"If you're fire, engulf me in flames. For I love the pain that your love brings."

15.

"Jasper blamed it on us!" Monty says. Making me break out into a fit of laughter.

"Yes and I told you guys I was sorry." Jasper rolls his eyes at us.

The hunters still weren't back yet so me, Monty, and Jasper were hanging around in the dropship reminiscing of our days back on the ark. Raven was on the other side trying to make walkie talkies. She would look over and send me a glare every once in awhile but I ignored it. As we were laughing we heard noise coming from outside.

"Guess the hunters are back." I tell the guys and they nod. Raven walks out when she hears them. Probably to go find Finn. Sometimes I do feel bad for her, she just wanted to come down here for Finn and she finds out he's sleeping with another girl.

"I'm going to go check on everyone out there." I tell the guys and they nod. I walk out the dropship to see everyone back. Some are by the fire and some are getting water. I see some guys carry in a boar and I thank the heavens that we got something to eat. I don't see Clarke anywhere or Bellamy. I walk around but I can't seem to find them anywhere. I ask a girl who walks by me, "Have you seen Bellamy or Clarke? "

"Yeah, I think he went into his tent and Clarke is still out there with Finn." I nod at her. I hope they're okay, I know they can hold their own but I still worry.

I walk over to Bellamys tent. I don't bother checking to see if he's in there. I just walk in, "Hey, Bellamy, I-" My mouth shuts as soon as I see the scene before me. Raven has got her pants off and is standing right in front of Bellamy. My heart feels like it just shattered into a million pieces and I can feel tears stinging my eyes but I don't let them fall.

"Taylor-" Bellamy tries but I clear my throat.

"You're busy, I'll come back." I say and quickly exit the tent. I hear Bellamy call my name a few times but I don't dare turn back. Why is he even trying to get my attention? I should've known he hadn't changed, he's the same Bellamy. I walk a little faster trying to get to my tent fast, I end up passing Octavia.

"Taylor!" I hear her yell but I don't stop. I don't want anyone to see me cry. I shouldn't even be crying, It's stupid of me to think that Bellamy would actual reciprocate the feelings I had for him.

"Taylor." She grabs my wrist and I turn around, a tear has already fallen down my cheek.

"Hey, are you okay?" She questions me and I nod.

"Yeah, yeah." I wipe away my tears and clear my throat, "I'm fine." I nod.

"No you're not. What happened?" She grabs my arm trying to get me to tell her what's wrong.

"I'd rather not talk about it. Are we going to go look for Clarke and Finn?"

"Yeah, me, Bellamy, Raven, and Monty are going to go. We got walkie talkies now." She explains to me. Oh good, now Raven and Bellamy together.

"I'm going." I say.

"I don't think that's the best idea." Octavia says.

"Why not?"

"Because Clarke and Finn not being back yet has everyone shaken up. They think the grounders may have taken them. Someone needs to watch camp." Why am I always the one who has to stay back? In a way I guess it's a good thing, I don't have to see Bellamy or Raven right now but knowing they are going to be out there together makes my chest tighten.

"Okay, I'm going to say bye to Monty." I pull her in for a quick hug and tell her to be safe and then I get back to the dropship. Monty is there messing with a walkie talkie.

"Hear you're going out." I say walking up to him.

"Yeah, I decided I should help." He shrugs.

"You help us everyday, Monty. Just promise me you'll stay safe out there?" I hold up my pinky and he rolls his eyes, "I promise." He lifts his up and we lock them.

"Stay safe." I hug him.

"Monty, are you ready?" Bellamy walks in the dropship. He takes a glance at me and then focuses on Monty.

"Yeah." Monty gives me one last look before walking out. Bellamys eyes meet mine and I look away clearing my throat.

"Taylor, I-"

"Keep an eye on Monty for me, him and Jasper are all I got down here." These were the same words I said to Clarke the very first day we landed on this damned planet. So much has happened since and for awhile I thought I had Bellamy too, but it appears I only have him as a friend. I didn't want to talk to him about what happened. As much as I was hurt I didn't want to make it seem like a big deal because me and Bellamy are just friends.

"That's not true." He tells me and walks closer.

I give him a curious glance, "What?"

"You've got me." His words surprise me, surely he's just saying that to make me feel better, right?

"Thanks." I nod. I don't feel like speaking to him. And he shouldn't be wasting his time talking to me right now when Finn and Clarke are still out there.

Bellamy shakes his head, "No, you don't understand. Taylor-"

"Bell, we're leaving." Octavia walks in. I can tell just by the look on her face that she knows she interrupted us. Well Bellamy, not me.

"Okay, I'll be there in a second." Bellamy tells her.

I shake my head, "No, go. You have to find Finn and Clarke." He looks almost sad that I'm trying to push him to leave. I just don't want to talk about it anymore with him. He nods his head despite the fact that he wanted to talk to me and turns around and walks out with Octavia.

"Hey, have you seen Monty?" Miller comes up to me.

"He left to go find Clarke like 20 minutes ago. Why?" I ask him as I chuck my knife at the tree in front of me. It sticks in between the bark nicely and I go to retrieve it.

"I just wanted to ask him about the radio, if he managed to get in contact with the ark again." Miller explains as I throw the knife again.

"No, Raven disconnected everything to make walkie talkies. There's no more radio." I explain to him. I turn to look at him and his expression changed completely, he looks upset. He told me his dad was still up there, I'm guessing that's what it's about. I feel a pang in my heart at the thought of my dad, he's not coming down. He's gone. I shake the thought away.

"Hey, they will be down soon. Don't worry." I give him a reassuring smile and he returns it.

"Thanks, I guess I'll get back to work." I nod and he walks off. I grab my knife from the tree again and stand back. As I was about to throw it again I heard the gate open. They're back. I slip my knife into my belt and walk towards the entrance. Bellamy, Raven and Octavia seem to be carrying a boy. He's hurt. He has an arrow in his chest. My eyes widen and I rush up to them.

"Put him in the dropship, now." I rush them to get inside and they set him on the table. I ask Octavia to find me some more moonshine and cloths. Bellamy and Raven stay inside with me watching me rip open the boys shirt so I can see his wound. It happened to go all the way through and from where it's placed it doesn't look like like there will be too much damage once I pull it out. Octavia comes back in with the moonshine and cloths and I pour some around his wound. He groans in pain. I have to take the arrow out but I need something to cut the arrow so I don't damage anything.

"Hey, hey, Myles. Breath okay?" I try talking to him trying to calm him down. I need to snap the arrow to pull it out.

I look up to seem them watching me and I sigh, "Bellamy, come hold the arrow." He walks up to me and I have him hold the arrow.

"I'm going to break it. Make sure to hold it steady." He nods his head and I take a deep breathe in. I grab the end of the arrow and snap it. Myles groans in pain.

"Okay, you can let go." I tell Bellamy and he lets go but stays close.

"Help me get him on his side." Bellamy helps me slowly get him on his side without moving the arrow too much.

"Okay, Myles, I'm not going to lie. This is going to hurt. I have to pull it out." His eyes widen after I speak.

"Hey, I'll be quick okay?" I reassure him and he nods.

"Octavia, cloth." She hands me the cloth and I offer it to Myles to take in between his teeth. He accepts and I put it in his mouth.

"Okay, Bellamy, hold him. On the count of three Myles...1...2." I yank the arrow out as quickly as I can and he shouts in agony and spits out the cloth.

"You said 3!" He yells groaning afterwards.

"It's better when you least expect it."

After pulling the arrow out I categorized the wound much to his dismay and I was done.

"Is it over?" Myles asked me. I nod to him and he sits up slowly making sure not to strain his stomach too much.

"You can walk properly in a day or two. Just take it easy." I explain to him and he sighs.

"Come on, I'll take you back to your tent." Raven told him and she put his arm around her shoulder but before she leaves she turns to Bellamy and Octavia, "The land mines are ready to go, we just need people to start putting them in the ground." Then she walks out with Myles.

"Anymore surprises?" I joke and Bellamy and Octavia share a look.

"I got this." Bellamy tells Octavia and she nods and walks past me and out the dropship. Got what?

"What? What's wrong?" I question him.

"Taylor...when we went to find Finn and Clarke we split up to cover more ground. Monty went alone." Bellamy starts to tell me. Where's he going with this?

I shake my head not understanding what he was trying to say,

"Where is he?"

"We don't know. He wasn't responding to his walkie talkie and we had to bring Myles back right away." My heart dropped, It's been through a lot today and this makes everything worse.

I pace in front of him, "Okay, well we have to go out there and look for him. We can't leave him out there alone." Bellamy tries to grab my arm but I rip it out of his grasp. Tears start rolling down my face.

"We can't. It's too dangerous." I stop pacing and look at him bewildered.

"No, we have to! Why would you let him go alone? He's barely been out there!" I yell. Bellamy grabs my arm again and I try to get out of his hold but he doesn't let up.

"Taylor, Taylor." He struggles to stop me from getting out of his grip, "We will find them. We will go tomorrow. First light." I break down into tears and he pulls me into a hug. I'm too tried to fight back so I let him hold me.

"It'll be alright, okay?" I nod my head and pull away from him, wiping my tears away.

"I'm fine." I clear my throat and straighten up. I can't believe he's seeing me like this again.

"Taylor, no you're not." He shakes his head and tries to grab me again.

"No, stop. I'm fine. Just go, go help Raven with her mines." I cross my arms and wait till he leaves. He sighs and starts to walk towards the dropship exit.

"You know nothing happened." Bellamy says and I stand there clueless. I know he gets the memo when he starts to speak again.

"Me and Raven. I said no." My heart stops. Before he can walk out I ask him, "Why?"

He turns and looks at me for a second and looks down at the ground. I wait for his reply for a few seconds and he looks back up and sighs.

"Because that's not who I am anymore."

I cross my arms curiously and sniffle, "And who are you now?"

"I'm someone who wants to be better for this camp, better for Octavia, I'm someone who wants to be better for you." After he finishes his sentence he moves aside the tarp and walks out. Bellamy wants to be better...for me?

"Miller, do you want to blow our God damn faces off? Because that's what's going to happen if you keep hitting the mine with the shovel!" I yell at Miller. I was helping him set up a mine along with everyone else who was setting up some as well. Miller was being careless and accidentally hitting the mine every time he tried to dig around it.

"Sorry, sorry." He puts his hands up in defense and I roll my eyes as I pack the dirt over the mine.

"Sorry isn't going to mean a thing when we're blown to bits." I pat his shoulder and walk back into camp. As I get in a shot goes off and I look around everywhere to see where it came from.

"Hey!" I hear from behind me. I turn around to see Bellamy walking up to some kid who was patrolling with his gun.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Bellamy shouts to the kid and gets closer to him. I walk up closer to see the scene unfold.

"I'm sorry, man. I fell asleep. I've been on watch all day." The kid explained. I feel bad for him, we weren't ready for any of this.

Bellamy grabs the boys collar and shoves him against the tree, "We've all been on watch all day! That bullet was one less dead grounder!" He yells at him. The poor kid looked terrified. I walk up to Bellamy and place my hand on his shoulder.

"Bellamy, stop this." He doesn't let go of his collar.

"Bell, you're scaring people." Octavia tries and he shoves the kid away.

"They should be scared!" Bellamy turns to look at everyone, "The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up! The grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do! Clarke, Finn, and Monty are gone, probably dead! If you want to be next, I can't stop you but no guns are leaving this camp! This camp is the only thing keeping us alive! Get back to work!" 

What's wrong with him? He thinks Montys dead. Just awhile ago he told me we would go looking for them first light and now he's bossing everyone around and being a jerk. Here we go again with the mind games. I roll my eyes and ask everyone if they need help with the mines. After almost all of them are put into place we all head back inside camp.

"Hey, you want to help me make more gunpowder?" Jasper comes up to me after everything has settled.

"Sure." We head back to the dropship and once we enter we see Bellamy. I notice Jasper stiffen up.

"Don't you think I want to go after them?" Bellamy asks us.

"If it was you out there do you think Clarke, or Finn, or Monty would hide behind these walls?" Jasper speaks up.

"No, they'd go after me. Then they'd be dead too. I am doing what I think is right for the group." I know I'm a leader too but there's no way people would listen to me over Bellamy. So even if I really wanted to tell everyone we should go search for them they would all turn to Bellamy.

"It's funny, you didn't think that way when Octavia went missing." Jasper says heading to the ladder.

Bellamy sighs, "Where are you going?" He looks at Jasper.

Jasper puts his hand in a salute, "More gunpowder for your minefield sir." And then he climbs up to the second floor. Bellamy looks to me when he's gone and he's about to speak until I cut him off, "Save it." I walk past him and up the ladder. Jasper is already getting busy so I join him. We make lots more gunpowder with what we've got and I'm very proud of myself for learning so quickly from Jasper.

"Hey, I'm going to get some water, you want some?" Jasper says standing up from sitting and I shake my head.

"No, I'm fine." He nods and walks down the ladder. I continue to make the gunpowder until I hear a weird noise, I realize it's the dropship doors closing. Who would be closing the doors? I take a peek down and my eyes widen. Murphy's got a gun pointed at Jasper. I hear banging on the dropship and yelling and I can make it out to be Bellamys voice.

"You try to be a hero, Jasper dies." Murphy yells back. I look around for anything I can use to defend myself but I left my knife on the first floor when I was cauterizing Myles' wound. I try to get up as quietly as I can to look around to see if I can find something.

But luck is not on my side when I trip on a can and I stumble making a terribly loud noise.

A/N:

Hey guys! Can we appreciate how beautiful that gif is and how beautiful all the Bellamy gifs are? They are on of my favorite parts in the chapters, I love looking for the right one. Anyways, this chapter is a bit longer than the last so enjoy!

P.S. The quote at the top is mine.