-• is this a goodbye? •-

"We kissed."

Janet screams. And to think it's around eleven pm there, I really feel like she's going to wake up the entire neighborhood. Then she jumps up on her feet on the bed, her hands slapping against her mouth, and her eyes wide like owl. But owls have naturally wide eyes, and my friend doesn't, so she looks a tad bit creepy. Who am I kidding? She looks horrifying.

"Janet, calm down!" I hiss at her, removing one of my earbuds to protect my eardrums from getting punctured by her shrieking.

"Wait!" She flops down on her knees and pulls the laptop on her lap. "I need the deets. Like from beginning to end, okay? The whole thing. How it happened, why it happened! Everything! Tell me!" She demands.

I blush. "I mean, there was nothing major that made it happen. It was raining, we had a great time on our first date -"

"You went on a date!?" She gasps.

I nod slowly. "We did. We went to a fair."

"Tara," she pronounces slowly. "Why are you telling me this now!? And wait, you went on a date now? Oh, right, a secret date." She answers herself, air quoting the word secret. "So, tell me everything from the beginning. Did you see his face?"

I shake my head.

She sighs aloud. "I swear to God, if you weren't my friend, I'd be judging you so hard right now."

I smile sheepishly. "I have no regrets. It was his first kiss. I stole it to keep it as a souvenir."

"Souvenir?"

I hum. "I'm returning to England."

Her face turns serious. "What do you mean? Like forever?"

I shrug. "I've no idea for how long. But things went south when I decided to look into a few things on my own. My family feels I'm not safe here. At first, they planned to send me alone to live with you and your family. Wait, did your mother not tell you?" I suddenly switch the topic, curious about the answer.

"Nope," she replies. "But I did see mom and dad speaking in hushed voices in the kitchen after dinner. I guess that was what they were talking about."

Probably.

"Anyway, so yeah, it was the last time I was seeing him. Hence, I asked him out on a date, we had fun, and at the end of it, I kissed him."

"You kissed him?" She looks at me bewildered.

"Someone had to take the charge." I say nonchalantly.

"Damn girl, I'm proud of you." She whistles.

"Not a moment ago you said you'd judge me if I wasn't your friend."

"Yeah, but since I cannot, I settle on being proud of you." She scoffs. "When are you coming? Sounds selfish but I'm happy to hear the news."

"Sorry, Janet, but I'm going to do my best to stay back. And if I do come, Yuvaan and the twins will be tagging along. So I'm not staying under the same roof as you." I reply guiltily.

She nods in understanding. "I get it. Don't worry. But I'll be happy if you return home. It's been hard without you."

Home.

She still thinks England is my home.

I used to as well. But not anymore.

"How are your studies coming along?" I decide to change the topic. If we continued talking about my return to England, she'll be disappointed hearing how much I hate the idea of going back there. I love my friend, and I badly want to meet her, but at the cost of leaving my family behind? I'd rather not.

"Not so great," she forces out a chuckle. "Dad's forcing me to take medicine after highschool."

I sit straight in alarm. "But what about your writing?"

"Writing?" She snorts. "Becoming an author is so easy these days, Tara, but establishing your own name in it?" She shakes her head.

"I've read your work, Janet, and you know how much I hate reading. You're great at what you do. Don't give up, please."

She clicks her tongue. "Don't try to convince me."

"I will. And I'm going to try until you're convinced. Do you want me to talk to your father? Uncle Garrett will understand. Trust me, you just have to stand up for yourself."

"Honestly, Tara, I feel the same as Dad. I've the potential to study medicine. I'll be just wasting it by trying to become an author."

"He said that?"

"He's right."

I lean back on the headboard in disbelief. "I can't believe him. How can he do this to you?"

"You tell me, what will be your father's reaction if you say you want to become a writer?"

"He'll support me." I aver firmly.

"No, not your father. Change it to your brother."

I fall quiet uncharacteristically. I've always stood strong on my beliefs, on what I seek and desire to do in my life, but the thought of disappointing my eldest brother is new, and strangely, unsettling. Will he even understand me if I tell him I've decided to become a journalist? God, the impending confrontation is already getting on my nerves.

"What happened? Finally understood my dilemma?" She jabs. "We hate to disappoint the person we look up to, Tara."

I avoid answering. "What did you eat for dinner?" Is my another pathetic attempt at changing the topic.

"Mac and cheese," she replies with a simper. "What about you?"

"I don't know. I don't remember the names."

Realising that it's starting to get awkward between us, she asks me about the time here. "Four am."

"Do you not have to go for a run at five thirty?"

I nod. "But I'm not sleeping now. It'll be hard for me to wake up."

"Right," she whispers. "It's been so long since we became awkward around each other,"

"I know right." I chuckle in amusement.

"Tell me about the kiss," she places the laptop at the edge of the bed and lies flat on her stomach, her chin resting on her interlaced knuckles, and her feet sway in the air.

I blush crimson red. "It was just a peck."

Her face screws in disbelief. "What!?"

I nod, absentmindedly thinking back on the moment that happened in the rain.

He hadn't expected it, he hadn't expected me to really do it.

His hands floated on the sides, unsteady, a move of an amateur lover, overwhelmed and inexperienced.

But he sighed against my lips, his warm breathe settling in the cavern of my crevices, and I've never felt so calm in my head before.

We didn't move, we didn't try to venture deeper, in fear of the next, or in favour of our limited time, we didn't know, but this moment would be our muse forever.

I knew I was going to remember this kiss for the rest of my life the moment my lips touched his.

Would it be sin to compare this calm that I feel, the serenity that dances through my nerves, with every other peaceful moment I've spent in the abode of God?

Because it does feel like it, like I'm one with my soul, like I'm one with the heavens above, and that he's my stair to reach there.

"Did you learn to pray yet?" I whispered to his lips.

"If this desire to worship you is akin to the prayer offered to your almighty, then yes. Yes, I've learned to pray again." He pulled me impossibly closer by my waist.

I clutched his shoulders tightly.

"You just stole my first kiss, Princess, tell me how should I punish you?"

"I'll return it to you when we meet again."

Hearing me, he chuckled softly.

I placed my hand on half of his face before opening my eyes. His ebony chasms stared back at me with so much depth, if it was physically possible, I'd have stood at the edge of them, and never regretted taking a step forward.

"I don't want to feel so intensely for you." My eyes teared up, but they became one with the rain drops rolling down my cheeks.

"You'll find someone better," he slid his thumb over my cheek. "Remember, I'm not worth it?"

"Do you regret meeting me?" I tilted my head to the side.

"I regret not meeting you earlier. I regret not treating you better when we first met. And I regret not being worthy of you." He murmured. His hand curled around my hand, in an attempt to uncover himself.

"No!" I resisted. "I'd rather have you as someone without a face in my memory than give you a face and remember it everytime I meet someone who's not you."

"Fair enough." His eyes smiled.

"Goodbye, mystery man."

He chuckled. "Goodbye, Princess."

"Don't look back." I said and walked past him, sliding my hand down his face and dropping it to my side as I leave him there, in the middle of the night, soaking under the rain.

"Tara!" I break through the memory. "What the fuck!? I've been staring at you for the last two minutes now and you were just blankly smiling into the distance."

I clear my throat feeling my cheeks heat up.

"You were thinking about it, weren't you?" She teases. "What was so great about a peck?"

"His words, Janet!" I state. "He speaks like a fucking Prince!"

"What do you mean?"

"So eloquent, so poetic and so fucking confident." I sigh dreamily.

She slowly smiled widely. "Really? What did he say?"

"Nope, it's only for me to remember."

"C'mon, tell me!" She groans.

"No, no, no," I wag my finger in a denial.

She sighs in defeat. "Fine. I'm finding a fucking Prince and making him dirty talk to me in a poetic language and then I'm not telling it to you. Just wait and watch."

"Arush is dumb."

She blinks in surprise. "So? Why are you telling me?"

"Just letting you know." I shrug.

She rolls her eyes, but the blush on her cheeks gives her away. "Alright, it's late in the night and I've school tomorrow."

"I don't!" And I make sure to rub it in her face.

"Lucky you." She taunts me. "Bye now. Goodnight. Don't try to think about him so much, loser."

I stick my tongue at her. "At least I've someone, Miss. Forever single."

She gapes at me, clearly offended. "You don't even know his name, hoe. I'd rather go on a date with a guy I know the name of."

"You did not-" she hangs up giggling like a school girl. She is. But she is also the irritating version of it.

Closing the laptop, I place it on the nightstand and get down the bed to change into my morning run clothes. I haven't even dried my hair after returning to my room. I'm going catch a cold and I'm going to blame it on the icecream I ate last night after dinner.

Agastya knocks on my door at sharp five thirty. I take my sweet time fixing my bed before opening the door, expecting a glare but getting disheartened when he forces a smile on his face. "Shall we?"

I nod and we make our way to the elevator. He presses for the ground floor before leaning against the metal wall. I fix my gaze reading the descending numbers on the led above the doors.

"Should we go out and have some fun today?" He offers when we reach the field.

"Why are you acting so sweet? You know I'm not used to it."

He rolls his eyes. "I'm trying to be a good brother."

"How can you be good when you were never bad?" I place a hand on my hip. "Don't pity me." It's one thing using it to live when you had no one, and a whole different thing to see it on the faces of your loved ones for you.

"Tara," he frowns.

"What? Am I wrong?" I retort.

"Okay, fine, should we link our arms like before?" That brings a smile on my face.

"Yeah," so I nod and lock my arm with his. He chuckles before we start our morning run. We return to palace at around eight am when the sun is already up and shining. I didn't expect to see Yuvraaj in the living room with everyone else, sitting in silence, as though they were waiting for someone. And when their eyes find me, I realise they were indeed waiting for someone, turns out it was me. "What's with the mood here?" I let go of Agastya's arm and we walk inside together.

"Did you tell her to start packing her belongings?" Yuvraaj looks at Agastya.

"Wait what!?" I exclaim in shock. "I'm leaving already?"

"You would want to sit here," Yuvraaj motions me to settle on the couch across from him. I oblige, needing to give my feet the much coveted rest. "Your summer holidays will last for the next three months. I don't see the point of you staying here when you'll be resuming your schooling in London."

"With Janet?" My voice catches on the hope.

"A private school." He crushes it down mercilessly.

My shoulders droop in misery.

"Remember the vacation I mentioned before the day of your last exam?"

I nod.

He motions his hand towards the globe in the centre of the coffee table seperating us. "Choose where you want to go."

"Any- Anywhere?"

He nods curtly. "Your brothers gave up on their chances because they want you to enjoy your vacation wholeheartedly."

I glance at the twins and Agastya with a pout. I don't mind this kind of pity. "Thank you, guys." I murmur.

Agastya chuckles and sprawls next to me on the couch. He leans forward to pick up the globe and brings it on his lap. "Choose."

I curb the smile growing on my face and focus on the globe, rolling it slowly as I read through the names. "South Korea?" I look at Yuvraaj.

"South Korea, it is." He stands up from the couch and buttons his blazer.

I gasp. "Are- Are you serious? This is not a joke, right? Are we really going to South Korea? To where my Ji Chang Wook lives? Are we going to my husband's homeland?" I slap my hands on my cheeks. "Oh my God, I can't wait to meet him!" I gush like a school girl. Yes, the one I used as an insult for Janet. I'm a hypocrite.

Yuvraaj freezes in his place.

"You've a boyfriend there!?" Agastya grabs my arm and yanks it so I face him.

"Ow!" I wrench it out of his hold.

"No, she called him her husband!" Arush points out.

"Husband? You got married without us knowing?" Vivaan furrows his brows.

"Maybe she got married when she was in England?" Arush wonders aloud.

Dad gasp. "Tara! You're still a minor! Why do you already have a husband!?"

"You're not going to South Korea anymore." Yuvraaj glares down at me, so harsh if his eyes had lasers I'd be in ashes right now. "I'm going to South Korea. And I'm getting rid of that motherfu-"

"He's an actor. I'm just a fan." I blink.

I've never seen men get so embarrassed so quickly in my life before. It's a historical moment and the second I burst out laughing, all of them scramble away awkwardly.

"Yes, South Korea!" I punch the air excitedly and rush upstairs to my room to share the news with Janet. When she doesn't reply for long, I conclude she's asleep and head inside the bathroom for a long shower.

While searching through clothes to wear after I'm washed and cleaned, my eyes fall on the white dress I wore last night. The sadness settles into me faster than light.

No.

I'm going to forget him.

He isn't worth it, remember?

Grabbing a pair of shorts, a loose tee, and my undies from the drawer, I change into them before combing through the knots in my hair and throwing them in a loose pony.

When I come out of the closet, the plushie he won me last night at the fair stares back at me from the bed. I drag myself closer and sprawl on the fancy sheets, before bringing the plushie closer.

"I'm going to forget you in no time." I say confidently. "Didn't Janet say I get attracted very easily? Guess what, I'm disinterested just as easily. And everytime I miss you, I'm going to blame you. Even if you weren't at fault. Because that's the only way I can get over you as fast as I can." I throw the plushie aside and drape an arm across my eyes, wishing I could turn blind to my predicament as I turn blind to my feelings.

The door opens and I sit straight. Did I not close it properly after coming back from the run? I don't get to dwell on that possibility when I see Vivaan at the doorstep.

My jaw automatically clenches tightly, a feeble fight to stop the tears from spilling down my eyes.

"Tara,"

"Leave." I state.

He shakes his head and enters the room, closing the door behind him. "Listen me out,"

"I don't want to." I whisper. "I heard enough when Dad said you agreed with Yuvraaj Bhai's decision."

He comes to sit on the edge of the bed, his hand reaching out to cup my feet. I curl my toes, and slide them out of his hold, tucking them beneath. "Tara, I'm sorry. But this is necessary."

"Then you shouldn't have loved me the way you did. You shouldn't have made the seperation so hard." I'm seconds away from bursting out in tears.

"Oh, Tara, don't say that." He clutches my fingers and pulls me in his embrace. I weep hard against his chest.

"I don't want to go, Bhai. I really don't want to." I cling onto him tightly. "I'll miss you and Agastya terribly. I don't want to live without a father again. Please, Bhai." I beg him.

"Tara, what's a nest if it doesn't watch its children leave the threshold, my love?" He whispers. "One day you'd have to move out for your higher studies. It was inevitable."

"But it's not necessary now." I force through my sobs.

"Tara," he pulls away to look down at me, his eyes teary.

"Please talk to Yuvraaj Bhai. Try to convince him. Please."

"I can't, Tara. For your sake, I can't."

"I swear I won't do this again. I'll focus solely on my studies." I pinch my throat.

"You did nothing wrong, my love. It isn't your fault. Everything here is just so complicated. It has happened before, so many times, with almost all of us. But it never shocked us this hard. We can't tolerate anything happening to you, Tara. Your safety is our priority." He cooes softly, like he's talking to a child.

I sniffle.

"I'm here to help you pack. Hmm? Put on a tough smile for me, Princess. Because I'm a second away from crying like a baby." He whispers to me.

I chuckle through my tears. "Will I be going directly to London after my vacation?"

"Unfortunately, yes." He nods.

"Will you be okay?"

He swallows. "Honestly, no." He shoots me a painful smile. "We weren't taught to live with you when you first came, and now we have to teach ourselves to live without you. It's going to be hard."

"Good." I nod pettily.

He smiles in amusement. "C'mon, let's pack your things."

I get down the bed half-heartedly and move to my closet. Slowly, we empty the room of my things and stuff it in the bags and cardboard boxes. I stop myself from breaking down everytime I look at an empty corner of my room that was once filled with my things. In less than a day, the room that saw me blushing, crying, giggling and laughing, went back to the room that never saw me before. The emptiness feels so strange and heartbreaking.

"What is this?" Vivaan eyes the wrapped Canvas in my suitcase.

"An incomplete painting." I sigh and zip the suitcase. "All done?" I look up at him as I roll my suitcase among the two other.

He nods.

"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" I look up at him.

His eyes soften. "Of course, you can. We'll watch a movie."

"Tangled?"

He smiles. "Tangled."

A knock on the door captures our attention. The maid informs us about the dinner.

We reach the dining hall together. I see my remaining brothers wait for us, seated on their usual chairs. Dad pulls the seat for me, sending me a sheepish smile when our eyes meet. I smile back and sit down, pushing my chair closer to him. His eyes water up almost immediately. "I'm sorry."

I shake my head. "I'm sorry. I was rude to you."

"No," He strokes the back of my head. "I'm sorry for lacking as a father."

Saddened at the thought, I lower my eyes to my plate, unable to refute his words, no matter how much I wanted to.

"I've something to share," Yuvraaj says, gathering the attention of everyone in the room. "The Chairman wants Shourya to join you guys for the vacation. He thinks a change of place will help his health. I couldn't say no, not after I fired Miss. Rose from her position without notifying him first."

My breath hitches in my throat.

Just why?

One more chapter and RTR will end. Everyone who's been waiting for a change in pov, the next chapter is dedicated to you.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment. Makes my day.