~To Be~

Oris let the veil fall.

Her eyelashes fluttered gently as the soft cloth slid down her face and tickled her cheeks.

Silently, Hermes examined her and she let him, not allowing a single emotion taint her relaxed features or betray the complexity of her ever morbid thoughts.

How long had she been in the palace?

Two weeks?

Less?

She would scarcely believe it if someone else told her the same.

It felt like eons had passed since she shed the mask of a stablehand for one of a nun. Eons since she had had peace of mind.

If she wasn't thinking about her rebel army, she was occupied with keeping herself out of the reach of the Empress Dowager, and even before then she had been worried about how to keep her ministers under control.

She had always wondered when she could finally be herself. Be the her that was authentic to her feelings and goals. Be the her that didn't have to hide. Be the Oris that had been the pride of her village.

Reckless, incorporeal thoughts bounced around her head as though they had true forms. Why? Why now? Why take the risk? Why not talk your way out of it? Put it off for a better date?

Her adopted sisters once told her that witches were beautiful.

Their magic was the glamour that brightened their appearance and made wishes come through.

Second only to the allure of magic was the seduction of cosmetics.

Cosmetics could heal, beautify and raise status; could turn common people into witches that could charm any heart.

For one night in their lives—the night before they were to marry—the boys and girls in her village would become witches.

Apart from rain festivals, it was the most anticipated celebration for anyone who had not tied their lace of Fate with another.

It was said that on that night, not even intendeds could recognize each other. The boys and girls flirted and kissed and loved without worry, and when the sun rose, they wedded and consummated their unions.

Oris never understood the custom, yet the fact that she never got to experience it made her bitter.

Her sisters never darkened her brows or painted flowers at the corner of her eyes. Her mother had never sown her a dress that would make eyes turn to her in envy.

She had mourned through the better part of her youth and even after getting to the palace, had been too sick to even think about how she would look with rouge on her cheeks and kohl lining her eyes.

She hadn't let Andrea see the melancholy that had taken hold of her being while she watched her herself transform right before her eyes.

Her skin smoothened out and became more even, her gaze grew softer, bolder too, inset in a pool of glitter and decorative gems.

If there was a time to have Hermes have a close look at her, it was now.

Now, when he had asked for her help to free his mother. Now when he could not get rid of her without playing into the Empress Dowager's hands and being accused deceiving the court. Now when she hardly recognized herself in a mirror.

She smiled softly. "Does my appearance please you, sire?"

"Is that your next question?" he asked, his voice a little strained.

She pretended not to notice. "If sire does not wish to answer my former question, then yes."

"Mikeal is my personal servant, my personal guard... my closest friend," he answered effortlessly. "And yes, your appearance does please me."

Something about the way he said that last sentence made her dig her fingers into her veil until her nails began to ache. She averted her gaze under the guise of shyness. "It is sire's turn to ask a question."

"Who are you?"

She didn't expect him to be so blunt but she wasn't taken by surprise. She didn't let her expression change and just let out a soft, "Oh."

She was her sister's twin, the similarities between them had to be there, yet at the same time, she was nearly two-and-twenty summers.

Risa had died when she was nineteen.

She had been haggard, pale and wind-touched.

Even Oris couldn't help but feel that she resembled Eve more, and that alone gave her enough confidence to face Hermes.

If there was one stranger out there who happened to share her features, there had to be a handful more.

Without proof, Hermes could not be sure of who she was, even if he remembered every detail of Risa's face.

Moreover, Risa had died that day and only a handful of people knew that their mother had given birth to twins. Whose first thought would be that she, a random woman in their harem, was also a queen that happened to die by their hand?

Most would think that guilt made them hallucinate about a past kill but as an Emperor, it was a given that Hermes was suspicious in nature.

If she didn't give him a proper response, he would just investigate her identity until he found his own answer.

And there was a chance that he still wouldn't let the matter go even if she gave him an answer.

Oris wasn't afraid of him discovering something. Too long had passed for what happened on the day of her birth to be fully understood by someone who wasn't there, even she had not understood it but all her investigations led to dead ends.

Her parents had died and her sister had gone insane? Why?

Who had instructed the guards to fetch her from her village? All the tutors who taught her etiquette, why did they vanish?

The people who watched over Risa after she fell ill had been tongueless and illiterate, and everyone else who knew the secret were swiftly taken care of once they were no longer of use.

This all revealed a person's meticulous planning, but that person had never showed themselves.

If she, as the queen of her own state, could not find out the secrets surrounding her birth, how could an outsider have a higher chance of success?

What she had been afraid of all this while was Hermes being irrational and killing her just because he suspected that she was the Queen of Orse.

For a paranoid Emperor, even a baseless suspicion could result in the extermination of an entire clan, but contrary to the rumors and everything that had been documented about him, Hermes was a very calm man.

Oris didn't know if it was time that had tempered his disposition or if he had always been like this but slowly her interest was piqued.

Just when she thought she had understood the motives of the people around her, new discoveries made her reflect on the past and sigh at her naivety.

Right now her face was out for Hermes to see, but Mikeal had also seen her without the veil.

If they were as close as Hermes said, Mikeal would have informed him if he thought it was an important discovery, but Hermes' reaction showed that he wasn't aware of what had happened that night.

Mikeal was his personal guard and they had a close relationship. That day when Orse's defenses had been breached, he had to have been there too, hadn't he?

If he was, it was only reasonable to assume that he could have also seen Risa, so now only two worries remained to plague Oris' mind.

Did Mikeal discover who I was and not tell his brother for my sake? Or are they both ignorant of it?

Questions like these, she couldn't just ask without jeopardizing her safety, and she was in a very safe place right now.

"I am sire's bride-to-be, of course," Oris said at last, her voice light as she wondered at this ever-changing situation she had trapped herself in.

Mikeal had to be a prince. The fact that he had visited her that night meant that he had access to the women of the Emperor despite not being a eunuch or a guard.

He spoke about his emperor with familiarity, mentioning his birth name casually while omitting his titles.

Oris knew that Hermes had spent most of his life on the battlefield and so wondered if Mikeal had gone along with him. If he did, it would explain why they had an unusually close relationship when other princes had been executed in cold blood.

Who was Mikeal?

That was a difficult question.

Hermes had let him live but eliminated the rest of his father's heirs. If there were any loyalists of the old dynasty remaining in court, all their hopes would be placed on King Abbadad's remaining son.

Under Mikeal's name, rebellions could rise and the ministers would begin to take sides. The newly created empire would splinter from the inside, fractured by the constant friction between the factions.

The fact that Hermes had turned a blind eye to this was a testament to how much faith he had in the knight.

"But I am afraid to admit that I have not been completely honest with sire," she continued, her mind made up. If Hermes was going to be suspicious anyway, it was best to come clean. When he found evidence supporting the truth in her words, he wouldn't look any further.

"During a storm, I had fallen off a horse and fallen ill. I was saved by members of a nearby convent that had been passing by. I stayed for a time and decided to dedicate myself to Fate to repay their kindness." She forced bitterness into her voice. "Who would have known that when sire's decree arrived, out of all the women in Inqa, one of the sisters was chosen. I felt that this was unfair. This sister was righteous and feared the gods diligently. She had been a nun for years and had a timid temperament. How could she leave her calling to marry?

"The orphans at convent wept for days. It was as though someone had died. That was when I decided to go in her stead. We were close because we shared a resemblance and I felt I would fare better in the palace than she who had been a nun all her life. This is the reason I wear a veil. . . I feared I was not beautiful enough and would bring calamity to Inqa, but hearing sire say that he is pleased has lightened my worries."

The silence between them lasted for what felt like an eternity until Hermes spoke at last.

"Your question," he said then leaned forward to hang the kettle back above the brazier.

Those two words did nothing to reveal what he thought about her deception. He did not seem upset or angry, just as expressionless as he had been on the his throne.

He took the tray off the table and walked away.

Though she didn't move an inch from where she sat, she was aware of him emptying the used cups and teapot into the basin by the dresser and spoke only when he returned.

"Will you punish me, sire?"

And just like that, gentle, shy, coy Oris was back.

She bit her bottom lip and pressed the heel of her palm to the bridge of her nose, frustrated by her own actions. She should not be acting coquettish with someone that could have her killed.

She should be thinking of whether or not she could actually kill him.

It was only now that she realized how complicated the the New World's line of succession was. Before, she had thought that since Hermes had no children, his dynasty would be ended before it even began, by his death.

Now, it was likely that Mikeal was secretly a prince, and there were still Nian Fey and Wei Wei to consider. Both women could rule in Hermes' stead as Empress Dowager and this was information that her rebel army didn't know.

None of the reports about Hermes mentioned how much influence the Empress Dowager had on the court.

Either it was something that deeply hidden or Bren's spies were awfully misogynistic.

As it stood now, she needed three people dead before the New World would collapse on itself, and there was still a chance that a powerful minister would decide to crown himself Emperor at the last moment and take everything back to the starting point.

Now, it seemed like the best option was to support a faction and fuel the internal conflict going on in court.

Hermes' empire would implode on itself and there would be no need for a massive war. The people would not need to suffer again.

"If no wrong committed, no punishment would be given."

It was only when Hermes spoke that Oris realized that she had been staring off into space.

"The decree called for the most beautiful women in the land," she pointed out absentmindedly, "and I am no beauty."

When she looked at the emperor, she found him staring at her strangely. "Sire?"

"Why do you think that?"

It only took her a moment to understand the question and even then she had to watch his expression to check that he wasn't joking.

"Any form of deception will result in the death of the ruling family and the presentation of a woman who is not the most beautiful will result in the wiping out of the fiefdom," she repeated the announcement she had read that day word for word.

She had remembered it without meaning to because of the effect it had had on her when she first read it. The thought that Hermes was hording beautiful women had been as appalling as the brutal consequence of disobeying.

It was the very thing that had sparked rumors of his lustful nature.

"I see," he said, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Fear not, you will not be punished."

That announcement did not come directly from him. Oris thought, wondering what else she would learn in the course of their conversation.

"Sire clearly does not care for a woman's beauty like the rumors say," she replied, her words light but intentional. "I had always wondered why it was a requirement. I had feared that I would be asked to take my veil off the moment I stepped through the palace gates, that was why that day I welcomed death with ease."

She placed a hand on her cheek, almost amused by how easily the lies slipped off her tongue. "It would be better to die alone than to drag my people down with me."

Hermes said nothing.

He stared at the teacups in front of him then at the rings on the floor.

His frown deepened.

"Sire, are we still asking questions?"

"You placed first," he said, seemingly out of nowhere, "in the first test of the Selection. Did you know?"

Oris blinked in genuine surprise. "I did not."

"Yes, I forgot. So many things happened between then and now, you did not get to hear the rankings for the test."

"I did not expect to have gotten such a high position," she said, now feeling awkward. She knew what she had written, and knowing what she knew now was aware that it had been utter nonsense.

Nian Fey was alive and loved her son. His father apparently loved him as well. The motives for him becoming Emperor were practically non-existent but she had written extensively about it.

"Your answers were particularly interesting."

She froze, caught off guard. "I thought—"

She clamped her mouth shut before the rest of the words could escape. She had almost admitted to overhearing Magnus and Eugene's conversation, a conversation that was meant to be confidential.

Hermes raised a brow but said nothing.

She felt heat race up her face, mortified by her blunder. She decided to play it off as embarrassment. "I didn't think sire would have read this servant's essay personal," she said quietly.

"What you appreciate the most about me..." he continued, as though he knew that this topic in particular was her weakness, and at that moment Oris wished Mother Earth would swallow her whole.

"...is my hair?"

~

Well well, look at that. Barely any dialogue in this but over 2.6k words long.

Who here thinks that the question Hermes was asking was, "Why do you think you aren't beautiful?"

Oris is so oblivious sometimes. Haha.

Anyway, she told the truth about who she was, and now that things are calm again we're back to referencing things that happened in the first chapters.

Risa's issues first, then soon we'll get on the next suspicious thing that happened back then.

Yes, boys/men wore makeup up too. It's historical 😝

Also, for those wondering, Mikeal being a prince changes Oris' plans majorly, not only because he's alive but he because has the potential to become her greatest ally.

I'll just leave you guys with that :')