Book Title: The Embers Glow Bright

Author: the_chaotic_pen

Genre: Teen Fiction

Chapters Reviewed: Prologue + 6

Reviewer: @MidnightKoala

Note: I will try and be as constructive and as polite as possible regarding areas that I think can be improved but still remain honest. It is not my intention to be harsh or rude but if any of my comments come across that way, I do apologise sincerely. I am not always right and sometimes my opinions may be different to yours so please do tell me if you don’t agree with something I’ve said or want to discuss further - I am more than happy to. I hope the review is helpful! ❤️

TITLE/COVER:

Your title is really quite unique. I haven’t really heard anything like it before and I really like the sound of it. I also love the way you link to the concept of embers in your blurb - it sets the scene beautifully. There are a lot of cliché book titles on Wattpad but yours is very different and stands out from the crowd - if I saw your book whilst scrolling, the title would definitely draw me in. I really admire that - nice job.

I am not an expert in graphics but I’ll give you my personal perspective of your cover as a reader. I think your cover is very attractive - it has a professional feel to it and I like the choice of fonts, images and colours. I would only suggest seeing the embers/flames on your cover or something a little bright and fiery that links to the themes in your story. But again, that’s just a personal view. 😊

UPDATE: The above was my view on your old cover. I think your new one is much better! The red hair and title font symbolises the fire which is what I just mentioned above haha. It might be nice to see actual embers/glowing but this is still really good. I adore the tagline - it’s very intriguing and poetic but quite hard to read so maybe make it larger? The title could stand out a bit more too as it’s quite small but then again, that might not work because of the girl’s white shirt being the size it is but perhaps you could experiment with that if you wanted? I think it’s a nice, simple cover but pleasant to look at and very appealing. Again, this is just a personal perspective and perhaps others would say differently! 

BLURB:

Moving on to the blurb, I will honestly and wholeheartedly say that your blurb is one of the best blurbs I have ever read! Apart from a few technical stuff that could be altered, it’s actually perfect. From the first line, I was absolutely hooked. Your descriptions are flawless, your intricately woven metaphors are impeccable and the way you seize my attention instantly with your beautifully crafted sentences is so, so ingenious. You have given just the right amount of information in your blurb as well - enough to pull me in to open the book but not too much to give it all away. As I was reading it, my heart was racing and I can’t even describe how impressed I was. And the last line - WOW! Chills, literal chills. I just creepily whispered to myself ‘ooh this is going to be a good book’ haha. Blurbs are so difficult to write but you’ve absolutely nailed it on the head. Teach me your ways!! It’s simply amazing. 👏

I’ll just mention a few technical things I believe could be changed in your blurb. I won’t say errors because they’re not necessarily mistakes - they’re very, very minor suggestions that I think would help make your blurb even better than it already is.

Note: whenever I mention a quote from your work, I will highlight it between these symbols <> like so: <quote> to make it clearer where the quotes are.

<She lived a life of abuse for so long, that she could not imagine one without it.> I don’t believe the comma is necessarily required here. It flows wonderfully without it. 

<Sure she was quiet, and perhaps a tad shy, but introversion was not an anomaly.> I think a comma would help after the word ‘Sure’. 

<She had a loyal best friend, she had good grades, she was well off; that's all that matters, right?> Consider changing the semicolon to a dash here - that might work better. 

<But what no one noticed was how she flinched at the barest of slaps, as friendly as they may be; they did not notice how rarely she spoke of her family; they also did not notice the thick pile of letters that stayed hidden in the corner of her wardrobe-each page scribbled with a thousand words of hurt, pain and anger.> I would reword this slightly and change the dash to a comma. Feel free to stick to what you have but I just thought this sounds a tiny little bit better:

But what no one noticed was how she flinched at the barest of slaps, as friendly as they may be; they did not notice how rarely she spoke of her family or the thick pile of letters that stayed hidden in the corner of her wardrobe, each page scribbled with a thousand words of hurt, pain and anger.

But in terms of the actual content of the blurb, it’s faultless! I was about to continue to the opening section of the review but I realised I just can’t move on without mentioning my favourite parts of your blurb. It’s too good not to compliment.

<She had to feed the evil to keep away the evil> I HAVE CHILLS. So good. How do you come up with this?! 

<Her strength lay hidden, deep inside, like the burning embers.> Such beautiful poetry! Have you ever considered writing poetry? Just by reading the blurb, I can already tell you’d be amazing at it. 

<To stoke her fire into brilliant flames.> Speechless. Utterly speechless. 👏

Okay, I’ll stop gushing now and move on hehe. 😉

OPENING:

Your prologue is actually pretty amazing. From the first line, you cause the reader to ask questions and make us immediately captivated. What all started when you were born? It’s such a powerful opening grip. The rest of your prologue is fantastic - the MC’s thoughts about her past and her abusive father is so heartbreaking but so interesting as well and really hooks the reader. I really love your way with words and how poetic it is. It’s an excellent opening - I would only suggest making the last line of your prologue more suspenseful and hooking, like try and leave the reader hanging and wanting more.

Oh my god, I just read the start of your first chapter and I KNEW IT! I said you’d be good at poetry, didn’t I? It’s so deep and beautiful and such a good way to start your first chapter - I absolutely love it. ❤️

TECHNICAL ACCURACY:

SPELLING:

Spelling is perfect. In Chapter 3, you wrote <...George could claim a silver of friendship with.> I’m not sure if this was a typo of ‘sliver’? But in terms of actual spelling mistakes, I didn’t spot a single one! 👏

PUNCTUATION:

Your punctuation is actually really good. I only noticed a few very minor points.

Sometimes you misplace semicolons or use them incorrectly. For example, at the start of your prologue, you wrote: <A dad who never let his wife and daughter out of his sight; a mom, who was always on her feet to cater to the needs of her husband.> A semicolon doesn’t necessarily work here because both sides of the semicolon must be complete sentences whereas neither of yours are, so in this case a comma would work better. I also don’t think the comma is required after the word mom. Check for this in the rest of your story as well since I noticed it several times.

I noticed a few minor technical typos which can easily be fixed during editing. For example, near the end of Chapter 1, you wrote: <”Georgieva, talk!”George grimaced. “ Yeah… “> - it’s very minor but there should be a space after the closing quotation mark for “Georgieva, talk!” and there shouldn’t be a space after the opening quotation mark for “Yeah…” Like this:

”Georgieva, talk!” George grimaced. “Yeah… “

This is super picky of me, but it’s less of a punctuation error and more of a formatting thing. But I’m sure you can sort these during editing. 

And another minor typo near the same place: <”I am sorry”, George whispered...> - here the comma should go inside the quotation mark; you’ve been very consistent with putting commas inside the quotation mark before so I’m guessing this isn’t a punctuation error, it’s simply a typo. Another example is around three quarters of the way through Chapter 5, where you’ve written: <”Mom...”,>  The comma isn’t actually required here at all because you have ellipses instead. 

At the start of Chapter 3, you wrote: <Sure she had Autumn.> but you could place a comma after ‘Sure’ for better flow. Again, very minor. 

As I said, don’t worry because you just need a little refining to get it perfect but I’d give you 95% for punctuation - it’s pretty damn flawless.

GRAMMAR/SENTENCE STRUCTURES/WORD CHOICES:

There is very little to fault in terms of grammar. I noticed one instance. At the start of your prologue you wrote: <What did I saw?> 

It should be: ‘What did I see?’ 

But your grammar is really good otherwise!

Your sentence structures are so well thought through and beautifully written. The choice of words is actually pretty perfect. A few examples from the prologue of phrases I loved: 

<an illusion of a safe haven, the veils of ignorance stay closed>. Such wonderful imagery - it made me smile when I was reading because of how good it was!

ADDITIONAL TECHNICALITIES:

In your prologue, you’ve said: <...a red welt on mom’s cheek…>. If you’re going to call the mother ‘Mom’ then it needs a capital M, but if you call her ‘my mom’ then a capital m is not required. So this should either be ‘my mom’ or ‘Mom’. I noticed this a few times and also the same thing with ‘Dad’ so just look out for them during editing. 

Sometimes, I noticed you use italics in the wrong places and overuse them a little - for example, in Chapter 1, you had this line in italics - <Maybe if she sealed her lips shut, Autumn would take her silence as confirmation?> I don’t necessarily think this line needs italics. It flows fine without it. I noticed this on a few other instances as well - try to only use italics sparingly and only when needed to create a certain effect. The overuse dulls the effect slightly.

Overall, your technical accuracy is amazing! These sorts of minor things I spotted are easily fixed during editing - but you sure know your stuff! 

PLOT AND FLOW:

Your plot is quite interesting - not a particularly original concept but executed very well. The ideas you have about the themes of abuse and isolation is expressed really well through your writing - you continue reiterating George’s closed off personality and how her character reflects her circumstances and lifestyle which is really good! I really enjoyed reading your style of writing. It’s very fluent and professional and your plot flows very well. I can tell you’ve had a lot of practice with writing and put a lot of thought into your work and I admire that! 

The way you shift between her past in the ‘letters to none’ chapters and her life today every alternative chapter is such a creative idea and works really well - I love it! Maybe it’s just me but I didn’t quite understand what ‘letters to none’ meant - first I thought it said ‘letters to no-one’ which sounded right but then I realised I’d misread it. Perhaps the significance of the ‘letters to none’ will make more sense when the reader has read more of the story? Sorry if I misunderstood this.

The way you start and end your chapters is ingenious. The beginnings are always so mysterious and make you question things as a reader, especially the ‘letters to none’ chapters. The endings always leave you in suspense and hanging for more. It’s written effortlessly and the structure of your story is very masterfully done! Amazing! 

Your descriptions are fantastic! As I’ve mentioned, I love your usage of words in the prologue and the way you form your sentences so beautifully. However, in some cases, I feel like the description could be improved and you could focus more on showing, not telling. For example, in Chapter 5 when George is looking for her mother, you wrote: <She was afraid, helpless and all alone.> You also had some quite simple descriptions to show her fear such as: <George could feel a lump forming in her throat.> and <Her chin wobbled.> I know you’re brilliant at vocabulary usage and crafting intricate sentences because I’ve seen you do it in your prologue so I’d love to see more of that! Try and show us George’s emotions through her actions and the level of detail in your descriptions so you can make the reader feel her vivid feelings as their own.

CHARACTERS:

The characters are well developed in the chapters I read. You don’t contradict anything or change their behaviour to make it unnatural to what you’ve portrayed them to be before. George’s character is really well done. I really love how you emphasise her isolated behaviour by repeatedly showing it through her actions. It’s such a good way to build her character. The backstory in the letters really help to solidify that idea too since we, as the reader, can see where her loneliness and introverted manner stems from. The other characters are also very good. Autumn is the loyal best friend. Meghan is an interesting and curious character. The father is shown as powerful and dominant and the mother as loving and pure. The wide range of personalities you express are all so wonderfully done. Their traits come through your writing very well.

OVERALL ENJOYMENT:

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. It made me feel very attached to your characters already because of how well you express them. The descriptions were splendid, the technical aspects were impeccable and the style was so skilfully written. It’s an incredibly hooking story and pulls you in in all the right places. There was very little I could find to fault in your work and even then, I was looking very hard for the most minute and obscure things - you’re an exceptionally talented writer and I can absolutely see you going places. I can tell that as the story develops, you’re going to be portraying a strong and powerful message to the reader and have some sort of deep and beautiful moral. 

Once again, I apologise for not being able to read as many chapters as I promised. I still hope this review has been useful - let me know if there’s any part of this review you don’t quite understand or don’t agree with and I am more than happy to have a further discussion. Also, don’t hesitate to PM me if you ever need any more advice or support, whether it be in the next few weeks or the next few months - I can always help!

Good luck on your writing journey and I wish you all the very best! ❤️