I am back! To avoid being lynched, I stand aside for now as you devour chapter 25. But beware, a long Author's Note awaits at the end...

CHAPTER 25

What just happened? Andrew wondered to himself as he scanned the hordes of guests swarming all over the room for an elusive sprite in white. I thought that all was going well. My lovely Rachel…she felt so right with me. He threw his mind back to their dance. She was utterly divine, and yet so approachable. He had lost his head as the time flew and their unique connection got re-established. He had never felt more hopeful about her reception of his proposal and threw caution to the winds, acting like a fool and proposing in the midst of a crowded ball room; during a dance, no less. And everything went downhill from there onwards.

Where did that bit about me and Mira come from? She couldn’t have misunderstood me…could she? I have been pretty clear about my intentions from the start. How could she…Mira and me? Andrew almost laughed to himself as he kept on searching fruitlessly among the swirling crowds for the brunette who had stolen his heart. A preposterous idea if ever there was one!

But apparently it wasn’t all that preposterous for Rachel, if she believed that he was talking about wishing to marry Miranda.

And she was still nowhere to be found…

                                                             Xxxxx

Rachel had certainly expected in the back of her mind that an ‘interesting’ announcement might be made shortly, but somehow hearing it confirmed from Andrew in person made the whole situation intolerable. Reading about it from a letter penned by Miranda would not have hurt so badly – at least then she could have indulged herself and let her tears flow unabated in the privacy of her room. Being told about it here, in the middle of a ball, during her only dance with Andrew for goodness’ sake, was too much for her to handle.

Swallowing a sob in her throat, she made her decision – she needed to leave now; before the rest of the party decided to make a move resulting in a crush and making her stop back longer than desired. With this idea in mind, Rachel wove her way to where her hostess was sitting with a glass of lemonade in her hand, and made her apologies for leaving so soon.

“You can’t go now!” Miranda exclaimed. She looked around for her cousin. Surely the set was not over yet? No, the other dancers were still cutting figures in the centre of the room, and the kind Mr. and Mrs. Herbert had joined them so as to distract attention from the fact that the quadrille was missing one couple. Why was Andy not with his partner? Something was decidedly not right about the situation.

“Your set could not have ended already. Are you not feeling well, Rachel?” she added solicitously. Rachel was about to disclaim all notions of weakness as was her usual wont, but decided at the last moment that this was one occasion when admitting to the standard feminine malady might actually be in her favor and get her out of the house at once without any hindrance.

Besides, with the way her heart was hurting, her head would not be far behind.

On receiving a negative, Miranda tried to cajole her guest into waiting in a private room with smelling salts or something till she felt better. Rachel was adamant about leaving as soon as possible, however. “Nothing perks me up like Lucy’s special chamomile tea at such times.” She tried to smile reassuringly at her distraught friend. “I will be fine as soon as I reach her house, Miranda. Do not worry on my account – it is a little headache after all, possibly brought on by all this dancing I have been doing.”

“But how will you go, Rachel? Your post-chaise will not be here for another hour at least! Please wait for that long; you can lie down in one of the guest chambers if you wish. I would send you off in my own carriage, but I have already promised it to another friend of mine. Just…just let me make some arrangements for you, at any rate? I can’t let you go off on your own when you have a headache!”

“Oh, don’t take on so, Miranda!” Rachel gave a genuine smile at the other girl’s concern for her. Whatever happened, Miranda would always be one of the best people she had the honour of calling friend. She must take care not to lose their connection over an impractical infatuation with Andrew.

“You no longer live in an isolated corner of the British Empire, my dear. Remember that Rosemary Haven is not situated in some desolate heath of Dartmoor, but in London where vehicles could be found for hire. But if you insist on assisting me in some form, I would appreciate it if you could send a footman to call a hackney for me.”

And that was how twenty minutes later Rachel was standing at the front door getting her shawl back from the butler and promising Miranda that she would be meeting her before she left London; a promise which she doubted that she would be able to keep if by tomorrow Miranda had become a happily engaged woman.

The plaintive strains of violins from the house seemed to follow her as she made her way down the drive, fleeing from a love that could never be anything but a mockery. It felt like they were crying for her sake.

                                                             Xxxxx

A carriage was standing in a shadowy corner of the street. As there was no other vehicle in sight, Rachel made her way to it. “Is this coach for hire?” she questioned a bit doubtfully. Even in the dark the carriage seemed to be of a better quality than the hackneys she was used to seeing around London. Her inbuilt safety radar was whispering in the back of her mind that something was not right about the situation. But the driver nodded in the affirmative and finding no reason to disbelieve him, Rachel gave her sister’s address and discussed the rates. Strangely enough, he didn’t haggle about the money at all, bowing his head in assent to the amount she proffered.

No hired cab immediately agrees to the fare offered by the customer. Maybe Miranda’s footman had already paid him? Rachel shook her head; she must inquire about this from her friend tomorrow and repay her if that were true.

Finally, she made to enter – and the coachman came to her aid and offered his hand to assist her inside the coach.

At the touch, something very familiar sparked through Rachel’s skin. Spinning around, she fixed the man with an indignant glare. “What is the meaning of this, Colonel? Aren’t you finished with playing games and acting yet, that you felt the need to dupe me in this juvenile manner?”

He had been averting his face all the while; but on realizing that he had been unmasked, Andrew raised his cap and gave her a sheepish look before straightening his back resolutely, ready to hold his own whatever ensued.

On her part, Rachel was too far gone in her indignation to take much of his stance into account. She was, indeed, almost trembling with anger. It was really too cruel of destiny to play with her emotions thus; the one man whom she wanted to avoid at all costs seemed to be following her around! Couldn’t he leave her in peace even now, after all hope was snatched away from her?

He could no longer continue to live in this doubt; either one way or the other, Colonel Fairfax was going to know his fate tonight. He tried for lightheartedness at first. “Well, I thought that since you give the impression of preferring the coachman to the army man, we will be able to understand each other better if I were in that incarnation. Do you agree, madam?”

“I do not know what you are playing at Sir, but I am in no mood to be trifled with thus. Now if you would kindly make way, I’d like to get out of this carriage and search around for the cab that is waiting to take me home.” He was blocking her way out by standing on the lower step, and she had already sat back in order not to stand hunched over in the luxurious coach in an immodest posture. Was it on purpose to lull her into complacency? Well, she was decided upon exiting, and he couldn’t stop her.

“I beg your pardon Miss Warren, but there is no other vehicle waiting around. I intercepted the footman who was trying to hail a cab for you, and told him that I would take care of the matter. I couldn’t find any, and to tell the truth I didn’t attempt to search for one overmuch either. This is a friend’s private carriage which he kindly lent me for the night, acquiescing to go home with others for the sake of a lady’s convenience. I hope that you will not let his sacrifice be in vain?” Andrew smiled teasingly at her, hiding the spasms of nervousness he was undergoing at the moment. He was prepared to fight till he could clear her misapprehensions, but that didn’t stop him from feeling unsure about the outcome of this situation. Rachel was continuing to be curt with him, and it tore at his heart.

As if to back up his argument, the ominous clouds that had masked the brilliant moonlight of some hours ago chose this moment to unleash their liquid burden on the Londoners. In other words, it started raining with quiet persistence.

Rachel felt like crying. Why is even nature against me? Her eager eyes had already confirmed what Andrew had stated, that there was no other cab in sight. There was no alternative, it seemed. She took a deep breath.

“I believe I should be going back inside to wait for the arrival of the coach I had ordered, after all. I would appreciate it if you made way for me,” she repeated insistently. The only thing worse than being driven by him to her sister’s house would be sitting with him in the carriage itself…

“I think not, Miss Warren,” he said slowly, a slowness that completely belied his next movements. Before Rachel could comprehend exactly what was happening, he nodded to someone standing in the shadows, another man had sat on the driver’s box and taken the reins of the horses, and Andrew had swung himself into the carriage with her. She remained speechless even as the vehicle started moving. With her and Andrew inside. Alone.

                                                             Xxxxx

“Wh…what is the meaning of this behavior, Colonel Fairfax?” she managed to stammer as the streets of London flashed by their speeding vehicle. Andrew shook the water droplets out of his hair, before looking over at Rachel. He could see from her frozen position and rapid breathing that she was on the verge of a panic attack, and made to immediately clarify the situation. He had never wanted her to be afraid of him, and though his heart told him to take her into his arms and console her, Andrew’s brain warned him that to do so before assuaging her fears would only frighten her more. Therefore, he kept his hands unthreateningly at his side and hurried to explain his actions before her.

“I beg you; do not agitate yourself, Miss Warren. I have no ulterior motives. It is just that I could see that you were about to be difficult, and there was no need for you to travel in a hired carriage at night if this fine one was available. I am here to provide you with an escort, and I couldn’t find it in my heart to let you …push me away… on no grounds but an unreasonable fear for propriety, as far as I can guess.” Could she sense the desperation in his voice?

“Do you realize that what you have done is tantamount to kidnapping? That if anyone ever got to know about our traveling like this…without a chaperone…then it will create a scandal? Even if I go away from London tomorrow morning, this incident will haunt my family here for a long time; not to mention besmirching your reputation.” Rachel’s voice was trying its best to remain calm and collected, but it was wavering by the end of her speech. Why was he doing this? She took a deep breath before continuing evenly, “Surely you see the folly of your actions?”

“Why do you call it folly, Miss Warren?” he instantly questioned her back. “My conscience informs me that it is folly in a gentleman to let a young lady travel unescorted at night, when anything might befall her. And as you know perfectly well, I for one have never let society’s rules of correctness dictate my actions, when my conscience directs me otherwise.”

Rachel flushed at this indirect reference to their escapade. She had nothing more to say with regard to their present situation, and contented herself with turning away and staring out of the window at the ubiquitous rain drenching London, trying to show her discomfort with the situation by ignoring him. It didn’t seem to intimidate Andrew in the least; he kept on studying her face as the carriage clattered on the cobbled streets. Refusing to show him how her heart was simultaneously soaring and sinking, she resolutely kept her face averted. After almost ten minutes had passed in this mutual silence, he finally asked the question she had been dreading.

“Why did you run away like that from our dance?” On seeing her open her mouth, he added warningly, “And do not repeat the paltry excuse of a migraine – I am acquainted with you long enough to know that you are never bothered by those dastardly things. It was something I said, wasn’t it? What was it?” He decided not to clear her false impression about him and Mira from the very beginning; not only would it seem presumptuous if she felt nothing for him akin to love, but he also wanted to confirm Rachel’s feelings for him first. It might be cowardly, but he was a scared young man in love for the first time in his life and unsure of how to proceed under the circumstances.

“No, certainly not,” Rachel was decidedly flustered. When will this journey be over? “What could you have said to affect me? We were not talking about us at all. You were talking about your forthcoming nuptials, and I had congratulated you about it. You have said nothing wrong.”

“Forthcoming nuptials? Miss Warren, I have not even got the young lady’s acceptance of my proposal as of yet. And you are trying to avoid my question. You were perfectly fine until I mentioned that I was thinking of marrying. Why should that bother you?”

“Why indeed? That in itself ought to answer your question; I was not bothered by your admission at all. It matters little to me if and when you marry Miss de Manley,” she replied coolly. I will not let him know, I will not let him know…

“I am also curious to know why you immediately leapt to the conclusion that the one I am hoping to marry is Mira,” he went on inexorably, jumping into the opening so fortuitously granted to him. “Have I, or she for that matter, ever given you any indications to support your assumption?”

Now Rachel was completely confused. “Indications? I thought that it was pretty obvious from the way you two spoke about each other, that you had strong emotions on the subject. And didn’t you mention that the month we spent incognito made you realize that what you were feeling for her was love?”

“So many misunderstandings, such a lot of heartache,” Andrew muttered under his breath. He had unconsciously clenched his hands together at some point to stop them from reaching out and pulling this maddening woman into him. Aloud he veered off onto a different track, deciding to use surprise tactics on his stubborn companion.

“How did you know that it was me back there in the dark?”

She almost squeaked in astonishment. Where did that question come from? The true answer would skirt dangerously close to her real feelings for him, and thus must be avoided. But this was not so easy to carry out; Colonel Andrew Fairfax was an expert in the art of interrogation and would take nothing less than a direct reply from her, and she could not declaim a gross falsehood – not to him. She tried to prevaricate, but nothing suited the situation but a portion of the horrific truth; and Andrew was certainly not relenting in his persistence to gain an answer. Finally she replied exasperatedly, “Fine, Colonel, I’ll tell you the truth. It was your hand. I…I recognized your touch.”

His look concentrated in intensity. “You recognize my touch? Ah yes, from all those days we had spent together, no doubt. After all, I had held your hand while running, when we were the only solace for each other, and I had even picked you up in Headley Down. But I have a question. Do you remember every person’s touch for months afterwards, Miss Warren?” When she refused to answer, he persisted. He will not let her evade his declaration this time. The moment of truth was here. 

“What else do you remember about me? Do you remember the light which comes into my eyes whenever I see you? And do you remember how difficult it was for me to remember my role around you because you always tear down any walls I build around myself? Not to forget how it felt when I held you in my arms twice, once in that stupid old beech and once when you sprained your foot?”

His voice had softened down into a gentle hypnotizing cadence by the second sentence, and now it seemed to be caressing every fibre of Rachel’s being as he continued with the declaration of her dreams. “Because I certainly do. I remember the fragrance of your hair and its silky texture when it was pressed against my cheek in the tree. I remember how soft and comforting your hand felt in mine while we were running across country, how your warm breath on my neck sent shivers down my body when I picked you up after your sprain. I remember the nights I had to spend sleepless in the knowledge that I was sharing a bed with you, and yet must stay a complete gentleman without acting on my desires – nay, not even let you get a hint of them in case you became frightened.”

His eyes suddenly flickered, and took on a faraway look at the next recollection. “I remember the mind-numbing fear I had felt when you were unconscious in that locked room, and I thought that you might never wake up again. I can never forget the terror of standing outside our boarding-house, thinking that you would get shot in front of my eyes. Oh, I remember a lot of things, Miss Warren.”

His smile reappeared. “I remember how your nose crinkles when you tease someone, how your smiles light up your entire form, how your hair escapes from its constraints when you ride in the woods and scatters hairpins along the way, how you effortlessly combine practicality with innocence. And your eyes … I’ll always remember how your eyes look like all the oceans of the world converge in them. I cannot stop thinking about you, it seems,” he ended ruefully.

By this time Rachel was utterly breathless. That was strange, considering that the open window was billowing wind in her face. But then, perhaps it was not so strange after all.

“Have I ever told you what I felt the night when I came to receive you at the coaching inn? The street lanterns were lit just as I approached you, and it felt like you appeared out of the air in front of me. Hair, eyes and figure just like the girl I was trying desperately to protect, and whom I believed to be safe back at the house; could you blame me for thinking that you were a figment of my imagination and forgetting my role? I kept on hoping the entire ride that you would not notice my lapse of speech.

“Because of that I was wary of you, and decided to keep my distance. The next morning, as I was collecting pears from the old tree in the garden, I heard a window open which had been closed ever since I had come to Carillon Hall and swerved around to see who it was. You leaned out in a white dress, your breath-taking curls spilling over your shoulder in a cascade. You threw your arms wide open for the world and breathed deeply of the pure air.

“And then you laughed with joy. Can I describe the feelings that were coursing through me in that moment? I don’t think so. All that I knew then was that I could not keep away from you in spite of all my earlier resolves.”

By now Andrew was leaning forward in his seat. His next words came out almost in a whisper. “You became entrenched in my heart, Rachel. A glimpse of you in the morning would make me smile the whole day. Yes, I used to spy on you even on the mornings we did not ride together. Was it presumptuous of me? I don’t know, and can’t honestly say that I care. How could I think that you were like Mira? You were different from everyone I knew. Your bravery, intelligence, patience and sweetness are unparalleled in my experience. Our cross-country exodus only increased my admiration and adoration of you. Every moment we spent together I was burning for you, to call you mine.

“I could not express my feelings when circumstances had put you so completely under my protection, and the call of duty took me away before I could bare my heart to you after Mira got back her rightful inheritance. But I can keep quiet no longer. I rode for seven hours without stopping to get here when Mira told me that she had invited you to the party as well, blessing her all the way for enabling me to get another glimpse of you.”

He took a deep breath before taking her trembling hand in his larger ones. “I love you, mon coeur*. Can I dare to hope that you also return my feelings, at least a little?”

Rachel felt like time had crawled to a stop. She could only go on looking at those passionate green eyes boring into hers. This is a dream – this must be a dream. Her life’s deepest desires could not be falling into her lap like this; such happiness was unnatural. The whole situation was unnatural.

Could it really be so? Had she tortured herself needlessly all this while?

“What about Miss de Manley…don’t you love her? All this while I thought…she’s your cousin, you did everything to protect her; and she is so beautiful and suitable for you. Not to mention all that you had talked about at the dance, regarding how the woman you wanted to marry was coveted by every man with a bit of sense. That applied to her, didn’t it? Why do you want me all of a sudden?”

Andrew laughed. “Mira? I certainly love her, but only as a sister that I have played with since childhood. Of course I would do anything to protect her, but wouldn’t you do that for your sisters as well? It was you I was talking about at the dance; you who made the green monster of jealousy rear its head in my bosom as I watched every Tom, Dick and Harry dance and flirt with you while I stood around with no right to stop them. It had always been you, my dear.

“As it is, Mira is already in love with someone else – Lord Roger Allencourt – and has been for over a year now, but that fool could never see her friendliness for what it was. Her vivacity and self-sufficiency had always been her armor against rejection, but I suppose it also pushed Roger off to some extent by making her out to be some sort of an invulnerable goddess. Her recent distress made him see the insecure girl behind the smiles, and I know from her letters that he has been looking at her with different eyes recently. I believe we might hear a happy announcement any day.

“Now,” he said patiently, as he turned the small hand still encased in his own and dropped a searing kiss on her palm, “will you put me out of my misery, Miss Warren? My words have exhausted themselves, and I await your decision. Just tell me… will you do me the honour of being my wife?”

“Yes, yes, a hundred times yes!” Rachel ejaculated instantly in a voice clear as a bell, all misgivings overcome at last. Her smile blossomed and her heart was visible in her eyes for Andrew to see, eyes which were filling up with tears of overwhelming joy at the moment. Could she indeed be so blessed as to get the love of this incredible man?

Andrew felt like his own heart would burst; there was no expressing happiness like this. “My darling Rachel!” was all that could escape his lips. Finally, finally he had the right to use her given name aloud! He didn’t know what to do to show the wonderful woman before him what she meant to him. Raising a hand to her tresses, he stroked a perfect white rosebud perched behind the shell of her ear. She leaned into his palm so trustingly; it made him melt a little on the inside.

He could stop himself no longer. He leaned in slowly and almost fearfully towards her, giving her time to draw back if she wanted. She didn’t; her only reaction was to let her long lashes flutter shut in silent consent. Taking a deep breath, Andrew closed the distance between them and pulled his Rachel into his arms at last, savoring the feel of her soft body before touching his lips to hers in a chaste kiss, as gentle and sweet as its recipient.

It was…all that he could have dreamt of.

How did I make this angel love me? He wondered as he sat back in his seat a minute later, with a totally infatuated smile adorning his face. One hand was still caressing Rachel’s flushed cheek; he had controlled himself for too long and could no longer refrain from touching her in some way or the other. Andrew was unaware of that sappy grin’s existence, and it didn’t matter either way since the only other person in the carriage was in a trance over her first real kiss and seemed lost to the world for the moment. Oh, Rachel was very, very happy right then. And that was an understatement.

Her beauty lights up every room she enters, and yet her internal loveliness eclipses her physical attributes. She is so unlike the artificial women in my circle. And I captured her heart. What did I do to deserve this?

And to think that if we had not selected Denbries as our refuge, but gone on to Headley Down directly as I had originally planned…he suddenly gave an internal shudder at how close he had come to losing the most precious thing in his life.

But Colonel Andrew Fairfax had never been one to question the gifts of fate. Life was a capricious goddess for many, but she had been kind to them and that was why he and Rachel were finally together breaching all barriers. Tonight had been as unconventional as their entire acquaintance had been, but ultimately it had been a success and a night they would remember for the rest of their lives.

The carriage rolled on towards Cresswell Street as they collected themselves and had their first talk as lovers. They discussed so many things – the Colonel’s secret habit of collecting Rachel’s hairpins (which incidentally had saved them during their kidnapping as he had used one of those hairpins to open his door and escape), his impotent rage on hearing about the incident with Edgerton, his fear for Rachel’s safety throughout their convoluted escape plan, his family’s thrilled reaction on hearing about the loyal girl who had captured his heart; Rachel’s own experiences in Headley Down and her parting gift to the Trevelyan sisters, her feelings of desolation on her return to Carillon Hall, Brian’s bratty behavior and Ashley’s love-struck advances, her worries about Diana’s new suitor – all that they had kept from each other beforehand was now laid out with raw honesty. The carriage might have taken much longer to reach the Moreland home than usual, but certainly none of its occupants were complaining. The rain had stopped and London was awash in clear moonlight by the time the horses pulled up before their destination and Andrew handed his betrothed over to her bemused relations.

It was an accurate portent of events to come; the clouds had parted at last from the firmament of the couple’s lives.

--xx--xx--

*mon couer – my heart

--xx--xx--

AN: So therein, my friends, ends Rachel's Story. Not completely, of course...an epilogue awaits you all on my computer, and you will get it on New Year's Eve. It will show you our beloved couple twelve years down the lane, and in the process many questions about other characters and their future lives would also be cleared up. But the story as we know it...endedth now. I hope that this last scene satisfied you all? It satisfied ME *wink*, and this is how I had always envisaged my charcters to act (waggles finger at people having wrong thoughts). Romantic, gooey and nothing improper. Ahem!

 And of course, I borrowed the understated nature of the kiss from the Queen herself, Jane Austen! *applauds* Remember Pride and Prejudice's final proposal scene?? I leave it to your imagination, dear readers...