"Dear diary...a chipmunk asked my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie will haunt me forever."

-Damon Salvatore

"That's for me to know and you to dot, dot, dot."

-Damon Salvatore

"Tell me that is not a bomb!"

"Okay...it's a kitten. It's an adorable, exploding kitten."

-Damon Salvatore

"Well, that is a fancy little treasure chest. In a fish tank..with no fish."

-Damon Salvatore

"Liv has a twin? Is it possible for there to be just one of somebody around here?"

-Damon Salvatore

"It's cool not growing old. I like being the eternal stud."

-Damon Salvatore

"I do believe in killing the messenger. Know why? 

Because it sends a message."

-Damon Salvatore

"No one tells me how I live my life. No one tells me who I love, especially not some vindictive, prehistoric witch and definitely not the universe. And I'm not gonna let someone else's idea of destiny stop me from loving you or being with you or building a future with you because...you are my life."

-Damon Salvatore

"I'm here to eat cotton candy and steal your girl."

-Damon Salvatore

"If I hear the word doppelgänger one more time, I think I'm gonna actually have to learn how to spell it."

-Damon Salvatore

"The brother who loved me too much and the one who didn't love me enough."

"And the evil, slut vampire who only loved herself."

-Katherine Pierce/Damon Salvatore

"See? I told you I could be a badass."

"Shhh. Badasses don't say that."

-Jeremy Gilbert/Damon Salvatore

"How 'bout violence? Did you threaten him?'

"No. I didn't threaten him."

"At least tell me you used torture."

"Damon!"

"You do realize that you are dating a reformed serial killer, right?"

-Damon Salvatore/Elena Gilbert

"'March 12th, 1922. I have blacked out days. I wake up in stranger's blood in places I don't recognize, with women I don't remember.' *gasps* I'm shocked! Stefan's not a virgin?"

-Damon Salvatore

"He's in Chicago? How do you know?"

"Came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it."

-Damon Salvatore

"We need human blood to survive. We're predators. Not puppies."

-Damon Salvatore

"Rick, the world can't just stop because you're an accidental psycho killer."

-Damon Salvatore

"I have all these open cases."

"This one was me.

Me.

Also me.

Oooooh! This one was Stefan's!

Oh, wait.

No. 

Me."

-Liz Forbes/Damon Salvatore

"Mmm, mom's cooking."

"Is that bacon?"

"Yeah, or some baby she abducted from a nearby village."

-Damon Salvatore/Elena Gilbert

"I walked around Mystic Falls this morning to see where my hunter instincts disappeared."

"Meaning what? Your biceps shrunk and your brain got smaller?"

-Jeremy Gilbert/Damon Salvatore

"Hey, you know, you should get out...enjoy the sun.

Oh, wait.

You can't."

-Damon Salvatore

"Caroline agreed to help you get Elena back."

"You? You hate me. You once told me that calling me satan..was an insult to satan."

-Stefan/Damon Salvatore

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes I do. And she loves me. We're in the luuuv."

-Damon Salvatore

"So, what's it gonna be? Uncle Stefan? Unkie Steffie?

I got it.

Creepy dude who hangs out with mom...who's not dad."

-Damon Salvatore

"Damon! What are you doing?"

"Looking for a..healthy outlet for my rage.

Haven't found it yet."

-Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore

"Hi.

I'm Damon.

And I have anger issues."

-Damon Salvatore

"So. Next order of business.

Mass murder."

-Damon Salvatore

Damon's has a shit load extra cus I watched crack videos and found a bunch more lmao

~SiriusCatBennett