→ Book Review | bottles ─ hearts by @YOURS-EXE
Title: bottles ─ hearts
Author: YOURS-EXE
Genre/s: Poetry
Number of Chapters: 7
Mature?: No
POV: N/A
Status: Ongoing
bottles ─ hearts
[in the author's own words]
a bottle.
her heart.
they have something in common.
a bottle cages something inside,
holds it.
her heart cages the pain,
the sadness, the ink.
ink of black lies, betrayal,
regret, the overdosing thoughts.
it bottles everything and anything,
until. until it overflows.
it burts open,
pouring the emotions.
when she opens them up,
people turn deaf.
some try to help, no avail.
it's just her from the very beginning.
nothing to understand, they say.
cage them in, they say.
never let them out, she says.
─ luce.
❪ a collection of random thoughts, some messages, and poems by yours truly. ❫
- ♡ -
B O O K R E V I E W
[Before we begin, please keep in mind that everything mentioned below is my personal opinion. My intention isn't to offend anyone; the only reason I am going into such detail is to be able to help my fellow writers out there. I do not claim to be correct; just sharing my opinion from my experience here on Wattpad. Based on all 7 parts published till now.]
AND
TITLE: This story's title is short (readable on every device) and simple - which is a good thing. The words "bottles" and "hearts" don't make sense instantly but turn into such a beautiful metaphor once you've read the blurb. The --- in between look like an em dash on Wattpad but Google treats it as 3 hyphens so if someone is trying to search this story up from the title, it could become a bit difficult / confusing.
But if your objective is to gain more readers or make people check out your story, a unique title is what would pull them and make them click. Your title is unique but it doesn't hit your reader immediately (since the metaphor is not that clear from just the title) and not a lot of potential readers would click on the story and decide to check out the blurb before deciding whether or not they want to read it. Since it's a poetry book, you might want to try changing the title as an experiment (even if just for a short while) and see if it works.
COVER: I loved the vibe of this cover. The dark aesthetic, ocean background and clear title (+ author's name) makes it very readable, visible and appealing. Instantly creates the exact vibe the poem in your blurb is going for.
♡♡♡♡.5
BLURB: Apart from the cover and title, the blurb plays a major role in determining whether or not someone clicks on your story to check it out. The poem in the blurb instantly evokes emotions and perfectly matches with the vibe of your cover as well. Painfully beautiful. The only suggestion I have here is to correct the grammatical errors there.
Changes suggested: "overwhelming" thoughts instead of "overdosing thoughts"; until... until it overlflows (the full stop after until feels a bit off); bursts open)
♡♡♡♡.5
AND
Clarifying this beforehand since I was specifically asked to comment on the choices of words and such - unlike some people, I do not believe a poetry needs to use fancy words and unique vocabulary in order to be called well-written. The amount of emotions it evokes, the way it makes a reader feels and the way it stays with them after they've finished reading it is what makes a poem truly memorable and touching in my opinion. I've written this review keeping in mind the same.
Firstly, I absolutely love how freaking aesthetic everything in this book looks. Right from the graphics / banners to the way you've presented and formatted your story is so pleasing to the eye. I truly loved it! Creates a very favourable vibe!
[P.S. I really enjoyed these poems and the only reason I'm nitpicking in super detail is because I'm supposed to? xD My intention is only to possibly help out a fellow writer <3]
- FEEDBACK + NOTES ON INDIVIDUAL POEMS -
h e r
Loving how this started. There's a slight miscommunication in this metaphor though as far as I understand.
"she is an ocean
her words aren't as deep
as the knife she will
stab you with."
Depth is an attribute of the ocean which is referred to in the second line. But reading this analytically makes you feel like you're trying to say a knife is deep. I get that you're trying to refer to the knife plunging deep here but the word "stab" doesn't create the feeling of depth you're trying to build up on here. The meaning is beautiful but it can be communicated a bit better. Slight rewording needed here in my opinion.
The rest of this poem is absolutely beautiful! The underline creates a very dramatic effect for "dangerous" and I love the vibe of this poem with my whole heart!!!
d r u n k
Applause for the trigger warning. Makes your content very user-friendly. I loved the way you sparked intrigue with the white lies line. Did the person drown accidentally or was this intentional? Makes you think and I like that.
Suggestions: lips glued "in spite of" the unspoken instead of "with". or maybe something like "lips glued and words unspoken" perhaps? (because unspoken words don't usually glue lips, they'd make you want to do the opposite so "with" sounds a bit contrasting.) Again, chest heaving "with" zero motion doesn't work here because both mean opposites. After the very impactful "white lies now woven", this line "drunk thoughts remind" doesn't stay as powerful anymore. Maybe it is just me but I felt like there was a disconnect / break of flow between these two lines.
i n k e d
I was enjoying the autumn vibes & loving it but, out of nowhere, you hit me with THAT line! WOW! (you know which line I'm talking about; not adding here to avoid spoiling the fun for anyone who's going to check this poem out). This is absolutely beautiful. I loved it so very much! That shift was very unexpected and the shock factor works so well for this poem.
Suggestions: stuck* to her face, not sticked. The only other thing I can think of possibly is breaking this poem into verses (i.e. adding space after few lines) to make it more aesthetic reading-wise.
r o s e
THIS POEM!!!!!! I personally love rose metaphors and this one delivered!!! So well! Also the fact that it was based on a "he" instead of your usual "she" made it so much better!!!
Suggestions: the word "speciality" can be replaced with something more impactful. (Probably forte or strong suit etc?).
p r o m i s e s
I really liked this one! So heartbreaking. So deep! Nothing needs to be changed; it is perfect <3
h u e s
I loved the colour play on this one (based on the prompt). So wicked, so casually cruel! I LOVED it so much!!! *_*
Suggestions: his "ability" has no cure - this line didn't register in my head. How is an ability to be cured? Do you mean vices or something similar here instead?
♡♡♡♡♡
Please write more poems! I loved these way too much than I can possibly express :')
* * *
GENERAL POINTS TO NOTE FOR BOOK REVIEWS
Hey there! Here is your book review. Hope this helped in any way. If there's something else you need an opinion on for this story, please feel free to drop a comment here.
- My intention with this book review was not to offend anyone (sorry if I did). I just genuinely wanted to help a fellow writer out with my insights.
- Please do not undo any payments after you have received your review.
- In case you need any more assistance, feel free to request again for the same service / another one.
Thank you so much for requesting from R3!
Hope you have a great day <3
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top