So, in this is a one shot where Brian takes you out on your first date together. He brings you flowers and most importantly.. A card that has been signed by John, Freddie, and Roger without Brian knowing! (Which can only mean one thing: it will be HIGHLY inappropriate!!! 😂)

Also, I would recommend imagining bearded Brian for this one shot bc dAMMMNN 🔥🔥🔥
I put a pic of him with his beard and his suit and tie in here so you guys can imagine the scenes and everything better! 💚

THIS IS ALSO SUPER LONG SO APOLOGIES! I tend to go really in depth and be super descriptive.. (thanks @my american lit teacher lmao)
Hope you guys like this!
_____________________________
"You look radiant today," Brian said as he observed himself in the mirror.
Poor Brian had been in the bathroom for almost an hour at that point, rehearsing and perfecting everything that he would say to you that night.
After all, it was you and Brian's first date.
"Oh, gosh... That was bad.." He said, putting his head in his hands with a laugh.
"I sound like that Seymour kid from that strange musical Little Shop of Horrors..." He said, cringing at the thought.
(If you're not familiar with little shop, the play/movie revolves around Seymour, who is a nerdy guy who is in love with this girl named Audrey and when he sees her he always goes "you look radiant today, audrey." in a nerdy kind of tone 😂👌🏼)

"I just need to keep it simple.. Something like, you look beautiful, or you have a beautiful smile.. That's what women like, right? Or is that too cliche?... Gosh, I can't believe I'm seriously doing this right now," Brian said to himself, shaking his head.
He looked at himself in the mirror again and ran his hands through his hair, trying his best to "calm" his curls as he liked to call it.
Brian had always been a little self conscious of his hair. He felt that it was way too big and "poofy" for him, and that it just didn't suit his face very well.
However, the biggest reason he felt self conscious about his hair was because he felt that you didn't like it, which made him do nearly everything in his power to "fix it."
Brian had even tried to straighten his hair earlier that day, but due to the rain and humidity he decided to leave it as usual to avoid looking like a poodle that night.
"Looks like this is as good as it's going to get," Brian said softly as he adjusted his suit and tie, looking in the mirror at himself once more.

He exited the bathroom and found a nearly naked Freddie lounging on the couch, flipping through the few television channels that they had.
"Well, have a look at you Dr. Brian May! Glad you decided to keep the Shirley Temple curls going!" He joked.
Brian and the other band members had done a lot of embarrassing things in front of each other, and Brian getting caught with Freddie's flat iron was yet another embarrassing thing that could be added to that list.

"Glad you approve, Fred." Brian responded with a grin as the door of the hotel opened and Roger and John entered.
"Aww, look at wittle Bwiaaannnn!!" Roger cooed, running over to pinch Brian's cheeks.
"Oh, stop it you!" Brian said, swatting Roger's hands away from his face.
"So, who's the lucky girl?" John asked.
"It's that girl that Brian met when he went to the strip club last week," Freddie said, grinning at Brian.
"Oh, hush! I did not meet her at a strip club! It's [Your name]."
"Ahh, she's a sweet girl! Not too harsh on the eyes either.." Roger said with a smirk as he nudged Brian's shoulder.

"Where are the two of you going?" Freddie asked.
"Just out to dinner. Look, I gotta go, I'll be late," Brian said, putting on his coat and grabbing the flowers that he picked out for you.
Brian shuffled around the room, looking for the card that he had gotten you as well.
"You're not even going to ask for our advice?" Freddie asked jokingly.
"Oh don't be fucking ridiculous," Brian responded with a chuckle.
"Now, which one of you has the card? I had it right here on the table!" Brian yelled.
"It's on the coffee table!" Freddie exclaimed, grinning devilishly at Roger when Brian picked it up.
Unfortunately, Brian had failed to notice Freddie's sinister look since he was so concerned about being on time.
And that was a HUGE mistake, considering the boys had written some less than appropriate things to you in the card.

Brian grabbed the card and licked the envelope,
"Use some of your knowledge on her Bri," John persuaded as Brian opened the front door of the hotel.
"Yeah, break out some of your astronomy pick up lines! She'll be all over you if you do that!" Roger yelled in between laughs as Brian exited the room that became filled with roars of laughter from the other band members.
"Tell her how big your cock is!" Brian heard Freddie yell from the other side of the door.
Brian couldn't help but smile at the other band member's ridiculous comments and shook his head as he walked down the hall and into the elevator.

Brian ended up reaching the restaurant earlier than he expected and anxiously waited on you, glancing up every now and then at the entrance of the restaurant.
Alright... Don't mess this up.. Oh, gosh.. Is that her? She looks... Amazing. Even more beautiful than usual.. Didn't think that was even possible!
"Hey [Your name]. You look.. Wonderful.."
You smiled and thanked him for the compliment, bringing your gaze to the beautiful flowers he had picked out for you.
"For me? Oh, you shouldn't have!" You said as you dramatically brought your hand to your heart.
Brian chuckled, amused by your enthusiasm over something so simple.
"And a card! You're the sweetest!" You said, taking the items out of his hands.

"Are you two ready?" A waitress asked both of you politely.
You both nodded and followed the waitress to an empty table.
"This place is so nice.." You said in disbelief as you looked around the fancy restaurant.
"It is beautiful, isn't it?" Brian said with a smile as he pulled out the chair for you.
"Thanks," you said happily.
Brian took a seat across from you and couldn't help but notice how fixated you were on the envelope in front of you.
"You can open it now if you'd like!" He said warmly.
"No, no... I'll wait. I need to learn to be more patient." You said with a giggle.
Brian let out a sigh.
"Oh, you think YOUR patience is bad? Imagine working with three drama queens with the biggest egos alive! Patience doesn't exist when you work with those three!"
You laughed and shook your head.
"I can only imagine..."

The two of you made good conversation for the longest time, talking about anything from Brian's work with the band, to what you were going to order, to even Brian's knowledge about astrophysics and astronomy. (Which you tried to understand, but usually got lost) Whatever the two of you talked about, it was never busy conversation or boring in any way.

Throughout the night, you couldn't help but notice how many times Brian would run his hands through his hair.
You figured that maybe he was a little nervous, which was completely expected,
I mean.. It was the first date for the two of you!

"I love your curls," you told Brian.
"Do you even have to fix it for it to fall right in to place like that?"
A slight blush fell on to Brian's cheeks.
"Well, thank you. It can be crazy sometimes, but yes, it's natural." He replied with a smile.
Little did you know that a comment so simple made him feel much better about his brown curls.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll be right back," Brian said to you as he pointed to the bathroom.
"You're excused," you said with a giggle, amused that he had asked you so politely.
Brian stood, but as soon as he started walking, he slammed his leg on to the chair, making the flowers and card fall to the floor.

"Sh- shoot!" Brian yelled, causing the whole restaurant to go silent and face the two of you.
Brian's crimson face turned to face you, still biting his lip from the pain.
You covered your mouth to try to suppress your laughter, but failed miserably.
"Are - are you okay!?" You tried to ask him through your raging laughter.
All Brian could do was laugh with you as he put his head in his hands.
"I believe so.." He said, quickly handing you the card and flower that had fallen during his rather painful complications.

The rest of the people in the restaurant went back to their own things as the two of you continued to giggle over the whole ordeal.
"Apologies for nearly cursing in front of you and this whole bloody restaurant," Brian said with a chuckle.
"And of course knocking over your gifts," he said, obviously humiliated by his clumsiness.
You couldn't help but be feel completely smittened at how much of a gentleman he was.

"It's no big deal! It was a good laugh!" You said, still giggling.
"Now, let's try this again.." Brian said, referring to his delayed visit to the bathroom.
"Be right back." Brian told you with a warm smile as he stood up carefully.
"Also, you can go ahead and open the card if you want. I know you really want to open it," Brian told you, referring to the amount of times you had glanced at the card throughout the night.
"You don't mind?"
Brian shook his head lightly and headed off to the bathroom, leaving you and the card alone.

You gave in and decided to open the envelope. You smiled when you looked at the cover of the card, admiring the pretty stencil designs around it.
As soon as you opened the card, you were alarmed to find not a sweet little love message from Brian, but a huge... Well, body part from the lower part of the male anatomy.
"Oh my goodness," you mouthed softly, trying not to bust out laughing.
You brought your gaze to the writing underneath the huge yet realistic drawing that said: "This is the size of my cock."
At that point you decided to go ahead and laugh about it and try your best to focus on the other words that filled the card.

He must have had quite a lot to say.. You thought to yourself humorously.
The next thing you came across on the card was what looked like a list of questions.
You read the first one that said: "Are you wearing space pants? Because your ass is out of this WORLD!"
You tried your best to contain your laughter and brought your attention to even more  awful pick up line,  made especially for the biggest astronomy nerds around.

You couldn't help but read the whole list of pick up lines, but as soon as you finished the last line, you noticed Brian walking over to the table.
Shit!
You quickly shoved the card in your purse, but you could tell by his expression that he had noticed you doing so.

"Everything alright?" He asked you, confusion filling his eyes.
"Oh, yeah! Everything's fine!"
"Did you open the card yet?"
"Um.. Yeah..."
"Well?" Brian questioned.
You could tell he was becoming concerned by your strange behavior, so you reluctantly pulled the card out of your purse and waited for his reaction, knowing that he would probably feel like you completely invaded his privacy.
He's going to turn so red... You thought to yourself.

And he did.
Especially when he saw the huge.. Well, cock.
But rather than hiding with embarrassment, he chuckled and put his head in his hand while he looked at the picture and read the lines written on the card, each one making his soft chuckles turn into laughs.
Seeing him laugh so hard made you laugh.
He was so adorable.
The way his curls would bounce up and down, and how there would be creases around his mouth from smiling so big.
It was the sweetest thing.

"For the record, I didn't write all of that.."Brian said, wiping away a tear from his eye from laughing so hard.
"And I most DEFINITELY did not draw that!" Brian said, pointing to the picture.
"I only wrote this part," Brian said, pointing to the sweet couple of sentences he wrote to you.
You took a moment to read it and flashed him a warm smile after reading the sweet words.

"That's sweet Brian, but... Who else knows astronomy pick up lines? Last time I checked you studied astronomy!" You said with a grin.
"You really think I would write this!? I'll tell you who wrote it, and that's Rog, John, and Fred! The devils! I can even tell who wrote what by their handwriting! They're horrible at forging things!"
"I'm guessing they got a hold of the card when you weren't looking, huh?"
"Exactly.." Brian said with a groan, remembering his fellow band member's advice before his date.
"Use some of your knowledge on her, Bri!"
"Yeah break out your astronomy pick up lines! She'll be all over you if you do that!"
"Let her know how big your cock is!"

"Oh, I'm going to kill them... They have no idea what's coming," Brian said to you, slight anger filling his voice.
"I think it's hilarious," you said, reaching for his hand.
"In fact, I think it's the best card I've ever received!" You said, flashing Brian a big grin.
All Brian could do was smile at you and hold your hand tighter in his.

"So, is my ass really out of this world?" You asked as the two of you walked out of the restaurant hand in hand.
Brian laughed and shook his head with embarrassment.
"I knew you would ask that!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, which caused you to bust out laughing.

"You're talking to the same guy who wrote Fat Bottomed Girls." Brian said with a smirk.
"I guess that's a yes then." You said before singing at the top of your lungs.
"AAAAAREEEEE YOU GUNNA TAKE ME HOME TONIIIGHTTT!?"
"OOOOOOOOON DOWN BESIDE THE RED FIRE LIIGHHT!!" Brian joined in.
"AAAREEEE YOU GUNNA LET IT ALL HANG OUT!?!!" You sang while you pushed your butt on to Brian's side.
Brian laughed and pulled you closer to him, looking down at you.
"I'm scared to see what our next date is going to be like," Brian chuckled.
"Well, if you bring me a card again, make sure to check the inside of it!" You said, playing with Brian's tie.
"I'll check more than just the card," Brain said, making you giggle.

Brian shoved the door of the hotel open, ready to let the other three band members have it.
"Well, how did it go champ?" Roger asked Brian, smiling at the thought of Brian's reaction when he opened the card.
Brian lifted his eyebrow.
"Oh, well... It went great. ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE OPENED THE BLOODY CARD!" Brian yelled, running over to Roger.
Roger sprinted away from Brian, laughing in the process.

"Oh, Brian! Don't be a tart about it! I'm sure she loved every bit of the card, especially some of my excellent pick up lines!"
Brian was fuming.
"No, I think she preferred the HUGE COCK THAT FREDDIE DREW INSTEAD!" Brian replied, grabbing Roger by the collar of his shirt.

"FRED! DEAKY! THERE'S A RECKLESS BRIAN ON THE LOOSE!" Roger screamed between his vicious laughter, hoping that the other band members would rescue him from Brian's wrath.
"COME IN HERE! I DARE YOU!" Brian yelled to the other members, shoving Roger to the floor in the process.
"Is the old man upset about scrabble this time?" John yelled back.
Brian followed John's voice and got ready to give the other band members a piece of his mind.

"OUT OF ALL OF US, I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST YOU! YOU THINK YOU HAVE EVERYONE FOOLED THAT YOU'RE THE INNOCENT ONE IN THE BAND!" Brian yelled, pushing John to the side.
"I KNOW YOU TOOK PART IN THE PICK UP LINES TOO JOHN!"
John busted out laughing.

"Brian, lighten up! It's just a joke!" He said in between his laughter.
Brian rolled his eyes.
"ITS REALLY NOT THAT FUNNY."
John shook his head.
"Brian, I hope you know that you're being more dramatic than Freddie on stage during "Big Spender."
"OF FOR FUCK SAKES! Brian yelled, insulted by John's comment.
"WHERE'S FREDDIE!?" Brian questioned.
"Last time I checked he was in the shower," John replied, trying to suppress his laughter, amused by Brian's anger over something as simple as an inappropriate card.

Brian ran towards the bathroom and pounded on the door.
"FREDDIE!" Brian yelled.
"I don't think you want to see me in my birthday suit dear! I'll be in here for a while, I've got to get pretty! Beauty takes time!" Freddie responded, obviously delighted by Brian's anger.

"WELL IN THAT CASE YOU'LL BE IN THERE FOREVER YOU UGLY TWAT!" Brian yelled back, trying to get an angry reaction from Freddie.
"Don't make me throw a fucking drumset at you again, darling!" Freddie said to Brian, referring to that time he pelted Roger's drums at Brian during a heated soundcheck.
Brian put his head in his hands and breathed in and out, trying to calm himself down.
It is kind of silly to freak out over this, but really? Do all this to a fucking card on the first date? I have a right to be mad about it.

After what felt like a century, Freddie finally exited the bathroom, dressed in his club attire, (or lack of attire for that matter.)
"What do you want, darling?"
"Oh, don't play dumb! Putting a fucking cock in her card, Fred!? Real mature."
Freddie couldn't help but laugh at Brian's anger, and placed his hand playfully on Brian's shoulder.
"Oh, darling! You take things far too seriously!" He said in between his laughter,
Brian pushed Freddie's arm off of him and gave him a death glare.
"Oh, look.. I'm sorry. I really am, dear. We were just joking with you."
Brian put his head in his hands, shaking his head.
"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU THREE!?!?" Brian yelled to Freddie and the others.
Roger and John entered the room together and giggled softly.
"Drama queen," Roger said.
"Usually that's Freddie's job!"
"Oh, hush blondie!" Freddie yelled back.
The room went silent except for the occasional laughs and chuckles that came out every now and then.

"Well, did she at least read what you wrote?" John asked Brian softly.
Brian nodded.
"And she knows you're an expert astronomer," Roger said with a grin.
"...And she knows you have a big old cock!" Freddie yelled before darting out of the hotel, knowing that Brian would get pissed off once again at the less than fair jokes.
"FREDRICK MERCURY!!!" Brian yelled, following Freddie's path.
John and Roger laughed to themselves as they watched the scene unfold.

"We should do things like this more often," John said to Roger as they walked back in to the living room.
"Most definitely." Roger agreed, following John.
All of a sudden the phone rang.
"I got it!" Roger said, walking towards the phone.
"Hello?"
"Um.. Hi.. This is [Your name]... Is Brian their? I just wanted to make sure he got home safely."
Roger turned to face John and flashed him a sly smile.
"Guess who's on the other end of the line?" He mouthed at John.
"No way!" John whispered loudly, running over to the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hello [Your name]..."
________________________________
SOOOO GUYS ONCE AGAIN SORRY THIS IS SOOOOOO FRIGGIN' LONG!!!! Buttttt, if you really like this one shot, I might make a part 2 over what happens when Roger and John talk to you on the phone! (Will probably be inappropriate again but entertaining 😂👌🏼)
Just let me know if you want a part 2! Love you all! 💖