"Dude, you're color blind? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Focus on the game."
"AHHH I'm sorry!"
"It's okay, Jesus still loves you "

"Why don't you just finish your math assignment during the leftover time after the history test? That test only takes like ten minutes if you know what you're doing."
*thinking*
"Now that would be too productive."

"Now, see here, the main reason she thought she could beat me in chair placements is because she could count, and I cannot."

"Oh I got a 98% on that and didn't even study."
"BOY. I STUDIED MY BUTT OFF AND GOT AN 89% I HATE YOU."

"I'm sorry but I will have to defend my low brass fam on this one."

"I'm practically low brass."
"But you play in treble clef."
"THEN WHY DOES THE DIRECTOR ALWAYS LUMP US WITH LOW BRASS?"

"You know, it was a wonderful idea to steal your bass drum.
"what"
"HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND"

"WOODWINDS ARE WEAK."

overheard at a football game
"So, what do you think 'friends with benefits' are?"
"I don't know, friends who just act a little more flirty around each other or something?"
said between me and a friend
"So by that definition, are we friends with benefits?"
"NOOOOOOOO."
"Oh. What even are friends with benefits?"

"You guys get your own section under control, I only have one girl and she always behaves and is better than the rest of you."

"I always have to tell this to the trumpets, you lead your own section, I've got one person and she can take care of herself."

"Dude, why are they wearing the wrong colors? It's white at home, blue at away."

"WHY IS THE CLOCK STOPPED? THE CLOCK NEVER STOPS."

"WHY ARE THE COACHES ALLOWED ON THE FIELD!?"

"We're putting a christmas tree on our bus." 

"Could you not?"
"Who, me?"
"No, the other person playing earrape." 

"He massacred me with 31 cats!"
"Actually it was 28." 
"He massacred me with 28 cats!"

"She did something to you that involves throwing you into a moving vehicle."
"What?"
"SHE THREW YOU UNDER THE BUS"
"She got hit by a bus?"

"Do we have any classes together next semester?"
"Bio first?"
"YES! Now I have you and my boyfriend in the same period!"
"CRAP HE'S IN OUR PERIOD?"