QUESTION:

Do women function mostly within opposite land?

I'm serious. And I am one of them.

Recently, some stuff happened that brought me down. I simply couldn't cope, I was overwhelmed, overtired... over everything and everyone. I shut down. I told everyone (including him) that I needed time to deal with my crap. I used the excuse of not wanting to burden anyone else with my problems.

But here's the thing: What I was really saying? "Help me!" "Talk me through this!" "Be there and fuck whatever else, make me the priority!" "I NEED YOU!"

So why the fuck didn't I say that? Why did I imply/insist on the opposite? And then! Why did I then feel indignant because my words were heeded?

I had to warn Dylan, again: "If a girl tells you she's fine and for you not to worry about it, WORRY. Worry big time and somehow get it out of her else your life will tilt a little- and not desirably."

"Sure." "Whatever." "If you want." "I didn't mind... really!" No... you go ahead." "I don't want to talk about it." "It's okay, baby." "I understand." "If it's that important to you..."

These are all standard opposite phrases. Any man will read them literally. Any man will act based on their literal translation. That man is doomed.

"Sure" means no bloody way I agree to this but I will agree only so I can say "I told you so," later.

"Whatever" means I have something very specific in mind and it's your job to get it out of me. (Choosing Chinese when I wanted Italian for dinner does not bode well for later on. Nothing will be right about this evening. Nothing.)

"If you want..." (usually followed by a silence) means listen here you ass, I'm sick of doing everything you want or going everywhere you want! How about we do what I want for a change? (You understand if I tag along to this I will bitch all the way there and complain all the way back? Good. Let's go.)

"I didn't mind... really!" Oh, I minded very much! I so minded that you bailed out as my date for the wedding I could kill you now! But I'll save it. To use at another time, you can be sure of that. Deadly sure.

"No... you go ahead..." (Insert sigh somewhere in there.) Don't you bloody move! If you walk out that door and go without me you'll be dead to me. I mean it! Or you will pay. A lot.

"I don't want to talk about it." I want to talk about it till everything has been examined and analysed in minute detail and whatever is bothering me is gone. I want to talk about it specifically with you!

"It's okay, baby." No, it's not. Not okay at all. I had this mess to deal with and just when I needed you the most you bailed out to do this and that? And then you say "I'm sorry." and I'm supposed to just accept it? Not okay. You will pay.

"I understand." You make no sense. I either can't be bothered setting you straight or... it's best you keep believing you make sense. It's good for your ego. But I know the truth.

"If it's that important to you..." Something is more important than me? Than me? Sure. Go do your important thing. But when it's time for your other important thing...

Women: Why do we do this? Do you do this? Do you function often in opposite land?

Men: Why have you not caught on? Or have you? Are you secretly enjoying opposite land?