" 'cause i've been out until the morning
and i don't think i'll last another night
i knew the feeling would be forming
after i took a look into your eyes
but are you ready for it darling?
i'll take all your responsibilities "
( wallows )

PROLOGUE

𝓣he breakup wasn't supposed to happen like this.

mirabelle had imagined a hundred endings for her and nick. maybe they'd part ways in college, her heading off to new york to chase some vague fashion degree while he stayed on the west coast to play baseball. maybe he'd screw up big time — cheat on her at a party, or worse, stop texting her back, and she'd be forced to cut him loose, tears and mascara streaming down her face in some dramatic, cinematic moment. but not like this. not in his stupid jeep wrangler, parked in the middle of the strip mall lot on wilshire, sandwiched between a panda express and a dry cleaner. not while the summer sun melted her makeup into a sticky mess.

she stared at him, her mouth hanging open like an idiot, as nick sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. he looked annoyed, like she was a pop quiz he'd forgotten to study for. the kind of bored irritation he usually saved for group projects or when his mom asked him to walk the dog.

"it's not like i don't care about you, mari," he said, his hand gripping the gear shift like he might drive off mid-conversation. "i just think... i need some space, you know? this summer's gonna be crazy with the scouts, and, like, i need to focus on me for a while."

"focus on you?" her voice cracked, shrill and unfamiliar in her throat. "what does that even mean, nick? we've been together for two years!"

"exactly," he said, like that proved his point. "two years. don't you think we could use a break? you know, to figure stuff out?"

she didn't know. what was there to figure out? nick was her person. her quarterback. her perfect, golden boy who always smelled like expensive cologne and bubblegum. they were supposed to be the couple everyone envied. she loved him with the feverish kind of intensity only seventeen-year-old girls can muster. and now he was looking at her like she was the one being unreasonable.

"are you breaking up with me?" she asked, her voice trembling. her stomach flipped as soon as she said the words out loud.

nick scratched the back of his neck. "i mean, if that's how you wanna see it, i guess—"

her gasp cut him off. she fumbled for the door handle, practically falling out of the car as she stumbled onto the hot asphalt.

"mari, come on," he called after her, but she slammed the door shut and bolted.

ᯓ★

𝓑y the time she reached james manning's front door, her face was a mess of mascara streaks and splotchy red patches. she didn't even remember making the decision to come here. her car keys dangled uselessly in her hand, her heart hammering in her chest as she pounded on the door.

jamie opened it after the fourth knock, his glasses slightly askew and his brown hair sticking up in every direction, like he'd just rolled out of bed. he blinked at her, stunned.

"uh," he started, leaning against the doorframe. "mari?"

she pushed past him without a word, her footsteps quick and heavy as she stormed into his room. it smelled faintly of popcorn and axe body spray, the glow of his computer illuminating the messy sprawl of his life, laundry on the floor, half-empty cans of coke on the desk, and a bookshelf overloaded with science fiction novels and collectibles. she didn't care. she just wanted to stop feeling like she was coming apart.

james shut the door behind him, watching her pace in tight, erratic circles, her arms crossed over her chest like she was trying to physically hold herself together.

"nick broke up with me," she said finally, her voice sharp and brittle. she sank onto the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the carpet.

he hesitated, hovering near the door, before sitting on the edge of his desk chair. "okay," he said slowly. "and you came here because...?"

"because you're the only person i could think of!" her voice was too loud in the small room. "and don't ask stupid questions right now, james, i swear to god—"

he leaned back in his chair, tilting it on two legs like he wasn't even phased. "fair. but, like, i don't really know what you want from me here. ice cream? a murder alibi? a powerpoint presentation on why nick's a moron?"

her glare was molten, but it didn't land the way she wanted it to. he just smirked, his eyes flicking over her face. "you're kind of a mess right now," he added.

"thanks, sherlock," she snapped.

but there was something steady about his presence, like a lifeline she hadn't realized she needed. he didn't look at her with pity, or worse, the kind of smug satisfaction she expected. he just sat there, easy and unbothered, like he had all the time in the world for her tantrum. it made her stomach twist. or maybe that was the heartbreak, but it felt different.

she didn't know what possessed her to close the space between them. maybe it was the heat of the room, the weight of his gaze, or the way his mouth curved into that infuriating, lopsided grin. she was standing in front of him before she realized what she was doing, her fingers curling around the armrest of his chair.

"mari..." he started, his voice quieter now, cautious.

but she didn't want to talk anymore. she kissed him instead, leaning down and pressing her lips to his in one messy, unthinking motion.

james froze for half a second, just long enough for her to panic, but then his hand found her waist, and he kissed her back. his lips were warm and softer than she expected, and the way his other hand brushed the back of her neck sent a shiver racing down her spine.

for a moment, it was just heat and gravity, her body slotting against his like it had always been meant to. his chair tipped back slightly under their weight, the wheels creaking against the floor, and she felt him laugh against her mouth — a low, breathy sound that made her knees weak.

she pulled back, just an inch, her breath shallow and uneven. his glasses were crooked, and his eyes were darker than she'd ever seen them.

"you kissed me," he said, his voice soft with disbelief, but there was a teasing edge to it, too.

"shut up," she muttered, her cheeks burning.

but she didn't move away. neither did he.

author's note <33
aaaaaaah i'm so excited for this story 😁🤭 thank you so much for the support and love for this book, ya'll are so sweet and cutie patooties 🫶🫶