Title: A Colonial Romance: British India

Author: apsaraesque

Genre/s: Historical Fiction, Romance

Number of Chapters: 13

Mature?: Yes

POV: 1st & 3rd person

Status: Ongoing

A COLONIAL ROMANCE: BRITISH INDIA

[in the author's own words]

Set in British India, 'In Your Arms' is a reimagining of an age-old tale of sorrow, longing, fury and love. Annapurna discovers that she is on borrowed time in a secret meeting with the revolutionaries. The British have put a bounty on her head.

Labelled an agitator, she is running out of time. Knowing that the end is now near, Annapurna realises she has nothing left to lose and dives headfirst into two forbidden romances.

Between two whirlwind romances in a shared philosophical paradigm, one will catch you off guard. This book is about two simultaneous revolutions, the Indian revolution for freedom against the British and Annapurna's sexual awakening.

Peppered with Bengali folk songs, traditional fashion critique and Bengali literary references, In Your Arms is a curated cultural experience.

A romance between opposite sides of a war for land and freedom and a romance between two young girls, the story is about three star-crossed lovers and their respective wars between the revolutionaries and the imperial thirst. Unconventional parallel storylines etched into the plot, this book has everything.

From helpless soldiers bound to cruelty who are yet still boys at heart to prostitutes who are only ever welcomed in the dark of the night. From doctors and nurses and lawyers and accountants and everyone in Annapurna's beautiful giant family which is filled with vivid characters who are larger than life, the story is that of millions during the Raj.

All stories must end as does this one, so don't hold your breath and jump right into it. It is the journey that counts.

A means to a peaceful end.

🥀Warning: don't read this if you're a bigot, a racist or a homophobe. (Or a prude)

Contains detailed smut 🚨

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B O O K  R E V I E W

[Before we begin, please keep in mind that everything mentioned below is my personal opinion. My intention isn't to offend anyone; the only reason I am going into such detail is to be able to help my fellow writers out there. I do not claim to be correct; just sharing my opinion from my experience here on Wattpad. The following review is based off of the first 5 chapters only.]

TITLE: This story's title is readable on every device (doesn't get cropped), unique and simple enough to understand what your story contains. This title will perfectly attract historical fiction lovers. But if you want to expand your audience to give the other readers (considering your story falls under the Romance genre too and there's a huge potential audience for romance stories on Wattpad), a more interest-drawing title is what would pull them and make them click. Don't get me wrong, this title is good enough and very clearly communicates your niche / story vibe. But since you already had a different title before (assuming from your blurb it was "In Your Arms"), you may want to experiment with a newer one to see what helps you gain more readers (if that's what you're looking for).

COVER: In my personal opinion, I absolutely love this cover! It says a lot without revealing anything at all. You instantly get those traditional (Indian?) vibes from the architecture. And I have to admit, now that I'm looking at this too deeply, I can't say for sure if what I thought were 2 red dupattas trying to come close to each other is truly that or if it's just a simple cloth flying due to the air (lmao I love trying to find symbolism in everything xD). But whatever it is, it perfectly sets a very mysterious and clickable vibe. I would definitely click on a cover like this in spite of not being a fan of historical fiction.

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FIRST IMPRESSION: The cover immediately made me want to check this story out. My bias kicked in a little bit when I read the title (because I personally am not a fan of historical fics) but not everyone might relate to that so no need to worry about it. [If anyone else out there is reading this review, feel free to leave your opinions here & help us out :)]. The blurb sparks so much interest in the story! It is evident that this book will be very plot-heavy and will feature multiple sub-plots simultaneously so the reader is in for a very intense and possibly dramatic read. Definitely caught my interest!!! (and I mean this as a HUGE compliment because I am really, really not a fan of historical fics (yet)).

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BLURB: Apart from the cover and title, the blurb plays a major role in determining whether or not someone clicks on your story to check it out. The blurb looks a little longer (considering a short blurb usually helps catch the reader's interest at once) but it doesn't feel so once you start reading it. Just noticed that it probably mentions the old title of this story 2 times so you might want to update it there(?). I was instantly keen on finding out more about Annapurna's story.

Suggesting some possible changes: If you try to evaluate this in detail, the terms "borrowed time", "running out of time" and "end is near" which are in 3 separate sentences here actually convey the same meaning indirectly, so there's a lot of scope of compression here to make your blurb more compact and impactful. I suggest re-wording the first 2 paras to combine it into one para (since it's portrays the hook of your story better that way) and it can easily fit into max 3 sentences.

While I really like the content in the rest of the blurb and I was definitely intrigued, just because I'm supposed to nitpick, from the middle, this blurb kind of loses its flow and sounds a bit scattered (at least to me). We have been introduced to the idea of 2 romances and it suddenly breaks midway to talk about the cultural experience. LAter, again it brings up the idea of 3 star-crossed lovers and the fight for freedom before shifting to describe the vibes / themes of the story. In my opinion, it kind of breaks the flow a bit. I suggest completing one hook first (eg. romance + revolution) before moving to the other things you want to describe (eg. culture, side characters, ambience of the story etc.) and create curiosity on. It could be more effective that way as the plot points get registered in a reader's head better in that form when they're organised and presented better.

Also, have to appreciate the fact that you have mentioned the smut disclaimer in the blurb. Most writers / readers usually assume a story is marked mature just because of this but quite a few times, it can be marked mature for other reasons as well (as per Wattpad's guidelines) so clarifying why your story is mature helps readers to instantly figure out if this story suits them or not.

P.S. You don't have to change anything but if you wish to, you can always experiment with new styles of blurbs to see what kind attract readers most.

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CHARACTERS: While what makes someone click on a story is a cover / title / blurb, what makes them stay is your plot and especially your characters. Their relatability, the whole vibe they give off and how well the characterization is done plays a huge role in a story. After all, it is easy to forget a story's title or maybe even plot but some characters stay with you even after you've finished reading the story.

Annapurna and her entire family (Michael, Binodini, Renu, Evie and her parents, her father) are all so well charted out that they definitely stay with you while (and probably even after) you're reading the story. Her relationship with everyone is portrayed so beautifully.

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Judging from the 5 chapters I have read...

PACE - Some may argue that this story's pace is a bit too slow but I personally feel it is perfect for the kind of story you're writing. Since it is mainly a story about Annapurna finding / discovering herself and figuring out what her heart wants, it feels more natural for her life to be very connected with her family's. The relationships are built and showcased slowly throughout the story and as per me, it makes you root for the characters more since you're able to connect to them, their emotions and experiences.

PLOT & HOOK - The main plot doesn't seem to have begun / properly established in solely the first 5 chapters (again, due to the pace, which is totally fine) apart from her feelings for Evie. And though he haven't reached the hook of the story yet, the emotional world building is very well done.

DESCRIPTIONS - I like the way you write and your writing structure is perfectly fine too. If I had to point out a flaw, I'd say mostly your descriptions heavily "tell" than "show" (referring to the popular show v/s tell writing tip here) and due to the same, sometimes feels like an info-dump (eg. while giving character descriptions or while giving a character's backstory). The descriptions heavily rely on the "see" or "know" side of feeling. One quick tip to avoid this is going to the other 4 senses (smell, taste, touch etc.) to describe the scenes and environment.

GRAMMAR & WRITING - There were a few grammatical / punctuation errors in the beginning but nothing a quick run through MS Word or Grammarly can't solve. I recommend doing that.

READIBILITY & AESTHETICS - The paragraphs are sized properly - neither too small, nor too big and the overall aesthetic of the story on the screen is perfectly adequate. I personally suggest that the words in bold could be italicized instead for a better reading effect. Got to say, I really really loved how well you have addressed reader sensitivity by adding a spice emoji in the relevant chapters' titles.

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- Points about the blurb (as covered above)

- Grammar & punctuation check (as covered above)

- Show v/s tell in descriptions (as covered above)

- Bold v/s itaics (as covered above)

- One small thing I noticed was that in Chapter 5, there were minute inconsistencies like a shower in their house (I don't think there were showers per se in that era in India) and Evie putting on a pant (unless she doesn't dress in Indian traditionals like Purna since she grew up and lived in London for a while?)

- It was a good read so far. Wishing you good luck for this story ahead <3

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- My intention with this book review was not to offend anyone (sorry if I did). I just genuinely wanted to help a fellow writer out with my insights.

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