Title: Choreography of Life
Author: mellimack
Status: Completed
Focus: Everything

Title and Cover (5/5)

Your title does fit this collection well. Each short story is like a strange choreographed dance of everyday emotion. I also think its cool that one of your stories share this title. (I also appreciate that its not the first story's title).

A lovely picture chosen for your book. It is understated, yet really fitting. It's not too on the nose either! The font chosen is clear and does not clash with the background in anyway. A nice job indeed.

Description (3/5)

I love a short description, they should never be long winded. However, I think your description needs some work. You sound more like a sales person trying to sell a product. I think it would be better if you kept the first half of your description – so up to “The current COVID 19 pandemic has not been forgotten either" then got rid of the chapter navigation part; replacing it with a more general introduction to the entire collection. It only needs to be a sentence or two. I hope this makes sense.

Grammar: (3/5)

I did not find a lot of errors within your grammar. Your punctuation was great, it gave each story an unique rhythm that I really appreciated!
I did find a few niggles here and there. Any typos I noticed I commented on as I read, also there are a few things I wanted to mention quickly here. (There really isn't many)

In “Zombie":
“Frustrated, I lob the paper towel I used to dry my hands into the bin and pivot towards the door. – I believe this sentence needs breaking up a bit to help with the flow.

Edit- “Frustrated, I lob the paper towel, I used to dry my hands, into the bin and pivot towards the door. – the section I put commas around is an extra piece of information.

Where you write “Here here" – I think the first “here" should be in italics to put emphasis on it.

In “Choreography of Life":
“Unlike you git you will pass in about three minutes who lets his dog shit all over the place.” – I found this sentence hard to follow. The meaning is unclear and I am not sure how I would edit it. So I'm just going to bring it to your attention. Sorry.

Writing Style (5/5)

What a unique writing style. I loved how you structured each of your stories so much! Every one of them bringing a new energy and a different voice. All were clearly thoughts from different characters yet you still kept true to your own individual style. This short story collection was a refreshing book to read. Full of gorgeous imagery and fun comparisons, you opened my eyes to concepts that I so easily overlook in day-to-day life.

I loved the rhythm of your writing. On the surface it looks choppy with a lot very short sentences, but it didn't take long for me to realise that this was a deliberate decision. It helps to showcase the erratic nature of our thoughts, we so quickly move on to the next thing in our minds and this is what the rhythm of each story expresses. You are a very poetic storyteller.

I really liked the imagery used in “Obituary" the play on “all the world's a stage" was truly inspired and wonderfully communicated.

My favourite story in the collection was “Crash Landings". I adore the structure. The purposeful repetitiveness was on point and was such a clever way of expressing how regular partying goes. The comparison you make to what’s really going on to making numerous takes in a film is a really fun way to tell this story; she falls down, gets up and does another “take" – what a brilliant idea!
Any strong language you have used in this book is very effectively used. I never thought for once that it was over done or out of place – a good balance.

And, my last thought on this section - each of your stories’ titles were well thought through. I love that you didn't always go for the obvious option. You showed great creativity in naming each chapter. Great work!

Characterisation (5/5)

Now, you have tackled characterisation in a very different way, a way I don't see very often. Because each story is just a small moment in the lives of very different people. You don't give yourself a lot of wiggle room to explore the depths of each individual. Instead, you portray in genius ways their complex emotions. You also give lovely clues of what makes each of the narrators tick; whether it's being sarcastic, loving, feeling lonely, being angry – there are many character traits that you have explored in this book. So exciting to read!

Although you don't give a lot of background information for these characters, you still manage to pull on my heart strings with their feelings and opinions of their immediate situations.

I don't know any of these people - not their names, their age, what they look like. Some not even their gender. But, it is obvious that these things are not the core priorities of your collection. Your main focus is the short anecdotes displayed and your characters' gut feelings and reactions. Each of these reactions were so relatable. It was easy to understand where they were coming from.

Plot (5/5)

Because your book has a variety of plots, I thought I'd write a sentence or two about each story. These are my honest thoughts of each.

1. A simple, everyday peaceful moment. An authentic reflection of the love felt when a parent returns home to their child. Beautiful, poetic, heart-warming.

2. This story was paced beautifully, similar to the first story but exploring loneliness. Telling a simple story of eating out alone but showing the complex mix of emotions that can be involved in such a thing.

3. Another moment explored. Emotions rampant and exaggerated within an awkward situation of a date seemingly going badly.

4. This was a fun story to read! Hearing all those fleeting thoughts of an individual driving and having opinions about those about him. Funny, judgemental thoughts that everybody has thought at some time or another!

5. Eating at a friend's house can bring up many inner conflicts. This was expressed wonderfully with the people involved all eating an experimental dessert. A rollercoaster of emotion!

6. A stressful time for anyone! So much pressure is put on those taking exams. Pressure from all sides, most dauntingly from within!

7. Very topical! Effects of quarantine on mental health explored in a realistic, entertaining way.

8. Again very topical. This story was exciting as well as relatable. A modern day witch trial of how individuals tend to hound others in public during the madness that is covid19. This story made me mad, not going to lie!

9. Rant against 2020 society! Snowflake opinions and social media's influence on morality. A very relatable rant, I believe I have made a similar rant in the past myself!

10. A beautifully written letter written by a self deprecating individual to their sick mother. An emotional time that pulls on the heartstrings.

11. A story about a freeing sense of escape. A moment captured beautifully in a wonderful, peaceful atmosphere. Ending with a final decision, punctuating that feeling of freedom. Beautiful imagery!

12. This story flows like poetry. Jumping from thought to thought whilst the narrator unravels her memories of her late husband. Another story with fabulous imagery!

13. A simple idea for a story! Simple, yet fun and incredibly well executed! Fast paced, you capture the energy of party life brilliantly! My favourite story in the collection!

14. An effectively communicated conflict of a daughter and a mother. I did not like the mother, she came across as incredibly selfish. Good on the daughter for not letting her mother muscle in on her decisions! Her feelings at the end were understandable though. A mother and child bond is a strong thing indeed.

15. Such a tragic story! This young woman has been through so much and life just seems to get harder and harder. A great look through the eyes of somebody overlooked, judged and living alone on the streets. I loved the ending! (Won't spoil it here though!)


Overall (26/30)

A wonderfully unique short story collection. Full of emotion and realistic situations. Your variety of voices expressed were easy to follow and your characters, telling the stories, were full of life! I was super impressed with your creativity. What winning pieces of writing!
Just a few nit-picky errors here and there, that will not take long at all to fix!
Keep up the fabulous work!
Thank you for asking me to review your incredible writing. I hope you find my feedback helpful.