"Those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"I used to have an open mind, but my brains just kept falling out."

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"To steal ideas from one person is plaigerism; to steal from many is research."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize." <-- This is one of my favorites. XD

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house, and four people died."