'Isn't everyone's family a little fucked up?'

The hardest part is waking up in the morning, remembering what you were trying to forget last night. My thoughts weighed heavily on my mind as I reminisce about my breakdown last night. How much pain do i have to go through till giving up is okay?

Somedays it's worse, Somedays it's better. Today it's worse. To think its been 7 years. Tears raced down my flushed cheeks as i try not to weep my heart out.

The worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when you're alone. The one where you feel it in your throat and your eyes become blurry from the tears.

I scanned the bed trying to remember where i tossed the only picture i have left of my dad last night, in the midst of my hysterical crying.
I traced over the faded picture as i tried to swallow my tears. I hold my breath and try to keep quiet. It's painful to try to realize that my father's gone. He's dead. Although I didn't get to spend much time with him, I was without a doubt most affected by his sudden death. He was absent for most of our childhood, i never understood why. I have come to believe it was his fucked up way of trying to separate 'the life' from his family. By family i mean me. As my dear fratelli maggiori ( big brothers ), are very much apart of it.

To the boys, he was just 'don'. I still remember when he took me from my brothers for a year, it was then when I realized how he treated me differently.

Pull yourself together, I scolded myself. With the little energy i had left, i got up... not bothering to change from my favorite silk pajamas set. I immediately race downstairs towards the living room ready to get it over with before the nerves settle in. To my disbelief it's empty.

"oh belle, stai bene?"our housemade luna asks. ( oh belle, are you okay? )

I close my eyes trying to control my emotions. I nodded mutely. "Where are my brothers?" My hoarse voice betrays me.

"ufficio di santiago"she simply replies. ( Mr Santiago's office )

I subconsciously pull my silk robe tighter at an attempt to comfort myself from the shivers along my arms and upper body. As i pass the countless security gaurds I could feel their suprise at my disheveled appearance, while i usually was put together.

As i get closer to the massive doors i feel my confidence dissolving. I make my way over, not bothering to knock leaving no room for manners. Without a second thought i push the doors open.

Silence.

My tears blurred my vision. My eyes meet Santiago, his usually stoic expression's looks suprised and somewhat worried.

"You left me alone" My quavering voice cracks. Simple words yet soo powerful.

Lorenzo, attempts to come closer but i flinch away from his touch. He froze shocked by my reluctance.

"Where were you?" I softly ask. My face heating up from my embarrassing emotions.

"Tesoro, something came up we had to be in Sicily" Damon's deep voice replies from across the room.

I didn't like being the center of attention  especially in a situation like this.

I look down and see that I'm shaking. I can't breathe normally. My heart is pounding. The anxiety is taking over me. Two strong arms wrapped around me, the warmth engulfs me as i shake uncontrollably. I rest my head on my chest as i give up and let the tears fall.

"Listen to my breathing sorella" Lorenzo comforts as he brushes his fingers through my hair.

I feel the cool material of  a leather jacket being put on me. I pull away from him although I desperately want comfort. Thankfully, he pulls me against his chest, while I attempt to face my brothers. My face flushed as i observed their expressions, this is a rare occasion when i hate being babied.

Taking a shaky breathe, " Last night was our father's death day-" I feel Lorenzo stiffen behind as he subconsciously tightened his arms around my waist.

"non eri lì per me, i needed you" I accused as they stared at me speechless. ( You weren't there for me)

"I was hurting, i was fucking drowning and nobody was here for my struggling" I was ashamed of the foul language in front of my brother's out of respect but I had no control over the burst of anger that clawed out of my chest.

All of a sudden i felt really tired. Like the restless night had drained me.

I curled up on Lorenzo's lap desperatly needing the comfort of his warmth. "I've got you sorella" His deep voice whispered soothingly in my ear as he rubbed my back.

A few simple words were all i needed to hear before letting the darkness envolp me.

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Hii !!! My first authors note ,,Thee first chapter's up Ahh!!! I'm soo excited for this new book although this chapter may be confusing i promise if you stick around you'll see soon that i'll shed some light on isabelle's past. I promise that the brothers will deff have bigger roles and everything will come together nicely. Oh and chapter's will be longer !
Pleasee don't forget to vote and share !
I hope to gather up an audience to motivate me .