Title: The dark assailant

Author: NadiaSchluter 

Genre/s: Horror, Thriller, Paranormal

Number of Chapters: 1

Mature?: No

POV: Third person

Status: Completed

The dark assailant

[in the author's own words]

Dear Readers ,

The story i wrote is about experiencing night terror and sleep paralysis. A truly frightening event that takes over the body when someone is having a nightmare. The scary part about it is that you are wide awake while your body can't move. Jocelyn is the main character in this story. It is all about what she sees , feels and who she will meet that specific night. Let's say that this night will be life changing for her.

- ♡ -

B O O K  R E V I E W

[Before we begin, please keep in mind that everything mentioned below is my personal opinion. My intention isn't to offend anyone; the only reason I am going into such detail is to be able to help my fellow writers out there. I do not claim to be correct; just sharing my opinion from my experience here on Wattpad. The following review is based off of the one chapter I read.]

TITLE: This story's title is short (readable on every device) and simple. The title is definitely very unique but considering the audience on Wattpad, the word "assailant" may not be understood by the majority (so they may not get what your title is trying to convey) and while I understand it is relevant to the story, since this is a one part short story, you could maybe try experimenting with a new title to see how new readers respond to it, only if you wish to, of course.

COVER: I think this cover fits the story perfectly. I suggest the title be in white though (for better visibility) and the author's name can be in purple if that works because it is really difficult to read the title just from the cover at the moment. The purples and blacks create the perfect vibe for this story.

♡♡♡

FIRST IMPRESSION: The cover's colour palette gave me all the horror and paranormal vibes, great job on that. I personally love the whole concept of dreams and everything that happens to the human brain in sleep state so I was instantly curious. The title didn't attract me much to be very honest but I really liked the topic you have chosen.

♡♡♡.5

BLURB: Apart from the cover and title, the blurb plays a major role in determining whether or not someone clicks on your story to check it out. Your blurb talks about a unique concept that I personally love. Just a suggestion, it can be rephrased (because the writing in this chapter is way better to be honest) to make it more appealing to potential readers by creating an event (already done in the current one) and a hook that would make them want to click and read ahead. And the paragraph spacing can be added there to break the blurb for better readability.

P.S. You don't have to change anything but if you wish to, you can always experiment with new styles of blurbs to see what kind attract readers most.

♡♡♡

CHARACTERS: While what makes someone click on a story is a cover / title / blurb, what makes them stay is your plot and especially your characters. Their relatability, the whole vibe they give off and how well the characterization is done plays a huge role in a story. After all, it is easy to forget a story's title or maybe even plot but some characters stay with you even after you've finished reading the story.

Jocelyn is definitely someone who will stay with you after the story ends. Her experience was so well described and expressed in words. Instantly makes you feel bad for her and that works very well in this story's favour. And that ending was so cool and unexpected!

♡♡♡♡

PACE - The pacing of this story was perfect in the beginning and throughout the story. It slowly takes you on the journey and revelations happen one by one. Towards the end though (before the big reveal!), the descriptions felt a bit stretched / repetitive though. The intrigue and hook existed throughout the story but only in that last part it kind of felt unnecessary perhaps. Rest, all was good.

PLOT & HOOK - There's a beautiful balance of horror and mystery here. Loved the way your revelations and descriptions flowed and that ending was the cherry on the cake!

DESCRIPTIONS & GRAMMAR - You have such a way with words, honestly. The descriptions were haunting, beautiful and deep all at once. It made me want to read till the very end (except that scene before the last part where the thrill dies down a bit but spikes up again when you reach that last part).

READIBILITY & AESTHETICS - If I had to point out a biggest flaw in this story, I'd say it's this. This story has so many comment-able lines! And it flows so beautifully too. But the paragraphs are way too long to hold your attention. Just like you need mini-breathers while reciting a prose, the eyes need this mini-breather while reading and since your paras are way too huge, it can slowly take away a reader's interest. (I was reading on my phone and the paragraphs were on an average 1.5-2 times my screen size at the least font size.) You don't need to rewrite the story in my opinion, just add spacing and turn it into shorter paragraphs. This will boost your inline comments too.

Very well written story overall.

♡♡♡♡

Summarising the points from above:

- The title can be made more clearer on the cover.

- If possible, an alternate title could catch more interest + readers.

- The blurb needs to be edited / reworked on.

- The spacing of this story needs to be improved to make paragraphs shorter.

- I really liked your writing style and descriptions. Keep it up! *_*

* * *

GENERAL POINTS TO NOTE FOR BOOK REVIEWS

Hey,   - Here is your book review. Hope this helped in any way. If there's something else you need an opinion on for this story, please feel free to drop a comment here.

- My intention with this book review was not to offend anyone (sorry if I did). I just genuinely wanted to help a fellow writer out with my insights.

- Please do not undo any payments after you have received your review.

- In case you need any more assistance, feel free to request again for the same service / another one.

Thank you so much for requesting from R3!

Hope you have a great day <3