Title: The Secret Heiress

Author: Helen Rees - Mystery_Angel6

Genre/s: Romance, Mystery

Number of Chapters: 38

Mature?: Yes

POV: First person, Dual POV

Status: Ongoing

THE SECRET HEIRESS

[in the author's own words]

Twelve years ago, an incident changed my life. I was sent to London by my father with a new identity; all alone, away from my family and home, away from everything that was me.

With a new persona as Jennifer Ryson, I rose from the ashes and became a force to be reckoned, a name to be remembered, the richest businesswoman in London.

Alas, past is like a haunting spirit who follows you until you face it square in the eye. Twelve years later, that's exactly what I'm forced to do. Unravel a mystery that changed my life.

The only problem? The key to find out what exactly happened that night is by taking the help of my nemesis who I'd rather butcher in his sleep.

Lykas freaking Vitallis.

My business rival, my sister's to-be fiance and a connection to my past I do not want to acknowledge.

But beggars can't be choosers afterall.

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B O O K    R E V I E W

[Before we begin, please keep in mind that everything mentioned below is my personal opinion. My intention isn't to offend anyone; the only reason I am going into such detail is to be able to help my fellow writers out there. I do not claim to be correct; just sharing my opinion from my experience here on Wattpad. The following review is based off of the prologue + the first 5 chapters only.]

TITLE: This story's title is short (readable on every device) and simple. Not the most unique title out there but definitely works since it hits the target audience perfectly. Builds an intrigue due to the words "secret" and "heiress".

COVER: Keeping in mind the limitations (since Wattpad Exclusive stories need a copyright-free image on the cover), the designer has done a great job. The title and username are clearly visible and the cover also adds to the whole boujee / material girl vibe that relates to the main character. Would definitely make you click & check the story out.

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FIRST IMPRESSION: The blurb definitely got me all curious about the incident that changed her life. And the fact that she created a whole new identity for herself ("secret" from the title) whilst also managing to be successful was epic and very suitable for the vibe the cover of this story was going for. Makes you want to get to know her in an instant. And the fact that she has to revisit the past (aka drama!!!) with the help of her enemy (!!!) was great. But then came the cherry on the cake - that her enemy is supposed to be engaged to her sister, he is related to her past & they're business rivals too. Personally, I would definitely click to check out this story and so would most other Wattpad readers in my opinion.

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BLURB: Apart from the cover and title, the blurb plays a major role in determining whether or not someone clicks on your story to check it out. As already said above, your blurb sparks the right amount of intrigue and makes you want to check the story out.

The only suggestion I would give is to combine some paragraphs here. Viewing this on a laptop and on the phone, your blurb looks just a little bit scattered since it is divided into 6-7 paras while it could easily fit into 3-4. While I understand you may have done that for the dramatic pause / effect, as per my understanding most users don't reach till the very end before deciding whether or not they want to read a story. Combining it into paragraphs makes it look like a shorter blurb so they're more prone to reading the whole thing before deciding whether or not to click and read ahead.

P.S. You don't have to change anything but if you wish to, you can always experiment with new styles of blurbs to see what kind attract readers most.

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CHARACTERS: While what makes someone click on a story is a cover / title / blurb, what makes them stay is your plot and especially your characters. Their relatability, the whole vibe they give off and how well the characterization is done plays a huge role in a story. After all, it is easy to forget a story's title or maybe even plot but some characters stay with you even after you've finished reading the story.

Jennifer Ryson (FMC) appears to be a secretive, calculative and self-made boujee / material girl / businesswoman. But once you get deeper into her story, you realise there's a soft side to her too. Love her sarcasm and comebacks!

Lykas Vitallis (MMC) starts off as a badass who doesn't care about rules or business, only to realise how helpless he is deep down. Without going into spoilers, his character pulled me into this story immediately and made me want to find out more. Love his chaotic energy *_*

Overall, I think you've achieved the vibe you were going for very well.

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Judging from the 5 chapters I have read...

PACE - The pacing of this story is just perfect. Neither too much at once. Neither too less. It gives you just enough to feed your curiosity yet keeps you curious and wanting for more. I've not seen many stories that can execute this well and you've done this brilliantly.

PLOT & HOOK - There's a beautiful balance of romance and mystery here. You can literally see the sparks fly between the enemies (not mentioning names to keep it spoiler-free) and their banter is so hilarious >>>. The "incident" and the way new elements and twists keep adding to the story is enough to keep anyone hooked.

DESCRIPTIONS & WORLD-BUILDING - Anyone reading this story can perfectly picture the whole setting in their heads. The worldbuilding is absolutely on point and though a very few times the setup got a bit too descriptive (or maybe that was just me being impatient because I was way too curious to find out what happens next; this is a compliment xD), it was brilliant. I could literally picture their world though your eyes. Loved it.

GRAMMAR & WRITING - I am not here to edit and pinpoint small mistakes (a simple run though MS Word or Grammarly can do that) so I'll be saying this from a reader's perspective - the kind that don't intentionally try to hunt for mistakes. Overall, I felt like there were maybe just a few (if any at all) grammatical or punctuation errors. Even if there were, they weren't noticeable at all.

READIBILITY & AESTHETICS - The paragraphs are sized properly - neither too small, nor too big and the overall aesthetic of the story on the screen is perfectly adequate. Coming to the graphics before the story begins, they're lovely and the way the POV is announced (the font) is very catchy as well. This is just something I noticed and probably irrelevant - when you view a new chapter on the mobile app, it crops the graphic and displays it in full only when you click on it (since they've been added in the header / banner part). [LMK if you didn't understand this part & I'll send you some screenshots to explain.] But those graphics are amazing and I believe adding them inside the story part would give them the limelight (and comments) they deserve.

OTHER POINTS - LYKASSS!!! And their banter!!! And the mystery!!! And the heat and forbidden romance! I definitely know I'm going to continue reading this story ahead *_*

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There isn't much to say to be honest since I've already covered most of it above (about the blurb & descriptions mainly).

But there's one small thing I noticed in the first 2 chapters that I could probably point out. If this book was from a third person POV, it would feel quite natural to name the luxury brands the characters use, basically to establish the fact that they're super rich and materialistic. However, since the story works in first person, it seems slightly off that someone who has way too much money would care about a thing enough to call it a 'xyz' brand + thing (eg. xyz brand purse) since it would normally be very replaceable for them, hence diminishing its value in their eyes. Unless the character's whole vibe is caring about brands and money (to show their materialism). Not very relevant probably but since first chapters play a great influence in whether potential readers continue reading your story, just thought I should point it out.

Also, this isn't an issue but adding it since there isn't much to work on here (the story is so good already). The narration improves drastically as the chapters progress but the first 2 chapters - in certain instances - used a lot of adjectives to describe things or people. While that is perfectly alright, it felt a little much at times when used multiple times in the same sentence and kind of shifted focus from the scene at hand. But it didn't make a huge difference as the curiosity will keep you reading anyway.

Loved this story so far! Very eager to read more *_*

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Hey, Mystery_Angel6 - Here is your book review for the Secret Heiress. Hope this helped in any way. If there's something else you need an opinion on for this story, please feel free to drop a comment here.

Thank you so much for requesting from R3!

Hope to see you again (with newer requests) soon; if you wish to :)

Have a great day <3

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SHOP UPDATE: I will be completing some read-for-read requests next and will check and update everyone's details in the status form soon. Thank you for your patience & faith in me. Feel free to leave your suggestions here (about this review or about anything else).