CHAPTER THIRTEEN
( ALIVE ON ARRIVAL )

THEY STOOD IN THE shadows of Valencia Boulevard, looking up at gold letters etched in black marble: DOA RECORDING STUDIOS.

Underneath, stenciled on the glass doors: NO SOLICITORS. NO LOITERING. NO LIVING.

Even though it was almost midnight, the lobby was brightly lit and full of people. A tough looking guard was behind the security desk, wearing sunglasses and an earpiece.

Hopefully they didn't have to fight him or anyone else to get to their destination. Her body still felt weak and tired from earlier, and it was so tempting to lean against the building's wall to rest, but she held herself back. Kali didn't need the others worrying about her; they were about to enter the Underworld.

They had bigger things to worry about than her feeling tired.

Percy turned to them. "Okay. You remember the plan."

Like their plan, for instance. And saving Percy's mom.

"The plan," Grover gulped. "Yeah. I love the plan."

Kali nodded. "It's a good plan." Probably not the best, but everything had worked out so far for them, one way or another.

"What happens if the plan doesn't work?" asked Annabeth.

"Don't think negative," she immediately said.

"Right. We're entering the Land of the Dead, and I shouldn't think negative."

A second went by where Percy pulled out the pearls from his pocket and looked at them.

Obviously thinking better of her words, she put her hand on Percy's shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, Percy. You're right, we'll make it. It'll be fine." Annabeth nudged Grover.

"Oh!" he chimed in. "We got this far. We'll find the master bolt and save your mom. No problem."

"They're right, you know," Kali added, giving him a small nudge with her elbow. "We've got this."

Percy looked at them. He was quiet for a moment, clearly thinking something, and then slipped the pearls back into his pocket. "Let's whup some Underworld butt."

+++

Inside the lobby, muzak played softly through hidden speakers, the kind of stuff Kali often heard in elevators and whatnot. The walls and carpet were steel gray. Pencil cacti grew in each corner of the lobby like skeletal hands. The furniture was black leather, and every single seat was occupied by the dead. It was packed. People sat on couches; some stood, others stared out the windows or even waited by the elevator. No one spoke or moved, or much of anything, really.

Looking out of the corner of her eye, Kali was able to see the people clearly, but when she focused straight on, they became harder to see. Transparent, like ghosts.

DOA, she thought, Dead On Arrival. Right. Makes sense.

For a moment, Kali was tempted to keep searching the over crowded lobby for her adoptive mother. But that would take too much time they didn't have, and even if they did, it would still be near impossible. Still, part of her wished she could see Auli'i one more time.

Shaking away those thoughts, and ignoring the small amount of disappointment within her, she focused on making her way to the security guard with the others.

His desk was a raised podium, so when they got to it they all had to look up at him.

The guy was tall and elegant, with beautiful brown skin and bleach-blond hair shaved into a military cut. He wore tortoiseshell shades and a silk Italian suit that matched his hair. A black rose was pinned to his lapel right under a silver name tag.

When Percy read the name tag, his expression twisted into bewilderment. "Your name is Chiron?"

The guy leaned across the desk with a sweet yet cold smile that made Kali particularly unnerved. "What a precious young lad," he said, accent strange. British, but also like English wasn't his first language. "Tell me, mate, so I look like a centaur?"

"N-no."

"Sir," he added smoothly.

"Sir," Percy said.

He pinched the name tag and ran his finger under the letters. "Can you read this, mate? It says C-H-A-R-O-N. Say it with me: CARE-ON."

"Charon."

"Amazing! Now: Mr. Charon."

"Mr. Charon."

"Well done." He sat back. "I hate being confused with that old horse-man. And now, how may I help you little dead ones?"

"We want to go to the Underworld," Annebeth said.

Chiron's mouth twitched. "Well, that's refreshing."

"It is?" she asked.

"Straight forward and honest. No screaming. No 'There must be a mistake, Mr. Charon.'" He looked them over. "How did you die, then?"

Percy nudged Grover.

"Oh," he said. "Um...drowned...in the bathtub.'

"All four of you?" Charon asked.

They nodded.

"It was a big bathtub," Kali said.

"Must have been," he mused, and looked mildly impressed. "I don't suppose you have coins for passage. Normally, with adults, you see, I could charge your American Express, or add the ferry price to your last cable bill. But with children...alas, you never die prepared. Suppose you'll have to take a seat for a few centuries."

"Oh, but we have coins." Percy set three drachmas on the counter, part of a stash he found in Crusty's office.

"Well, now..." Charon moistened his lips. "Real drachmas. Real golden drachmas. I haven't seen these in..." His fingers hovered greedily over the coins.

Just a little closer...

Then Charon looked at Percy. Even from looking at him at an angle, Kali could tell the stare was cold. "Here now," he said.  "You couldn't read my name correctly. Are you dyslexic, lad?"

"No," Percy said. "I'm dead."

Charon leaned forward and sniffed. "You're not dead. I should've known. You're a godling." His gaze shifted to Kali so suddenly, she flinched slightly. "But you... Something drained you very recently."

"We have to get to the Underworld," Percy insisted before she got a chance to reply. He moved forward, and shifted to where his shoulder pushed Kali a little bit behind him.

A growling sound emitted from Charon, from deep within in his throat, cutting Kali off from sending Percy an annoyed look – she could take care of herself.

The dead immediately began to pace around the waiting room, agitated. Some lit cigarettes, or ran their hands through their hair. Others checked their watches.

"Leave while you can," Charon told them. "I'll just take these and forget I ever saw you."

Kali pushed herself forward and snatched the coins when he went to grab them. "No, I don't think you will," she said. She hoped she didn't sound as weak as she felt.

"No service, no tip," Percy told him, and took the coins without looking away from Charon when she handed them over.

He growled again – a deep, blood-chilling sound. The dead began to pound on the elevator doors.

"It's a shame, too." Percy sighed. "We had more to offer." He lifted up the entire bag from Crusty's stash enough for Charon to see. He picked up a fistful, then let the coins slip through his fingers.

Charon's growl changed into something akin to a purr. "Do you think I can be bought, godling? Eh...just out of curiosity, how much have you got there?"

"A lot. I bet Hades doesn't pay you well enough for such hard work."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it. How would you like to babysit these spirits all day? Always 'Please don't let me be dead' or 'Please let me across for free.' I haven't a pay raise in three thousand years. Do you imagine suits like this come cheap?"

"Sounds like Hell," Kali deadpanned. "But you don't deserve that."

"You deserve better," Percy agreed. "A little appreciation."

A few coins were placed back on the counter by him.

"Respect," she tacked on.

Another coin got added to the stack.

"Good pay," he said, and put a couple more on the stack of drachmas.

Charon glanced down at his silk Italian suit, as if imagining himself in something even better. "I must say, godlings, you're making some sense now. Just a little."

Percy added a final few coins. "I could mention a pay raise while I'm talking to Hades."

He sighed. "The boat's almost full, anyway. I might as well add you four and be off." He stood and scooped up the money. "Come along."

They pushed through the crowd of waiting spirits, who grabbed at their clothes like the wind, their voices whispering things Kali was unable to make out. Charon shoved them out of their way, grumbling, "Freeloaders."

He escorted them into the elevator. It was already crowded with souls of the dead, each one holding a green boarding pass. Charon grabbed two spirits who were trying to get on with them and pushed them back into the lobby.

"Right. Now, no one get any ideas while I'm gone," he announced to the waiting room. "And if anyone moves the dial of my easy-listening staton again, I'll make sure you're here for another thousand years. Understand?"

He shut the doors. Then, they started to descend once he put a key card into a slot.

"What happens to the spirits waiting in the lobby?" Annabeth asked.

"Nothing."

"For how long?"

"Forever, or until I'm feeling generous."

"Oh," she said. "That's...fair."

Charon raised an eyebrow. "Whoever said death was fair, young miss? Wait until it's your turn. You'll die soon enough, where you're going." He sent a glance at Kali.

"We'll get out alive," Percy said. "All of us."

"Ha."

Kali suddenly became dizzy. Instead of going down, they began to move forward. The air turned misty. Spirits around her started to change shape. Their modern clothes flickered, turning into gray hooded robes. The floor of the elevator began swaying. It didn't help with her already weakened state.

She rubbed at her eyes and blinked a few times, and locked her knees to stay upright. Then she glanced over at Charon, only to do a double take. His creamy Italian suit was gone, replaced with a long black robe, and the sunglasses were gone as well. His eye sockets were completely empty – totally dark, null of light but full night and death and despair.

He noticed her and Percy looking, and said, "Well?"

"Nothing," Percy managed.

Kali wanted to say Charon was grinning, but that would be wrong. The flesh of his face was becoming transparent, allowing anyone looking to see his skull with no problem.

She pressed her lips together to hide a grimace, and looked away from him.

Unease grew in her gut with each passing second. They were going to the Underworld. Charon was turning into a skeleton. The people around her, excluding her friends and brother, were dead.

This was fine.

Everything was fine.

The floor continued to sway. She stumbled, but caught herself. Percy looked at her worriedly and she waved him off.

"I think I'm getting seasick," groaned Grover.

Suddenly, the elevator was gone, and instead Kali and everyone else stood in a wooden barge. Charon poled them along across a dark, oily river. It swirled with bones, dead fish, and other, stranger things – plastic dolls, crushed carnations, soggy diplomas.

Kali reached out with her senses to feel the river just to see if she could,, only to reel them back in with how gross the water felt.

"The River Styx," Annabeth murmured. "It's so..."

"Polluted," Charon said. "For thousands of years, you humans have been throwing in everything as you come across – hopes, dreams, wishes that never came true. Irresponsible waste management, if you ask me."

Mist curled off the filthy water. Above them was a ceiling of stalactites, which were almost lost in the gloom. Ahead, the far shore glimmered with greenish light, the color of poison.

Everything was fine, she repeated like a mantra in her head, even though it didn't feel like it. Even though panic crawled up her throat, and anxiety festered in her gut. She crossed her arms, and gripped her biceps tightly. Everything was fine.

A hand gently touched down on her shoulder. She flinched mildly, and only relaxed even a little bit when she noticed it was only Grover. He was trying to comfort her, she knew by the gentle touch and the nervous yet kind smile, but it unfortunately didn't work that much. Still, she sent him a timid smile of her own and patted his hand with trembling fingers.

The shoreline of the Underworld came into view. Craggy rocks and black volcanic sand stretched inland about a hundred yards to the base of a high stone wall, which extended in either direction as far as they could see.

A howl came from somewhere within the green gloom. The sound echoed off the stones, and came from a large animal.

Grover's hand hadn't left Kali's shoulder, so when his grip tightened with fear, she didn't flinch. She did, though, grab at his wrist as they inched closer together.

"Old Three-Face is hungry," Charon said, skeletal smile turned green in the Underworld's dim light. "Bad luck for you, godlings."

The bottom of the boat slid onto the black sand, and the dead disembarked. A woman holding a little girl's hand. An old man and an old woman, arm in arm, hobbling along. A boy no older than twelve shuffling along silently.

But no sign of Auli'i. It didn't surprise her, but that disappointment that showed in the DOA lobby came back.

Kali, Percy, Grover, and Annabeth got off just as quiet as the dead.

Charon said, "I'd wish you luck, mate, but there isn't any down here."

She separated from her friends, and pulled out two coins from her pocket. She handed them over to Charon with the sharpest smile she could muster. "A service tip," she said as he took them.

"Ah, yes." He added them to the others. "Don't forget to mention my pay raise, mind you." Then, he counted all of the golden coins into his pouch, and took up his pole. He warbled something that sounded like a Barry Manilow song as he ferried the empty barge back across the river.

Kali returned to the others, and they followed the spirits up a well-worn path.

+++

Honestly, Kali was expecting an inhumanly large, charcoal black gate as the entrance to the Underworld, with nightmarish monsters guarding it. Not a cross between an airport security and the Jersey Turnpike.

There were three separate entrances under one huge black archway that said YOU ARE NOW ENTERING EREBUS. Each entrance had a pass-through metal detector with security cameras mounted on top. Beyond that, black-robed ghouls manned tollbooths.

The howling of the hungry animal – of Cerberus – was really loud now, but Kali couldn't see where the three-headed dog was. It was nowhere to be seen. It was almost as anxiety inducing as not knowing whether or not Ralph was in a bad mood for the day.

The dead queued up in the three lines, two marked ATTENDANT ON DUTY, and one marked EZ DEATH. The EZ DEATH line was moving right along, while the other two merely crawled.

"What do you figure?" Percy asked Annabeth.

"The fast line must go straight to the Asphodel Fields," she said. "No contest. They don't want to risk judgment from the court, because it might go against them."

"There's a court for dead people?"

"Yeah. Three judges. They switch around who sits on the bench. King Minos, Thomas Jefferson, Shakespeare – people like that. Sometimes they look at life and decide that person needs a special reward – the Fields of Elysium. Sometimes they decide on punishment. But most people, well, they just lived. Nothing special, good or bad. So they go to the Asphodel Fields."

"And do what?" asked Kali.

Grover said, "Imagine standing in a wheat field in Kansas. Forever."

"Harsh," said Percy.

"Not as harsh as that," Grover muttered. "Look."

A couple of the ghouls had pulled aside one spirit and were frisking him at the security desk.

"He's that preacher who made the news, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

Kali didn't. She never watched the news, but Ralph did. She never stuck close by him if she could help it when he did, though, because it always made him annoyed and/or mad. So she had no idea who the preacher dude was or why he was getting singled out by the ghouls. She sent a look to Annabeth, silently asking if she knew, but she shrugged and shook her head.

Percy asked, "What are they doing to him?"

"Special punishment from Hades," Grover guessed. "The really bad people get his personal attention as soon as they arrive. The Fur– the Kindly Ones will set up an eternal torture for him."

"But if he's a preacher, and he believes in a different hell..."

Grover shrugged. "Who says he's seeing this place the way we're seeing it? Humans see what they want to see. You're very stubborn – er, persistent, that way."

As they got closer to the gates, the growling foot louder – so much so that the sound shook the ground. But Kali still couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

Then, ahead of them at about fifty feet, the green mist shimmered. Standing just where the path split into three lanes was an enormous shadowy monster. Like the dead, Cerberus was half transparent, which explained why neither she nor Percy and their friends saw him. Up until he moved, he blended in with whatever was behind him. Only the eyes and teeth were solid.

And one of the three heads was staring right at her and Percy.

Her breath involuntarily hitched when she noticed. At her sides, her hands balled into fists, and she dug her nails into her palms just enough to keep herself from freaking out.

Gods, once they get out of here, she was never willingly coming back here ever again.

Something about the Underworld seriously freaked her out.

Percy's jaw dropped. "He's a Rottweiler."

The dead walked right up to him with no fear at all. (Did they even see him?) The ATTENDANT ON DUTY lines parted on either side of him. The EZ DEATH spirits walked right between his front paws and under his belly, which they could do without even crouching, because he was at least twice the size of a wooly mammoth.

"I'm starting to see him better," Percy muttered. "Why is that?"

"I think..." Annabeth licked her lips nervously. "I'm afraid it's because we're getting closer to being dead."

"That's...lovely," Kali forced out sarcastically.

Cerberus's middle head craned toward them. It sniffed the air and growled.

"It can smell the living," Percy said.

"But that's okay," Grover said, trembling in his spot on the other side of Percy. "Because we have plan."

"Right," said Annabeth, voice small in a way Kali had never heard before. "A plan."

They moved toward the monster.

They middle head snarled, then barked so loud Kali swore her eyeballs rattled.

"Can you understand it?" Percy asked Grover.

"Oh yeah," he said. "I can understand it."

"What's it saying?"

"I don't think humans have a four-letter word that translates, exactly."

Kali reached into the backpack and grabbed the big stick – a bedpost Percy had broken off Crusty's Safari Deluxe floor model. She handed to it him, and Percy held it up. He tried for a smile.

"Hey, Big Fella," he called. "I bet they don't play with you much."

Another eardrum rattling growl.

"Good boy," Percy said weakly.

"I think that's a no," Kali faintly whispered.

Percy waved the stick. The dog's middle head followed the movement, but the other two kept their eyes trained on Percy, ignoring the spirits of the dead. He had Cerberus's undivided attention. It probably wasn't a good thing.

"Fetch!" Percy threw the stick into the gloom, a good solid throw. It went ker-sploosh in the River Styx.

Cerberus glared at him, unimpressed. Baleful and cold.

Kali tensed when Cerberus began to growl differently. It sounded like it came from deeper within his three throats.

"Um, Percy?" said Grover.

"Yeah?"

"I just thought you'd want to know."

"Yeah?"

"Cerberus? He's saying we've got ten seconds to pray to the god of our choice. After that...well...he's hungry."

"Wait!" Annabeth shouted.

For the first time since she saw the monster, Kali looked away from Cerberus and to Annabeth, who started to rifle through her pack. Kali just watched, scared and confused.

"Five seconds," Grover said. "Do we run now?"

Annabeth produced a red rubber ball the size of a grapefruit. It was labeled WATERLAND, DENVER, CO. Before any of them could stop her, she raised the ball and marched straight up to Cerberus.

An aborted, shocked sound came from Kali's throat.

Annabeth shouted, "See the ball? You want the ball, Cerberus? Sit!"

Cerberus looked as stunned as Kali, Percy, and Grover were.

All three of his heads cocked sideways. Six nostrils flared.

"Sit!" she called again.

Kali was positive that at any moment her newest friend would become a tasty snack for Cerberus.

Instead, he licked each set of lips, shifted on his haunches, and sat, immediately crushing a dozen spirits who'd been passing underneath. The spirits made muffled hissed as they dissipated, like the air let out of tires.

"Good boy!" Annabeth praised him. Then, she threw the ball.

Cerberus caught it in his middle mouth. It was barely big enough for him to chew on, and the other two heads began to snap at the middle as they tried to get the new toy.

"Drop it!" she ordered.

The heads stopped fighting and looked at her. The ball was wedged between two of his teeth like a tiny piece of gum. Cerberus whimpered, though it was louder and scarier than it was if it came from a regular dog, then he dropped the ball at Annabeth's feet. It was now slimy and nearly bitten in half.

"Good boy," she repeated. Ignoring the monster drool, she picked it up, and then turned to Kali, Percy, and Grover. "Go now. EZ DEATH line – it's faster."

Percy began, "But–"

"Now!" She ordered them in the same tone she used on Cerberus.

They warily inched forward.

Cerberus started to growl.

"Stay!" Annabeth ordered the monster. "If you want the ball, stay!"

He whimpered again, but did as told.

"What about you?" Percy asked Annabeth as they passed her.

"I know what I'm doing, Percy," she muttered. "At least, I'm pretty sure..."

"I could stay with you," Kali offered.

She shook her head. "No. Go with Percy and Grover. I'll be fine."

The thought of leaving Annabeth to face Cerberus alone made her gut twist uneasily once again, but Kali trusted her. And she trusted her plans to follow through, too. So, she walked forward with the boys, between Cerberus' legs and underneath his belly.

They made it through. Kali had nearly face-planted once, feet tripping over one another because she was still so tired, and Percy caught her elbow in a flash and they had to hurry the rest of the way without being too conspicuous – but they made it. Hades' dog wasn't any less scary-looking from behind.

Annabeth exclaimed, "Good boy!" She held up the tattered red ball, and probably came to the same conclusion Kali, maybe even Percy too, did: that if she threw it and rewarded Cerberus, there'd be nothing left for another trick.

She threw it anyway. Cerberus caught it with it's left mouth immediately, only to be attacked by the middle head while the right one moaned in protest.

With each head distracted, Annabeth walked briskly under the belly and joined the others at the metal detector.

"How did you do that?" Percy asked, amazed.

Kali would vocalize her own amazement if she didn't feel so fatigued. And unless her imagination was getting to her, it was getting worse.

"Obedience school," she heard Annabeth explain breathlessly as she focused on keeping herself upright. "When I was little, at my dad's house, we had a Doberman..."

"Never mind that," Grover interrupted. "Come on!"

The next few moments were a blur. Annabeth said goodbye to a whining Cerberus, and the boys pushed through the metal detector, which set off screaming alarms and red lights, and Unauthorized possessions! Magic detected!" which was followed by Cerberus' earthshaking barks.

They burst through the gate, and that merely set off more alarms.

Kali forced herself to run as fast as she could, following the others deeper into the Underworld. Minutes went by until they found a spot to hide – a rotten trunk of a black tree – and she let herself slouch down until she was basically lying down, out of breath and fatigued and unable to feel better.

Ghouls scuttled by as they yelled for backup from the Kindly Ones.

Grover murmured, "Well, Percy, what have we learned today?"

"That three-headed dogs prefer red rubber balls over sticks?"

"No. We've learned that your plans really, really bites!"

"Kali?" Annabeth's voice sounded really close.

Kali grunted.

A hand some-what gently patted her cheek. She peeled her eyes opened – when did she close them? – and saw Annabeth's hovering over her, glassy eyes worried and trained on her. "Kali? Are you okay?"

Suddenly, Percy was on her other side. "What's wrong?"

"I'm..." Kali huffed and pushed herself up, and leaned back on weak arms. It was harder than it should be. It made Kali torn between hiding the truth because she didn't want to be seen as weak and useless, and admitting it because part of her was scared. Eventually, the former of the two options won out, "...Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Just tired from running."

Percy frowned. "Are you sure?"

"You're, like, kinda pale, Kali," Grover inputted.

Annabeth was frowning too, but in that way that told everyone she was trying to figure something out in that big brain of hers.

Annoyance flared within her. So much for not making them worried. Despite that, though, Kali plastered on a smile. "Yes, I promise. Between just now and what I did at Crusty's, I'm just tired. It's okay. You don't need to worry about me."

None of them looked entirely convinced, but Percy's shoulders relaxed and Grover began to breath a bit easier and Annabeth's brows smoothed out.

They all fell into silence. The only sounds around them were the ghouls, and Cerberus' saddened whines.

————

A/N— i was very tempted to have kali help lie for them again when charon asked how they died, but the 'dying in a very large tub' lie is too iconic to change in any way

the trio noticing kali not doing well & being worried & wanting to help vs kali's inferiority complex & pride – fight!