RagSan SS- Rhythm Of Heartbeats!!

Chapter14 ~ Her Past!

"DI, you tell us about yourself na? Apka bachpan kesa tha?", ansh asked making ragini steps freezed.

Sanskar looks on," please ragini say something, it's phase 1 and you need to pass it", sanskar thinks in his head keeping his finger's crossed.

Ragini keeps looking at him blinking her eyes, some memories flashed infront of her eyes and she jerked a little while sanskar holds her from shoulder being worried," Ragini?", he calls her name while she looks at him gulping. She looks at ansh who was looking at her in confusion. Sanskar removes his hand while ragini tightly holds ansh wheelchair and closed her eyes walking," it was good", she mumbles as she inhaled a deep breath while sanskar observer her. "I used to love chocolates", ragini says while a weak smile appears on her lips and open her eyes blinking back the tears," i used to help others for money so that i can buy chocolate and eat it", she told remembering those days. "I used to steal rose because they were my favorites. I used to climb trees for mangoes", she smiled and wipes the tears before they can fall down. "It was good', she mumbles dragging the wheelchair towards the car while sanskar stays silent. "What about your parent's?", ansh asked making her stop at her steps. She felt someone stabbing her heart with the question, she looks down blinking back the tears. The memories flooded making her weak. Sanskar was kneely looking at her when she looks up to look at his helplessly while she was struggling to blink back the tears, she shakes her head in a NO while sanskar who understands hurriedly keeps his hand over hand on holding wheelchair," Ansh Ji, Shall we buy chocolates for you and for you di?", Sanskar asked changing the topic while ragini moves back as now sanskar holds ansh wheelchair. "Chocolates? I want 3 bhaiya", Ansh squeals in happiness as sanskar smiled and headed towards car making him sit inside and folding his wheelchair. He found ragini still froze at her place. He took a deep breath as he goes and hold her hand, ragini didnt budge to look up at his face because she knows she'll breakdown the moment she saw in between those eyes. Sanskar makes her sit in the car and sits in driving place. He look at ansh who was about to open his mouth when sanskar starts talking to him about other stuffs so that he couldn't ask something to ragini. While, ragini sits clutching her hands tightly. She looks at other side to hide her tears which she was wiping without sanskar and ansh notice but who knows sanskar was aware of her turmoil and he was driving fast. He stopped at one place and take ansh with him to buy chocolates while ragini wipes her tears as soon as they left. The tears didn't stopped because she was remembering her childhood which is playing in her mind like a movie. She looks at other side as both SanAnsh returns," Why is Di silent?", Ansh asked as sanskar makes him sit. "She is tired that's all", sanskar replies as he sits in front of forward the chocolate to her, Ragini look at it from the corner of her eyes and takes it without looking or uttering and they reached Orphanage. Ragini stepped out and rushed inside as soon as they parked the car," Bhaiya... What happened to di?", Ansh asked worriedly when sanskar makes him sit on wheelchair. "She is just tired champ... she'll be okay", sanskar says plastering a fake smile while he himself tensed seeing her.

"Please don't fall apart", he mutters thinking about her as he drags ansh inside.
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Ragini collapsed on floor as soon as she entered inside, she drags her knees near her chest burying her head inside letting the tears flow. This time she didnt sobs nor she made any sound instead she let go all the memories that was flooding her mind silently. She knows she can't get rid of them until her last breath,"why me?....why", she murmured as she felt a pain shooting through her head dragging her to darkness.

Sanskar was staring at her face while tears weren't stopping even for a second from flowing, he was holding her hand tightly as if she'll leave him as soon as she'll open her eyes. He never knew his this side until this, he wasn't a person to cry and let his emotions flow because he only knew to smile and make other's happy too. He felt shattered the moment seeing her unconscious on floor with tear striken face. Is he the reason for her vulnerability again? He can't think anything other then blaming himself. It's been 3 hours since she is unconscious and no one knows it except him, who comes to check on her. He made sure to keep Ansh and Ap out of reach so that both don't get worried while he himself was loosing his strength staring at her. "I am so..sorry....ragini.....i shouldn't have taken you there...i shouldn't have make you remember all those things. Only if.... only if i think before doing all these....maybe.....maybe this wouldn't all have happened..... i don't know what will be you state after getting up.....i can't loose you ragini.....i cant", a sob escaped from his mouth which he stopped covering his mouth and shuts his eyes tightly. He never knew her real worth in his life until now. "I shouldn't be eager to know about your past....i should not", he murmured. "Please don't loose hope of your living again. I can't see you all depressed again. Please", he whispers wiping his face. His phone rings grabbing his attention when he hurriedly takes his phone sniffing his nose," hello", he says sounding as normal as he can. "Where are you sanskar? Ansh is constantly asking for you and ragini", Ap says tensed. While  sanskar glance at ragini and sighs shutting his eyes tightly," she is sleeping maasi maa", sanskar lied. "Oh, but why are you crying?", Ap asked making him surprised. Although he knows that she knows him too well. Sanskar smiles through his tears," I told you na i was scared thinking she'll be having her panick attack again", he said but it was not a lie. He heard her sigh," come, ansh is waiting", Ap says and sanskar nodded cutting the call. He leans and kissed ragini forhead wiping his tears which fell on her cheeks. "I'll be back", he whispers covering her from blanket and caressing her hairs. He inhaled a deep breath controlling his emotions and squeezed his face muscles to potray himself relax and happy infront of Ansh. He glance at ragini before leaving the room.

Sanskar takes 2 3 deep breath before entering inside the mess where was ansh was sitting folding his arms while Ap was trying to make him eat. He shakes his head seeing him and walks towards him," Why arent you eating your dinner, Ansh Ji?", sanskar asked sittng besides ansh who frowns in return. "what is it champu? why so angry bird?", sanskar asked snaking his hands around him. "why do you come now? I am angry on you and Ragu di both", ansh says making an angry pout face. Sanskar smiles, "I am sorry champ, I was busy doing something and your di is sleeping because she is tired", sanskar says while Ansh shakes his head," I know you must be secretly staring di when she is sleeping", Ansh says making Ap and Sanskar amused at his statement.

"Maasi MAA you go I'll make him eat", says sanskar as he makes Ansh sits in his laps and with other hand he starts feeding him,"see if you didn't eat na then your di will be sad seeing you not eating when she wokes up. Do you want that?", Sanskar asked keeping a morsel Infront of him while Ansh shakes his head. "Promise me you and di will never leave me alone?", Ansh asked forwarding his hand while sanskar smiled emotionally keeping his palm murmuring,"promise". Ansh makes a morsel and keeps it Infront of sanskar," I am not hungry", sanskar says looking down. "If you don't eat then Di will be angry on you too for skipping your dinner", Ansh says while sanskar looks away remembering her state and his heart felt heavy. With heavy heart he eats the morsel and looks at Ansh smilingly. This person is surely something special. He thinks and like that both make each other eat and after that Sanskar goes and makes Ansh sleep as now ragini used to make him sleep. He pats Ansh head until he sleeps. His mind was occupied with ragini, he makes sure that Ansh slept before getting up and covering him. "I know that your di will never leave you.... I hope she never leaves me too", sanskar whispers looking at Ansh while a tear leaked his eyes which he hurriedly hides and goes out. He was walking towards ragini's room when he saw Ap room lights on too. He thinks to tell her about her condition before going to ragini because he knows that Ragini is like her own daughter and he don't want to hurt her sentimentals by hiding because he is fearing that she might turn back to her old self because of the stress which he badly wished just turn out to his fear and nothing else.

Taking a deep breath he entered inside Ap room only to find her standing near a study table facing the book shelf. He walks and looks at her face only to find her crying. "Maasi?", He calls out worriedly, Ap turns only to give him a view of a frame in which Ap, Janki and Uttara was present hugging each other.He never saw this in her room before until now. He look at Ap who was smiling weakly at him wiping her tears. He walks towards it and caressed his mother face while tears brims in his eyes. He felt a pair of hands on his shoulder," Why didn't you keep it here before?", He asked staring the picture now caressing his sister and Ap daughter's face. "I was missing them", Ap told with a greif filled voice. Sanskar turns and holds her hand," Maasi MAA you okay?", He asked with concerned because Ap was the strongest one in his eyes who knows how to hide her emotions. "It's Uttara birthday after two days", Ap utters making sanskar eyes go wide. How the hell did he forget His Di's birthday? He looked at Ap emotionally who was smiling looking at the frame. He hugs her while she rested her head on his shoulder," She never celebrated her birthday nor she let me do that. It was always janki who used to celebrate her birthday in orphanage and helping others", Annupurna says as she wipes her tears and breaks the hug while sanskar holds her hand," We'll do exactly what mom used to do.... Dont forget that janki's sanskar is here and he'll follow his mother's step only", says sanskar with teary eyes while Ap smiled teary eyed caressing his face. "I love you my son", says Ap. " i love you too janeman", says sanskar hugging Ap. "I think its better i don't tell her about ragini and make her worry. Let her spend her day with Di's memories", sanskar thinks in his head and weakly smiled. "I think you should sleep now, Good Night", sanskar says while Ap nods pecking his forhead. " I'll check ragini once", Ap says when sanskar holds her hand," No, I'll go and check. You sleep", he says looking down while Ap looks at him closely. "You sure?", she asked doubtly when sanskar nodded his head. Ap slightly smiled and pick up the frame lying down in bed while sanskar covers her with blanket. He looked at the picture before going out. He walks towards ragini room hurriedly praying for her conscious. He hold the door knob entering inside only get freeze at his steps.

" Ragini", he shouts her name worriedly as he marched towards washroom and found it empty. He hurriedly runs outside the room to find her praying that his worst fear didn't turn out to be the truth.

She was sitting lifeless staring at the moon in the ground with her back resting on bench. Her face has lost all of her glow and her eyes only showed deep pain. She changed her clothes into white salwar kameez. She was looking at her hands closely and caressing some scars and bruises. She heard footsteps and she didn't need to turn to look at the person because she knows who it could be as she was waiting for that person only.

His steps halted seeing her from far and he calm his nerves. He closed his eyes making his breathing stable. He wipes his face with handkerchief before taking small steps towards her looking at her face closely. He stood froze as he saw her kneely, she was sitting lifeless as a dead body. His breath hitched and he felt pain in his heart. The only fear was her reaction. He was about to take a step when his eyes fall on her hands and he realizes that she had changed her clothes and she was wearing half sleeved white kameez which is showing her hand but, what caught her attention was the several bruises in her hand which he is seeing the first time. He felt someone stabbing his heart and he felt difficult to breath.

"I was waiting for you", he stood dazed hearing her. She turns her face and looks at him who was straggling to hide his tears. She smiled making his heart crushed into tiny pieces, making his fear come true. He lost her..... forever. The smile depicted her sorrow,pain and loneliness which he feard she might feel and see it comes true. There was no trace of the new ragini he saw from past few days instead her eyes seems more lifeless from the first time he met her. With heavy heart he took steps towards her while he felt his heartbeat rise with each step he takes. He stands and she turns her face away looking at the moon. He sits besides her wiping his tears, he can't be weak infront of her when he hismelf told her that he'll be her support. His eyes again land on the bruises and he turned his face away not be able to look at that. He felt a burning rage in his heart and all he want is to crushed the person who is responsible for those scars and bruises on her hand.

"You wanted to know about my childhood, don't you?", she asked still looking at the moon while his head turned hearing her. "Rag...gi..ni", he didn't know but, he felt difficult to talk. He didn't want to know about her. He didn't have the courage to look at her. He wanted her to stop saying and just wanted to embrace her but, he was unaware of the things going on her mind. He again open his mouth to deny when she turned her face and look at him with no expression but,still with the same empty smile that depicted pain. He gulps looking at her while she forwards her both arms to have him a clear look of her scars and bruises marks. "That's my childhood", she told with grief filled voice while he instantly shuts his eyes and cursed himself to bring it up this topic. "The each scar you see in my hand tells a story about my life", she told while tears starts flowing from his closed eyes. "Ragini..... let it be", he utters with much difficulty and looks away dragging his knees near his chest when he felt a hold on his hand.

(You can play the above song here if u wish)

"Don't you want me to get rid of these memories ?", she asked in a low voice  while sanskar turned his head and wipes his tears nodding his head in a 'YES' looking at her who still showed no emotion. She left his hand and again looks at moon," The last bruise on my arm was of cigarette mark when i denied to leave my parent's", she utters tracing her arm. "They sells me to a person for money when i was 8 years old", she utters making his heart stopped beating for a moment. "In everyone's life parent's was a blessing but in my life they turned out to be my biggest enemy", she closed her eyes. Sanskar keeps looking at her face, he knows that she needs to open up but, dont know why he is feeling weak all of a sudden. He gulped and clenched his fist making up his mind. She needs him and she needs to open up to let her heart free, he inhaled a deep breath and holds her hand in his palm. She looks at his face who nodded looking at her.

"I never complained to anyone even GOD for the way they treat me. For them girl child means burden. I was happy sanskar. I was still happy with the torture i undergo everyday", she said as she closed her eyes tightly," There wasn't a single day when he didn't slapped me. There wasn't a single day when i don't used to cry. From the time i started understanding thing's it was only one thing which is PAIN in my life. I always thought that one day my parent's will understand me and will give me the love i crave for. Everyone had parent's who used to wipe their tears when their children cries, doesn't sleep when their child was ill. Feed them by their hands. Sleep on their mother's lap. Embrace their father or sit on his shoulder's. Fulfill all of their child desires but, in my case it was all opposite", she told as tears starts flowing from her closed eyes and she stopped while sanskar keeps looking at her, his heart felt heavy. "Ragini", he called her out with needles pricking his throat.

Ragini covered her face with her both palms and cried crushing his heart," Why was i so unfortune to deserve all this? Why was i so unfortune sanskar? Why?", she shouts while he tries to embrace her but she moves away," Don't", she says now looking at him while his pained looking at her. Her eyes were red but this time with anger. "I used to crave for love. I used to beg GOD to give me parent's love atleast. Have someone ever thought what that 8 years old child have undergo to become this lifeless? Nobody saw my pain except him", she pointed towards Moon. "I never had anyone to share my feelings other than him but, nothing happened. I used to find happiness on my own. But, i never loose hope. I used to beleive that atleast one day my parent's realized their mistake but, no nothing happened instead i got to know that they sell me off to someone for money", she said as her face show her greif while he clenched his fist. "For money they sell me.... Me.....their own blood", she utters with disgust as she wipes her tears rashly while he tried to hold her again but she shows her palm," No one was their to hear me sanskar. No one. I begged them, i cried and instead he give me this", she shows her hand and he closed his eyes painfully while a whimper left his mouth. "Whenever i used to ask them for love they give me wounds. They give me these scars and wound so, that i can never forget those days, those screams,  those cries.. They treat me like a piece of trash.... A piece of trash or worst then that", she shouts as she hits her hand on the ground bruising her fist.

"Rag....Ragini", he tries to hold her but she pushed him,"stay away", she shouts and he stares at her helplessly while tears flows from his eyes as well. "Why...... why........ why they still haunts me......why sanskar why........", she shouts sobbing while fresh tears streams down her eyes and she closed her eyes sobbing while sanskar keeps his fist inside his mouth to prevent himself from breaking down.

"I run away that night", she utters in a low voice as she sniffed her nose and wipes her face with the back of her hand while he looks on teary eyed. "And that night starts another unfortunate fate of my life......... i never felt so lost which i felt that day roaming at unknown streets lost without any destination. Those monster looking guys who was looking at everyone with hunter gaze. Those starving dogs who barked looking at me as i am some piece of flesh to satisfy their hunger. Those people who look at me as if i am some beggar. Everyone makes me feel hollow.I runned, i runned as fast i could even with no energy left. For a moment that day i wanted to die. I wished for death", she says looking at sanskar whose lips was trembling as if he wants to say something but, nothing comes out. She smiled painfully," After two days of starving and continous running i was caught again", she utters," See how unlucky i am, in these two days the 8 years old Ragini knows what the world really is. She got to know that she has no one other then herself and there is no one to protect her from bad and evil.... ", she says as she again looks at the sky while wiping her tears before they can fall. Her heart was heavy and she felt her throat sore while speaking but, she isn't going to stop today.

"I was brought back again to hell from hell only...... but, something was changed and that was my love which is now become pure hatred for my parent's. That moment when i stepped back at my so called parent's place i see them with pure hatred. They take out their anger with all means they can by pulling and pushing and beating me but, i didn't flinch nor a scream left my mouth. They shuts me in a dark room which become my solace that day and i realized that this darkness is only solace in my life. I never thought that some more could have stored for me that day but...", she stopped as she looks at sanskar who was looking at her without blinking," i heard some shouts and i lean towards door and sneaks through keyhole only to find my namesake father arguing with someone..... i didn't realized what is happening until i saw a gun pointed at my father. For a moment i was scared and in the next i found my father and mother both dead", she stopped again looking at sanskar who freeze hearing her. "They died right infront of my eyes sanskar", she utters as she laughs humorously making his heart clutch on his chest. He gulps as he tries to hold her hand again which she back off instantly,"Ragini", he calls her name worriedly while she shakes her head. "No! Not Today", she uttered as she bites her lips," i was happy ", she utters closing her eyes," i was happy that they died", she says as again tears stream down her eyes and she looks at him with trembing," Can you imagine? An 8 year old child was happy because her parent's died. I was hap..py", she utters trembling and burst into gut wrenching sobs," i was happy sanskar..... i was....... i feel disgusted at the thought but i was happy", she cries and now he forcefully embraced her by keeping his one hand on her head patting and other on her shoulder while she clutched his shirt and cried," i become heartless sanskar.....i become heartless......Why sanskar? Why did i do to deserve all this? Why didn't i get my parent's love? Why was i soo unlucky sanskar? Why? Why they never loved me? Why sanskar? Whyyyyyyy???", she shouts hitting on his chest sobbing while he pulls her more into him while his tears were unstoppable. There was nothing which can describe his feelings, All he feeling was extreme pain on his chest seeing her like this. "I hate them sanskar..... i hate them for making me like this.......they still haunts me..... they still haunts me sanskar whenever i try to be happy", she screams clutching his shirt. She sobs while his heart bleeds seeing her. There was no such words that can console her in the moment which can lessen her grief. He inhaled a deep breath before partying her and wiping her tears,"You are not unfortune ragini.... they are", sanskar utters while she looks deeply into her eyes finding truth. She sniffed her nose and looks down while he was still holding her shoulder and she was holding his hand," I run away again that day", she told as she looks down remembering that day," and met with accident and another chapter starts of my life.... i was handed to orphanage and starts living there. I tried my best to forget every thing but, these scars those nightmares never left me. I was happy and i started living a life for myself. I started studying. I started helping others for money to buy chocolates. I also used to steal roses from a garden because they were my favourite. I also used to steal mangoes....... i was living my life alone but, was happy. The little ragini was fighting with her past self to become strong. I was growing and life was showing me a new perspective...... there were no place for people,love and relations in my life until", she stopped again as she closed her eyes and tears flows from her eyes. "Ragini", he called her out and she hugs him immediately," the orphanage where i was brought up lost it's head and another one come which filled a place of my mother in my life but, destiny played again. Destiny played again with me sanskar until the day....... ", she stopped as she lets the tears flows and clutched on his shirt while he caresses her head," i am listening", he whispers kissing her head," All i want is a person sanskar. A person whom i can call my friend. A person on whose shoulder i can. A person with whom i can share my grief and happiness. A person whom i can consider a part of my life. A person who will never leave me alone. A person who understands me. A person whom i can call mine. Was it too much to ask for?", she asked moving back from him while he cups her cheeks and wipes her tears and nodded NO. She looks at him and they shares a painful eyelock," I thought i got one", she utters breaking the eyelock and moves back from him again looking at the moon while he looked at her confused and he felt uneasiness in his heart, " I consider him the person i was looking for....", she couldn't complete because sanskar holds her hand and makes her look at him.

"Who?", he asked as unknown fear errupt in his heart as he looks at her face closely while she looks at him and her eyes flashed regret, disgust and pure hatred," The one who call himself my HUSBAND", she utters with pure hatred gritting her teeth while he left her shoulders instanly and a tear leaked his eyes in shock. He heard his heart breaking into pieces.

Screen Freezes On Sanskar broken Expression and Ragini Hatred Expression

To be continued........

Precap- It begins....

Chapter dedicated to My BS..... wish u a very happy birthdayyyyy big ssitaaaaaaaaa......be happy stay blessed...... love u

Ummmm.... i don't know what to write because i am confused...... i tried my best to show the emotions of ragini and sanskar while sharing her greif.... i didnt know it was or not as expected.....
So from here the drama begins and i don't know whether you'll lost your interest in this story because now its about ragini her past and her present..... maybe less ansh sanskar and ragini and much more....so bear it with me...... 😛

Aloooo ab October ka last shot dede......😤😤😤

Dont forget to read, vote and comment ...... and yess I'll be waiting for your response on this one because i am soo much confused for this one and i am not satisfied either........

Till then, take care....stay blessed....stay home and stay safe...

Loads of love.......

Fizo💙