Despite being famished, the pizza did not taste as great as it should have. They sat the furthest apart from each other as they could, shooting each other glances of mixed emotions. Azura cut off another slice and toyed with it a bit before biting a tiny piece of the tip of the pizza. Chewing slowly, she again glanced at Lucas. He stared back, the longing clearly visible in his eyes which was quickly replaced by pain as he quickly looked away again.

It was clear he felt the same as she did. She had no doubt about it, but something was holding him back. She had noticed him twitching at times just as she twitched whenever the Phoenix forcefully made its presence known within her.

Azura swallowed the food and scraped her throat hoping her voice would not skip. "Talk to me... Please?"

Lucas stopped eating for a second as he took a deep breath of air and looked up again. "You should eat. How long has it been since you had a proper meal?"

"That's not what I meant." She rolled her eyes. "Do you... remember... anything at all?" Inquisitive eyes tried to dig into his.

Lucas placed down his knife and leaned back as he seemed to look for the answer on the ceiling. After a moment of silence he softly answered.

"Last I remember is me following Zahair down, kicking some ass and being overwhelmed right after Zahair forced me to hit him. After that... It's just one big blur." Lucas swallowed and took a breather. "There are... bits and pieces. Mostly feelings that I can remember."

Azura took another bite as he talked but she could have been eating dust for all she cared. It tasted the same yet she forced herself to eat. When she had forcefully swallowed more of her food she decided to just approach the subject head on.

"What feelings? Like the urge to... hurt me?"

Lucas's eyes went as big as a doe caught in the headlights. "I.. no! Well... I could never hurt you!"

His behavior was so out of character as he seemed more confused than ever. The big man seemed so little as guilt was written all over his face. But they had to have this talk, no matter how much it would hurt. Azura bit her lip, took a deep breath and decided to rip the bandage off in one go.

"You did hurt me. You hurt me the deepest you could. You killed me... With your bare hands." The shock with which Lucas stared at her made her want to take it all back. She wanted to take it all away and hug him, comfort him and thus comfort herself but she couldn't.

"That did not hurt me the most though," She continued, "You had changed, I didn't recognize you at all. It was your body but it was not you inside. The man that helped me, became my friend, my lover, was gone. It drove me mad."

She reached out her hand across the table and he did the same, may it be a bit reluctant at first. As he fingers touched his, she carefully studied his face. He avoided looking at her but for a brief moment she could swear there was some bit of serenity that claimed his face. It didn't last long as he abruptly pulled his hand back and clutched his head with a pained groan.

"Those feelings are not your own, Lucas. You can fight them." She waited for him to get himself together again all the while forcing herself to eat. It went against everything she was feeling and her stomach slowly started protesting too.

"I'm trying!" He grunted louder than he had intended. Straight after he took another few deep breaths and righted himself again. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long was I... like that and how did I... return, to say it like that?" This time it was for Azura to feel shocked. She had expected someone to fill him in at least a little bit but apparently they had not. Bur she was sure she had heard Nicolai mention him being dead. He had to know something at least?

"Nicolai or the others... did not tell you?" She raised her eyebrows confused.

"No. Said I should talk to you but you were still knocked out cold and well... You know, I didn't want to wake you afraid I might actually follow those fucked up thoughts." He had finished half of his pizza by now, just like her. "Tell me everything. Please."

She bit her lip once more knowing she would have to come clean too. Her stomach twisted inside making her grimace as she tried to ignore the sudden nauseous feeling.

"To be honest, I don't know. It has been weeks... Time for me became something insignificant. You killed me, Lucas. You were brainwashed, or something, and you killed me. Choked me... I couldn't fight back, not without hurting or killing you so I let it happen. When I... woke up again the Phoenix and me... came to terms but for some people that change is something they can't handle. You've got to understand. You kept me grounded and sane and without you, well..." Azura scoffed and this time she was the one who stared up at the ceiling.

"Marric is dead. So are a few others. I never intended him to die but he left me no choice. Some are lucky they are alive as I don't seem to be able to control myself either at times. I went back to Greenwood for a while but got asked to leave as I was too much of a liability. Kaenan apparently can calm me but I can't drag him into this. He's too vulnerable. I needed you, Lucas. I did everything the Phoenix and I thought was needed to get you back. And in between it all, the Phoenix took control.. I allowed it, followed it and joined it as it showed the me threat that is coming." Now that she was talking, words just flowed out of her mouth. She had no idea if he could follow but she couldn't stop and he did not attempt to stop her.

"I knew how to get you back after my confrontation with Marric. It was a wild guess, and I was not sure it would work but it was our only shot."

"What... did you do, Azu?" Lucas eyes had grown wider again as she had started talking. making her doubt just for a second.

"You are an ancient soul." She smirked as she felt a warm feeling starting to embrace her from the inside, feeding her confidence. "We killed you; the Phoenix revived you."

He had grown pale. His hands touching his arms, his fingers unknowingly touching the feather mark imprinted on his forearm. He shuffled around on his seat awkwardly as she let him process everything. The confident stroke she had experienced wavered a bit again, exhaustion and nausea hitting her like a second wave as her emotions seemed to be completely out of control too. The Phoenix was coming back to its strength after it had all been depleted and even though she welcomed it, it complicated things too.

Lucas balled his hands into tight fists. His jaw tightened and she thought she saw that same twitch of his head again. She was sure he knew he had died but she did not know if anyone had told him how or if he had pieced it together himself. The smell of the pizza in front of her suddenly seemed to much. She slammed the box shut and shoved the pizza away before getting up and walking to the counter-top. With a heave sigh she placed her hands on top and leaned forward hanging over the sink just in case she felt like vomiting. Her hair fell around her face and she focused on keeping down the food her body so desperately needed.

For a moment she had completely forgotten about Lucas. Azura closed her eyes as she tried to breath deeply and as she felt a sudden warmth at her back, her muscles relaxed instantly as if greeting an old friend. When he caressed her neck she leaned back a bit touching the body of the man she so craved for. His breath tickled her skin, causing goosebumps to erupt on the back of her neck. Shivers ran up her spin as his fingertips grazed past her collarbone to the front. She couldn't help but let out a small moan at gentle touch of his hands while she leaned her head to rest against his chest. The sudden jerk caught her completely unaware. His hand wrapped the top of her neck, forcing her head backwards as his nails painfully dug into her skin.

"I guess you evened the score. One kill for both of us." His voice was nothing like his normal one.

Panicking, Azura realized his other self had taken over and she was at his mercy. Screaming was not an option as his grip on her was so tight she could barely breath, let alone emit any type of sound at all. She struggled against him as he just laughed in a way she had never heard before from him. In a desperate effort to free herself, she placed her ful weight against his body and placed her feet against the cupboards and pushed with all her might.

It worked as Lucas lost his balance and fell backwards, dragging her to the ground as well. His grip loosened and as fast as she could, she rolled away from him and immediately darted towards the kitchen door. Her heart was pounding like crazy as she held the doorknob in one hand, ready to barge out the door the moment he would attack her. Before doing so, she turned around to face him as he slowly got back up from the ground. Lucas rubbed the back of his head and groaned as he grabbed onto a chair to pull himself up.

"What the fuck, Lucas?!" She breathed hard.

He partly collapsed back on his knees clutching his head as a pained grunt left his mouth. She wanted to go over to him, hug him, help him back up. Azura bit her lip and dug her nails into the palm just to stop herself from doing so. He was like her now, unpredictable and unstable and she could only hope he would win this fight inside his head. Until then, she could only wait.

His grunts turned into shouts which turned into a scream of put agony as he rocked back and forth while still clutching his head tight between his knees. Azura wanted to avert her eyes, not watch the agony he was going through but if she did it could be dangerous. Tears pricked behind her eyes as there was nothing she could do to help the man she so cared about.

"Fight it, Lucas! It isn't you! Listen to my voice and come back to me." She knelt down on one knee. "Its just a drawback, you can come back from this. Just listen to my voice. Focus on it, I'm here."

He stopped screaming and his body seemed to relax as he stilled his movements.

"That's it," She encouraged him further.

He slowly turned his head towards her while is breathing still seemed not completely under control.

"You need to go." He rasped.

"What?"

"You need to go... I can't control this yet. For your and my safety, you need to go." He turned around so he sat on his butt.

His lip trembled as his head still had that familiar twitch. Even though is body seemed to relax a bit more, Azura could still tell he was struggling.

"No!, no, I just got you back!" Her voice broke as the deeper meaning of what he was saying sunk in.

"Fuck, Azu! I can't control myself around you! It won't do anyone any good if we're constantly at each others throats!" He slowly got back up but made sure to keep some distance between them. "Give me time. That's all I need. Time to get my head straight."

She just nodded as he shoulders sagged. As she slowly got up and opened the door, she muttered to herself. "We don't have time."