Title: Crooked
Author: AliseAsorr
Status: ongoing
Focus: Characterisation and Plot

Title and Cover (5/5)

Brilliant title! One worded titles are always eye catching! I also appreciate that it is not always the easiest kind of title to come up with – finding one word to represent your whole story. This word though represents your story perfectly!
I adore the cover! It is professionally put together with wonderful art, a gorgeous font that is clear to read and beautiful accents that give it a lovely finishing touch without making your cover too busy.

Description (5/5)

I have no qualms with your description at all. It is clear, brief and I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, in terms of the story's concepts and plot. Great job.

Writing Style (3/5)

Your writing style is a style I really do appreciate! You are incredible at describing a scene. Your attention to detail is wonderful. I love the murky atmosphere that you set up in your first chapter. The dark imagery that you have included throughout your story is wonderfully handled, you wrote it in a holistic way giving a vivid picture of what each scene. You don't only describe what things look like but how they sound, feel and even smell! A few scenes were very uncomfortable to read, which within an apocalyptic theme is the response I'm sure you were aiming for.

I loved your use a variety of rhythms when writing, this kept me on my toes- using a sudden change in rhythm when telling a story is a great way to demand your readers attention and in a world full of distractions this is really helpful. Good job! This is a consistent feature throughout your book.
I also have to say, you are incredible at writing action sequences! You keep the sense of urgency apparent throughout without over-doing it or making it cheesy. A fantastic balance of activity and emotion. Breath-taking work!

It was really cool how you set up a different atmosphere within the chapters about Ziel. You brought a clever contrast to the start of the story that really helped to underline how different the two brothers are.
My issue regarding this section of your review would be that you do change the language of your narrator from quite formal to informal at random times. I would keep any colloquial phrases you want to use (e.g. “gonna") to dialogue and keep your narrative more formal. This helps with the consistency of your writing and keeps a more sophisticated voice for your story teller. This point that I raised does not include when you change the geographic language – the instances where your characters speak in other languages work very well.

Also, I did find the chapters were on the long side, which I found overwhelming at times.

Characterisation (5/5)

You integrate incredible pieces of character exposition in your introductory chapter. My first impression of Cero was that he is a care-free, not to be messed with individual who is not a simple black and white exaggerated fantasy character but deep and complex.

Cero is likeable and easy to root for. I love his bad ass attitude and you communicate his inner turmoil incredibly well. I like that he is not too proud to ask for help but he is in no way incompetent. A good balance of traits that make him a realistic 3 dimensional individual to get on board with.

I have to add, I love how Cero sees his cane as if it is a close friend, he even gives it a name! This was unexpected, but such an unique idea. It brought out a sort of inner child within your main character and I found that fascinating.

I loved Javier the driver! His interaction with Cero was fun! He brought a great energy and you described him so well- I could see him very clearly in my mind’s eye. I also liked the small moments of comic relief that he brought to your intense story it was a breath of fresh air!

La Dama is a spicy individual. The passion she drew out of Cero was great to read and her disconnected, cold exterior gave a whole new dimension to Cero's story.
Finding out about other characters through Cero's reactions worked really well. By doing so you gave deeper insight into Cero's character as well as introducing your reader to new faces.

Ziel was a total other kettle of fish. He came across as quite intimidating when he was introduced later on in the story. I found it hard to connect with him because he seemed so distant and cold. Unlike his brother Cero he lacked any kind of human warmth and this was a fascinating point of view switch to explore within your story. I thought it was really clever that you gave Ziel his own equivalent of Cero's cane. I can see his scarf as being just as important to Ziel, this was a cool touch.

Plot (4/5)

When reading your story I entered into a humungous world, a world I could never have been able to imagine myself!
You start off your story with a great pace where you set up the mood with beautifully written imagery and where you introduce Cero in a intriguing way. I loved the interactions between Cero and other characters. I especially liked his conversations with Winter – the contrast of their differing personalities was really enjoyable to read.

The world within your story gets larger and larger as the plot progresses. A world full of dark themes – tragedy, anguish, violence and pain. Packed to the brim with intense action your story was a wild ride to be on!
I loved finding out about the magic that Ziel used. The “wind" power was scarily powerful and the portals were nicely described. You inserted this aspect of the plot into the narrative without interrupting the established flow.

My only issue regarding the plot is that it did feel as though I was entering into the middle of the story. I think it would benefit your book if you added a prologue chapter where you set up the big picture more. Where are we? What events led up to Cero's present world? Putting that extra information at the start would be helpful for your reader to feel more connected to what is going on from the beginning.

Overall (22/25)

Your story is incredibly intense, full of action and mystery. I loved your descriptions, the way you set the immediate scenes made your story so immersive. You do have a few grammatical errors to iron out here and there, but the majority of your writing was easy to follow.
Thank you so much for asking me to review your mind-blowing work! I hope you found my feedback helpful.