QUESTION:

"Does "Show don't tell" also apply to love?

The bane of most writers: Show. Don't tell! Readers don't want to read a bunch of cold, impersonal descriptions telling them he said this or he saw that. They want to be IN the story; they want to walk in the character's shoes and feel his emotions and live and breathe his experiences. They don't want to read a travel guide, they want to be in the bloody guide!  

We all tend to 'tell' a lot. It's easy. We stand in front of the scene about to be played out and we describe it: He is angry, she is crying, that one over there is lying. (You get the drift.)

Showing... it involves burrowing a level deeper; not writing as an observer but living as the hero and the anti-hero and every other character wandering in. It needs emotion, movement, sound, smell, hearing, micro-expressions... the twitching of an eyebrow; nostrils flaring; a partly hidden shaky hand; a smile aimed beyond the one standing in front; an escaped tremble... in the voice.

Most of us (and I speak of Non-Fiction here) write to some measure to exorcise whatever has possessed us in our past. We also write what we know best: Our life. Our experiences- in whatever field we've chosen; our thoughts and opinions- based on what we've lived and learned. So we tend to tell more than those writing in other genres. We tell our stories.

... Got me thinking (always a dangerous thing) whether the same can be said of love. Because as I read yet another comment meant as constructive criticism advising how to "show, don't tell" I remembered this song. And a little later, I was watching a show. They were going through a rough patch:

"I love you," he'd said.

"I don't know what this means anymore," she'd replied.

"Huh," I'd thought. "It's lost meaning for her. He should have/could have..." And off I went, creating my own scenario. The song in the background.

(That's how my mind works. It ties random things.)

Do we tell more than we show in love?

What if we removed the words "I love you" from everyone's vocabulary? What would happen then?

Saying "I love you" is easy. You feel it, you say it. It is also a 'blanket term' covering everything from surprise, to gratitude, to admittance, to understanding to unfairness, to regret. It can be tacked on at the beginning or as an afterthought at the end. It can occupy what should have been a big chunk of words- in the middle.

But if we take the phrase away, pretend it doesn't exist? How would we then... say "I love you"?

We'd have to show. We'd have to somehow make the other person feel what we were feeling that moment.

I remember writing once, "Away from you, I can't breathe." And wondering: "Does he understand what I mean?"

"I love you," he'd said.

I know he'd meant by this he felt for the distance between us and the many obstacles within it. I know he'd said it to comfort me. Or do I?

Do I?

What if he didn't have those words to use? What other ones would he have found within him to respond to me? In fact- how was he feeling as he said them? Was he even responding to me or affirming something within himself? What did this  particular"I love you" mean? (Could I be wrong in my interpreting?)

I'll never know. That, there, is the trouble with telling, writers.

"He snuck a peek into the room and saw that she was crying. He shut the door. It was over."

Ye, hold up! Unless you're trying for absolute abstract minimalism here or this is your story's final line... what the hell do you mean? Crying as in a single tear escaping the corner of her eye yet her lips smiling at the picture of another in her hand, or, as in her head was lowered and teardrops were leaving tiny wet impressions on the fabric of her dress; her hands clutching his now-crumpled note, or, as in her shoulders shook and her tear-filled eyes stared not at him but at the window; the light causing refraction; myriad tiny exquisite rainbows playing on her faraway face...

Or...

"saw"... (See my problem here? ) Yes, he saw but what does this mean? Did his eyes linger on her for a moment and a cloud of despair descend, his eyes shutting tight in response; closing out the sight of her, or, did he startle, expecting to find her alone and instead confronting what she'd been hiding, or, did his shaking hand grip the handle in anger, the sight of her tears further testament of her betrayal, or, had her face never looked so peaceful, despite the tears, and he felt that tug of regret, at the core of him... 

Which is it? Don't shut that door without me knowing!

"I love you."

Taken in the above context, what does this mean? What is it replacing that we will never know about?

How do you fare? Do you tell more than you show?