Title: Incandescent

Author: puzzlesinhishead

Genre/s: General Fiction

Number of Chapters: 18

Mature?: Yes

POV: First person

Status: Ongoing

INCANDESCENT

[in the author's own words]

Nothing ever felt right. He never felt whole. Then there was his family's demise, his mom's death and an involuntary move to Maine with his father.

It was supposed to be a fresh start. A bunch of "maybes". Maybe, he and his dad could mend their relationship. Maybe, he could finally be a kid. Maybe, he could finally have friends.

Though the move wasn't what he hoped for, somehow it was even better. He got everything he ever wanted and more. And even though past revelations changed his course of life, Rylie's never felt more alive.

Follow Rylie in his journey of mourning, self discovery through past and present unravellings, and friendship.

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"We were just a normal family.. behind closed doors though, silence filled the rooms. Our home always looked empty and not lived-in. Unobtrusively, the silence became knocks, knocks became bangs, bangs became shatters. What was once un-lived in became incandescent. The love was there but so was the seething resentment, the betrayal, the ire discourse and the sadness. It lived in the damaged furniture, the food-stained walls, the garbage bags filled with broken china. It lived piercingly loud in the dead air."

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Disclaimer: Mentions of depression, self-harm and abuse.

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B O O K  R E V I E W

[Before we begin, please keep in mind that everything mentioned below is my personal opinion. My intention isn't to offend anyone; the only reason I am going into such detail is to be able to help my fellow writers out there. I do not claim to be correct; just sharing my opinion from my experience here on Wattpad. The following review is based off of the first 5 chapters only.]

AND

TITLE: Being just a word, this story's title is short (readable on every device) and simple - which is a good thing. It doesn't give much about the story and leaves you wondering but judging from the blurb, I feel like the meaning fits this story really well. Being fully honest, this is not an absolutely unique title (there are quite a few other stories on Wattpad with this title) and the meaning might not dawn on a reader at first glance. In case you're looking for more "clicks" and potential readers, if you wish to, you could experiment with different titles to see what works best for you.

COVER: I really appreciate the fact that you've made the art on the cover yourself. Looks quite unique and portrays the theme of your story accurately as well but personally, I'm not quite sure if it creates an element of intrigue and works well as a "book cover" that's supposed to pull potential readers. I personally recommend changing it to try out if new cover styles work better for you.

♡♡♡.5

BLURB: Apart from the cover and title, the blurb plays a major role in determining whether or not someone clicks on your story to check it out. There weren't any apparent grammatical mistakes in this blurb and it conveys your plot, hook and conflict well too. However, it felt a little too spaced out / long to me. I suggest the "follow Rylie...friendship" line be the last one. The paragraph after that (which I'm assuming is a preview of the chapter/s coming up ahead or a backstory) is not really necessary to draw a reader to check out the story (which is the supposed to be the purpose of a blurb).

P.S. You don't have to change anything but if you wish to, you can always experiment with new styles of blurbs to see what kind attract readers most.

♡♡♡♡.5

CHARACTERS: While what makes someone click on a story is a cover / title / blurb, what makes them stay is your plot and especially your characters. Their relatability, the whole vibe they give off and how well the characterization is done plays a huge role in a story. After all, it is easy to forget a story's title or maybe even plot but some characters stay with you even after you've finished reading the story.

The inner conflict of this character is so beautifully described! The struggles, the thoughts, the subtle hints of depression (please feel free to correct me if I got this wrong) and how they choose to drown it out with distractions... Loved it! We find out the main character's name halfway through the first chapter when the teacher calls out to him (just thought I'd point it out in case that wasn't the intention). The way he processes emotions is very well charted out, especially considering he was already struggling and his life went downhill even further. I really like the way his character arc progresses, slowly but with a very strong foundation.

Just a small tip that not everyone may read the blurb before starting the story so in case there's anything you want your readers to know beforehand eg. trigger warnings, backstories etc., I'd suggest adding them in the story chapters as well.

♡♡♡♡.5

AND

Judging from the 5 chapters I have read...

PACE & PLOT - I felt like this story moved at an apt pace. The emotional descriptions weren't skipped just to introduce the conflict quickly which is admirable and it felt realistically accurate to process the loss the way he did. Each chapter served a purpose in taking the story further so nothing felt like a filler so far. I loved the way Rylie started out as a troubled / conflicted character who eventually decided to stay strong for his sibling and the first cracks in Chapter 5 are so heartbreakingly beautiful. They're very well-expressed, makes you feel for this character and relate to him more. I recommend adding a trigger warning in the chapters that contain written "descriptions" of self harm.

DESCRIPTIONS & WRITING - Your emotional descriptions are absolutely on point! I loved how Rylie's mental struggles were explained without making it all tell v/s show. I personally felt the 2nd chapter dived into more tell instead of show but possibly, the chapter called for it (considering it was full of a background / backstory). I enjoyed reading this story so far mainly because of your writing style. The way you describe raw emotions and conflict is hauntingly beautiful.

GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATIONS - I am not here to edit and pinpoint small mistakes (a simple run though MS Word or Grammarly can do that) so I'll be saying this from a reader's perspective - the kind that don't intentionally try to hunt for mistakes. Overall, I felt like were hardly any grammar / punctuation errors and that made it more pleasant, in general, to read this story.

READIBILITY & AESTHETICS - The paragraphs are sized properly - neither too small, nor too big (except in the beginning of Chapter 3 & 4 in the funeral scene where the paragraphs became slightly too long suddenly - you might want to break them into smaller paras) and the overall aesthetic of the story on the screen is perfectly adequate. I personally feel the chapter length is ideal for this story too. Genuinely loved the lines (in bold) at the beginning of each chapter. Gives it a very eerie / mysterious vibe and describes the scenes coming up ahead subtly yet perfectly.

♡♡♡♡.5

Liked reading it so far! Wishing you good luck for this story *_*

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GENERAL POINTS TO NOTE FOR BOOK REVIEWS

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