As with every experience in entering Polyusca's home and clinc I had been begrudged in merely knowing I sit on one of the beds. If her ridicule weren't enough, simply being within the old styled room brought back extensively well buried memories I had no wish to resurface, though I would have felt significantly discomforted in any particular hospice setting in truth, merely that her's was the worse option- but as she remained one of the very rare persons knowledgable of my illness choice was not plausable. As she came forward she wore an express far more grim then usual, which I could only assume my bout of sudden sickness was more then a unpleasent situaton. Without word she flicked her head over to the wall where a measuring device hung, her not speaking made me shift, it commonly meant that my condition was serious. Thus, instead of grumbling for the unexpected height check, my mouth remained clenched tight, I could harbour no protest in knowing she was worried enough to do an evaluation.

In that evaluation she gave a great heaved sigh that cracked slightly with her rasped voice. "Laxus, are you certain you haven't missed a dose?" Something twinged in me at the question, something was obviously wrong, and knowing that was nerve wracking.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Her lips turned into a line, she said nothing near glaring at me.

"Laxus, you've grown two inches." My stomach dropped for the news, because I know the dangerous implications that says about my health, the sweat gathering on my brow very uncomfortable, as my lack of proper response stifled the air of the room. Though she said nothing unto my quiet, merely turning to a small cupboard above her sink and peering inside. A mystery upon on my mind because I had no recollection of any discomfort- none enough to account for a sudden growth, no moment within the past days, even weeks that may have been painful in such a sense. While I can recal every one of my medications being taken on time, therein I could hardly fathom one missed dose would cause such a drastic fall of my health.

From afore me the tough minded woman sighed so loud it broke the silence surrounding, but only to bring upon it a further feeling of dread. Seemingly affirmed by the careful blank expression she maintained as she turned her head to stare at me. Knowing her as I do- both as my grandfather's friend and as my doctor since I was a child, I know in near certainty that she is speaking plain with merely a glance; there is nothing to be done. So jaring to witness that I can feel all I am sink upon the eyes staring down at me with no malice, no poison, but a type of fragile concern I cannot fathom to face as it stands. Its the same clouding sense of shame crawling forward- so long buried with all that I have been through without issue, from all the fights I had fought without a problem made. Lightning tickles under my skin, but its holds no comfort because it merely lingers as retainer on the truth, thus its presence while helpful, only burns unto my mind.

"Laxus." Her call beckons my eyes despite all the conflicting thoughts scurrying around, I have no desire to meet her gaze. Yet, I force myself to hold as her stare as it remains a piercing becon into my solidity, and I can near feel my own resolve creaking under it. Already the clasp on my throat is stark just as the rising urge to throw up my drink onto the floor, in truth, I cannot state my own emotions in accuracy- it would merely sound like a frothing mix of nothing solid, no direct feeling is surging through me and perhaps to many that would make no sense; in their simplistic way of life, their easy way of living, their lack of trial or arduious strain. Feigning ignorance would only forecast more pain, more risk, onto myself; regardless of how much I want to throw myself back into the guild and ignore what had just occurred -the last remaining drops of blood on my chin,- pretending that Polyusca had said no damning thing and had merely granted me a clear bill of health. It would be remarkably stupid to say that I was fine, because my sudden growth, my puking of blood and blur of vision spoke true. "We can attempt to increase your dose, however, I want you to come to me every week to check and see if there are any changes." My lips are sealed taut, and I can't bring out a word, it is not pleasant as it is on a nice date, its vile and too familiar.

As I exit without word from either of us, the wind is at least relaxing, brought along with the gentle smell of greenery, the flowers, the leaves. Fresh and domicile compared to the news I'd just heard, though I'm staring about the woodland surrounding with an obvious desire burning at the pit of my stomach simply to go off the path and wonder about. My boots crunch the gravel beneath, in walking forward back into known territory, the sight of it underneath me is all I can manage with the knowledge that I might have to speak to the 'master' of the guild about my newfound issue. Though I cannot say in certainty that speaking to my over-protective grandfather would even matter as his old girlfriend would find a way to mention it to him in some manner. Passing by the hall is all I can manage in no want to face anyone within with such a health faulter daughting over me and my reputation, perhaps I would face no mocking with the group of idiots being as they are, but noticing pitiful glances is a worser fate. So I'll say nothing at least for now, perhaps avoid the guild for a few days and let the moment fade into the background.

"Laxus!" That has me flinch, shoulders held taut for a mere moment before falling, because truthfully I should not have expected anything further. I can't bring myself to look towards the worried stares of my friends, not only for the new circumstances I have no want to inform them of; but further the scold I might receive for having been ignoring them for awhile in my newfound tentative romance with a man. They were entirely unaware of my new discovery and I had no comprehension on how to inform them of enjoying the touch of men in addition to women, that is not speaking to the fact that gay relations- bisexual or not, are very near illegal in Fiore. Further, to face that knowledge, even if I do not face my friends as they run up behind me, I can feel myself darkening in response. "Are you alright?! That was-" as common, Freed moves to speak first, his voice unusually animated, but although they remain important to me, my ears want to clamp shut. I have yet to accept the fact that with the knowledge I am with Natsu- or a man in general they may leave, perhaps the feeling dampening my gut heavy is what Natsu spoke of that night in the park.

"I'm fine, don't be so damn dramatic." It comes out clenched teeth and saying it forces my jaw the open against all I want, my lips strain, but truly I am not ready to face them yet. Understanding my sexuality is one thing, however acknowledging that oneself might be left, abandoned, ridiculed, is worse to face and harder to accept. My legs move away without listening to their response, even though I know that all three of them say something in chastisement, and then concern, the sound is a dull vibration unto my hearing.

~0~

To stare at a glass bottle of thick tuurquise liquid is by no common standard, entertaining. However, in mind, or out of therein, it gives me an object to focus upon while taken incaptured by my thoughts, the glass in the sunlight, the tropical oceanic colour of the medicine sitting in front of me on the table is not in my range of contemplation. Just its implication it beholds, despite its protective nature, its guard unto my life; I despise the contents and all it means for me, all it had meant for so long as imposition. My past harbours no particularly joyful memories, and regardless of my detest for the moments, with the news just bestowed- put onto me, I can only recall the haunted ones as they force themselves into the gaps of my guard. They make me twitch, scowl, clench my teeth against their presence, albeit there is little I can do to stop their intrusion.

The sudden bang at the door grasps my attention rather suddenly as the echos of the wood sounds throughout my apartment. It continues with no pauses, and though it is already evening to some portion I had expected the loud fist on my door. I could feel the air bellow out my nose before I even relized the action, though my eyes rolling near into my skull at the constant banging I very much did notice; because it accompanied my legs as I went around the table, shuffled myself behind the wood of the door and opened it wide, the expected shimmer of pink hair first cresting my vision before it was on the floor with a loud 'slam.' Almost sprawled, the inelagance obvious, but it was Natsu so he jumped up just as quick as he had fallen. He somewhat flicked his hair as he marched with his silent steps inside, and though my hesitance was prominent, I did find myself closing the door. As soon as I did, he twirled on his heel and faced me with a rare glare- one which I have no experience with as the pinket with a glare is a laughable notion normally, even so there is -I hate myself for the irony, truly- a fire in his eyes which cannot be ignored, and though it is far from intimidating, the intensity is prominent and my mouth stays shut.

"Are you okay?!" His whole disposition shifts dramatically in the fraction of a moment, arms dropped down, eyes flickering back and forth and he breaths too quick to be considered regular. In addition however, I can see him shifting about and the hitch in his voice had been obvious; he was panicked. To be honest with myself, that type of fragility is uncomfortable to face, especially given as I was the main cause, it only makes my own unease rise to see the redness around his eyelashes. My own inexperience blockades me from making a proper move, action, because I cannot be certain how to handle the situation. Indeed, I had been with women before, but I had never gone so deep as to comfort my one-nighters, and all relationships previous had been fleeting- perhaps because of my own lack of care if they cried in sadness in front of me or not. Soothing another person was no natural action for me, so the atmosphere was stifled by my own stand still and Natsu's worried twitching, it was ridiculous. My own lack of knowledge did not grant me the freedom to act like a complete dickwad and allow the man I love to figit in concern without any form of reassurance.

"I'm fine, it was only-" It is there I find my words clogged in my throat -that happens too often with Natsu around- because I have no clue if I should inform him of my sickness. It would be no crime to do so, albeit gramps had told me many years ago to keep my mouth shut about my situation for my own sake, it was not a factor unto myself that anyone else should be made aware of lest I trust them entirely. Staring at the short man across from me, the glimmer of his dark irises scintillating as always as his own stare is focused intent unto my own. Again, it surrounds me, the warmth of his aura as he casts me an almost delicate smile -but its Natsu so 'delicate' is somewhat inappropriate.- It is warm- burning, to see his natural soft side, the one so commonly unseen by those ignorant within the guild. In sight of his concern, and the luminance of his presence my mouth opens to speak only honesty; but then in that last moment, I clamp my mouth shut remembering yet another warning my grandfather had delt to me: '...and who ever you tell has the potential to be in danger too. Laxus never forget how dangerous it is to have other's find out.' That sentence yelled in my mind to shut my trap, and I suddenly found it clamped so quick I had barely noticed it happen. "A sudden bout of sickness, nothing to worry about."

At least it was not entirely a lie, but it still twisted at me slightly to say, because I cannot be certain to say that I will never tell the pinket, even if I know I shouldn't, and he'll know I lied then. Again, I gained a glare, but that was so brief before I felt, rather then saw, him colliding into me, I do stumble for the force- but our difference in muscle mass is rather helpful therein. The feel of his nose poking into my abs is obvious and an odd type of comforting as his face presses into me, arms awkwardly wrapping around in a hesitant motion. It was Natsu who forced the action, however, it was my section to lead the dance and I grasp his forearms until they are both around my back, then I make myself put my own arms over his back. The breath over my thin shirt obvious as he begins to breathe more regularly, only his forehead presses into my abs as he mutters: "I was worried." It shouldn't, I should frown, or scowl at the words, but they make me smile. It has been a long time since anyone but my grandfather had worried like that about me.