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"We never chose these mantles we hold."

~Harumi

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WARNING: minor injuries, blood, incoming panic attack

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Lloyd whistled cheerfully to himself as he placed the capsule into the coffee maker. There was something satisfyingly domestic about wandering around the monastery early in the morning without a care in the world. No snakes attacking the city, no skeletons coming to kidnap anyone, and no ghosts of the past haunting your every turn. It was nice. Almost...

Normal.

Lloyd had often been restless during these periods of silence in Ninjago. His paranoia was high, just waiting for something to do wrong. He'd flinch at loud noises, his body would whip into fight mode when anything unexpected happened. Lloyd still felt guilty for punching that poor monk. His head knew they were safe but his body was on a whole different page.

"Why are we safe now when we weren't before?" It seemed to ask.

It was hard to adjust to a quiet life after battling various strange characters. The rest of the team struggled too. Zane was good at making the switch but Kai had a lot of trouble. He seemed to do better when he poured all his energy into making sure Lloyd felt safe. But Lloyd wasn't able to do that. No amount of meditation or hobbies had been able to calm him down. He had thought he'd never be able to be at peace.

But here he was.

At last, he could rest, just for a little bit.

Lloyd smiled a little to himself and leaned against the counter. He looked out towards the beautiful summer morning, watching the sun paint the wood floors a pretty amber. The coffee maker whirred behind him while he hummed a little tune, drumming his fingertips on the countertops. When the trickle of coffee came to a stop, Lloyd turned and took the mug from the machine.

It had taken him a while to have coffee. His childish taste buds weren't having the bitter drink. But then insomnia became a common hobby of his and the magic of caffeine fell from the sky like an angel.

Lloyd dumped a good helping of cream and sugar into the cup before looping his fingers through the handle to have a sip.

Just as he was tipping his head back to drink the coffee, the sound of a phone ringing broke through the quiet day. Lloyd jumped a little and scramble to find it so the noise wouldn't wake the others. After stubbing his toe and tripping over Wu's chicken he managed to find the device.

"Hello?" Lloyd said a little too loudly, trying to mask his heavy breathing.

"Is this Lloyd Garmadon, The Green Ninja?" A clear, direct voice said through the speaker.

Oh great, Lloyd grumbled to himself. Who's attacking us this time?

"Yes," Lloyd answered, trying and failing to keep the tiredness out of his tone. This is what the coffee is for. Lloyd went to take a nice, long sip. "What's going on? Do we need the team?"

The person on the other line hesitated, which seemed out-of-character from Lloyd's initial assumption on their personality. "I'm working with the first responders and was requested to explain what is happening." They said slowly. "It's an... unusual situation."

Lloyd almost snorted as he walked back to the kitchen, cradling the coffee mug in one hand and the phone in the other. The stuff the ninja dealt with was rarely anything usual.

"Just lay it out for me," Lloyd told them.

"Alright," their voice was careful as if they were dealing with delicate China. "This morning at two thirty-six the police returned from a mission in Àn Yuè."

"They found some unusual activity from an unnamed person, often investigating the black market for supernatural things. They assumed it was illegal trade like vengestone or magical artifacts. They had fled from the building, leaving the building and taking only what was most important. Like what would lead to where they are. But they also left a person." The person over the phone continued.

"A person?" Lloyd's brow furrowed. "Are they an elemental master?"

"No."

"Have you been able to identify who they are?"

There was a beat of silence. "Yes."

Lloyd's brows furrowed. There was something significant about the person found. Why didn't they just say who it was? Lloyd swallowed his irritation and tried his best to keep his tone professional. "Are you able to share this person's identity?"

Another pause before the answered.

"It has been confirmed that the person is The Jade Princess."

The coffee cup slipped from his fingers. It fell ungracefully, crashing to the ground with a thud before it shattered into pieces. Lloyd's heart dropped with it.

"Lloyd Garmadon?" There was a tinge of panic in their voice.

The Green Ninja didn't reply right away. "Harumi is dead." He said automatically, voice empty.

"We presumed she was dead but they never did find her body in the rubble." The person reminded him carefully.

"Harumi." Lloyd squeezed his eyes shut as he drew the name out through clenched teeth. "Is. Dead."

"Mr. Garmadon-" the person said carefully.

"Lloyd." He interrupted quickly. "I'm not- it's Lloyd."

"Lloyd," They corrected. "Harumi has been found and she is alive. She is currently at the Ninjago City Hospital. She has been unconscious since they found her and they do not know when she will wake up."

His brain seemed to be on autopilot. He was frozen like someone had hit pause. The rest of the world was still moving but he was stuck.

All he could focus on was three words.

Harumi is alive.

Harumi is alive.

Harumi is alive.

"Lloyd Garmadon, do you have someone there with you right now?" They asked, their voice was cautious as if they were talking to a lost child.

In a way, Lloyd was a lost child. All the plans, all the ideas, anything he had figured out had just been erased. His options had changed and Lloyd didn't know what to do. He was spiralling in a million directions. The grip he once had on his life was slipping through his fingers again and the only thing he knew was to just hold on tighter.

Lloyd slammed his thoughts back into drive, shoving aside the worries, the doubts, the fears, the guilt- everything. He didn't have time to mourn or to doubt or to be scared. Peace and happiness were off the table now. Lloyd just needed to get through it.

"Lloyd?"

"Yeah- I'm okay." Lloyd mentally patted himself on the back when his tone came out determined and clear. "How is she alive? The building...."

Collapsed around her.

They sighed. "We're not sure. A fall would've been fatal but somehow she appears perfectly healthy. The unknown person appeared to have resources that allowed them to bring Harumi to a stable physical state."

"And her mental state?" Lloyd was almost afraid to ask.

"We won't be able to get a clear view on that until she wakes up." They told him.

"Okay..." Lloyd breathed, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Okay."

Lloyd cleared his throat, suddenly it felt very dry. "Is there anything else?"

They relayed important information on Harumi's condition, going over her injuries, then they ran over phone numbers, rules of visitation, legal things, and anything else Lloyd needed to know. Lloyd barely comprehended the information, just pushing out the appropriate replies until they said goodbye.

"I hope you have a nice day," they said weakly.

"Yeah, you too," Lloyd grunted before he hung up.

He heaved a deep breath, placing his hands on the counter and letting it support his weight. He felt lightheaded, suddenly there was weakness in his body that made him start to sway. Lloyd's hold tightened on the edge of the counter, trying to force his hands to stop trembling. His foot crunched against something sharp. The protectors on the foot of his gi prevented the porcelain from cutting him but the sharp edges prodded at the skin.

Lloyd paused and lowered himself to the ground. The mug had split in two, tiny shards sprayed across the hardwood. He bent down to pick up the prices, he barely comprehended the edges cutting into his fingers as Lloyd gripped them in his hand.

Lloyd's experienced many panic attacks before, he knew all the tricks, all the techniques to try and calm down but no amount of experience and knowledge can prepare you from the fear that rises with each ragged breath.

"It's okay," Lloyd whispered, hating how his voice came out small and weak. "It's okay." The shards cut deeper, scarlet droplets falling onto cedar planks as he squeezed his hands into fists around the pieces.

"It's okay." Lloyd sat back on his heels and slowly leaned his head back to hit the cupboards behind him. "It's okay."

Drop. Drop.

Red stains the floor.

NOTE*****

A bit of a different start than last time.

Panic attacks are really scary and if you ever think you're going into one here are some tips that help me.

-Cross your arms over your chest, this will help you feel safer and calm yourself down.

-Take deep slow breaths. In through the nose and out through the mouth. It's cliché because it works. Hyperventilating will stop you from getting enough oxygen and will make you feel faint.

-see if you can get any help. Family, friends, or anyone who you trust enough to help you will be able to calm you down. They can tell you to match their breathing or do something else to distract you.

-shake your hands from your wrists. I dunno it just helps me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

-singing helps me. Probably best to do it once you have your breathing under control but once that happens then sing a song you relate to or that calms you down. Red Ribbon by Madilyn Bailey and You Will Be Found always help me.

Sorry that this chapter is kinda short. I considered adding in more but I felt like this was a really good place to leave off and I don't want to smash too many things together. 😂

The title was taken from the lyrics of Quiet. It is literal in the lyrics but it could be put in many different ways. Like when someone says red and red represents danger or something like that. Or the red of the blood. Interpret that how you wish.😊

I hope you liked the chapter!

LuckyBugBooks🐞