Title: Erased

Author: KButtar

Genre/s: Science Fiction, Dystopian

Number of Chapters: 3

Mature?: No

POV: First person

Status: Ongoing

ERASED

[in the author's own words]

[BOOK ONE]

The country of America is such a peaceful and perfect place.

Loveleen Deol is living a normal life like any 17 year-old. But she has a nagging feeling at the back of her mind that she can never get rid of. Then one day, memories come back, revealing secrets of the government to Loveleen that she never knew before. Secrets that could wreck this perfect world...

To keep their perfect world from falling to war, the government decided to erase memories from people that disturbed them or wrecked peace. The government uses the help of pink pills to erase memories.

What will Loveleen do now that she knows the government's plans and secrets?

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B O O K   R E V I E W

[Before we begin, please keep in mind that everything mentioned below is my personal opinion. My intention isn't to offend anyone; the only reason I am going into such detail is to be able to help my fellow writers out there. I do not claim to be correct; just sharing my opinion from my experience here on Wattpad. The following review is based off of the 3 chapters posted so far only.]

AND

TITLE: This story's title is short being a one word title, readable on every device and simple - which is a good thing. But if your objective is to gain more readers or make people check out your story, a unique title is what would pull them and make them click. Your title perfectly captures the major plot point (aka memories being "erased") so in case where the title is a common one, your cover and blurb become all-the-more important in determining whether or not potential readers decide to check out your story / read ahead.

COVER: Though the title and author's name are easily visible on this cover, without having read the blurb, the title + cover combination makes me assume this story is possibly a sad, chicklit / romance or possibly an angsty / mysterious tragedy. Science fiction wouldn't be my first guess on seeing it. Also, the image used on the cover is quite a common one. I highly recommend changing this book cover in order to appeal to your target audience.

♡♡♡.5

BLURB: Apart from the cover and title, the blurb plays a major role in determining whether or not someone clicks on your story to check it out. The blurb is of a very apt length and introduces your characters and conflicts perfectly. I didn't spot any grammatical errors as well and though I felt certain word choices could be improved, this will follow naturally with more practice. I suggest merging the last line with the above para as it gives a purpose and hook to each paragraph that way. You don't need to change anything but if you wish to, you can always experiment with new styles of blurbs to see what kind attract readers most.

♡♡♡♡♡

CHARACTERS: While what makes someone click on a story is a cover / title / blurb, what makes them stay is your plot and especially your characters. Their relatability, the whole vibe they give off and how well the characterization is done plays a huge role in a story. After all, it is easy to forget a story's title or maybe even plot but some characters stay with you even after you've finished reading the story. Loveleen's world was portrayed as a very sweet and lovely one and I'm so curious to see how it all goes down. Immediately upped the stakes since her relationships make you root for her. 

♡♡♡♡.5

AND

Judging from the 3 chapters posted so far...

PACE & PLOT - I have to admit, I was so curious after reading your blurb that I felt like the pace of the first chapter was a bit slow but I take it all back after that cliffhanger. It was so sneakily executed and I loved how you started with her "normal" life, assuming there's going to be a huge contrast once she starts remembering the erased memories. So far, the story flows very naturally in the chapters posted so far. I feel like the plot is being built well ESPECIALLY with the cliffhangers and I'm super curious to find out what happens ahead.

TECHNICALITIES - HUFKIL. You simply don't understand this (non-existent) word since you have never been introduced to it before. Similarly, when Loveleen and Akari see the word "WAR" on the wall, I guess it needs to be elaborated on whether they feel the word is familiar and if it could bring back memories or whether it makes no sense to them at all like the HUFKIL did. In the latter case, the government may not need to cover anything up since the word won't make any sense to anyone anyway. And by covering their tracks "just in case", they're bound to arise more suspicion in my opinion. Also, I'm hoping this comes up in the chapters ahead but I was left wondering about the bake sale event because - can the pills just erase memories or alter them too? If erased, Loveleen wouldn't remember what happened in that state of time and it would be a simply blank in her head. But if her memories were truly altered, it changes the course of your plot a little. I suggest working on that once in case you haven't thought of it already.

P.S. All of this could already be planned and come up in the future updates but I thought I'd point out in advance, just in case.

GRAMMAR & WRITING - I am not here to edit and pinpoint small mistakes (a simple run though MS Word or Grammarly can do that) so I'll be saying this from a reader's perspective - the kind that don't intentionally try to hunt for mistakes. Overall, I felt like weren't any grammar / punctuation errors so far. Certain word choices can be improved but as said above, this will flow with more practice so keep writing.

READIBILITY & AESTHETICS - The paragraphs are sized properly - neither too small, nor too big and the overall aesthetic of the story on the screen is perfectly adequate. The chapter length is ideal and works well for this story.

♡♡♡♡

Had fun reading so far! Wishing you good luck for this story *_*

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GENERAL POINTS TO NOTE FOR BOOK REVIEWS

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