I'm sure they're still telling lies!

Sa isipang iyon ay muli kong ikinalma ang sarili ko. Huminga ako ng malalim at saka iyon ibinuga. Kinuha ko ang tumbler ko at agad na tinungga ang laman. Kinailangan ko pang umakyat doon sa roof deck para lang kumalma.

When I recalled his appearance, I eventually lost my wrath. Unti-unti ay naging kalmado na rin ang nararamdaman ko. Because of the thick hair covering his face, his hair nearly reached his back, and his clothes appeared to be way off of a beggar, I almost didn't recognize him.



Just thinking about that makes me realize how much he has neglected himself. And I'm not sure why. Why did it happen to him? I don't want to speculate that our separation had a big impact on him because he was the one who created everything... he cheated!

"Hi, Yshawn!" Napalingon ako sa taong tumawag sa akin. Malapad ang ngiti niya noong naglalakad siya palapit sa kinauupuan ko. Nang makaupo siya paharap sa akin ay inabot niya 'yong isang flash drive. "These are the sites that can be constructed in your new business branch, soon."

My mouth fell open for a moment before my hand accepted it. "You can just email it to me, Prince. You shouldn't have bothered to come here."

"No. No, it's fine... I also have something to give you so I just went along with it." Yumuko siya at may kung anong kinuha roon sa ibaba. When he got to grab it, he placed it on the table and slid it closer to me. "Open it."

I innocently touched the package while he was smiling at me. I untied the ribbon and then removed the box's lid. The exquisite and limited edition of the suit was revealed to me when I opened the wrapped thin paper.

Agad na napaangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya, hindi makapaniwala sa nakita. "Y-You..."

"They don't do deliveries, so I had to come there myself." He playfully wiggled his brows.

Nahiya naman ako roon at hindi na mapakali sa kinauupuan. "Yeah, yeah... I know and you need to book an appointment for that and nahihiya ako sa 'yo dahil do'n." He made an effort! Binalik ko ang takip niyon at inabot iyon sa kaniya. "H-Hindi ko 'to matatanggap."

He grabbed my hand and pushed it to bring the box closer to me again. "No, Yshawn. I insisted. I want you to be more look good in front of potential investors and proposals, and I want you to wear this on that very day."

Napatanga ako sa narinig.

Naibaba ko ang hawak ko at nahulog ang tingin sa sahig. "Business... na naman..." bulong ko.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" His voice was sad.

I turned to face him, hesitantly smiling and shaking my head. Noong isang araw ay napadaan kami sa isang boutique at nakita ko itong suit. He caught me staring at it, so I told him the truth... I said I'd buy it for my birthday, but I didn't expect him to buy it right now.

It's just sad because I already had this plan, I took the time to save up for it because I knew it was the first thing I could gift myself and that I worked hard for. Alas, he gave it to me effortlessly, and what saddened me the most was that he only did it for business.

It was supposed to be meant something spectacular.

"Hmm..." I just nodded and forced a smile. "Ito nga 'yon. Ang ganda, salamat dito."

When he heard what I said, I saw the smile on his lips. "I knew it! I knew you would love it."

Inaamin kong masaya ako ngayon na nalulungkot, happy because I finally got this suit that I've wanted for a long time... but sad because my plan was ruined. I really appreciate Prince's effort, but there are also times when the kindness he gives me doesn't correspond to what I initially wanted to happen, just like what happened today.

I like Prince, I tried... but as I get to know him little by little, my decisions and feelings seem to recede. I admit that it's wrong but I'm trying, I'm also risking na maging katulad ng kwento ko ang kwento ni Bea, that in the end, I will also learn to love him.

But I still don't know what love is... If I need to feel it from a specific person or does it need time to learn? Do people require to need it? They say that it is easy to feel, and it is easy to have. If so, why do I need to find that? And why is someone still hurting... and alone?

"Careful!" Mabilis na naiwas ni Prince ang drinks na iniinom ko. Muntikan na itong matumba sa suit dahil nasiko ko 'to noong inaabot ko ang paper bag sa kaniya. 

"I'm sorry." Paghingi ko ng dispensa sa kaniya at agad ko namang pinunasan ang sarili ko dahil sa akin mismo natumba iyong drinks.

Pilit siyang natawa at pinagpawisan pa habang sini-secure iyong kahon nito. He held it and carefully placed in the paper bag.

"You made me nervous," sabi niya habang nasa paper bag ang mga mata. Napatanga ako nang marinig iyon at nahinto sa pagpupunas ng sarili.

I kept wiping my pants, and to my surprise, he didn't appear to mind what was happening to me... He just kept talking about stuff, and all his stories were about business.

He said goodbye to me with a reminder, sinabihan niya ako na i-set ko na sa schedule ko next year iyong first day nito. Umalis siya na kulang ang impormasyon at hindi sinabi sa akin kung anong mayroon sa araw na iyon kung kaya ay saglit na napapatulala ako sa office kaiisip niyon.

Naidukmo ko na lang ang mukha ko sa table nang muling pumasok sa isipan ko ang nangyari. Si Gino, the thought that he's here in the place where I'm standing and knows just where to find me... makes me feel uneasy.

[Are you home?] bungad na tanong sa akin ni Prince nang sagutin ko ang tawag niya.

Naghuhubad na ako ng suot ko sa kwarto dahil kauuwi ko lang galing office at sa isa pang site na sinasabi niyang maganda ring tayuan ng bagong branch ng business niya. Saglit lang ako doon dahil hindi naman ako interesado.

"Yup, kauuwi ko lang."

[How's the place? Does it fit your standard?]

Wala sa sarili akong napabuntong-hininga. "I've seen it and yes, the place's fine but maybe we can talk about it next time? I'm a bit tired, I'm sorry, Prince."

[Y-Yeah... sure.] Napahinto ako sa ginagawa nang marinig ko ang paglungkot ng boses niya.

"Uhm, Prince, it's not that I don't want to or am not interested but... I feel like I just need a bit break. You understand me, right?" I even managed to lie because of that.

[Umh, yeah, I understand... Yshawn.] He spoke in a low voice and eventually fell silent, lost in thought. I heard him heave a sigh. [Alright, let's talk about it the next day. Relax, huh? Just... take your time.]

I smiled a bit and nodded. "Thank you."

[By the way, I gave you a watch, is it still there? Did you keep it safe? I didn't see you wearing that earlier.]

"W-Which one?" He has bought so many for me that I can't tell which one he's talking about.

[Oh, god... don't you...] Bigla siyang napahinto sa sasabihin at narinig ko ang pagsinghap niya. Kahit hindi ko siya nakikita ay alam kong napasapo pa siya sa noo niya. [The one I bought in Paris, remember?]

Dali-dali akong napalakad sa wardrobe para hanapin ang tinutukoy niya. Naitabi ko lang iyon sa isang tabi at hindi nga ako nagkakamali, nahanap ko naman agad iyon. Hindi ko 'to madalas na sinusuot dahil hindi ko naman hilig ang mga ganito. Kaya kong umalis kahit walang relong suot dahil may clock naman sa phone ko.

"Uhm, here. Yes, I hid it in my wardrobe."

I heard him let out a sigh of relief. [You know how many upper-class people want to grab that so please, Yshawn, please... Take care of that, okay?]

"Hm-hmm..." Tumango ako. "I will."

[Okay, thank you... Good night.]

"Good night," matamlay na sabi ko.

Nang maibaba ang tawag ay pagod na pagod akong napahiga sa kama. Malalim pa ang pagkakabuntong hininga ko noong idinapo ko ang palad ko sa noo. A lot has happened, and it was so stressful. Halu-halo na rin itong emosyon ko na hindi ko alam kung saan itutuon. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin, nararamdaman ko pa na nag-iba na ang trato ni Prince sa akin.

Dumagdag pa sa iniisip ko kung ano ang mga susunod na mangyayari lalo na't nasa iisang lugar lang kami ni Gino. He messed me up again. I'm used to my routine, I'm used to him not being in it. But here he is, he's planning to tear down it again. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto niyang mangyari.

Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na hindi na lang iyon isipin... Malabo rin na makakapunta pa siya sa kumpanya na tinatrabahuan ko dahil pina-ban ko na siya roon. Alam kong tama lang ang ginawa ko dahil kapag nakita ko ulit siya, hindi ko alam kung ano ang magagawa ko sa kaniya. Things are getting too messy and I don't want to add him to those.

Ngunit isang araw noong lumabas kami ni Ate Carra para bumili ng kape ay halos mamutla ako nang bigla siyang sumulpot sa harapan namin, naglalakad kami sa gilid ng kalsada noong bigla siyang sumulpot. Hindi ako makapagsalita habang nakaiwas ang tingin sa kaniya. I just swallowed the words I had planned to say if I ever saw him again.

Humakbang paabante si Ate Carra para maharangan ang lalaki sa balak nitong paglapit sa akin. Napahinto si Gino. Nasa likuran na ako ni Ate Carra at kaharap na niya 'to.

"Excuse me? May problema ba?" tanong niya ngunit naririnig ko sa boses ni Ate Carra ang kaba dulot nang masyadong nakakaintimida ang tingin ni Gino sa kaniya. "Namumukhaan kita, ah... Ikaw 'yong lalaking naghahanap kay, Yshawn. Ikaw din 'yong nanghipo kay Althea!"

"I said she's lying," malamig na sabi niya kay Ate Carra.

Muli na naman niyang idinidiin na hindi niya ginawa ang bagay na iyon! Pero wala naman akong pakialam kung ginawa niya ba iyon o hindi, labas na ako kung ano ang mga nangyayari sa kaniya. Ayoko siyang makita!

Pinagkrus ni Ate Carra ang mga braso niya sa dibdib at tiningala ang lalaki. "So sinasabi mo na nagsisinungaling si Althea saka si Yshawn? Eh, hindi ka naman niya ipapa-ban do'n kung hindi mo 'yon ginawa! Nahihibang ka na yata?"

Gino's face showed no reaction as he just looked coldly at Ate Carra. "I'm not that desperate."

Matapos niyang sabihin iyon ay dumako ang mga mata niya sa akin. Blanko lang ang reaksyon niya at hindi ko alam kung bakit wala akong kakayahan na tingnan siya sa mga mata.

Akma sana siyang muling lalapit sa akin nang hawakan naman ni Ate Carra ang palapulsuhan ko at napasama ako sa pag-atras niya palayo sa lalaki. Nakikita ko sa mukha ni Ate na naalarma siya sa ginawa ng lalaki.

"Yshawn, kilala mo ba 'to?!" tanong sa akin ni Ate Carra.

"Hindi," I quickly said. I watched his mouth hanging open and saw how much he was hurt. Hindi ko pinutol ang tingin sa kaniya.

"Hindi pala, e! Kung makaasta 'to parang kilala ka niya! Alam mo kuya, umalis ka na lang. Hindi ko alam kung anong trip mo, e. Kaya kung ayaw mong magkagulo rito at tumawag pa 'ko ng security, umalis ka na! Ngayon na!"

Nang sabihin iyon ni Ate Carra ay halos lahat kami ay walang salitang maibanggit. Hinihintay lang namin ang pag-alis niya ngunit base sa kinikilos niya na nakatanga lang sa sahig ay alam kong wala siyang balak na sundin ang banta ni Ate Carra.

Mabilis na napaatras si Ate Carra nang lumapit siya ulit sa akin. Hawak ni Ate ang kamay ko kung kaya nakasunod lang din ako sa kaniya. Dahil sa ginawa ng lalaki ay sumisigaw na si Ate Carra ng tulong sa mga guard.

Nang mahawakan niya ang braso ko ay padarag kong inalis iyon sa akin. "Ano ba?!" singhal ko at napahinto naman sa pag-sigaw si Ate Carra. I suddenly felt the weight was pressing against my chest. It seems that anytime soon I will break down!

Pigil na pigil ang emosyon ko. Maraming bumubuong salita sa isipan ko na gusto kong ilabas pero hindi ko kaya, ayaw kong gawin!

Mariin kong nakagat ang labi ko at may kalakasang pinagpagan ang braso kung saan doon niya ako hinawakan. Sinadya kong ipakita iyon sa kaniya na nandidiri ako.

Nag-aalalang napatingin sa akin si Ate Carra at tinulungan ako sa pagpagpag nito. "Sorry, Yshawn, hindi ko nakita 'yon..."

My attention was completely on him while Ate Carra was busy on making sure I was fine. Nakita kong tiningnan niya ang sarili niyang repleksyon doon sa wall glass nitong building na nasa gilid namin. Napayuko siya at saglit akong tiningnan bago naglakad paalis.

The image of his eyes that mixed with sorrow, was left in my mind. I carry that image with me all the way to my psychiatrist. Sinamahan ako ni Prince rito noong inatake ako ng anxiety ko habang nag-ca-canvas kami ng mga materyales para sa kwarto niya.

During na inaatake ako ng anxiety ko ay nag-pa-panic siya, he didn't know what to do to calm me down. So after I settled down he quickly decided to take me to my Psychiatrist, abandoning the plan.

I'm in front of my psychiatrist, and just over and over again... He talked to me and asked me things, then gave me remedies to relieve my anxiety. I can't count how many consultations I've gone through. It seems there is no end to it.

"How's your wife?" I asked him while playing myself on the swivel chair, moving it sideways. He has been my psychiatrist for a long time, so I have been observing him for a long time as well.

"My wife?" His face is always cheerful, and his eyes are constantly glowing. When he asked me back, it was full of enthusiasm. I nodded slowly. He smiled. "She's fine, she's a busy woman and of course, took a lot of care of our kids."

"Is she safe?"

"Hmm..." He tilted his head a little and thought about my question. "If you mean about her current state and security, I suppose to say, yes. She just called me before you came here and yeah, safe and sound."

"You're cute," I said and if earlier the expression on his face was cheerful, it suddenly changed to confusion.

"Uhm... pardon?" he asked.

"Wanna know what I'm thinking about?" I replied differently from what I said first.

"Uhm... oh, what is it, Yshawn?" He maintained his smile.

"I'm thinking about having sex with you now."

I stopped swiveling the chair and looked him in the eyes intensely. The edge of his lips rose and he laughed softly. His palms met and his fingers wrapped around each other... the typical appearance of doctors when talking to someone seriously.

"Uh-Uhm..." This is the first time I've heard him stutter. "You know, you're cute. But I have to tell you that I have a wife." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"What if you don't?" I asked.

His jaw dropped open a bit, he was deep in thought now. For a moment, he just bent down to refocus his gaze on the paper he had been writing on earlier, ignoring me.

He remained silent and was writing something, and when he finished, he quickly handed it to me... another prescription.

I just accepted that. "I don't think she's safe... with you."

I stood up and turned my back on him. I left the office and when I finally got out, I just leaned against the wall, chasing my breath. Right, still... I can't still figure out what love is... if I can say that it is, how can I say that, that's love if there are people who can betray and ruin the real meaning of it?

Napalingon ako sa taong tumawag sa akin at si Prince iyon. Habang papalapit siya sa kinatatayuan ko ay kita sa kaniyang mukha ang pag-aalala. Agad niyang inilapat ang palad niya sa pisngi ko.

"How're you feeling? You good now?" he asked and I just nodded.

Nang makuha niya ang sagot ko ay napangiti na lang siya ng malabnaw. He took his hand away from my cheek. I automatically sighed and told him I wanted to go home.

Tumango na lang siya at maingat akong hinawakan sa likuran para alalayan sa paglalakad. I was still thinking about what had transpired as we walked through the parking lot. That Dr. Khiaro is a fucking creep!

"I don't want to go back there," sabi ko pagkabukas niya ng pinto ng kotse. 

His brows met. "What do you mean you don't want to go back there?"

"There..." Tinuro ko ang location ng office mula roon sa kabilang building.

Naisara niya ang pinto ng sasakyan at nilapitan ako. "Isn't he your Psychiatrist? How can you recover if you stop?"

As if I will?

Mariin akong umiling. "Basta, ayoko na."

Nakita ko ang pag-igting ng kaniyang panga at napapahimas pa siya rito, he's mad mad. "What the fuck, Won?! Do you know that because of your illness, we're here? That we should be at the mall canvassing for things to buy and then that's what you're going to tell me?"

"Prince?" I did not expect his reaction. "What? H-Hindi ko naman ginusto 'to-"

"And then that's what you're going to tell me?!" Dinuro niya ako.

"Prince-"

"I'm offended! Parati na lang ikaw, ikaw! Kumusta naman ako? Inisip mo ba 'ko? I'm always invalidated because of that and I'm offended! Pagod na 'ko! I'm tired of dealing with your illness which in the first place, it's not my responsibility. I wasted a lot of time because of that bullshit anxiety na sinasabi mo! Kung tutuusin pag-iinarte lang 'yan, e!"

"Anong sinabi mo?" It was as if a knife pierced my chest when I heard that. "Anxiety is more than just worrying o 'yang sinasabi mong pag-iinarte."

"Kung hindi man 'yan pag-iinarte o kung ano... It still won't change things."

He glared at me.

"Do you know what should be changed here? It is your thinking!"

"What about me?!" He snapped. "What about me, huh? I just want to help but what did you tell me? Umaaayaw ka na! 'Yan 'yong sinabi mo, 'di ba? Pwede bang magpagaling ka na lang? I want it all over, Won!"

"Then let's end it all now! Right here!" I exclaimed. "Let's put a stop to it!"

He suddenly stopped when I said that. Matalim pa ang tingin niya sa akin bago siya tumalikod at sinabunutan ang sarili. Sumigaw siya nang sumigaw at idinapo pa ang kamao roon sa poste.

Napasandal siya sa poste at pareho kaming walang imik. I haven't answered him yet, but I've let him know that even though I don't have an answer, we both know that we are intimately linked in some way, not just friends. But I think we should put an end to everything now.

He grinned and shook his head sarcastically. "Stop overreacting. We're not going to fight and split up just because of this... Just because of your shits."

"Shits?" I couldn't help but approach him. "Are you talking about my mental illness?"

"Yeah? What else?" He kept grinning provocatively.

"I'm telling you... It's not just a simple illness, Prince. That it will heal right away if you take medicines. It is a daily battle that I must face. Tingin mo gano'n lang kadali 'yon? It's a voice in my head that keeps telling me things that aren't true! It gives me chaos and fear. Araw-araw gano'n ang nararanasan ko at kahit kaunting galaw lang, at kahit sa'n ako magpunta... I feel like people are eyeing and ruling me. It pains me so much! I-It... it... it ruins my fucking life, Prince!"

His eyes, which were clouded with rage, were fixed on mine. They gave me the impression that they were burning me. He muttered a curse before biting his bottom lip in anger. Malakas niya akong hinawi patabi at naglakad siya papasok sa kotse niya.

"Uuwi na 'ko! Mag-isa! Bahala ka na sa buhay mo!" he yelled at me before starting the engine and driving away, leaving me all alone here.

Napasabunot ako sa sarili ko at isinigaw lahat. Ginawa ko ang breathing method para pakalmahin ang sarili, hanggang sa nakita ko na lang ang sarili ko na naglalakad ng mag-isa pauwi.

Nilibang ko na lang ang sarili ko habang pinapalamig naming pareho ang nangyari, I did some walks every morning. It helps me think. Noong lumipas ang araw ay hindi ko inaasahan na makakatanggap ako ng message niya, humihingi siya ng sorry sa nagawa niya at mga nasabi sa akin.

Noong nasa office ako ay bumungad kaagad sa akin ang apology gifts na nakapatong doon sa table. It's a box with an exterior letter attached to it. And that day he came to apologize, he explained everything to me about why he was in that mood.

He said that he did not mean what he said and that he was aware of my mental illness. He was only driven by anger because the business that he was running was robbed, and about half a billion was lost.

"I'm really sorry for what I did, Won. I'm so... so sorry," he apologized while holding my hand and kissing it for a moment.

I nodded. "I understand... I would be furious too if that happened to me." And yes, I forgave him... I understood.

He let go of my hands, and I could see the irritation on his face once again. "My name was ruined with the investors, and some are pulling out!"

Nakita ko ang pag-aalala niya. He is really struggling. I held his hand that was on the table and gently squeezed it. When he looked at me, I let out a small smile. 

Inalis ko ang hawak ko sa kaniya at tiningnan siya. "You've helped me once, and everything went well. I know you can do the same for yourself. I believe you."

Alam kong mahirap ito para sa kaniya dahil nagsisimula pa lang siya sa career niya kaya gagawin ko naman ang parte ko para makatulong.

He just forced a smile and nodded. "Thank you." He gently pinched my cheek. "You don't really want to go back there?" He was referring to my medication.

I leaned on the backrest and sighed. "That is something to say, I don't want to be there... hindi ang magpagaling."

Napatanga siya saglit.

"Oh, I'm sorry... Won, I'm ashamed..." he said almost wanting to hide in shame.

"No... Ayos lang, Prince. Naiintindihan kita," I smiled a bit.

His eyes were filled with shame as he looked at me. While gazing at the floor, he muttered a curse. He was like that for a few moments. Napabuntong-hininga na lang siya habang malalim ang iniisip.

"Do you want me to find you a new Psychiatrist?" biglang tanong niya.

Umiling naman ako. "Hindi, okay na. May kilala ako. Si Ate Chinie, ka-batch ko no'ng college. I know she can help me." I'm better off with a Psychologist.

"Okay..." He nodded, agreeing with my decision. "That's good. Don't bother calling me when you need help, okay?"

I just smiled and we decided to go home. Habang tumatagal ay palalim nang palalim ang mga katanungan ko. May pagkakataon pa na halos abutin ako ng umaga kaiiisip. Sinusubukan kong makatulog ngunit hindi ako dalawin ng antok. Nahihirapan ako.

Everything that happened made me rethink my life.

Nagising ako na habol-habol ang hininga... I had nightmare again... Hindi ako makagalaw, hirap rin ako sa paghinga at may imahe pa akong nakikita na nakatayo sa pinto... Tila ang bagay na iyon ay nakangiti habang pinapanood akong nahihirapan.

I hurriedly left the bed and went to the kitchen to fill a glass with water. I finished pouring some and drank it right away. The thorn in my chest slowly became more manageable until I decided to go for a walk outside.

I just got a hoodie jacket and only wore slippers. I put the earphones in both of my ears and started walking towards the park. I was afraid to go back to sleep, I would just let the time pass by walking, and when the sun came up, I would just go back to sleep. Daylight is more comfortable for me.

"Hi, Wonie!" I turned to the person who waved at me. I always get a 'hi' gesture from him whenever I come around here. Because of his big, dark eyes and the meaning of his name, Sullivan which like that, his name is ideal for him. I just smiled as he passed me, but he came back. I stopped walking and removed the earphones from my ear. "You look cute in your hoodie."

He flashed a broad smile that I just repaid with a lifeless one. "Thank you."

"Tsk!" sambit niya saka siya sumaludo at muling tumakbo paalis. "Enjoy the walk!"

It's already midnight, sinabi niya sa akin na kapag tumatakbo siya sa ganitong oras... kung hindi rin siya makatulog ay nililibang niya ang kaniyang sarili para hindi maisip iyong taong gusto niya na nasa Mindanoa. Nakakatuwa lang dahil ang taong iyon ay parehong teacher din katulad ni Jaz, pareho silang volunteer teacher doon.

Kinabukasan ay hindi ko namalayang nakatulala lang ako magdamag sa office. I had just woken up when Ate Carra suddenly entered the office to hand me the reports. Tapik niya pa ang nagpagising sa akin, hindi ko napansin ang pagpasok niya.

Napapansin na niya ang pananamlay ko dahilan para mag-aalala na rin siya, ngunit sinabi ko na lang ay pagod lang ako. Nang matapos sa ginagawa ay bumaba ako ng building para bumili ng makakain. After I got out, I was startled when I saw him in front of me.

I saw a little change in his appearance as he leaned against the wall. Unlike when I first saw him, he is dressed nicely now. But he still has a lot of hair on his face, at mahaba pa rin ang buhok niya. Umalis siya sa pagkakasandal sa pader at nilapitan ako.

"K-Kumusta, Yshawn?" he stammered as if he pulled those words out deeply. His face had a slight smile on it.

Nakaramdam ako ng kurot sa dibdib nang makita ang mga mata niyang nangungusap. Of all the things he could ask, and of the many chances to say words... Iyon pa talaga ang tinanong niya sa akin.

I swallowed to calm myself down, but I couldn't hide it... I couldn't look him in the eyes. "I'm... E-Excuse me."

Hindi ko sinagot ang tanong niya bagkus ay dinaanan ko lang siya. Ang iniisip ko pa ay susundan niya ako pero nang tipid ko siyang nilingon ay naroon lang siya, he was just standing there with his head bowed.

My whole thought was that... because of how I avoided him, he would stop waiting for me. But when the next day came, I saw him again at the same place, waiting. May araw pa na hindi na ako lumalabas ng building at sinisilip kung naroon ba siya o wala. May pagkakataon din na kailangan ko pang sumabay sa mga empleyado para lang hindi niya ako lapitan.

Noong isang araw kung kailan nagdeklara na may paparating na bagyo ay inaasahan kong hindi na siya pupunta dahil maulan sa mga araw na iyon ngunit nagkamali ako... When I went outside, I saw him there... being soaked by the rain. There, he was just sitting on the ground, in the same wall, same place again.

Nang makita niya ako ay napatayo siya nang maayos at kitang-kita ko pa ang paglandas ng matamis na ngiti sa labi niya noong nilapitan ko siya. "Y-Yshawn?" he happily uttered my name. "I-I thought... you would completely ignore me-"

"Kailan mo ba balak tumigil sa ginagawa mo?!" I cut him off. The smile on his lips disappeared immediately. "Tumigil ka na. What you did to me was enough. You are just torturing yourself, and I can sense that it's because of me. Do you think I can tolerate that?"

"T-That was not my intention, Yshawn."

"That's guilt-tripping! Ginagawa mong kaawa-awa 'yang sarili mo para makonsensya ako... Para pansinin ka."

"Yshawn..." His voice was grave.

"Ano?! What else do you want? Ito, pinansin na kita!"

"I'm... I'm sorry." He suddenly tilted his head to the side and I saw him wiping his eyes. He was in tears... he was just trying hard to hide it for me not to see it but I did!

Mariin akong umiling. "Ano bang kailangan mo? Why'd you always come and wait here? Tell me, I'll do it. Para matapos na."

He bowed his head, eyes on the floor. He looked so innocent as I watched him play with a small stone on the floor. I don't want to see him getting drenched in the rain. I don't want to come across as an adult scolding a boy who did something wrong, I don't want to look like I'm a bad person.

"G-Gusto... Gusto lang sana kitang ayaing magkape..." The corner of my eyes quickly heated up. I dropped my head to try to hold back my emotions as I saw him smiling as if nothing had happened. As if I didn't hurt him by what I said.

Iyan ang pinunta niya rito? Ginawa niya ang lahat ng 'to para sabihin 'yan? Nagpakahirap at tiniis niya ang pag-iwas ko sa kaniya para lang sabihin iyon sa akin? Ang magkape?

I sniffed and turned my back on him. Mariin akong napapikit. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang luha ko. I clenched my fist and walked double phases to split our distance. I was catching my breath while walking to calm myself down.

Go back... Go back, go back!

Even before I got far, I stopped to face him again and approached him. This is the right time, if I want it to end, I will just do what he asked. It's simple, we'll just drink coffee. That's it!

I bowed when I got close to him. "Get dressed," I said before leaving.

*****