.forty eight.

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"As expected, you must have given yourself to me out of pity."

-

The two teenagers had gotten all tired out, with Minji panting tiredly above her husband, her hands resting on his chest as she held herself up. But her tired muscles were begging for relaxation, any moment about to give out beneath her. He was breathing hard, visibly overwhelmed by what she had given him and having exerted all of his energy despite her doing all of the work during the act. She pushed the hair out of his face which had matted down to his skin with sweat and she felt her heart racing madly. It was the first time she had shared an intimate moment like that with her husband and he smiled tiredly up at her, his little eyes starting to close tiredly. 

Outside it was already night time, and she could hear the chirping of crickets which seemed to be all the more loud in Goryeo. But she attributed it to the fact that there were no sounds of cars driving down the road or people out and about. 

She rolled off him and instantly started to feel an ache between her legs which she ignored. It was probably going to be worse the next morning. As she climbed off him and settled by his side, her hand simultaneously reaching for the covers, his eyes caught a small tinge of crimson on the sheets and he knew it didn't come from him. Concerned, he turned on his side to face her, asking her a question. "Did I do that to you? Did I hurt you, jagi?" The question was full of innocence as he bit down on his lower lip. There was still so much he didn't understand.

Minji wrapped the covers around them as best she could considering that she could not see, her heart melting at his selfless worry for her. The arrogant little prince actually cared about her and it filled her heart with a strange warm feeling. It made her happy to know that Eun was looking out for her, not just because she was his wife. 

She nodded her head slowly first before responding. "I'm fine, love. Don't worry."

He was put at ease by her words, and he relaxed by her side in bed. Minji snuggled closer to her, if even humanly possible. There was a chill coming in through the window and with their lack of clothes she was starting to feel cold. But there was a comfortable heat radiating off him which she welcomed. He, of course, was more than happy to bring her into his arms and once again feel her skin against his. 

They were quiet in each other's arms for several minutes, both drifting off to sleep. But there was something that was different about that night, other than the fact that their marriage had been consummated. It was three little words that left her husband's lips which took her by surprise and caused a prick in her chest because a part of her mind told her that she didn't feel the same about him. Rather than concluding their day together with a goodnight jagi, as he normally did, he instead said to her, "I love you, jagi." And Minji instantly felt a lump in her throat. 

A few minutes prior she had been drifting off to sleep and now she was wide awake in her husband's arms, not replying to his words. She didn't even know what to say. Was she supposed to lie to him and tell him that she loved him? Certainly she did love him, but it was a different kind of love. Not at all like the one he had for her. But she didn't want to tell him that she didn't love him either and break his heart. He was such a good person who deserved only the best. As his wife, Minji wanted to give him only the best parts of her. She wanted nothing more than to make him happy. 

When minutes passed and she said nothing, he found himself drifting out of his sleepiness, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips jutting out into a pout. 

"Jagi...?" His eyes searched her face for any reaction.

"Hm?" She hummed, keeping her head low. Though she couldn't see, she didn't want to face in his direction because he would see right through her. 

"My eomma once told me that when two people start having babies its because they're really in love with each other." He remembered being a little boy and living with his mother at his grandfather's house. He and Han slept in the same bedroom, and Eun had asked his mother if his majesty loved her, as he never visited her or the two sons they had together. Han and Eun hardly ever got to see him, unless it was for some important ceremony. His mother had smiled sadly, explaining that the King indeed did love her. That people got married and had children when they were in love. But if Eun had to be honest, he noticed as he grew up that they really weren't in love. They had gotten married out of convenience. The only woman that the King did love was Court Lady Oh, and they had never gotten married.

Still, Eun held that one memory as his point of reference when he thought about getting married and having kids. He thought he and Hak Soon would definitely be like that, having kids because they were in love.  

There was a smile in his voice which she detected through his words, without even being able to see him. It was what broke her heart even more. The fact that it had been their first time--for both of them--but it had meant so much more to him than it did to her. He genuinely felt like they had something then, a connection, and that she was now his forever. No one would be able to take her from him now. 

"I have slowly fallen in love with you, but I was too shy to admit it. Do you love me, jagi?" He tossed her another question which made her heart sink in her chest.

"Love," Her hand shakily reached up to touch his face. He closed his eyes happily at her touch, unsuspecting of the next words that would come out of her mouth. "You have been a wonderful husband to me and I will be loyal until the day that I die. But I have not loved you the way you want to be loved by me."

Minji could now practically feel his heart break. The words had cut him like a blade and he even flinched away from her, like her skin was fire and he was getting scalded. 

"I don't understand." He tried to speak as well as he could through the lump in his throat. Tears were already brimming in his eyes and starting to sting. He really thought they had something, and she was shattering his entire world. She also noticed the way he no longer offered any term of endearment following his words, as he normally did when he spoke to her. But how could he? She was essentially telling him that she didn't love him.

"Love..." She said, trying to reach for him.

But he gave a shake of his head, shooting her down. "Please don't, Hak Soon. Why do you call me that if you don't mean it?" The way he said her name sounded so foreign to her. He hardly ever called her by her real name anymore.

Minji lowered her head in shame. She remained silent, like a child being scolded, and her husband continued.

"Its because of Jung-ah, isn't it?" He asked.

Both brothers had been playing the blame game. Jung blamed Eun for taking Minji away from him. Eun blamed Jung for getting in the way of his marriage. Perhaps if Jung wasn't around then she would love him. Minji ultimately blamed herself. She had fallen in love with one brother and then stood by when the King forced her to marry the other. Perhaps if she had put up a fight, she could have married Jung in the end. Perhaps the king would have seen that she and Jung were so in love. But instead she sat back in fear, trying to save Jung from any harm, and always trying to spare Eun's feelings. 

"Please don't blame him." She begged, through a knot in her throat. It was the same way she had done with Jung, when he tried to blame Eun for everything that had happened. "He's really just a victim in all of this. Believe me, he's suffering too--" The moment the words left her mouth she wanted to stop herself and take them back.

It was like she was saying all the wrong things.

"So you suffer by my side?" He asked her, starting to get choked up. He felt so much bitterness in his heart at the fact that not only did she not love him, but she was so quick to jump to his brother's defense. "Being with me really is a punishment for you?"

"I didn't mean it like that." She tried once again to reason with him.

"I just have two more questions for you." He started, and she lifted her head, an expression full of hope on her face. Her eyes had lost their light ever since she had been caught with Jung at the waterfall. But her face still was easy to read just from her expressions. "Why did you do this? Why did you keep acting like you liked me?" He asked her, voice dripping with hurt. He had been talking about her, and the fact that she had slept with him. He didn't know at all about people and love, and relationships. But he surely knew that it was something that was supposed to be special. That was why some people called it making love. He was a vulnerable eighteen year old boy who just wanted his wife to love him. But Park Hak Soon did not. 

Minji felt an unbearable weight on her chest, as though she couldn't breathe. But she knew it was just the tears that were pushing to be released. There was also a strangled sob which she was trying to withhold, as she knew right then that he was probably more hurt than she was. She hugged the covers around herself as though to brace herself for what was next, inhaling a light hint of his scent on them.

The tenth prince laughed bitterly at her lack for something to say, and came up with a conclusion of his own. His words were sharp and steely, but clearly hiding the deep heartbreak within them. "As expected, you must have given yourself to me out of pity."

He didn't wait for her response and pushed the covers aside, reaching below to gather his clothes which were strewn on the floor messily. He got back on his feet and dressed quietly, bitter tears silently flowing out of his eyes, while Minji sat there with tears in her eyes. The bed felt so much colder without him there by her side. She knew she had no right to say anything to him. She had no right to ask him to stay. She knew that she hurt his feelings and that she deserved everything that might come to her. But that was the thing about truths. Sometimes they tended to hurt the feelings of people one loved.

The eighteen year old prince quietly left the room, leaving her alone with her tears.

-

what the fuck am i doing now?

i am so fucking dramatic. so now we've reached a rift in the eunji relationship. will this make way for our second lead syndrome jung to come into the picture? will he rescue our main character?

i don't know yet. lol

question of the day: (there are a few actually). was minji wrong to tell eun that she doesn't love him? was eun's reaction wrong? does minji probably lowkey love eun? do you think will they be separated long? 

again, thank you loads for reading and supporting this story. there will be much more drama to come.

-clary