Dear Mama and Evelyn,

I know my reasoning for coming to the United Kingdom is a soft subject and I want to thank you both for everything you have done for me, and for the constant support that you provide me with. You have both done so much for me, sacrificed so much for me, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

The idea of me having a diary was a good one, it really helps. Something that's so private and personal that no one else can read. It's good for me, it allows me to speak my mind without being afraid, and I know that I can look back on it for positive thoughts and to remind myself of all the good things that are happening in my life.

The past three years here have been difficult. Having to acclimatise to a completely new culture and way of life. The way the people here work is so different, but they're so welcoming to everyone. Whenever I need help at work they are always there for me to talk to, they are so polite and caring; no one treats me like 'that deaf girl', they are sensitive about it and don't treat me any differently.

Ben and Lucy are still together; I want a relationship like theirs, they know each other so well and they're so in tune with each other. When they are together their movements are fluid like water flowing down a stream, like they know what the other is going to do before they even do it. It's so admirable Mama, like something you'd read in a fairytale.

Almost a month ago a new neighbour moved in opposite to me, because Mr grumpy moved out next door, which I'm really glad of. I saw my new neighbour on a few occasions, just passing in the hallway, but I didn't do anything about it; I didn't think he'd care, I'm nothing special really. Well that's what I thought, until I saw this upset look on his face - a cute little pout Mama - out of the corner of my eye when I didn't respond to him; I felt so guilty, he looked so upset Mama, like he genuinely wanted to talk to me. I've never seen that look on anyone's face before and it scared me, I knew something big was about to happen after that, and I didn't know what to do about it.

I remember the first time we met, I sat in my apartment with a book in my hand when I saw the red light flash on the wall, at first I thought it was the mailman because he always delivers my mail around that time, but when I opened the door there he stood, with his finger on the doorbell and this really confused look on his face, I couldn't stop the flutter that took over my heart and the small smile that captured my lips.

His name is Harry. Harry Styles. He's so amazing Mama, he's even started to learn sign language! Funnily enough he's really good at it, he's picked it up so quickly and can speak in fluid sentences now. He makes me smile so much, and every time I'm near him I can't help but blush because he compliments me all the time. He's such a gentleman, so polite and generous.

His eyes are a charming bright green too, like the grass on the hills that surround our house Mama, so beautiful. And I love it when he smiles, when I see the little dimples on his cheeks when he's happy, I like to think that I've caused them to appear on a few occasions. He was the first guy to take me on a date, an actual date! He didn't run away like the other guys when they found out I was deaf, Harry embraced it. He did everything he could to communicate with me, he even brought paper and a pen to the café we first met up at just so I could communicate with him.

Our first date was perfect, he made me feel so special, even now he makes me feel special. My first kiss was incredible, it felt like magic Mama; it was on a park bench underneath a canopy of trees that were sprinkled with fairy lights. And he asked me Mama, he asked me in French if he could kiss me. I've never met anyone so perfect in my life, he's everything I've ever wanted and more. I hope more wonderful things happen with Harry, I'd love to kiss him everyday if I could.

But you know me Mama, every time I'm with him I feel like I'm pushing him away. My walls remain standing and I refuse to tell him anything, not because I don't want to, but because I can't. I just can't tell him Mama, I don't want to relive those memories. I just want him to know how much I care for him and how important he is to me. I would do anything for him, every time I see him my heart leaps and my eyes light up.

I wish I could tell him Mama, I wish there was some way that I could show him how much he means to me, I just don't want him to think my heartfelt gesture is stupid or silly. I don't want him to hate me like other people have, I can't bare to think what would happen if he hated me; I'd lose myself, it would hurt so much if he hated me. I couldn't bare it Mama, it would break my heart.

Apparently Evelyn is supposed to be visiting soon, or so you told me in your last letter. I hope everything at home is going well and that your business is successful as always, you're an excellent gardener Mama, I'm so proud of you for achieving your dream. I hope I can be like you one day.

I love you so much Mama, I hope you and Evelyn are safe and healthy whilst I'm gone. You know how I worry. I'm sorry I'm so far away but I can't come back just yet, maybe soon, I might ask Harry if he'll want to come too.

Tout l'amour,

Odette x

I stare at the letter, Odette's cursive writing flying off the page and her words entwining frantically in my mind. This is a letter to her mother and sister, something so intimate, her words are so honest and heartfelt. Her thoughts pure as she pours her heart out onto the page. Why did Evelyn give this to me?

I already know that answer to that. She gave this to me because they knew; by the way Odette talks about me in this letter to them they must have known I was different, my guess is that she's never written about a guy before in her letters, and definitely not in this much detail. Is this how she truly feels? It must be. Every voice in my head is trying to convince me that it's a lie and that she doesn't mean it, but it's all there in that beautiful handwriting. The constricted emotions from her broken heart are here in my hands, and it's all about me.

The way she talks about our first kiss sends a shiver up my spine and the way she almost gets scared at the thought of me hating her makes my heart race. If only she knew, I could never hate her, not even if I wanted to; it would be completely impossible and out of my nature to hate anyone, but Odette is a different story.

This letter makes me realise how much she is holding back; what's happened at home that made her want to move away, and why doesn't she want to go back? What is over there that is keeping her away from her family - I take a large breath and look away from the over used page, so many questions need answering.

She needs time Harry, give her time. My subconscious adds and I can't help but agree. I will wait, even if it takes until my dying day I will wait for her. She deserves someone who will stay by her side and treat her like the girls in the fairytales that she clearly reads. She deserves someone who will look at her as if she were their entire world, someone like me.

I feel giddy when I think about how she felt during our first meeting, how her heart immediately fluttered when she saw me and noticed the mail in my hands; I bet she knew from that moment that I wanted to get to know her. However, I also feel slightly stupid knowing the reason why the mailman gave me such a curious look was because I partly took over his job at delivering Odette's mail. At the time I thought his expression was unusual but now I realise I was probably the unusual one.

And she did see me! She saw me all those days before I officially introduced myself, she was just scared - like I was. Maybe Odette and I do feel the same way about each other, I just need the clarity of a hand written letter to her mother to prove it to myself.

The way she described my features was adorable, how she'd picked up on the things that only my mother loved about me. Like my bright green eyes or my dimples, she noticed them right at the beginning and got excited when she was the cause of my eyes lighting up or my dimples deepening, if only she knew that she is always the cause of that.

My heart warms at Evelyn's gesture, the fact that she did this for me just to show me how important I am to Odette. Even I can see how affectionate her writing is, it must have been a shock to Evelyn and her mother to read something like this, after what I presume is years of having no mention of a man (except Ben) in her time over here. Evelyn's right I suppose, I am helping her.

I fold the letter back in its correct form and place it back into the new envelope that Evelyn brought it over in. Writing her name on the front, I waltz over to Odette's apartment and press the doorbell, 'sorry to disturb but could you give this to Evelyn please.' I sign to Odette as a curious look crosses her face. She nods to me and takes the envelope. 'Thanks.' I say before leaving and going back into my apartment.

I could have kissed her, I tried so hard not to kiss her; that letter, that beautiful letter just made me want her so much more, I want her to be mine...if she'll have me.

________________________

What did you think about the letter? What do you think Harrys going to do? Let me know :)

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- Pianogirl56