QUESTION:

What are you most ashamed of?

You know how sometimes you are reminded of a particular scene or person or bunch of words or something you did- and you inwardly cringe?

No matter how much time passes... that feeling surfaces again- a mix of in-hindsight stupidity, remorse, (hot) embarrassment and... shame.

Well here's the thing: I don't know!

I mean it. I have sat for hours staring at this question. Going away from it, coming back. Trying to tie it to an instance; a memory of a moment when hindsight caused the above. So that I too can share a glimpse into my 'shameful' past.

Nothing. There's simply nothing that comes to mind. Some stupidity, some embarrassment, sure. But no remorse. And, more stupendously, no shame. So I have to instead cough this up:

I hold NO shame.

Does that then make me "shameless?" (See how awful it bloody sounds?)

Yet if I feel no shame- surely that's a good thing? Surely it means I've lived a relatively pious life? (Does shame not relate to some moral code?) Yet I'm supposed to fess up here. Like it's expected I have some.

I don't. (This has the whiff of imperial arrogance about it but truth often does- why some lies are more believable, instead.)

What's your glimpse about?