Author : Vinita03

Introduction-

Title:

The Unbecoming of Kiara Taylor; it is an unflattering title in a pretty way. I think you did a good job in depicting that Kiara is the main character, where, the story revolves around her. As a title is something which gives an idea of what to expect from a story you did a nice job.

Cover:

Cover is the way into the soul of the story. The better you make it the best your abilities are displayed of how clear you are being about the story. The picture in your cover gives us the longing feeling of love, dark, shiny and a sexy vibe, as the characters are staring into each other. It would be lovely and perfect if you could try to make the two-line descriptions a bit clearer. It is looking blurry, maybe you could make it short in length. For Wattpad the cover size is 512 X 800. (Canva and Picsart allows many different styles)

Blurb:

Almost perfectly done with the dwelling question you posed the readers making them wonder of what all they can expect from the story. The emotional scarring and the choice to let everything go and simply fall in love, it was all depicted beautifully. But I can't help but add here that as much as we love to see a little more about the character we are going to live, laugh, endure pains and have an invisible journey with so instead displaying their personalities out and open in the blurb itself you can add a character description chapter. Because the blurb looks unstable with the change in POV'S, in the first paragraph you have written in 1st person and then you switch to narration in the next one, and then by the end you become an author and start posing questions. I think sticking to one POV will make it look more attractive, either write everything in Kiara's POV or simply opt for narration.

Summary-

Falling in love must be one of the most beautiful experiences of life. And you have written and weaved it very amazingly. When we have people around us, who love us for who we are, take care of us when we are at our lowest and stand by us, sometimes we take them for granted. Which made me realize you have done an exceptional job in holding all the relationships of the plot in the right places. That could be the most attractive point of the story line of how the characters tangle, untangle and be there for each other.

Analysis and Evaluation-

Plot:

Very well planned on making it look so beautifully enthralling and enjoyable. Having a CEO story is very cliché, especially on wattpad, but is cliché a bad thing? I don't think so. The way you have written some emotionally cornering and traumatizing incidents by blending with the humor in the characters is very amazing. I think when an author writes a story, he/she can only know the best plot line, so this is not something I can talk about.

Characters:

You have bought some memorable, charming and love worthy characters in the story. I really loved of how you have come up with Kiara's descriptions. I feel she is the daughter of one of the biggest and richest name, yet she is down to earth.

She is a very strong and a tough girl. Has some trustworthy, loving and caring friends, and family around her. Yet sometimes like every human she is having her own lonely time, which is a very relatable trait.

Arnav is probably a very famous name because of ASR. I don't know if you have actually based Arnav Singhania on Arnav Singh Raizada or not, but somehow being a fan of the show, I could see many similarities between them but in an upgraded and contemporary version.

I would love to talk about all the characters because they are all very lovely but I have got to keep this review to limited words.

Description:

(I believe Harry Style's voice can be me shrill if he wants to be.)

You have done a craftsman duty in describing the scenes and happening that the reader can feel very relatable to whatever is happening, and it is easier to picture. You have tried dark topics with humor and it is done exceptionally because your descriptions very supportive and clean.

But there are some points you can concentrate and work on, to improve and get a better version. Like in some dialogues you have used 'u' instead of 'you', we can use 'u' instead of 'you' in messages because that is what the character is doing but dialogues are written by the author directly and roman English diminishes the quality of the work.

There are instances where you have written inner dialogue battles of the sub conscious. They become confusing at a point. So, you could try to sort them out, add dialogues in normal also, instead of all italic or try to minimize the usage of subconscious battle.

As a writer you may be clear in your head with what you want to convey but make sure as a reader is it being engulfed in the same manner or not. And I think you have done the covey part pretty amazingly!

Sensory Flow:

I am giving this completely to you. Awesome! That is one of the best plus points about writing a first POV that you can connect easily with the readers but the minus point is only minimum characters connect. But I think you have managed to come over the minus point as I have seen all the scenes having the greatest number of characters. I think you have done the connectivity part very beautifully.

Vocabulary, Grammar and Punctuation:

Well worked on all these three aspects. Even if gold is polished and newly bought there is always a chance to shine and shimmer it better so is the same with our writing work. We can always keep improving, so it would be lovely if you could take your time and do some filtering here and there.

Conclusion-

Jubilant! With a little more polishing and watering I say it has awesome chances to make it big because strong female characters alongside a perfect CEO is a common story but how you add your element and present it is what make sit yours. I think you are doing very nicely in this part!

Suggestions-

I think I have done this part above little by little but something out from all of them is your first chapter. I have seen the blurb and there are few incomplete sentences which aren't making sense like – ' . . . . fresh start, burying her grief, ignoring her demons.' There should either be a supporting sentence to this or you just need to add an 'and' before 'ignoring demons' which will give it an ending. Rest assured, everything is going smoothly.

Last but not the least I would like to say that this was my way of helping you improve and in no way criticizing you. I hope you understand it and take the positivity from it.

I would love to read the completed product. All the very best!

Regards,
breathes_oxygen