Emily: I hate it when I'm hot and sweating and someone says "take off your jacket" like, no, bitch this is my outfit.

~~~

Cakes: I miss being the age when I thought I would have my shit together by the time I was the age I am now.

~~~

Cakes: I am a cashier at a farmers market in Michigan. We sell a huge variety of stuff, including fresh shrimp.

Cakes: Today a toddler walked by our cooler and started-

Astra: [breaks and starts laughing]

Emily, also laughing: Read it read it read it-

Astra: We- [wheeze]

Cakes/Astra: We sell a huge variety of stuff including fresh shrimp. Today a toddler walked by our cooler and started chanting;

Jayla: SHRIMP. HEAVEN. NOW!

Cakes: Emphasis on the "now". Eventually leading her father to say;

Jay: Please-

Astra: [laughs a bit]

Jay: Please Jayla we can't keep doing this.

Astra and Emily: [laughing]

Cakes: What is shrimp heaven? Why does Jayla need it now? What are our responsibilities in this situation, if any?

Cakes: But I fear something darker may lay under the surface, that shrimp Jesus will return-

Astra: [dying of laughter]

Emily: Alright, let's take, let's take-

Astra, from the floor: Shrimp! Heaven! Now!

Emily: Let's all take a minute, and collect our selves, and appreciate how good this child is and how good the situation is.

Emily: Shrimp heaven now.

Astra: [wheeze]

(A/N: Imma make an animatic about this!)

~~~

Astra: I'm sending good vibes to you, there is nothing you can do to stop them.

Jay: ...

Jay: That is the most threatening way I've been cheered up.

~~~

Jayla: Bye Jack! Have a good day!

Astra: Did Jayla just call you Jack?

Jay: Yeah, she thinks that's my name.

Astra: Well, why don't you correct her?

Jay: It's a thing that's been going on for way too long, ya know? The first time it happened we were just passing in the hall, but then the next time she asked: " Hey Jack, want a donut?" And... I wanted a donut. Now it's five years later, the donut's gone and I'm still Jack.

~~~

Jay: [gets down on one knee]

Jayla: Oh my god it's finally happening!

Jay: [collapses]

Jayla: The poison's kicking in.

~~~

Jay: I'll have you know that I can bench press over six million and ninety-two nanograms.

Astra: ... Jay that's less than two pounds.

Jay: Sounded better the way I said it.

~~~

[Rustling in the bushes]

Jayla: It's probably just a rabbit.

Cakes: Hello?

Jayla: Cakes, it's a rabbit, it can't answer you.

Emily, in the bushes: [making her voice deep] Wassup fuckers.

Jayla and Cakes: [screams]

~~~

Astra: I did a bad thing.

Emily: Does it affect me?

Astra: No.

Emily: Then suffer in silence.

~~~