Waking up was something I dreaded, having to get up and live in reality not my world that I designed somewhere I'm comfortable. But in reality, I had to be all dolled up every day not knowing whether or not someone would come see how adorable and cute I am and then adopt me. But that chance never happens to people like me. People who rebel, who push away people who "care" about me. Until I got the chance to leave that hell hole, I turned 18 and i was free. Free from all the pain, stress, anxiety that orphanage had caused me over the last 18 years of my terrible life. Apparently it all happened when i was born, my parents wanted a boy, I guess having a boy was less expensive and you wouldn't have to give your daughter away she got married. Instead if you had a boy you would be gaining a daughter or something like that. *Scoffs* Anyways, they left me at the door of Zara Orphanage in Dallas, Tx. One word to sum up my life at Zara was complete horror.

The kids there were treated as if they were nothing, a waste of space in this giant lonely world and in a way we were. Our so called parents didn't want us, the people who are supposed to care for us, provide us what they can, protect us from disgusting human beings, be there when we got hurt but they simply weren't. They abandoned us when we needed them the most, growing up without parents is something you have to get used to and for some of us we wanted revenge. Someone to blame for the torture we went through trying to survive day by day, but I'm one of the few who don't want to see or hear about my parents. Why try to reconnect with the same people who gave us away when we were defenseless, when we couldn't stand up for ourselves, when we could just look at them and see how much they didn't want us. So much that they gave us away without thinking about how we would end up. Not a joy ride I would want to go on, there's a quote that I learned while being at Zara and I guess it's the reason why I'm who I am today "At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life."

I've accepted the fact that I wasn't wanted by my birth parents, over the years I did battle depression and suicidal thoughts but I've gotten much better. Well how much better can a 18 year old former orphan feel after battling depression? Am I right or am I right? During my years at Zara, I met Zane. The typical tall, mysterious, chiseled jaw, perfect beard successful, curly long black hair with bright hazel eyes, but when I met him when he wasn't any of those things. I was about 6 and he was 7 years old. He threw his sandwich at me thinking I wouldn't be able to catch it. He thought wrong, although I was six the orphanage taught young girls how to defend themselves mostly because even if us girls got adopted no one knows what happens behind closed doors until they tell the police and get placed back into the orphanage once again. Crazy to think that one will adopt a child just for their own sick sexual needs, cougars and Tygas running all over the places *mimics throw up* Anyways, not only did I catch the sandwich, I threw it back at him hitting him on his left arm ruining his perfect red shirt. He scowled at me while cleaning the mayonnaise off his arm. The start of a beautiful friendship I'm telling you folks. No but really over the years we did get really close, reaallyy close... I guess in those 12 years we fell in love, ok maybe that 4 letter word is a little strong but thats the only word that can describe how we feel about each other. After all I am living with him now, you can just imagine what happens allll day and night...