QUESTION:

"What mess would you be in if your every wish was granted?"

Ha! You have to stop now and 'see' the scene!

Because of the word "mess". Because I planted the seed in your head that... you'd fuck it up- the wish thing.

I know I would. (The seed was planted in my head first, when I came across this.)

Let's assess me: I'm never in a place for long- I think I've moved house over 30 times so far. So. There'd be that- the constant flitting from one location to the next. I don't like living in the same type of house either... now not only do we have me flitting about but also alternating between tents and castles and beach shacks. I also don't like routine. Add this to the above- the never knowing where I'll be and what I'll be doing from one moment to the next- oh and with whom!

Then there's the people. I get bored easy. I can't tolerate 'women's talk'- I like talking with guys- least those who can string words together. I also like to talk 'deep'; I like verbal journeys... So all of the above would involve a revolving door of people past and present and... random philosophical discussions; one day in a castle, the other in a... houseboat?

I am naturally messy. It's just who I am. Maybe an early reaction to a mum who's known little else but cycles of cleaning and who therefore thinks doing things constitutes 'caring for'. I'd... create mess everywhere I went; I'd leave a trail of clothes and books and papers and assorted fascinating bits and bobs I picked up in my travels.

I'd need me that muse too. If I am going to be pumping out one best-seller after... another critically acclaimed book- I'm gonna need my muse tagging along in all my mess and my unpredictability; and loving me. (Sexy beast that he is!)

(How long you think the above arrangement would last? This would be a daily "Reminder: keep muse hostage" wish.)

Of course, I'd live forever. One big, eternally messy, all over the place life, stuffed with philosophy and sex.

And with a hostage.

How would you fare? How big your mess (and don't you lie!)